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Posted

Update:

I ended up sending him a text the other day. I just basically said that his response time is a turn off and that I'm not looking for a pen pal. That we have been messaging for this long and there is no indication as to what this is. This is the short version of course.

He did reply to me. I was expecting that he would just ghost. But he just replied that he had joined the app with the intent to find a relationship as he would be moving out of his parents house. Then covid hit and stalled things. So he said until he moves out of his parents house he isn't looking for a relationship. He also said that he updated that on his profile 🤷🏽‍♀️ which is basically what he had said before but this time it's a clear answer and not a sitting on the fence response.

I live in Canada, not the States. We have been basically shut down since Mid March. Just at the beginning of May they have started to reopen things. My area was the worst hit so we are slower than other areas in my province. I am still laid off from work with no clear date as to when I will return. I work in child care and we were closed on March 15th.

So I respect his reasoning for not wanting to meet until more things are lifted as everyone has their own comfort zone when it comes to this situation we are currently in. I really can't judge him on that. Maybe that's stupid to say but everyone has their own feelings and views.

He also offered a friendship with me and that we can meet in time when things are bit safer.

And I did try to get back on the dating app, revamped my profile and all. But within a day, I removed it all. I for some reason attract the creeps that just want hook ups or friendships or the ones that are actually married. Yes, I've meet many and soon figure it out. Plus I'm just tired of the how are you messages that go no where. I'm chattyand can hold a convo with basically anyone if they also help.
So far now, I'm taking a step back and I need a break. Maybe in time, I will meet someone the old fashioned way lol. Just not this year as there isn't many things a person can do.

  • Shocked 1
Posted
18 minutes ago, Lea2020 said:

Thank you for the great advice! You have some amazing points!!

And honestly, I seem to ALWAYS a find the guys in these apps that aren't looking to date. I've found married men which I soon sniff out and just many guys that want fun or friendships. Its honestly very annoying and I'm tired of wasting my time.

I think if this is the case that you definitely need a multi-pronged approach.  I say multi-date though the interpretation of the word gets people a little upset around here.  I basically mean in those first handful of dates, especially if you are on a dating app, of course you should be dating & talking to several people at once!  It's the structure of the d*mn thing. Most others, either intentionally or not, are doing the same thing on there so if you "commit" fully to just exploring one person and placing your entire bet on them (and have a tendency to get attached), you would seriously be hampering your own efforts as a matter of your own time and percentages of what WILL work out.  So definitely talk to multiple people at once, and try to meet up as soon as possible that way you will get to the answer of how each person will or won't fit into your life quicker.  Not only will it save time, you won't get dejected for having invested so much into a dud.  

One very real reason this guy could be stalling is that HE is not that great or has lied about something.  Just take a light and breezy throwaway attitude toward it and no need to invest in ANYONE until you are a few dates in and they have shown you something worth investing in. 

And then I think you should make more effort to meet people in real life through friends and activities.  I think it will really help, is just another way to maximize opportunities & you should be able to see if there is really chemistry which would be the catalyst rather than the other way around, you know?  On an app, it's backward-ish--in theory, everyone is supposedly available and looking AND THEN you see if there is chemistry.  Rather than in real life, there's chemistry and you are compelled to want to see if you & the other person can date.  The app/first approach requires that you would naturally have to sift through a lot more sh*t/sh*tty people.  Whereas the second approach, not really.  Anyway, do both IMO. Good luck

  • Like 2
Posted

Time to just stop wasting emotions and time on him then. A person like that will just keep you confused.

  • Like 1
Posted
1 hour ago, Lea2020 said:

 

I did lots of thinking and I know what I want from someone. After my last breakup and navigating the dating world since, it all helped me piece together what I want in someone. But great advice!

Yes itll be curious to see how everything plays out, not even just dating but even meeting friends for dinner or drinks. Everything will be changed.

My area just started reopening things so there is a bit more opportunities to be out but everyone has their comfort and I for one, don't want to be waiting to eat out or go shopping as they limited the occupancy of restaurants and stores 

Agreed but just how much will things be changed is the question at hand.  There's no substitute for actually spending in person TIME with someone.

