My husband's secret textng with nextdoor neighbor

[peachpie]

I am new here and would love feedback on my situation.

I am a 51-year-old married, working woman, 2 teenaged kids.

In 2004, she moved in right next door. She was married, my age, with kids my kids’ ages, doesn’t work.

One of the 1st things she said to me in 2004 was that all of her friends were men, men loved her, and why wasn’t  (my husband) speaking to her. I apologized and told her he probably never saw her. I begged him to be nice to her and introduce himself to her as we had kids the same ages.

Over the years, her toddlers always ended up in my yard. I babysat them for free all of the time as she was always “stressed.”

We both lived hectic lives and I never saw them communicating. Unbeknownst to me, they were.

Meanwhile, years later, we were going on vacation. I asked my husband if he stopped the mail and he said my neighbor was taking care of the mail and flowers while we were away. . . I asked how that happened ~ I never saw you both talking, and he said when he pulls in from work, she comes out to talk. (her husband is at work and I am at work.) Woman’s intuition ~ it didn’t sit right. I NEVER witnessed them talking.

Time went by, and I see them have a texting friendship. I said ~ I don’t even have her phone #. What’s going on? My husband said that he gave her his number to contact him if anything happened to the house while we were away. . . We just put in sod and he wanted to be sure the sprinklers went off each day to water it. That’s fine, but they were chit chatting. The sprinklers were working so there was no need to communicate.

Fast forward to the summer of 2016 when we were on a 2-week vacation. She texted my husband to say “Have fun with your wife lol. You put up with her and take one for the team. I’m so bored of her.” I saw it on my husband’s phone. I freaked out and confronted them both. My neighbor more than apologized over and over. She then deleted that text, showed me her phone, and asked why I was upset ~ like I was insane. I told her “Do NOT text my husband. I don’t like it, and now you crossed the line.” She said, “He is SO helpful to me. Look at my phone ~ we only talk about grass seed, Xbox games for my son, lawncare. . . We are just neighborly. Can I text him for advice if I cc you?” I said “You are going to have to as this private texting friendship is over.”

From August 2016 - Feb. 9, 2020, about 4x/year we’d get a group text from my neighbor asking some household question. My husband would respond. I thought that was it for the texts.

Fast forward to Feb. 9, 2020. A group text came in with a sexual innuendo about “needing the holes in her yard filled.” I ignored the text. my husband answered it, ran and grabbed my phone, deleted the whole conversation from my phone, and then ran out to “get gas” and called her from his cell for 10 min 52 sec. His actions made me highly suspicious. I am sure he answered her text with a sexual innuendo of his own and didn’t want me knowing.

I went on the phone usage website ~ something I have NEVER done ~ and saw that they had 188 forms of private communication from Oct. 2018-Feb. 2020. (The phone usage data only went back that far.) He works from home on Fridays, and there were about 10 Fridays that she called him to go over to her house, just the 2 of them, to move furniture and fix Xbox wires. . .things that her husband and teenaged children could do for her. I knew NOTHING about any of this ~ I was at work. I would pull in from work and often see my yard tools in her yard. I’d ask my husband, “How does this happen? I never see you talk to her?” He always played dumb.

Of the 188 exchanges, some were pictures. She just got “designer vagina” surgery and I think that is what she showed him.

When I confronted her about the 188-private communications with my husband she texted to me: “STOP YOUR SCANDELOUS ALLEGATIONS. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS FROM YOU!” My husband and I both blocked her from our phones and we haven’t spoken to her since ~ she avoids us now and visa versa. I was seriously leaving my husband over it as he did this before with another woman ~ silly sexual innuendo texts, and she knew it! I think she was encouraging him to do that with her.

1.      My husband insists everything was innocent, however, whenever I spot checked his phone since 2016, there wasn’t one text from her, but they were happening 188x per the phone bill. He was meticulous about deleting all traces of her. Why? He said he deleted her texts to keep his phone clean and running faster… His deleting is suspicious.

