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Miss Spider

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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You guys..I am really lonely lately. I'm going to hang out Thursday with this bartender I dated briefly earlier this year...I guess. I'm not excited about him at all. We have no mental connection at all. I am lonely and haven't been talking to anyone lately. I haven't been going out, not on any dating apps, changed my number, and burned bridges. Not that I'd want to cross any of those bridges again. I'm just saying all is really quiet on the front, lately ...

So I messaged on Facebook this (other) guy who I hadn't answered since Jan 23 of this year. I think he wanted to video chat before and I was kinda eh about it... I messaged him today asking if he would like to video chat tomorrow. Wasn't really expecting a response. It's been a couple months and now I'd really rather video chat that meet anyone.

 

 He said "Maybe. I'm seeing someone now :(" 

I said "oh my bd...sorry. yes this was from forever ago. I'm sorry. Wish you guys the best."

 

He said "We are in an open relationship though. If you aren't into that I totally get it"

 

I really don't care. I mean, that is their business. So I told him "oh okay cool" 

He said "damn girl, why did you have to pop back up after ghosting "

 

I said " I am really sorry about that. I didn't mean to.Life got really busy. I seriously just saw your message. I'm sorry. You've just always seemed cool to me."

 

He said he's down so I said we'll chat tomorrow.

 

 

He goes "I don't want to be an a**h*** that leaves his gf for someone else, but I had a major crush on you before. I'm not jumping to conclusions about that or anything. I hope you don't think that. Let's just video chat, be friends, and go from there.

 

Im just thinking wait a minute now ....I thought you were in an 'open relationship'? We are just set to video chat. So what's all this other stuff? It makes me think he is actually not in a 'open relationship' at all. What you guys think? Is it immoral to video chat him? I don't want to do something messy. I checked his fb and no evidence of a girlfriend at all. And again it's just a video chat...then friends?

 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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simpycurious Established Member

simpycurious

Posted
Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

You guys..I am really lonely lately. I'm going to hang out Thursday with this bartender I dated briefly earlier this year...I guess. I'm not excited about him at all. We have no mental connection even though he seems to see one. Honestly, I'm just doing it because I am lonely and haven't been talking to anyone lately. I haven't been going out, not on any dating apps, changed my number and burned bridges. Not that I'd want to cross any of those bridges again really. I'm just saying all is really quiet on the front, lately ...

So I messaged on Facebook this (other) guy who I hadn't answered since Jan 23 of this year. (I know) I think he wanted to video chat before meeting and I was kinda eh about it... I messaged him today asking if he would like to video chat tomorrow. Wasn't really expecting a response. It's been a couple months and now I'd really rather video chat that meet anyone.

 

 He said "Maybe. I'm seeing someone now :(" 

I said "oh my bd...sorry. yes this was from forever ago. I'm sorry. Wish you guys the best."

 

He said "We are in an open relationship though. If you aren't into that I totally get it"

 

I really don't care. I mean that is their business. So I told him "oh okay cool" 

He said "damn girl, why did you have to pop back up after ghosting "

 

I said " I am really sorry about that. I didn't mean to. I seriously just saw your message. I'm sorry. You've just always seemed cool to me."

 

He said "Well, Im down to chat and meet"

 

So I said cool. ;Let's video chat then tomorrow

 

He goes "I don't want to be an a**h*** that leaves his gf for someone else, but I had a major crush on you before. I'm not jumping to conclusions about that or anything. I hope you don't think that. Let's just video chat, be friends, and go from there.

 

Im like whoaaaaaaa (to myself) wait a minute now ....I thought you were in an 'open relationship'? We are just set to video chat. So what's all this other stuff? It makes me think he is actually not in a 'open relationship' at all. What you guys think? Is it immoral to video chat him? I don't want to do something messy. I checked his fb and no evidence of a gf 

 

It seems a little SKETCH to me but maybe not.  He obviously seems interested.  

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted

How many people do you actually know in an open relationship?

