Author peachpie Posted May 23, 2020 Author Posted May 23, 2020 Starswillshine~ THANK YOU! How would I connect his phone to my computer??? Will he know? Will it mess up his phone? I don't want that to happen as he needs it for work!!
preraph Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 Mobile data is can be subpoenaed and is not considered inaccurate although it can be incomplete where texts are concerned.
Author peachpie Posted May 23, 2020 Author Posted May 23, 2020 Starswillshine~ THANK YOU! I connect his phone to my computer??? Will he know? Will it mess up his phone? I don't want that to happen as he needs it for work!! How long does it take to upload messages? Thank you Preraph ~ so the data is accurate and there can be even more? The weird thing is that he placed a called to her on 2/9/20 which was on his recent call log on his phone, but it never showed up on T-Mobile. . .I wondered if he Skyped? My mother is close to 80 and she loves my husband. She says to leave it alone. He admitted he was wrong and he loves me and the kids and the texts were innocent but he hid them because he knows how much I hated her. He hid them because it was better to be a good neighbor, answer her, delete it, and keep peace in the neighborhood. A part of me believes him, but a huge part doesn't as he can prove his innocence but isn't.
Starswillshine Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 33 minutes ago, matildag said: Starswillshine~ THANK YOU! How would I connect his phone to my computer??? Will he know? Will it mess up his phone? I don't want that to happen as he needs it for work!! Just with a usb cord. Most charger cords work and can connect to the computer. It won't mess up the phone. Look online for more information for his specific phone. Some phones require extra steps. Lots of youtube videos, etc. Nothing is installed on his phone. 1
pepperbird Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 3 hours ago, heartwhole2 said: The logical answer to all of your questions is that they are covering up a full-blown affair. You don't need to prove it to them. They need to prove their innocence. If they refuse, you must proceed assuming they are guilty. Your husband won't save you from this limbo; you will need to save yourself. I;d call the ;police. This woman has been in the OPs home, uninvited and unwanted when they were away. That goes beyond "normal:" affair behaviour. 1
Buffer Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 If you have concerns that she entering your home. Put a couple of nest cameras in. Don’t tell her or hubby Good luck with the data recovery Buffer 1
preraph Posted May 24, 2020 Posted May 24, 2020 Matildag, please read the article I just posted in this same topic with the Psychology Today article on exactly what you're going through, except that your case, she goes beyond a friend and is actually a con artist. But it might be something you could show your husband to legitimize your complaint. 1
Author peachpie Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) Thank you, Preraph. I read the article. Spot on. Even if my husband and neighbor were texting nonsexually: 1. He knew I didn't like it, hence he covered his tracks and deleted everything for years. 2. I specifically told her to stop texting him in 2016. She knew that, hence she sent a few texts to him with me cc'd to trick me. . .but, again, there were 188 text/phone calls w/o me cc'd over the course of 16 months. 3. ***She had him over to her house to do household favors at least 10x, all with just he and her in her house. My children and I were never home/never knew, and her husband and children were never home. These were little jobs her husband could have done. My husband is not a professional handyman. He claims the jobs he did were jobs her husband couldn't be bothered with or wasn't handy enough to do, like assembling furniture, hooking up video games. . . Even if I am wrong and everything was 100% innocent ~ he says the texts were all about grass seed, weed killer, xBox issues. . . He went over to set up her son's Xbox, and wall mount a tv, etc. etc. even if it was 100% innocent, am I right to still be angry? I feel I should have known this was going on. I always doubt my feelings.. . but then I think of their bizarre reactions to my confrontations. They both could prove their innocence, but will not. Especially her ~ if my husband was her "2nd husband" as she called him, and her on demand handyman, why wouldn't she have cleared their innocence to save him from my wrath? She dumped him, too! She told me I was WRONG and SCANDELOUS and she never helped him get out of this predicament. Edited May 25, 2020 by matildag 2
mark clemson Posted May 25, 2020 Posted May 25, 2020 24 minutes ago, matildag said: Even if I am wrong and everything was 100% innocent ~ he says the texts were all about grass seed, weed killer, xBox issues. . . He went over to set up her son's Xbox, and wall mount a tv, etc. etc. even if it was 100% innocent, am I right to still be angry? I feel I should have known this was going on. Yes. Unfortunately, this was NOT 100% innocent no matter how you slice it. When a husband sees a female friend alone, he should generally explain that to his wife in advance so she will not feel threatened. Even being open about it is no guarantee, but in this case, unfortunately, he and she actively hid the extent of their time together from you. This means they knew it was wrong. Hiding the "relationship" is one sign of an affair (EA at minimum). If you think she dressed up (or down) to appeal to him, that is another sign. Sadly, in your case it's not a question of whether there was a betrayal, it's a question of how much of a betrayal it was and whether it went PA. I hate to say this, but given the circumstances you describe I would be betting PA if you forced me to bet. Again, sorry about all this. 4