2.      If my neighbor was innocent, why didn’t she run over with her phone THIS time to show me their conversations like she did in 2016? Why flip it around that I am the one in the wrong? I am accusing her of being sneaky with my husband ~ wouldn’t an innocent person defend herself?

3.      If they were truly innocent neighbor friends: a. Why was everything deleted? and b. Why wouldn’t my neighbor clear her name with me? Why would she want me to believe she and my husband were having a fling? Why would she subject her dear friend, Bob, to my wrath?

4.     The 4x/year random group text from her was to deceive me, and that hurts me that my husband had to have seen that. . . On Feb. 9, they were texting all day. Why then did she send a Feb. 9 group chat about holes in her yard? That was deliberate to confuse me.

5.      Looking back, she often asked me how my marriage was. . .I said fine, and she said her husband caught her texting suggestive messages to men. I am wondering now if it was my husband? She tricked me into believing she was my friend, and all along she was stabbing me in the back.

6.      My husband immediately got us marriage counseling and immediately told my parents what he did with her. . .proclaiming his innocence and for them to convince me to forgive him, but I don’t. I can’t get past my anger.

I am hurt and furious that they had this secret behind my back for all of those years. I feel like he chose her over me, and he must’ve confided in her about our spats for her to feel confident to text him making fun of me. She was asking how my marriage was ~ she knew something I did not.

May I also add that she, without permission, took our backyard hidden key to enter our home to spot check our windows to be sure we locked them while we were away? When we found out she did that, we no longer had the hidden key, but I believe she made herself a copy as something of value was stolen from my house when we were away and she was in charge of the yard and mail.

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed names for anonymity

[mark clemson]

Yep, flirtation and "friendship" (against your boundaries and not respectful of them) at a minimum. Very good chance there was a "casual" EA or FWB style PA. There was secrecy and covering tracks. You seem to have only proof of "borderline" affair behavior, BUT he was home on Fridays next door to her.  Sounds like they wouldn't have needed to text or anything on Fridays.  It is not unreasonable to assume the worst here, unfortunately. Sorry.

[heartwhole2]

I'm sorry that they are gaslighting you. You can see right through it, but it's hard when someone keeps insisting over and over to your face that you're the one who is wrong. Please stand firm. Their answers don't make sense; they are hiding more. You can't assume it wasn't physical. You can't trust anything he says.

There are some recovery apps that may allow you to read deleted texts -- Dr. Fone is one. You can also hire a private investigator to help you. And lastly, you can require that your husband take a polygraph. Even if you hope not to have to follow through on these, his reactions will tell you a lot. Those who have nothing to hide hide nothing. A rational, empathetic response would be to understand how very bad this looks and to want to do everything to prove that it was "just" texting. But if it wasn't just texting, then he will be desperate to make sure you don't discover that. Does he turn it back around on you when you ask for these shows of good faith? Does he act indignant like he's entitled to some kind of benefit of the doubt when he's been caught lying red handed? 

Also, please, get yourself tested for STDs. You don't want your sexual health in Lisa's hands. That's not what you signed up for in marriage.

And change your locks.

[usa1ah]

You will never know what they have gotten up to. 
 

The only thing I know to do would be a polygraph. Yes no questions. Talk with your local police to find out who is the best one in your area. Then just schedule it and take your husband or tell him that he needs to take one. 
 

first question should be “Have you had any sexually contact with our neighbor?”

 

I thing you should just schedule it at take him. 

Edited May 20, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed names for anonymity

[Buffer]

If you are uncomfortable with their actions. It is your sub conscious telling you that it isn't right. Take Note! Grab his phone and run a deleted file programme on it so to recover all deleted messages and pictures. If it is bad what do you want to do about it? Think it through first, actions, accountability and responsibility.

Start or continue to exercise, eat healthy and drink heaps of water. Talk things through with  a trusted friend. It is early stages, they may be just flirty texts.

1 hour ago, matildag said:

“designer vagina”

WTF? Why would any person get that done unless it was due to a medical issue? I suppose.