  • Like 1
Posted
11 hours ago, Lea2020 said:

Thank you for the advice! It's always great to have advice from a guys point of view.

And everything you state is so true! He is definitely not a bad guy. From what I have gathered from him. He is just a confused guy lol

I did message him the other day and I recieved some more answers and he is only looking for a friendship at this time. I found that many guys in my area use dating apps to find friends or hook ups.

 

Yup - it happens all the time. Either people aren't healed from their previous relationship, or they're mentally blocking themselves from feeling like they can be in a relationship due to something going on in their lives, or they have an attachment disorder, or they simply have a very....unique...perspective of what "dating" is. While it's annoying to have to interact with someone on a dating app/site (i.e. not Tinder) that really isn't ready for a relationship, you just learn to shrug it off and keep on meeting and talking to people.

  • Like 1
Posted

oh, i see the update now.  Hmmmm well his response tells me a couple of things:

*His definition of date is hookup or hookup is the priority and since he is stuck at his parents he can't really do that.  I believe if he really liked and enjoyed you he'd attempt to get together even if he still lived in his parents' house.  What he gave as his excuse makes his intention show through.

*Even if you presume that he's just a little lame about dating and he really has decent intentions, so then he's not very inventive for dating at all. Like he can't think of anything at all to do together even though you've been talking all this time? Lame

*Lastly, maybe he is broke because of COVID. Still there are things that you guys can do that don't cost money. 

So I think you are probably better without him.  Sounds like he is a lot of excuses and not very evolved at all. Good luck

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Posted (edited)

I've posted about this before, but I am so tired of some people using covid as an excuse why their partner or crush isn't texting, calling, or making any effort. 

The logic being since we can't actually get together, why bother?    I have actually heard people say this!

Why bother?  How about to keep the connection alive until you are able to meet?  How about because you enjoy talking and interacting with the person? 

On another forum, there is a woman who has not heard from the man she had been dating prior to covid for two months!  She has reached out, it goes ignored but yet she sees him active on social media. 

Girl is 100% convinced once the lockdown lifts, he will reach out and they will resume dating.  

That's just one example, I have heard and read different variations, it's all being blamed on covid.

Yes I realize covid is very serious and it's impacted all of us.

But I think people are also using it as a convenient excuse, a reason to pull back or even ghost without being viewed by their partner as a shyt. 

Edited by poppyfields
  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

He’s stringing you along... for what reason, I do not know. Maybe he just wants an ego booster. Maybe he’s already attached. Don’t bother trying to date guys who don’t meet irl/aren’t making plans to. I doubt you’ll ever graduate to meeting. That’s just my feelings on it from hearing this story play out so many times . 

Edited by Cookiesandough
  • Like 2
Posted

He's just "stringing her along" and keeping options at his disposal.  A friend of mine is into expensive thoroughbred horses and he has a saying "adding legs to the stable."  This seems appropriate to what the OP's dude is doing.

  • Shocked 1
Posted
4 hours ago, simpycurious said:

He's just "stringing her along" and keeping options at his disposal.  A friend of mine is into expensive thoroughbred horses and he has a saying "adding legs to the stable."  This seems appropriate to what the OP's dude is doing.

I know I know not a good analogy to utilize sorry............poor reference

  • Like 1
Posted
6 hours ago, simpycurious said:

I know I know not a good analogy to utilize sorry............poor reference

and the relationship is going NOWHERE FAST.........

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  • Author
Posted
On 5/26/2020 at 8:57 AM, Versacehottie said:

I think if this is the case that you definitely need a multi-pronged approach.  I say multi-date though the interpretation of the word gets people a little upset around here.  I basically mean in those first handful of dates, especially if you are on a dating app, of course you should be dating & talking to several people at once!  It's the structure of the d*mn thing. Most others, either intentionally or not, are doing the same thing on there so if you "commit" fully to just exploring one person and placing your entire bet on them (and have a tendency to get attached), you would seriously be hampering your own efforts as a matter of your own time and percentages of what WILL work out.  So definitely talk to multiple people at once, and try to meet up as soon as possible that way you will get to the answer of how each person will or won't fit into your life quicker.  Not only will it save time, you won't get dejected for having invested so much into a dud.  

