Author NonSignificantAnon Posted May 21, 2020 Author Posted May 21, 2020 2 hours ago, The Outlaw said: Whatever the case may actually be, it isn’t worth potentially flushing 30 years of marriage down the toilet. I never once thought abought ending my marriage just wanting ways to get it off my mind .
Author NonSignificantAnon Posted May 21, 2020 Author Posted May 21, 2020 2 hours ago, DKT3 said: My guess is yes. She seems obsessed with him and has for most of her marriage. Hopefully she doesn't but she would absolutely blow up her marriage for a shot with her fantasy man. never once did I think that just wanted ways to stop thinking abought it .
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 He probably walked out the door and was like "Omg did I just say "love you" to a patient!?" Similar to getting off a work call and saying "Ok bye, love you" as a reflex. The easiest way to get over this is to realize there's nothing going on here. He's your doctor and nothing else. Move on. Take care of your marriage.
Author NonSignificantAnon Posted May 21, 2020 Author Posted May 21, 2020 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: So basically, you have crushing on this man for years and when he said “love you” on his way out the door, you took that as your opportunity. not at ,all there's alot more to the story I just wanted ways to get it off my mind .
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 3 hours ago, NonSignificantAnon said: I did have feelings for him years ago when he delivered my son but gave it up and stayed away for 10 years then when I went back he act like we never knew each other I was pregnant again and he told me to let this be my last one so I took that as he didn't want me there so I went to another doctor .After that I stayed away 8 years thinking the feelings where gone he wouldn't even look at me so I thought he forgot everything . So this time I went back for my pap because he is a awesome doctor this time he was acting totally different that's why I am confused . This is 100% all in your head. Doctors often don't remember their patients if they haven't seen them in a while....they have so many patients. I'm not even convinced he said "love you" at all....you may have heard him wrong. If he did say it, chalk it up to exhaustion on his part and just a meaningless (maybe even nervous) blunder. You need to get over your obsession with the idea of being in love with this man. It's not what you think it is.
DKT3 Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 I'm not sure what anyone can say to help you forget an obsession. It makes it more difficult because you are being vague in your comments. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 3 minutes ago, NonSignificantAnon said: not at ,all there's alot more to the story I just wanted ways to get it off my mind . If there's "a lot more to the story" how do you expect us to give solid advice if you're not sharing it?
Zona Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, NonSignificantAnon said: I did have feelings for him years ago when he delivered my son If you think of this from the perspective of a neutral third party, this would seem pretty strange, no? Crushing on the doctor in an obsessive way as you are birthing your husband's baby? Have your tried IC? A trained counsellor may be able to help you get rid of those obtrusive thoughts. Edited May 21, 2020 by Zona
Malin889 Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 7 hours ago, NonSignificantAnon said: not at ,all there's alot more to the story I just wanted ways to get it off my mind . What are the other details of the story? The best way to get it off your mind is to probably see a therapist, they can help you with techniques, etc to forget about it.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 OP. Some of the things you have said, other than you posting this to total strangers, leads me to believe that there is a part of you that would like to be with this other man. Never mind 30 years of marriage and all that, people do it often, ending it, that is, for someone else. You don't "really" say that you are completely happy with your current marriage and if so, this thread you started questions that. 1. You want to know if it is true love....no reason other than you wanting to know if it is an opportunity to be with him. 2. You have had feelings before (and now, obviously), so his "I love you" has re-sparked an interest in pursuing him (?) 3. You cannot get him out of your mind...this all speaks to a person fantasizing about being with this handsome, dreamy, doctor friend... I could be wrong... Do you want advice on how to forget him or support to go after him?
The Outlaw Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 14 hours ago, NonSignificantAnon said: I never once thought abought ending my marriage just wanting ways to get it off my mind . Try to find another way. This isn't good for you or your marriage.