Buffer 

[schlumpy]

 Since this is a repeat of his past behavior and you are still married I have to assume that you want to stay married. Second time around and the wall you have to climb to save your marriage is going to be much larger. I would ask you to stop for the moment and consider why this is happening again. The answer to that question is to be honest with yourself as to what consequences your husband suffered from his last dalliance? Did you exact a price from him to continue to be married to you? If not, then you have your answer as to why you are where you are right now and what you have to do if you want your marriage.

So far, you have said the only thing he's done to make this right is rush you into marriage counseling and sick his parents on you. Are his parents aware of his previous sins? If not, then inform them. Perhaps they will bark at him instead. He doesn't like it? That's too damn bad. There is a price to be paid. Get angry but point it at your husband. 

I don't know what will mend your marriage only you know. What will you be satisfied with? The price he pays has to be costly enough to convince you of his sincerity but not so heavy as to force him to give up. At a minimum, he should offer you complete access to all his social media as well as account for his time away from you. Keep you eyes open for a burner phone that he's hiding. His focus should be on you and you only. That degree of focus is your measure of how much he desires to remain married to you.

How long should this go on? It goes on until you feel safe again. It's his job to create a safe place for you in this marriage. If he's unwilling to do that then you will have to swallow hard and file for divorce or the rest of your life will shadowed with doubt as long as you are with him.

I'm not sure a polygraph will solve anything but it sure is a nice tool to torture him with and sometimes the mere threat is enough to elicit a parking lot confession. Get some brochures or literature from a company that administers them and "accidently" live it lying around.

Good luck. You certainly seem like someone well worth knowing so I don't think that any fear you feel of being alone the rest of your life if you choose to divorce is a realistic fear for you.

[peachpie]

Thank you everyone!

1. When I first confronted my husband, he became ANGRY and stuck to: "Oh my God! Can't I even have a friend?! You are so paranoid thinking everyone is against you." When he knew I wasn't accepting that as an excuse, he caved and got the marriage counselor and admitted his sneakiness to my parents, but he is still sticking to "It was all innocent. I was caught in the middle ~ she's my neighbor ~ what was I going to say to her when she needed help ~ no ~ that you are jealous?" IT'S NOT JEALOUSY ~ it is blatant deception!

****The marriage counselor told him that he didn't believe the texts were innocent ~ he believed it wasn't physical but it was somewhere in the middle.****

It's not about me being jealous ~ it was the SNEAKINESS. In 4 years, never ONCE did she mention that Bob helped her rearrange furniture. Never ONCE did she call when I was home seeking his advice. She PURPOSELY sent random group texts to throw me off course, tricking me into believing that was it for texts between her and him. Never ONCE did  I even see them chatting in the driveway.

2. Whenever I bring this texting affair up, my husband YELLS and upsets my teenaged kids.  I think he wants my neighbor to hear him yelling at me. He gets dramatic and tells me to just "chop his balls off" and to "kill him." I feel like this is deflecting. He threatens to tell my elderly parents that I am still on his back, which is upsetting to them ~ they don't want to know our marriage problems.

3. He also says the T-Mobile usage chart is wrong ~ we pay by the month no matter how often we use it. Some days showed 30 texts between them in 1 day, but multiple texts were sent within the same minute ~ for example 5 texts at 5:10 p.m. Could the usage data be wrong?

4. When he called her in private for 10 min. 52 sec. the night of the sexual innuendo text, it wasn't on the T-Mobile bill data usage ~ I only saw the evidence on his cell phone log which he forgot to delete. Could he have called her via Skype? If so, that could still be happening.

What makes me mad is that most every Friday night, we pulled in from a restaurant as a family. 75% of the time, she would be outside in her front yard flaunting herself in her yoga pants. My husband would IGNORE her, jump out of the car, and run in the house. . . She would linger and talk to me, asking if our marriage was stable. I REMEMBER HER LOOKING OVER MY HEAD, SMILiNG, WATCHING HIM. I'd say, "Gees, I don't know why he doesn't say hello. I am kicking myself I didn't check the phone bill then! I KNEW THEIR BEHAVIOR WAS SUSPICIOUS. I'd even come in and ask him what that was all about ~ why did you ignore her?

