feelergauge Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 Hi, I thought I would never post something as personal as this, so, I'll try give you some insight. I 53, she 37, starting dating 3 years ago, incredible, beautiful, sharp, intellectual, intimacy was A+, closeness was amazing, vacations... the newly wed kind of thing.. As time progressed, her emotions completely switched OFF me, onto her new job, found little time for me, 1st 2 years, seriously amazing... She has lost interest in sex with me, but still wants to do the FUN stuff with me, ie, ride motorcycles, dirt bikes, swimming, movies, hang out with friends. (pre covid) when I mention sex, all I get in return is "oh that again, is that all you think of" I'll occasionally stay over at her house, sleep in same bed, NO SEX, no cuddles, kiss. I did catch her cheating with a guy she invited over to her place, I surprised visit her and saw him trying to kiss her as they play fought, kinda never got over this... she said she made a terrible mistake, this was 5 months ago, she also has parents that, for the least, rule her life even though she 37 and they are lovely to me, but when my back is turned they are saying to her, why are you hanging out with him, you two spend too much time together. In a nutshell, about this time last year, her father basically blasted me for being around her, her coming around me, he gave the same pep talk with her, since that day, intimacy gone, no holding hands, kiss, cuddle, yes, they interfered in her last marriage (we both divorced) I believe no one is good enough for our daughter syndrome....... I have said to her over the past few months, we are just friends and that's it, I told her I need affection, basically turned it around saying I'm looking for sex again!!!! So this evening I texted her, this is obviously not working, and its been a year since we had sex, and we are just friends and this relationship is going backwards.. Her reply, Ok, good night!!! What the Heck is that kind of reply!!! Am I completely wasting my time, 3 years,? Thanks for any input.
5x5 Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 47 minutes ago, feelergauge said: What the Heck is that kind of reply!!! Well what else should she say? Since the fact that she hasn't had sex with you for a few weeks, let alone a whole year ought to have told you it wasn't working. 53 minutes ago, feelergauge said: Am I completely wasting my time, 3 years,? I don't know, have you got something better to do with your time? Seriously if you find yourself in a sexless nominally sexual relationship. That ought to be your cue to end that relationship, lest you want to walk around with a dead stinking albatross wrapped around your neck. 1 1
Juha Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 And you are still with her why??? It is pretty obvious she is dating/having sex with others and you two are friends. No surprise she is not having sex with you when she is having it with others. You really think it was a one time mistake? Let's be honest here, no sex with you, caught her with another guy by accident you think this has not been going on for a year. Dump her as fast as you can, if she does not want to have sex with you then you do not have any type of romantic relationship she is playing you, man. Time to respect yourself and toss her to the side and tell her why.
Author feelergauge Posted May 22, 2020 Author Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) Yup, I guess your both right... I guess Ive been a fool this past year, the gifts, and other things to her with very little in return. Thanks for opening my eyes.. Edited May 22, 2020 by feelergauge Mistake made. 1 2
Erik30 Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 4 hours ago, feelergauge said: So this evening I texted her, this is obviously not working, and its been a year since we had sex, and we are just friends and this relationship is going backwards.. Her reply, Ok, good night!!! What the Heck is that kind of reply!!! Am I completely wasting my time, 3 years,? Thanks for any input. Yeah you wasted some time, but at least you ended it now. This was already over for a while. Her passive aggressive reply says it all 2
Blind-Sided Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 You can't say that you wasted your time... because you don't know at the beginning. But if you haven't had sex in a year, and you caught her her kissing someone else... then just walk away. Don't try to "Figure it out" and don't try to see the good side of her. She cheated... the trust is gone. I'm sorry to hat to be blunt like that... but you aren't young, and you know what I'm saying is right.