You didn’t even like him that much to begin  with so even if he weren’t with someone,  why would you want to open that can of worms. 
 

and since he is with someone, do you want to ruin the relationship of someone you don’t even like because you’re lonely? 
 

You know the answer. 

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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I just thought open relationships were trendy now...I  found his gf though on fb...They do have "in a relationship" on there. Doesn't say open or not. You are right though, jspice.. Jeez.I almost became a side piece via video chat. Before I saw your post I wrote back to him "Um sure. Just video chat, then friends" He's going to think I'm flaking on him again now. I do want to video chat. My love life is just sad now. I'm so lonely 😢 Thanks again though.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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miranda561 Established Member

miranda561

Posted
Posted (edited)
45 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

You guys..I am really lonely lately. I'm going to hang out Thursday with this bartender I dated briefly earlier this year...I guess. I'm not excited about him at all. We have no mental connection at all. I am lonely and haven't been talking to anyone lately. I haven't been going out, not on any dating apps, changed my number, and burned bridges. Not that I'd want to cross any of those bridges again. I'm just saying all is really quiet on the front, lately ...

So I messaged on Facebook this (other) guy who I hadn't answered since Jan 23 of this year. I think he wanted to video chat before and I was kinda eh about it... I messaged him today asking if he would like to video chat tomorrow. Wasn't really expecting a response. It's been a couple months and now I'd really rather video chat that meet anyone.

 

 He said "Maybe. I'm seeing someone now :(" 

I said "oh my bd...sorry. yes this was from forever ago. I'm sorry. Wish you guys the best."

 

He said "We are in an open relationship though. If you aren't into that I totally get it"

 

I really don't care. I mean, that is their business. So I told him "oh okay cool" 

He said "damn girl, why did you have to pop back up after ghosting "

 

I said " I am really sorry about that. I didn't mean to.Life got really busy. I seriously just saw your message. I'm sorry. You've just always seemed cool to me."

 

He said he's down so I said we'll chat tomorrow.

 

 

He goes "I don't want to be an a**h*** that leaves his gf for someone else, but I had a major crush on you before. I'm not jumping to conclusions about that or anything. I hope you don't think that. Let's just video chat, be friends, and go from there.

 

Im just thinking wait a minute now ....I thought you were in an 'open relationship'? We are just set to video chat. So what's all this other stuff? It makes me think he is actually not in a 'open relationship' at all. What you guys think? Is it immoral to video chat him? I don't want to do something messy. I checked his fb and no evidence of a girlfriend at all. And again it's just a video chat...then friends?

 

Erm yeh i kind of agree with the other poster. And he may  even be lying. .open relations hip may actually be an exclusive relationship to his partner.

But either way it is messy. So id leave it alone. Just join some dating apps you'll easily find plenty of other single lonely people😁

Edited by miranda561
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jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted

I’ve done some stupid crap out of loneliness. We learn from our mistakes. 
 

You are going to have to learn how to be alone and enjoy your own company though. That way you don’t have space in your life for placeholders. You’ll only let them in if they really add something to your life. 

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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11 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Erm yeh i kind of agree with the other poster. And he may  even be lying. .open relations hip may actually be an exclusive relationship to hid partner.

But either way it is messy. So id leave it alone. Just join some dating apps you'll easily find plenty of other single lonely people😁

I just went on there like for 10 min and deactivated again. I don't like anyone on there. :(

I think I might like this guy on Facebook. He just sent a friend request, but I haven't accepted. Should I accept and just say hi? Is that weird? We have mutual friends, but I'm 99% sure I've never met this person irl

7 minutes ago, jspice said:

I’ve done some stupid crap out of loneliness. We learn from our mistakes. 
 

You are going to have to learn how to be alone and enjoy your own company though. That way you don’t have space in your life for placeholders. You’ll only let them in if they really add something to your life. 

thank you...I feel like I'm good for really long stretches...but then I need people to talk to. I want to get better, though

Edited by Cookiesandough
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miranda561 Established Member

miranda561

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I just went on there like for 10 min and deactivated again. I don't like anyone on there. :(

I think I might like this guy on Facebook. He just sent a friend request, but I haven't accepted. Should I accept and jus say hi? Is that weird?

thank you...I feel like I'm good for really long stretches...but then I need people to talk to. I want to get better, though

Who sent  request open relationship  dude? ..then no i wouldnt interact further. 