One very real reason this guy could be stalling is that HE is not that great or has lied about something.  Just take a light and breezy throwaway attitude toward it and no need to invest in ANYONE until you are a few dates in and they have shown you something worth investing in. 

And then I think you should make more effort to meet people in real life through friends and activities.  I think it will really help, is just another way to maximize opportunities & you should be able to see if there is really chemistry which would be the catalyst rather than the other way around, you know?  On an app, it's backward-ish--in theory, everyone is supposedly available and looking AND THEN you see if there is chemistry.  Rather than in real life, there's chemistry and you are compelled to want to see if you & the other person can date.  The app/first approach requires that you would naturally have to sift through a lot more sh*t/sh*tty people.  Whereas the second approach, not really.  Anyway, do both IMO. Good luck

wow, thank you so much for such solid dating advice!!

TBH, I never really "dated" I worked on a cruise ship for 4 years and before that, I never dated on what we call "land". Then during my time on the ship, I dated. I even had a 3 year relationship. 1 year was on the ship then I left and we continued 2 years of distance. (that is a whole other story lol) but then when I broke things off from him. I was finally single on land life again and trying to navigate this dating world. lol

So I have talked to multiple people at once as you suggested. In the first while it was fine. but now that I am more aware of what I want from a relationship. I find that I cut people off quickly. The only reason this guy stuck around so long for me was that he never once asked to come to my place, knowing I live alone. Typically if I sense the person is not genuine about their intents, I lie and say I live with someone. I feel compelled to do so as some guys take that as an open invitation to come over. So he never once suggested it and he never has asked any type of sexual question. I just enjoyed the natural flow of our talks. I am big for the connection and conversations that are just genuine.

I honestly have met some TERRIBLE guys on those apps. I seem to attract them. I have met 2 married guys, yes. They both lied, said they were not married and one even claimed his OWN daughter as his niece. Pretty sure another guy was married as his story seemed off. Then I find all the guys that just want fun. SO as of now, I am off those dating apps because I am tired of these type of guys in my life.

And as I grow more friends here in this new city, maybe things will work out and I'll find someone the natural way. But for now, I am okay rocking that single vibe some more. 

Again, thank you for your amazing dating advice. I need dating tips so badly! lol

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  • Author
Posted
On 5/26/2020 at 9:11 AM, preraph said:

Time to just stop wasting emotions and time on him then. A person like that will just keep you confused.

I agree! thank you for your advice

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
On 5/26/2020 at 7:51 PM, scooby-philly said:

Yup - it happens all the time. Either people aren't healed from their previous relationship, or they're mentally blocking themselves from feeling like they can be in a relationship due to something going on in their lives, or they have an attachment disorder, or they simply have a very....unique...perspective of what "dating" is. While it's annoying to have to interact with someone on a dating app/site (i.e. not Tinder) that really isn't ready for a relationship, you just learn to shrug it off and keep on meeting and talking to people.

Well I find that everyone I meet on these dating apps are just looking for everything but a relationship lol. But it's okay, everything will happen in time and I am fine being single. 

Thank you so much for all your adivce

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Posted
On 5/27/2020 at 7:45 AM, Versacehottie said:

oh, i see the update now.  Hmmmm well his response tells me a couple of things:

*His definition of date is hookup or hookup is the priority and since he is stuck at his parents he can't really do that.  I believe if he really liked and enjoyed you he'd attempt to get together even if he still lived in his parents' house.  What he gave as his excuse makes his intention show through.

*Even if you presume that he's just a little lame about dating and he really has decent intentions, so then he's not very inventive for dating at all. Like he can't think of anything at all to do together even though you've been talking all this time? Lame

*Lastly, maybe he is broke because of COVID. Still there are things that you guys can do that don't cost money. 

So I think you are probably better without him.  Sounds like he is a lot of excuses and not very evolved at all. Good luck

But he knows I live alone and never suggests to come over so that is why I wonder if its a hook up or what. Which is why I am confused with what he wants but as of know, he just wants friendship. So I have no intent or hopes that we will date.