elaine567 Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 Because you are 53 and at 37 she is a "prize". you have put up with being used for 7 hours ago, feelergauge said: FUN stuff with me, ie, ride motorcycles, dirt bikes, swimming, movies, hang out with friends. And "gifts"... She completely lost her desire for you, and she cheated yet you still stuck in there "hoping"... You had 2 years of the good times, they are not coming back, time to move on. 8 hours ago, feelergauge said: In a nutshell, about this time last year, her father basically blasted me for being around her, her coming around me, he gave the same pep talk with her, since that day, intimacy gone I think the parents tolerated you until it became obvious you were going to stick around. I guess they just didn't want a 53yo son in law... So they ramped up the displeasure. With her desire waning, she started to listen to her parents and so she shut "the romance" down. Women tend to be close to family, they don't want to upset them, so whilst they may hold out for so long, if family disapproval persists they will eventually cave. 3
Fletch Lives Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 It sounds like her love level has dropped for you. You can try dating her like you did in the beginning, and see if you have neglected her in any of these four areas: honesty, respect, affection, romance. If that does not work it's time to find a new lover.
lurker74 Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 I'm sorry, OP. Yeah, it was over a while ago and you're just now seeing it. Moreover, when someone response "Is that all you think of" when you inquire about something you need (sex, intimacy, support, or anything you feel is important), you have to communicate RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Otherwise, not only will you not get what you need but the person will lose respect for you, which further reduces intimacy. My strong advice is to go no contact. Wean yourself from her. Maybe she'll come back but that's not the reason for no contact. No contact is so that you break from the pattern of pleading and pleasing. Good luck.
smackie9 Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 You became friends. If you still like hanging out that's fine, but you need to move on and date other women. 1
Happy Lemming Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 10 hours ago, feelergauge said: I 53, she 37... It's like having this great sports car in your garage that you are not allowed to drive, what is the use of having it, if you are not allowed to play with it. Look... I'm 54 and if my girlfriend refused sex after two weeks, I'd "NEXT" her, why in the world would you put up with this for a year?? (Current Pandemic aside) There are PLENTY of women out there in their 40's and 50's begging for a guy... any guy. Date someone closer to your own age, that doesn't look at you as a human ATM machine. How dare she say "oh that again, is that all you think of"... screw you lady, I'm out. No one is going to chastise me for wanting sex... unacceptable. Do you need a "friend" that badly, that you are willing to let her use you?? Because that is all she is now, just another user opportunistic friend... 4
rjc149 Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 10 hours ago, feelergauge said: So this evening I texted her, this is obviously not working, and its been a year since we had sex, and we are just friends and this relationship is going backwards.. Her reply, Ok, good night!!! What the Heck is that kind of reply!!! It means she put you in her friend zone long, long ago, and is relieved that you're finally understanding this and there is no more confusion about your relationship. When a woman you're supposed to be in a sexual relationship is routinely turning you down for sex, have some respect yourself. Don't sleep in the same bed. Don't kiss and cuddle and give her gifts. Don't continue to be available to her. Inform her that if she is no longer willing to meet your needs, you're out. And stand by your word. Be out. Buying a woman gifts won't buy her sexual attraction. Give gifts because you want to give gifts, not to impress her and make her like you more. And give gifts on occasion only. Lots and lots of gift-giving decreases its value, decreases your value, and is usually a turn-off. When a woman betrays your trust, you must expel her immediately and permanently from your life. Reconcile with a cheating woman, and her respect and attraction for you takes a haircut. Once you've kissed and made up and things are back to normal, she will realize you have no boundaries or other options. That's highly unattractive. The general rule of thumb you should remember: treat your woman like a queen, and she will see you as a servant. Never place her value above your own. I'm sorry buddy. You need to go no contact, and move on. No contact means don't call, text, show up on her social media, ask mutual parties about her, and avoid like the plague any place where you may run into her. It's not for 30 days. It's forever. It's so you can get her out of your system, and meet a new woman who can make you both happy. 4
Ellener Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 Only you can decide whether you want to continue to do the other fun stuff with her, but if you want a sex life looks like you'll have to find someone else. Don't see it as years wasted if you were having fun too; there's no other goal than being happy and that's different things different times I think. The lack of sex is bothering you now so it's time to move on. 1