Try another app.i thought online apps were full of 100s of guys. Surely there will be one you like 😂

A "committed" guy isnt the way forward 😳

Edited by miranda561
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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2 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Who sent  request open relationship  dude? ..then no i wouldnt interact further. 

Try another app.i thought online apps were full of 100s of guys. Surely there will be one you like 😂

oh no it's another guy completely...It says he's single. I keep seeing him around the internet...Like on dating apps and such he has matched me but I never matched back. I recognize him. 

I wil try another. Thanks x

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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This is terrible. I can't believe I am asking this, but is there a way to flirt on Facebook or should you just go right for it? I don't know this guy, he friended me, we share some friends but never met, and I saw he has matched me on Tinder before (I never matched back, this is back when I tried Tinder gold, so I could see matches?)It says right there he is single. I  want to try to flirt. Do you just friend them back and like their stuff? hahahah. Ive just gone in before, but never to a virtual stranger. I don't. I think this is just me trying to avoid going back on an app.

 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Erik30 Established Member

Erik30

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

This is terrible. I can't believe I am asking this, but is there a way to flirt on Facebook or should you just go right for it? I don't know this guy, he friended me, we share some friends but never met, and I saw he has matched me on Tinder before (I never matched back, this is back when I tried Tinder gold, so I could see matches?)It says right there he is single. I  want to try to flirt. Do you just friend them back and like their stuff? hahahah. Ive just gone in before, but never to a virtual stranger. I don't. I think this is just me trying to avoid going back on an app.

 

Why didn't you like him back on Tinder? Guess you were not interested? Don't do it now just because you're bored. 

Also I think it's a bit creepy of him to try to friend someone he didn't match with.

Just go on Tinder again 

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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thank you, guys. Wait...@enigma32 you are not dating the same lady from the very long thread you had that you met overseas? Do you remember what you messaged to her first? Just thinking of a message to send this stranger who friended me on Facebook....No. I think he's cute. But I was talking to too many at the time. If no dice, ill just go on Tinder like Eric30 says.

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted (edited)

Cookies, I know you're lonely, and I feel you, I do. But he is throwing in a thousand complications already and your heart is going to get broken...are you sure you couldn't hang with this bartender once just to see how things are in person?

Edited by CaliforniaGirl
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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted

Okay, so Facebook Guy...is this a different guy, now? Just open a Chat on FB and say "Hey, I know we friended eachother a while back but can't remember why?" Start a conversation from there. I'm serious. : ) Carpe puer! Seize the dude.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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8 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Yeah, I'm still with the same girl. I just happened to find her on FB. That's how we started talking and the rest is as you know it. We are still together 😍

If he friended you on FB, he is interested in you so it doesn't matter what you say. Just say hello. Pretty sure that is all I said to her in my first message. It actually took her a couple days before she responded to me and I deleted my initial message to her so I'm not sure what I said. 

 

6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Okay, so Facebook Guy...is this a different guy, now? Just open a Chat on FB and say "Hey, I know we friended eachother a while back but can't remember why?" Start a conversation from there. I'm serious. : ) Carpe puer! Seize the dude.

Oh thats a sweet story. I'm sorry I never read that thread thoroughly, enigma32. It was so long. But somehow I thought from all the judgmental responses on there you found her on an arrangement type of website...I had no idea you met on Facebook. That's awesome. Thanks guys...yea he's a different guy. I haven't friended him back yet. I'll do it tomorrow and say hi :) 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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32 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Cookies, I know you're lonely, and I feel you, I do. But he is throwing in a thousand complications already and your heart is going to get broken...are you sure you couldn't hang with this bartender once just to see how things are in person?

oh btw cali, Ive hung out with the bartender lots of times. He REALLY likes me. Like, wayyyyy more than I like him.  We dated a bit last jan but asked if we can stay casual. But he is nice. And I just want some company. We are going to walk in the woods. I guess Im wearing a mask? Idk. 