I do feel he is lame in the dating game. I honestly get a "nerdy, shy" vibe from him. Not an excuse for him but just what I sense. Anyways, maybe he just does not want to date me but does not know how to say it? lol

He isn't broke. This I sense as well. He has a good job, as a good company and has been working from home.

and true, he does have lots of excuses. like he is going golfing today with friends but its not safe yet to meet me? lol

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  • Author
Posted
On 5/27/2020 at 8:10 AM, poppyfields said:

I've posted about this before, but I am so tired of some people using covid as an excuse why their partner or crush isn't texting, calling, or making any effort. 

The logic being since we can't actually get together, why bother?    I have actually heard people say this!

Why bother?  How about to keep the connection alive until you are able to meet?  How about because you enjoy talking and interacting with the person? 

On another forum, there is a woman who has not heard from the man she had been dating prior to covid for two months!  She has reached out, it goes ignored but yet she sees him active on social media. 

Girl is 100% convinced once the lockdown lifts, he will reach out and they will resume dating.  

That's just one example, I have heard and read different variations, it's all being blamed on covid.

Yes I realize covid is very serious and it's impacted all of us.

But I think people are also using it as a convenient excuse, a reason to pull back or even ghost without being viewed by their partner as a shyt. 

You are 100% right. This covid thing isn't an excuse to just avoid people or use an excuse to just let things die.

There is so many things you can do to be creative and keep some connection.

I had hoped maybe we would at least graduate to a phone call but nothing lol

Then some guys from those apps use covid as an excuse to just come straight to my place. There is no in between in these guys I find lol

  • Author
Posted
On 5/28/2020 at 6:09 AM, Cookiesandough said:

He’s stringing you along... for what reason, I do not know. Maybe he just wants an ego booster. Maybe he’s already attached. Don’t bother trying to date guys who don’t meet irl/aren’t making plans to. I doubt you’ll ever graduate to meeting. That’s just my feelings on it from hearing this story play out so many times . 

I also feel this way as well. So thank you for the input! 

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  • Author
Posted
On 5/28/2020 at 6:21 AM, simpycurious said:

He's just "stringing her along" and keeping options at his disposal.  A friend of mine is into expensive thoroughbred horses and he has a saying "adding legs to the stable."  This seems appropriate to what the OP's dude is doing.

 

On 5/28/2020 at 11:21 AM, simpycurious said:

I know I know not a good analogy to utilize sorry............poor reference

 

On 5/28/2020 at 5:39 PM, simpycurious said:

and the relationship is going NOWHERE FAST.........

lol what a great example! I enjoyed that and gave me some laughs lol

And he could very well be just adding legs to the stable so he has more options. But that is what these dating apps are for. I also added legs to the stable but I just get rid of legs a whole lot faster when I know they aren't going where I want lol

I agree that this is not going anywhere and as he said last weekend, he just wants a friendship. So i have no hopes or intent to be in a relationship with him

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)
28 minutes ago, Lea2020 said:

wow, thank you so much for such solid dating advice!!

TBH, I never really "dated" I worked on a cruise ship for 4 years and before that, I never dated on what we call "land". Then during my time on the ship, I dated. I even had a 3 year relationship. 1 year was on the ship then I left and we continued 2 years of distance. (that is a whole other story lol) but then when I broke things off from him. I was finally single on land life again and trying to navigate this dating world. lol

So I have talked to multiple people at once as you suggested. In the first while it was fine. but now that I am more aware of what I want from a relationship. I find that I cut people off quickly. The only reason this guy stuck around so long for me was that he never once asked to come to my place, knowing I live alone. Typically if I sense the person is not genuine about their intents, I lie and say I live with someone. I feel compelled to do so as some guys take that as an open invitation to come over. So he never once suggested it and he never has asked any type of sexual question. I just enjoyed the natural flow of our talks. I am big for the connection and conversations that are just genuine.

I honestly have met some TERRIBLE guys on those apps. I seem to attract them. I have met 2 married guys, yes. They both lied, said they were not married and one even claimed his OWN daughter as his niece. Pretty sure another guy was married as his story seemed off. Then I find all the guys that just want fun. SO as of now, I am off those dating apps because I am tired of these type of guys in my life.