Gaeta Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) As I read your story the song *must have been love but it's over now* from Roxette came into my mind. Her father destroyed the image she had of you, she will never recover from that. She is now simply using you as I am sure you pay for all the outings, trips, gifts etc. Do yourself a favor and make yourself free for a woman closer to your age who owns who she is and who she loves. Edited May 22, 2020 by Gaeta 1
miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 13 hours ago, feelergauge said: Hi, I thought I would never post something as personal as this, so, I'll try give you some insight. I 53, she 37, starting dating 3 years ago, incredible, beautiful, sharp, intellectual, intimacy was A+, closeness was amazing, vacations... the newly wed kind of thing.. As time progressed, her emotions completely switched OFF me, onto her new job, found little time for me, 1st 2 years, seriously amazing... She has lost interest in sex with me, but still wants to do the FUN stuff with me, ie, ride motorcycles, dirt bikes, swimming, movies, hang out with friends. (pre covid) when I mention sex, all I get in return is "oh that again, is that all you think of" I'll occasionally stay over at her house, sleep in same bed, NO SEX, no cuddles, kiss. I did catch her cheating with a guy she invited over to her place, I surprised visit her and saw him trying to kiss her as they play fought, kinda never got over this... she said she made a terrible mistake, this was 5 months ago, she also has parents that, for the least, rule her life even though she 37 and they are lovely to me, but when my back is turned they are saying to her, why are you hanging out with him, you two spend too much time together. In a nutshell, about this time last year, her father basically blasted me for being around her, her coming around me, he gave the same pep talk with her, since that day, intimacy gone, no holding hands, kiss, cuddle, yes, they interfered in her last marriage (we both divorced) I believe no one is good enough for our daughter syndrome....... I have said to her over the past few months, we are just friends and that's it, I told her I need affection, basically turned it around saying I'm looking for sex again!!!! So this evening I texted her, this is obviously not working, and its been a year since we had sex, and we are just friends and this relationship is going backwards.. Her reply, Ok, good night!!! What the Heck is that kind of reply!!! Am I completely wasting my time, 3 years,? Thanks for any input. Leave her. No one deserves that kind of treatment. And stop buying her gifts. Im a fair bit younger than both of you ( in my twenties). But i can see this is wrong 1
ccas93 Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 14 hours ago, feelergauge said: Hi, I thought I would never post something as personal as this, so, I'll try give you some insight. I 53, she 37, starting dating 3 years ago, incredible, beautiful, sharp, intellectual, intimacy was A+, closeness was amazing, vacations... the newly wed kind of thing.. As time progressed, her emotions completely switched OFF me, onto her new job, found little time for me, 1st 2 years, seriously amazing... She has lost interest in sex with me, but still wants to do the FUN stuff with me, ie, ride motorcycles, dirt bikes, swimming, movies, hang out with friends. (pre covid) when I mention sex, all I get in return is "oh that again, is that all you think of" I'll occasionally stay over at her house, sleep in same bed, NO SEX, no cuddles, kiss. I did catch her cheating with a guy she invited over to her place, I surprised visit her and saw him trying to kiss her as they play fought, kinda never got over this... she said she made a terrible mistake, this was 5 months ago, she also has parents that, for the least, rule her life even though she 37 and they are lovely to me, but when my back is turned they are saying to her, why are you hanging out with him, you two spend too much time together. In a nutshell, about this time last year, her father basically blasted me for being around her, her coming around me, he gave the same pep talk with her, since that day, intimacy gone, no holding hands, kiss, cuddle, yes, they interfered in her last marriage (we both divorced) I believe no one is good enough for our daughter syndrome....... I have said to her over the past few months, we are just friends and that's it, I told her I need affection, basically turned it around saying I'm looking for sex again!!!! So this evening I texted her, this is obviously not working, and its been a year since we had sex, and we are just friends and this relationship is going backwards.. Her reply, Ok, good night!!! What the Heck is that kind of reply!!! Am I completely wasting my time, 3 years,? Thanks for any input. her response/blow off to you was appalling. You don't want someone on that level of immaturity as your life partner. That said, you probably would have had better luck with a phone call or face to face conversation. She also doesn't want to be your life partner, clearly. Her parents may have turned their princess against you, who knows. It seems she is just using you for a casual good time though.