Author peachpie Posted May 25, 2020 Author Posted May 25, 2020 (edited) Thank you, Mark. The thing is ~ he doesn't actively brush his teeth or manscape. That's why I don't think it was sexual. She'd call him to come over at 2:30, knowing I get home at 3:15. He's saying he hid it because he knew I hated her and what would be the point of aggravating me. he answered her on what type of fertilizer or mouse trap to buy, and he'd set up her kid's xBox. There are times when I think he could be telling me the truth. This all was exposed to me on Feb. 9 and he got us counseling and he told my parents his side of the story and how innocent he is. . . He was convincing. When I bring it up now, he either YELLS and tells me ENOUGH or he ignores me. I feel like I don't know the truth. I hooked his phone up to Dr. Fone last night and his phone has issues. His Android has the Samsung Cloud ~ when I tried to go through that, it said I needed 2 pass codes and I don't know what his are. Since he has this cloud, couldn't he show me his innocence? I am SURE he made silly sex jokes with her ~ that's what he did with his boss and he was caught, but she was fat and toothless. he said he did it to be funny and she loved his humor. Her reaction shows me she is guilty as charged. Why would ANYONE be accused of having an affair with the neighbor and NOT PROVE HER INNOCENCE? I just remember her daydreamy eyes starring at him one night when we pulled in from dinner ~ she was in the yard. She gave him this sneaky smile. I was suspicious. he wouldn't say hello to her or even look at her, which made me believe something happened. Edited May 25, 2020 by matildag 2
Author peachpie Posted May 26, 2020 Author Posted May 26, 2020 (edited) I wanted to add, too, that you all were on to something with the sex work idea. . . She had told me YEARS ago that when she was a cop, they'd put her on the streets as an undercover prostitute in sting operations. She's a big time liar, but I recall her telling me this. I had pushed it out of my mind because when she told me, I didn't believe her, but now I do. She also told me she had slept with married men and was a wild one sowing her oats when she was younger, and that all cops cheat. It's funny because we live in a sweet, little suburban area, I would never picture knowing, let alone my next-door neighbor, being a sex worker. I am wondering if she told me because she was one for real and not undercover, but she told me this in case I found out. . .? She called and forewarned me about the shoplifting hitting the news, and said I'd be reading about it, but it was all a misunderstanding. Her kids snuck items innocently under the blanket in the carriage, not her. I didn't believe her, but when she gets talking, she can be convincing. Edited May 26, 2020 by matildag
Belle23 Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 I think the texts are completely inappropriate of your husband and neighbor. How dare your neighbor!! Innocent flirting in person, ok, understandable. Somewhat acceptable. Secret texts with sexual innuendos. No, absolutely not!
Zona Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Sorry you are in this predicament. She sounds like a total loser!
LynneVicious Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 Put video cameras facing all of your exterior doors. You’ll be able to see comings and goings from everyone. You can get them for like $25 on amazon. Easy to set up and the videos go straight to your phone on an app. You can review footage any time. I really suggest doing that because I’d you catch her making entry into your house, you can have her charged with burglary. as far as your husband, he is crap at boundaries. His actions are suspicious. You can tell him you want to see the deleted texts through dr fone or you will file for divorce and just stick with it. Tell him the easy solution is to be honest. If he has something to hide, he will hide it. And he is. Please get the video cameras and install them ASAP. And give him the choice of reviewing the deleted texts or divorce. Follow through with it. Good luck! 2
Crazelnut Posted May 26, 2020 Posted May 26, 2020 So you keep posting, going round in circles about how nasty she is and how you feel wronged by your DH and her. So ... what are you going to do about it? You were on the right track with Dr. Fone, but if you lack the technical skill to get it working, it's no good. You've gotten lots of good suggestions, everything from hire a PI, schedule a polygraph. to insist he show you proof. What are you going to DO? 4
Author peachpie Posted May 30, 2020 Author Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) I am trying to figure out if it was innocent, am I wrong to take it out on her? Am I overreacting to this? my husband is fine with us retrieving the texts so I believe he is innocent. My question is about me dealing with her. Am I right in believing she is wrong????? Edited May 30, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Rude 1
stillafool Posted May 30, 2020 Posted May 30, 2020 Why don't you tell her to stay away from you and your husband? Take it up with her.