The guy who is topic of the thread was my mistake. I was just throwing darts at my abandoned Facebook messenger and whatever might stick.  I should have looked at his profile more thoroughly and made sure he was single before I messaged him :s

 

I really don't like any of these people. Im so lonely

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Update:  I just got a friend request from this guy's gf. Wth? This is already messy and I didn't even do anything...

 

That aside, I'm kind of tempted to go full yandere on this other Facebook guy. Friend him back and start heart liking all his stuff from like 10 years ago until now and comment on all his statuses and stuff. Im so bored and lonely that it will be enough just for senpai to notice me....

Edited by Cookiesandough
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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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Posted
10 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Update:  I just got a friend request from this guy's gf. Wth? This is already messy and I didn't even do anything...

 

That aside, I'm kind of tempted to go full yandere on this other Facebook guy. Friend him back and start heart liking all his stuff from like 10 years ago until now and comment on all his statuses and stuff. Im so bored and lonely that it will be enough just for senpai to notice me....

Yeah..wow, that was quick...just back away from this pair...

I do think now that it's a bad idea to see the bartender. If he likes you that much it just wouldn't be right.

Guy #3 is the winner! Reach out and let us know what he says.

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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Posted
13 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Update:  I just got a friend request from this guy's gf. Wth? This is already messy and I didn't even do anything...

 

That aside, I'm kind of tempted to go full yandere on this other Facebook guy. Friend him back and start heart liking all his stuff from like 10 years ago until now and comment on all his statuses and stuff. Im so bored and lonely that it will be enough just for senpai to notice me....

By the way, I have no idea what you just said, zero but if this guy does then I'll bet you'll start liking him a lot more than you do now!!! I'd be casual though...just a hi, catch up with one another to start...

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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oh my goodness gravy...so now I'm playing relationship therapist for this guy. What even is this.

Me: Hey. Your gf just friended me. Did you tell her something? We're just friends.

Him: We are totally just reconnecting as friends. She's kind of really mean to me sometimes though.

Me: Sorry to hear that :(

Him: I definitely don't appreciate being told that I'm a piece of s*** when I like take care of her kids and have paid all of her bills during this whole entire quarantine situation.

Me: Wow. Yeah. That's weak.

Him: She heard me using talk to text. Not trying to leave her, but if she keeps treating me this way that's what's going to happen. Then she said that I'm not good enough looking for you to be interested in me. That's pretty hurtful.

 

Me: =O

 

people are weird

 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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Posted
11 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

oh my goodness gravy...so now I'm playing relationship therapist for this guy. What even is this.

Me: Hey. Your gf just friended me. Did you tell her something? We're just friends.

Him: We are totally just reconnecting as friends. She's kind of really mean to me sometimes though.

Me: Sorry to hear that :(

Him: I definitely don't appreciate being told that I'm a piece of s*** when I like take care of her kids and have paid all of her bills during this whole entire quarantine situation.

Me: Wow. Yeah. That's weak.

Him: She heard me using talk to text. Not trying to leave her, but if she keeps treating me this way that's what's going to happen. Then she said that I'm not good enough looking for you to be interested in me. That's pretty hurtful.

 

Me: =O

 

Ive quit responding but he's keep going. people are weird

 

Oh my God...

Run girl run.

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Calmandfocused Established Member

Calmandfocused

Posted
Posted

I sense, due to your loneliness, that you are seeking validation of your worth. Because of this you’re lowering your standards.
 

Don’t do this. You will regret it and you will end up feeling worse. 
 

validation comes from within. It does not come from a man you previously passed on. 
 

my advice is do not get involved. This is not what you’re looking for. Don’t go there. 
 

 

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Erik30 Established Member

Erik30

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

oh my goodness gravy...so now I'm playing relationship therapist for this guy. What even is this.

Me: Hey. Your gf just friended me. Did you tell her something? We're just friends.