And as I grow more friends here in this new city, maybe things will work out and I'll find someone the natural way. But for now, I am okay rocking that single vibe some more. 

Again, thank you for your amazing dating advice. I need dating tips so badly! lol

Thank you and anytime ;)  so i mean this is life thinking as well as dating thinking: if someone "stalls" to meet you, do what they "say" they want to or their purpose inherently should be (ie dating on a dating website or business in a business scenario) that tells you a lot.  Rather than get to the bottom of it, which requires more investment of yourself, most of the time you have to COMMIT to YOURSELF and your goals and just keep moving on.  The more you commit to finding out his reasons, you will be eaten up and be taken on a ride by the other person's excuses, when the bottom line is the same as you initially know with very little information: words and actions don't align; not YES certainly means no or not now.  Multiply this by 100 for a dating app.  A guy with real intentions and a healthy mindset would probably want to meet you sooner than you are ready for; eagerly if you will.  Add to that a guy with intentions to hook up will also be eager to meet you.  All the rest of the scenarios, ie not eager to meet you & making it happen, are a guy who has another situation, ie girlfriend or wife or someone he is dating that he is pursuing; not a healthy mindset, ie recovering from a breakup or f*cked up in head and looking for ego boosts or stringing you along because they are not that into you or whatever, ie not capable of a relationship or even a hookup.  So save yourself the aggravation and just say "Not for me" and keep moving.  Definitely in a way, you need to use dating sites and apps because everyone does.  Out socializing normally, often guys don't even have their radar up cause an app is easier, even if a quality girl is right there.  Plus depending on where you live perhaps socializing is not a viable option right now.

You have a perfect excuse in that you've moved to a new city.  You have every reason to want to make new friends, male and female and state that upfront.  It's just a matter of perspective.  I think it's a positive for sure.  

Dating apps can be brutal but try not to let your negative experience color your outlook--that's not a good look and a positive outlook and openness draws people to you in general. Good luck & definitely keep the thread going, tips will keep coming from lots of people me included :)

Edited by Versacehottie
  • Like 1
Posted
9 minutes ago, Lea2020 said:

Then some guys from those apps use covid as an excuse to just come straight to my place. There is no in between in these guys I find lol

I would use that as a good weed out tactic.  It doesn't have to be straight black and white.  But push back and try to see what they would suggest outside the home.  for one, if he's not creative enough and respectful enough to figure that out, do you really want him?  And secondly don't be afraid to woman up: if they suggest meeting up at your place, suggest something you can do elsewhere, if he doesn't take you up on that, I'd say he just outed his intentions.

If you keep criteria like this to keep things moving for yourself, you won't even remember the guy's name or even the scenario much.  A few weeks later you will be like "who?"  

  • Like 2
Posted
23 minutes ago, Lea2020 said:

But he knows I live alone and never suggests to come over so that is why I wonder if its a hook up or what. Which is why I am confused with what he wants but as of know, he just wants friendship. So I have no intent or hopes that we will date.

I do feel he is lame in the dating game. I honestly get a "nerdy, shy" vibe from him. Not an excuse for him but just what I sense. Anyways, maybe he just does not want to date me but does not know how to say it? lol

He isn't broke. This I sense as well. He has a good job, as a good company and has been working from home.

and true, he does have lots of excuses. like he is going golfing today with friends but its not safe yet to meet me? lol

Honestly this sounds like:

a) still recovering from or involved with someone else

b) looking for ego boosts, and using you for them!

c) some mind or sexual problem where he looks for validation from women but doesn't want to go through with anything

d) if he has a good career and has put himself on a dating site, then although he may be shy & nerdy, I doubt he is SO much so that it is not A, B or C that is really what is going on. In other words, he's mature enough to do those other things, so then he again is lame refer to A-C :)

e) he could not be that into you; sad but true and probably makes little sense of why he would string you along.  Don't try to figure it out or get your validation from him. In the future, try to be less available and eager or straightforward yourself.  I know it's seems weird but a lot of guys, even shy ones, "need" to be in pursuit mode.  Anything forward or that feels like chasing or an eagerness from your end confuses them and as lame as this sounds, their minds literally jump to "what's wrong with her" or "i'm just not feeling it".  So many conversations with guy friends and it's staggering how often this is the case.  Play the game a little.  It even is needed when you are IN a relationship with a guy.  They can't just feel like you're available and they happened to be there.  They need to feel like their effort is THE reason why you are making yourself available.  Thus their effort needs to precede your availability if that makes sense :)

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)
43 minutes ago, Lea2020 said:

wow, thank you so much for such solid dating advice!!