contel3 Posted June 1, 2020 Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) To be completely honest I think you were hugely overreacting at the beginning.... I mean they texted about lawncare....how scandalous. The presents and continued texting are weird though. My guess is she probably hates you by now and is trying to spite you. Edited June 1, 2020 by contel3 1
Author peachpie Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) No - she texted making fun of me in 2016 while we were on a family vacation. I intercepted it. Totally not ok. I told her I don’t believe in opposite sex texting friendships especially about me! I didn’t mind all of the lawn care texts, but I DO mind that now the texts are getting personal and degrading me. how do you text a man on vacation to insult his wife? I forgave her to be neighborly. I told her she could cc me on texts to him going forward if she needed help but she deceived me. She cc’d me on a handful but was deceitful otherwise 181x deceitful - especially luring him in her private home behind closed doors. I spoke to her all of the time and her friendship with my husband NEVER came up. The favors he did for her never came up in our conversations. I don’t care if she hates me. am I crazy to hate this woman? Aren’t I justified? Edited June 1, 2020 by matildag
Author peachpie Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 My husband had a flirty/silly texting friendship with another woman before and it KILLED me to read the texts. I told my neighbor about this. It was SO hurtful and devastating. Here I catch her in 2016 berating me in a text to my husband. I was big enough to forgive her and say that I don't mind if my husband helps you, but PLEASE CC me on texts going forward as you know what I went through with him in the past with texting women. She said, "Out of respect for you and your marriage, I will cc you, even though all of my friends are men, mostly married and their wives don't mind, I will cc you because now I know you don't like it." From 2016-2020, she tricked me with a handful of group texts to me and my husband, but they had 181 private conversations via text and phone that I knew NOTHING about. Innocent texts or not, I told her please do not do that with my husband as he strayed before doing that. Not only that, she lured him over 1:1 to do household favors on several days that I was at work, unbeknownst to me, her husband, or any of our kids. Innocent or not, I told her in 2016 that I do not like it, but she did it any way for 4 more years. If she were a friend, she would apologize and prove to me the texts were innocent, but she is acting insulted and aloof. . . isn't she in the wrong?
Author peachpie Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 He did. . .we haven't heard from her since Feb. The friendship is 100% over. I just want someone to say they don't blame me for my anger at her. (Trust me ~ my husband isn't sneaking around again or it's over. he knows this.) Innocent texts or not ~ wasn't she wrong to continue to text after the wife said to stop?
Author peachpie Posted June 1, 2020 Author Posted June 1, 2020 I wanted to hear from impartial people who didn't know the back story of her. I am confirming that she had a lot of nerve to privately text my husband even though I told her not to, even IF texts were innocent. It's awkward because I see her a lot now that the weather is nice. I never trust my judgements ~ it's not like me to ignore people, so my mind keeps saying "Everything was innocent and it wasn't a big deal" but my heart keeps saying I told her to stop 4 years ago.
heartwhole2 Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 8 hours ago, matildag said: I wanted to hear from impartial people who didn't know the back story of her. I am confirming that she had a lot of nerve to privately text my husband even though I told her not to, even IF texts were innocent. It's awkward because I see her a lot now that the weather is nice. I never trust my judgements ~ it's not like me to ignore people, so my mind keeps saying "Everything was innocent and it wasn't a big deal" but my heart keeps saying I told her to stop 4 years ago. It's really hard to tear down your old habits of not trusting yourself and allowing others to railroad you over night. Just keep taking each little step. But please understand that the issue is not whether your neighbor is a little over the line. Once you prove your point that she's bad news to your husband (if that's even going to happen), you're still married to a man who lies to you, has poor boundaries, and has almost certainly done a lot more with this woman than you know. This crazy woman with poor boundaries wouldn't be an issue if your husband was a mature, honest man with good boundaries. Until you fix the latter problem, you will not be safe. (To be clear, he's the only who can change himself . . . you need boundaries and to leave the situation if he won't honor them.) 2
stillafool Posted June 2, 2020 Posted June 2, 2020 (edited) 16 hours ago, matildag said: I wanted to hear from impartial people who didn't know the back story of her. I am confirming that she had a lot of nerve to privately text my husband even though I told her not to, even IF texts were innocent. It's awkward because I see her a lot now that the weather is nice. I never trust my judgements ~ it's not like me to ignore people, so my mind keeps saying "Everything was innocent and it wasn't a big deal" but my heart keeps saying I told her to stop 4 years ago. Maybe you need to sell that house and move to another one because it is clear you won't get over this. The only other option is to divorce him because she isn't going to move. This happened 4 years ago and you still aren't over it. Again, it's not what you told her it's what you told your husband. She owes you nothing while he is your life partner. Stop focusing on her actions and focus on his lies. Edited June 2, 2020 by stillafool 2
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