Him: We are totally just reconnecting as friends. She's kind of really mean to me sometimes though.

Me: Sorry to hear that :(

Him: I definitely don't appreciate being told that I'm a piece of s*** when I like take care of her kids and have paid all of her bills during this whole entire quarantine situation.

Me: Wow. Yeah. That's weak.

Him: She heard me using talk to text. Not trying to leave her, but if she keeps treating me this way that's what's going to happen. Then she said that I'm not good enough looking for you to be interested in me. That's pretty hurtful.

 

Me: =O

 

people are weird

 

I'm sure you were really turned on by that conversation 😅 I don't know what this guy is thinking... 

Maybe they're looking for a threesome cause it's really weird that his gf immediately friended you... Or there is no gf and it's actually also him...

Either way I would forget about this one. You don't even know him and there's already drama and negativity. You don't need that

Edited by Erik30
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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56 minutes ago, Erik30 said:

I'm sure you were really turned on by that conversation 😅 I don't know what this guy is thinking... 

Maybe they're looking for a threesome cause it's really weird that his gf immediately friended you... Or there is no gf and it's actually also him...

Either way I would forget about this one. You don't even know him and there's already drama and negativity. You don't need that

🤯 If his gf is actually him... It wouldn’t surprise me. Nothing surprises me about this world anymore

But hey I did a thing. I did a grown up thing, you guys, and I told him straight up I don’t want to get involved, but hope they can work stuff out. 
 

ive definitely already forgotten them, but I have 2 other Facebook interests

 

Guy 1: We had two dates back in fall of ‘18 while on a break from my ex. He’s a smart IT guy, weird interests,  my type,,, At the end of date #2, we went back to his house and talked very personal til like 6am. Nothing happened though, but at end of the night; we kissed. The day of date #3, I got back together with my ex bf...so I texted him that. He just said that he’s a lucky guy and wished us the best, but I just got the feeling he was kind of annoyed because I waited til like an hour before my date to tell him and I don’t think he knew I had an ex. . Anyway, a few days ago he friended me, and I friended back,.: but he just said hi. I hope you are well. Really nothing to go on so I might have messed up with him or he just doesn’t like me anymore 

Guy 2. His profile says single and he friended me a few days ago I think. He matched me on tinder around the same time( fall ‘18) when I was trying out tinder gold so I saw him on there, but I was talking to a lot of guys and also I getting back together with my ex, so never matched him back. This guy is a musician someone here may even know if they listen to obscure stuff. I  remember him because my ex actually found out he had liked me after (he knew him) we got back together and told me he was an ass  and “everyone knew” but then again this is coming from an ex who was probably just trashing him so it’s hard to say. Still.. don’t see it going anywhere either

 

calm, you make a very good point and you may be into something. I just want to say though that it’s been several months since I dated and I was fine for the first 3.. in fact, just great. Only recently I got lonely for a romantic connection ... 
 

i guess this is a lonely time for a lot of people. I think I’m just going to go back on the apps :( thanks for helping me. 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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healing light Established Member

healing light

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Posted (edited)

This  whole thing reminds me of a gorgeous guy I knew while I was pursuing my higher education who flirted with me. I really thought he was single from all his talk and body language, so I was shocked to find out from another classmate he was about to get married. After the wedding, he told me that his wife was fine with him hooking up with whoever he wanted "as long as she didn't have to see any evidence or know about it." 😂 He told me he wasn't willing to leave her as he had just gotten married (never asked for that, buddy). Our graduate program was super long, so later when I rejected his advances and pointed out that a different classmate appeared to be into him, he ended up leaving the wife for her. And still downplayed the extent of their relationship, lying to me that he was not living with her and eluding to me that it was an open arrangement. That girlfriend ended up seeking me out and telling me some of the things he omitted. So many times I think these "open relationships" are just open to one person.

A brief skim at some of these comments makes me feel like he's now trying to cry on your shoulder and get you to rally behind him breaking up with her so he can hook up with you.

Edited by healing light
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