TBH, I never really "dated" I worked on a cruise ship for 4 years and before that, I never dated on what we call "land". Then during my time on the ship, I dated. I even had a 3 year relationship. 1 year was on the ship then I left and we continued 2 years of distance. (that is a whole other story lol) but then when I broke things off from him. I was finally single on land life again and trying to navigate this dating world. lol

So I have talked to multiple people at once as you suggested. In the first while it was fine. but now that I am more aware of what I want from a relationship. I find that I cut people off quickly. The only reason this guy stuck around so long for me was that he never once asked to come to my place, knowing I live alone. Typically if I sense the person is not genuine about their intents, I lie and say I live with someone. I feel compelled to do so as some guys take that as an open invitation to come over. So he never once suggested it and he never has asked any type of sexual question. I just enjoyed the natural flow of our talks. I am big for the connection and conversations that are just genuine.

I honestly have met some TERRIBLE guys on those apps. I seem to attract them. I have met 2 married guys, yes. They both lied, said they were not married and one even claimed his OWN daughter as his niece. Pretty sure another guy was married as his story seemed off. Then I find all the guys that just want fun. SO as of now, I am off those dating apps because I am tired of these type of guys in my life.

And as I grow more friends here in this new city, maybe things will work out and I'll find someone the natural way. But for now, I am okay rocking that single vibe some more. 

Again, thank you for your amazing dating advice. I need dating tips so badly! lol

Hey that is actually pretty cool. I agree once again with VH that after talking to him all this time, the guy from an app that you really want would suggest that as soon as it is reasonable you guys meet in person and he's going to suggest something you all can do outdoors first and foremost. Actually, I feel that in most cases guys that are truly interested are not going to let Covid get in the way at this stage of the pandemic. I only keep talking to guys who suggest to text or meet within the first like 10 back and forth exchanges if we hit it off. I just don't like to talk too long with people and build some kind of pseudo relationship, because you could find out there's no chemistry or attraction in person..or worse

Edited by Cookiesandough
  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted
On 5/30/2020 at 10:58 AM, Versacehottie said:

Thank you and anytime ;)  so i mean this is life thinking as well as dating thinking: if someone "stalls" to meet you, do what they "say" they want to or their purpose inherently should be (ie dating on a dating website or business in a business scenario) that tells you a lot.  Rather than get to the bottom of it, which requires more investment of yourself, most of the time you have to COMMIT to YOURSELF and your goals and just keep moving on.  The more you commit to finding out his reasons, you will be eaten up and be taken on a ride by the other person's excuses, when the bottom line is the same as you initially know with very little information: words and actions don't align; not YES certainly means no or not now.  Multiply this by 100 for a dating app.  A guy with real intentions and a healthy mindset would probably want to meet you sooner than you are ready for; eagerly if you will.  Add to that a guy with intentions to hook up will also be eager to meet you.  All the rest of the scenarios, ie not eager to meet you & making it happen, are a guy who has another situation, ie girlfriend or wife or someone he is dating that he is pursuing; not a healthy mindset, ie recovering from a breakup or f*cked up in head and looking for ego boosts or stringing you along because they are not that into you or whatever, ie not capable of a relationship or even a hookup.  So save yourself the aggravation and just say "Not for me" and keep moving.  Definitely in a way, you need to use dating sites and apps because everyone does.  Out socializing normally, often guys don't even have their radar up cause an app is easier, even if a quality girl is right there.  Plus depending on where you live perhaps socializing is not a viable option right now.

You have a perfect excuse in that you've moved to a new city.  You have every reason to want to make new friends, male and female and state that upfront.  It's just a matter of perspective.  I think it's a positive for sure.  