mark clemson Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 Why screw the cow when you can get the milk for free? Esp. if mommy and daddy don't approve... 1
preraph Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 I'm sorry you're in this situation. I guess she enjoyed your friendship enough that she thought she would just keep that going. but she was wrong not to talk about it and let you know she had lost romantic feelings for you and just should have gone ahead and broken up with you. And then give him some time if you both wanted to be friends again, well, maybe. But it doesn't sound like that would have worked out. I can't believe someone would just stop having sex with you and expect you to not have a reaction to it to the point where they never had the conversation with you. Or better yet, just say, I'm sorry, but I don't feel that way about you anymore, and just break up. Pretty weird to just keep it going and expect you to ignore it. So that's on her. Probably best you just walk away. Tell her you don't want to just be friends and that you will be dating to try to find a full relationship again. hopefully in time you can remember the first couple of years fondly instead of bitterly. Those weren't wasted years.
elaine567 Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 24 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Why screw the cow when you can get the milk for free? Esp. if mommy and daddy don't approve... Is it not "buy the cow"?LOL! 1
Backinthesaddleagain Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 16 hours ago, feelergauge said: Hi, I thought I would never post something as personal as this, so, I'll try give you some insight. I 53, she 37, starting dating 3 years ago, incredible, beautiful, sharp, intellectual, intimacy was A+, closeness was amazing, vacations... the newly wed kind of thing.. As time progressed, her emotions completely switched OFF me, onto her new job, found little time for me, 1st 2 years, seriously amazing... She has lost interest in sex with me, but still wants to do the FUN stuff with me, ie, ride motorcycles, dirt bikes, swimming, movies, hang out with friends. (pre covid) when I mention sex, all I get in return is "oh that again, is that all you think of" I'll occasionally stay over at her house, sleep in same bed, NO SEX, no cuddles, kiss. I did catch her cheating with a guy she invited over to her place, I surprised visit her and saw him trying to kiss her as they play fought, kinda never got over this... she said she made a terrible mistake, this was 5 months ago, she also has parents that, for the least, rule her life even though she 37 and they are lovely to me, but when my back is turned they are saying to her, why are you hanging out with him, you two spend too much time together. In a nutshell, about this time last year, her father basically blasted me for being around her, her coming around me, he gave the same pep talk with her, since that day, intimacy gone, no holding hands, kiss, cuddle, yes, they interfered in her last marriage (we both divorced) I believe no one is good enough for our daughter syndrome....... I have said to her over the past few months, we are just friends and that's it, I told her I need affection, basically turned it around saying I'm looking for sex again!!!! So this evening I texted her, this is obviously not working, and its been a year since we had sex, and we are just friends and this relationship is going backwards.. Her reply, Ok, good night!!! What the Heck is that kind of reply!!! Am I completely wasting my time, 3 years,? Thanks for any input. Some people are users and will take advantage of a situation. Others are just plain cowards, and will string you along instead of being an adult and confronting the situation. She sounds like both types. You need to stop chasing a shadow of a dream and get back to reality. After the first month without sex, I would have had a talk with her about it. When she tried to turn it around and make me feel like a perv, I would have shown her where the door was. Find someone who likes doing fun stuff with you and then goes home and has sex with you. Don't be a doormat.
Miss Spider Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) Why wouldn’t you screw the cow? Even if you have free milk #philosophicalquestions Edited May 22, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Art_Critic Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 19 hours ago, feelergauge said: So this evening I texted her, this is obviously not working, and its been a year since we had sex, and we are just friends and this relationship is going backwards.. Her reply, Ok, good night!!! What the Heck is that kind of reply!!! Am I completely wasting my time, 3 years,? Thanks for any input. Well, you would have though that her reply was the answer to your question.. but yeah. she is someone else's GF and has been for a very long time
Ami1uwant Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 3 hours ago, mark clemson said: Why screw the cow when you can get the milk for free? Esp. if mommy and daddy don't approve... I thought it was why get screwed by the bull when you get the milk for free... 1
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