Author NonSignificantAnon Posted May 21, 2020 Author Posted May 21, 2020 Sorry about my last post, was nervous and i've never done this before. I am married, have been for 30 years and will NEVER consider divorcing for another man. The thought hasn't crossed my mind nor will it ever; what happened has just peaked my curiosity and I genuinely can't stop thinking about it and it's driving me crazy. I am happily married, so please don't take this as me wanting to partake in infidelity, that's not my intentions; curosity's just eating at me and i'm wanting some help to get over it so i'll quit thinking about it. I've known this man for 24 years, he was the obstetrician that monitored and delivered my third son. I met him 9 months before then of course. At the beginning I felt very comfortable with my physician, our conversations went from sublte to personal fairly quickly; at the time I was 28, and he was 58. Now i'm 50, and he's 80. At the time he was married, and his wife was the office manager, so I never thought nothing of the situation. After I delivered my son, his nurse in the office had brought it to my attention that he acted extremely different during the delivery than normal, and again I thought nothing of it. Later on in other visits the nurses in his office started commenting to me on how he was always blushing coming out of my room, and they were thinking I was joking and such with him when I wasn't. They also remarked on how everytime he would call me, he would supposedly close his office door when he would normally leave it open during calls. He always went the extra mile being what he was, which was a gynecologist; he put me on a weight loss supplement and cut some moles off which at the time I didn't question, but now I do because his specialized profession really had nothing to do with either of those. He also made several comments to me, varying from "you're the most honest woman i've ever met in my whole life" and before placing my IUD he had asked if I had multiple partners and that it could cause an infection, I told him not to worry because i'm not that type of woman. He remarked "the grass isn't greener on the other side". Several occasions after that last visit, I would see him in public and he would put his head down, but his wife still talked to me. I stayed away for 10 years due to not needing any medical care, and when I returned I was pregnant with my fifth child. And the moment he entered the room with my husband and I, he made the comment "This needs to be your last one". Therefore I felt like he didn't want me to be there so I changed physicians and went elsewhere. Eight years later, my daughter went to him and I accompanied her several times and he didn't acknowledge me whatsoever, and was fairly sour. My most recent visit in August, I went back to him and he was totally different like he was all those years ago, and he had commented to my husband that "she never changes". During that visit, I felt he was prolonging the overall visit by repeating several times that everything looked good, but then I stood up saying "I'll see you later", he responded "okay i'll see you later" then he mumbled "love you". Me being the person I was, I asked for a hug after hearing it even with my husband in the room. Several weeks later when I was talking to an old friend of mine that used to work in the same field as him she told me that he and his wife were recently divorced, and now i'm wondering what he genuinely meant when he said that to me. Could it had been platonic, or could it be more than that?
BaileyB Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 Does it matter? You are a happily married woman, why would it even matter. I find it amusing, the “happily married people” who would never consider divorce, but yet come here with long stories full of little details for which they are trying to assign a very specific meaning - asking questions like “what did he mean by that? Do you think he has feelings for me? I NEED to know.” No, you do not. Happily married women do not fantasize about other men. They do not think obsessively about other men. They do not analyze interactions to determine if there was something that “meant more” than a purely platonic interaction. No offence, but this is just silliness... A happily married woman who is not considering leaving her marriage would say - “Wowzers. That behavior is inappropriate. I need to stay away from that man...” They certainly wouldn’t go to him for an intimate medical procedure. If you truly want to stop this, may I suggest that you either tell your husband what is happening here to get his opinion. Or, find something else to do with yourself... 2
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 He's somebody who has known you for a long time. He probably cares about you as a patient. Some people throw "love you's" around fairly casually . I say it all the time to dear friends. If I'm not concentrating, it has slipped out when speaking to a colleague I have known for many decades. It does not mean I want to have an affair. It's merely affectionate. There are lots of different kinds of love. This doctor would probably be horrified to learn that he caused you the slightest bit of consternation over his paternalistic / professional affection. Put it out of your mind. 1
Kiki55 Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 This is absurd and extremely concerning, unprofessional behaviour from somebody in the medical field. You are his patient. You should not be curious by this but alarmed. My only advice would be - Please change your obstetrician.
Author NonSignificantAnon Posted May 21, 2020 Author Posted May 21, 2020 2 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Does it matter? You are a happily married woman, why would it even matter. I find it amusing, the “happily married people” who would never consider divorce, but yet come here with long stories full of little details for which they are trying to assign a very specific meaning - asking questions like “what did he mean by that? Do you think he has feelings for me? I NEED to know.” No, you do not. Happily married women do not fantasize about other men. They do not think obsessively about other men. They do not analyze interactions to determine if there was something that “meant more” than a purely platonic interaction. No offence, but this is just silliness... A happily married woman who is not considering leaving her marriage would say - “Wowzers. That behavior is inappropriate. I need to stay away from that man...” They certainly wouldn’t go to him for an intimate medical procedure. If you truly want to stop this, may I suggest that you either tell your husband what is happening here to get his opinion. Or, find something else to do with yourself... That's why I'am confuse am I really happy and why can't it go away never felt this before so why now ?