Dating apps can be brutal but try not to let your negative experience color your outlook--that's not a good look and a positive outlook and openness draws people to you in general. Good luck & definitely keep the thread going, tips will keep coming from lots of people me included :)

 

On 5/30/2020 at 11:04 AM, Versacehottie said:

I would use that as a good weed out tactic.  It doesn't have to be straight black and white.  But push back and try to see what they would suggest outside the home.  for one, if he's not creative enough and respectful enough to figure that out, do you really want him?  And secondly don't be afraid to woman up: if they suggest meeting up at your place, suggest something you can do elsewhere, if he doesn't take you up on that, I'd say he just outed his intentions.

If you keep criteria like this to keep things moving for yourself, you won't even remember the guy's name or even the scenario much.  A few weeks later you will be like "who?"  

 

On 5/30/2020 at 11:19 AM, Versacehottie said:

Honestly this sounds like:

a) still recovering from or involved with someone else

b) looking for ego boosts, and using you for them!

c) some mind or sexual problem where he looks for validation from women but doesn't want to go through with anything

d) if he has a good career and has put himself on a dating site, then although he may be shy & nerdy, I doubt he is SO much so that it is not A, B or C that is really what is going on. In other words, he's mature enough to do those other things, so then he again is lame refer to A-C :)

e) he could not be that into you; sad but true and probably makes little sense of why he would string you along.  Don't try to figure it out or get your validation from him. In the future, try to be less available and eager or straightforward yourself.  I know it's seems weird but a lot of guys, even shy ones, "need" to be in pursuit mode.  Anything forward or that feels like chasing or an eagerness from your end confuses them and as lame as this sounds, their minds literally jump to "what's wrong with her" or "i'm just not feeling it".  So many conversations with guy friends and it's staggering how often this is the case.  Play the game a little.  It even is needed when you are IN a relationship with a guy.  They can't just feel like you're available and they happened to be there.  They need to feel like their effort is THE reason why you are making yourself available.  Thus their effort needs to precede your availability if that makes sense :)

ALL of your points are great!! so once again thank you SO much for taking time for your day to answer my small problem in this big world lol

But honestly, right now I have decided to take a step back from dating apps and just dating in general. I realized that I have some self work to do. Not because of these apps or incidents. I just know that I need to work on myself and gain my confidence back even more plus honestly, I need to work out and lose some weight too. I am also still slightly in love with my best friend which is something I fully realized when I went to visit him last weekend. I thought I was over it but I clearly just pushed it down and tried to Band-aid those feelings. 

This year has been a crazy one with many changes and I thought I was ready for the dating scene. Plus this year continues to change as I have decided to change my career and begin a post secondary education once again in September. So with all these things, I think its best to step back and just reevaluate myself.

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On 5/30/2020 at 11:20 AM, Cookiesandough said:

Hey that is actually pretty cool. I agree once again with VH that after talking to him all this time, the guy from an app that you really want would suggest that as soon as it is reasonable you guys meet in person and he's going to suggest something you all can do outdoors first and foremost. Actually, I feel that in most cases guys that are truly interested are not going to let Covid get in the way at this stage of the pandemic. I only keep talking to guys who suggest to text or meet within the first like 10 back and forth exchanges if we hit it off. I just don't like to talk too long with people and build some kind of pseudo relationship, because you could find out there's no chemistry or attraction in person..or worse

I usually don't wait long to meet either as meeting in person helps you fully decide on the person. But pretty much as we begin texting, is when the Covid situation took a turn for the worst. so I respected that and also never mentioned to meet.

BUT i thought once we exchanged numbers, maybe we would graduate to a phone call. Even that small thing never came. So that is when I started wondering what the heck is happening here lol. It is 100% okay, as I said, I have no intent or hope that we will be together. AND if we do meet, I will update everyone! lol

Thanks for all your input

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Update (for anyone that cares lol):

We continue to message and last night he asked me to meet for drinks/bite on Friday or Saturday if I'm free.

I will accept and meet him because why not? Plus it'll be good to finally meet then decide if our little messaging friendship will continue.

I just feel little nervous to meet him as we have  been messaging for use to 5 months now and this will be the first time we meet or talk in person.

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