K.K. Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 31 minutes ago, NonSignificantAnon said: Could it had been platonic, or could it be more than that? The guy’s 80 years old. It’s probably dementia! He actually said “love you” though? This has to rate up there with one of the weirdest threads of all time. (No offense) 1
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 Just now, Kiki55 said: This is absurd and extremely concerning, unprofessional behaviour from somebody in the medical field. You are his patient. You should not be curious by this but alarmed. My only advice would be - Please change your obstetrician. The guy is 80. He's not going to be practicing much longer anyway. I genuinely think it was just an error meaning I care about you, not some romantic declaration. 2
BaileyB Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 Just now, d0nnivain said:I genuinely think it was just an error meaning I care about you, not some romantic declaration. I agree. But IF, the other things she has said are true, I would say that it’s very concerning behavior for a medical professional. And clearly, she enjoys the attention because she has continued to go back to this man when many other woman would have switched physicians, ASAP.
Author NonSignificantAnon Posted May 21, 2020 Author Posted May 21, 2020 2 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I agree. But IF, the other things she has said are true, I would say that it’s very concerning behavior for a medical professional. And clearly, she enjoys the attention because she has continued to go back to this man when many other woman would have switched physicians, ASAP. True but we live in the middle of no where he was the only one who took my insurance the other doctor was miles away besides I like him as my doctor
Author NonSignificantAnon Posted May 21, 2020 Author Posted May 21, 2020 1 minute ago, NonSignificantAnon said: True but we live in the middle of no where he was the only one who took my insurance the other doctor was miles away besides I like him as my doctor why would I be untruthful I don't even know you all How could I get help lying
BaileyB Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 1 hour ago, NonSignificantAnon said: besides I like him as my doctor Obviously. 1
OpenBook Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 What struck me as weird was how the nurses were so eager to update you on his behavior. I have never heard (or seen) nurses behave that way toward their patients. It's like they were in some kind of weird conspiracy to get you thinking. Looks like it worked. I would not put any weight on the "Love you" or any of it. You have no idea what the man has gone through in his personal life. Clearly since he was recently divorced after (I'm assuming) a long marriage, there were issues there. He may have just felt a rush of gratitude toward a longtime, loyal patient. If you like him as your doctor, then for goodness sake keep the normal gap in place with the doctor-patient relationship!
somanymistakes Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 23 hours ago, salparadise said: Uh oh, we've got a live one. Allow me to tell you what you're about to hear; standard LS advice –– divorce your husband so he can find someone perfect, because he deserves better. And confess. Lots of believers in the catharsis of confession. They'll be along soon. Eh. IMO it's not about the catharsis of confession (and I would not recommend that she divorce her husband) but more that if you can't talk to your spouse about problems like this, there is already something very wrong in your marriage, and you're deliberately making it worse. Being tempted happens. Being confused happens. Not to everyone, but to many people. Lots and lots of married people will sometimes think "what if...?" and not leave their marriage because they don't want to. But if you keep it to yourself like a dirty little secret and obsess over it, you start turning it into a bigger and bigger problem. The more secrets you deliberately hide from your spouse, the more barriers you build between you, and the more likely you are to eventually stray. A wife should be able to say to her husband "I think my doctor's hitting on me. It's a bit weird. Should I change doctors, or would you like to accompany me to my next appointment, or should I not worry about it?" And a husband in a healthy marriage should be able to listen to that and voice an opinion, rather than jump straight to "OUT, YOU STRUMPET" 1
oldlion Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 If you have a wonderful and amazing husband then tell him what you are feeling and what you are thinking. I guarantee you that he will give you something else to think about that will totally override any thoughts you have about the doctor. Most men aren't as unaware as women think they are. If these thoughts, you are having, have in anyway infused themselves in your relationship or caused you to act in the slightest different toward your husband, then he already suspects something and just hasn't said anything. Every time your thoughts go to the doctor then immediately picture your husband next to him and ask yourself if your want the reality of a good marriage or the fantasy of your doctor. I do wish you well. 1
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