5. She told me ALL OF THE TIME her flirty friendships with men, and how certain neighborhood men were in love with her. I always told my husband, "Be careful. I'd be humiliated if she told people you were in love with her." He never would respond.

**************** Whether the texts were purely innocent or not, you would feel the same way as me? SHE TURNED IT AROUND AND CALLED ME SCANDELOUS AND INAPPROPRIATE to accuse her. It's not my neighbors fault my husband decided to deceive me, but she knowingly contacted him after I told her not to, and she contacted him and had him over to do odd jobs when I was not home. **************

6. I now there's apps to receive texts and my husband is tech saavy. If the texts were innocent, he would have retrieved them OR he would have asked her, "Please bring your phone over so I can show my wife our texts over the past 4 years so she can see they were innocent." He Googled if texts can be retrieved (I saw this on his search history) because he was scared I would retrieve them.

7. Finally, I can't imagine any woman falsely accusing me of flirting with her husband via text. If I had cold, hard evidence on my phone which showed the texts were NOT flirty or sexual, I would show her to clear my name. Would you EVER allow your poor nextdoor neighbor to be grieivng, believing you had an affair with her husband if it wasn't true???? The marriage counselor and my husband both say, "People handle things differently" but this does NOT make sense to me as a woman. In 2016 when I caught her and him texting about me, she showed me her phone with the innocent texts ~ she deleted the texts about me ~ but the remaining texts were innocent. He was her dear friend ~ why would she do this to us?

8. She would introduce him as her "husband" to all landscapers or contractors. . . She told me she did that so they would give her a good deal, but I know she did it so my husbands mind would wander or for him to say "I wish."

Edited May 20, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed names for anonymity

[salparadise]

2 hours ago, matildag said:

She told me ALL OF THE TIME her flirty friendships with men, and how certain neighborhood men were in love with her. I always told my husband, "Be careful. I'd be humiliated if she told people you were in love with her." He never would respond.

Gosh, what a mess. I am sorry, I known it's a horrible place to be in. 

So, from what you've posted I have no doubt that what you suspect is actually happening, and that she is not only one of those women who get their validation by encouraging sexualized attention from many men, but she is also enjoying the fact that she driving you insane. And your husband is at the least susceptible, if not actively complicit in continuing whatever it is. This you know, of course. You don't need a poly or phone retrieval to prove it for yourself. The only benefit would be in proving the lying and gaslighting on both of their parts.

The questions then are, a) is it a physical affair or just a mind phukk, b) what is the tipping point for you, c) what are you prepared to do about it, and d) how long are you going to put up with it and remain miserable in your own home?  

If I were in your place, I'd be inclined to file for divorce and if there's any reconciliation to be done, let that happen within the context of you having shown him that you're completely done with his bullsh*t. The only downside is that Lisa will probably take great pleasure in having had to power to destroy your marriage. Speaking of which, where is her husband––is he aware of any of it? 

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Confused48]

12 hours ago, matildag said:

 

I went on the phone usage website ~ something I have NEVER done ~ and saw that they had 188 forms of private communication from Oct. 2018-Feb. 2020.

 

This is SO common. People apologizing for taking action to protect themselves against harm from an intimate partner. I'm not blaming you Matidag. I'm just saying it is a newbie mistake to think that snooping on a cheater is something improper.  

Cheaters typically take advantage of the  betrayed partner's sense of guilt over this and say things like: sure I cheated on you but the real problem here is you didn't rust me. You violated my privacy.  Ha!  If you have nothing to hide, why do you need privacy. I mean with your phone. Obviously some things in the bathroom you should keep private. A phone, no. A conversation with a person of the opposite sex, no.  

[Amethyst68]

She's married, what does her husband think?

[peachpie]

Her husband is aware that she texts men inappropriately ~ she's told me this. She told me she had sexy text messages on her phone and her husband was mad. . .In the same conversation she asked me if my husband and I were getting along. Looking back, I am wondering if the sexy messages were between my husband and her. It may not be because her husband isn't mad at my husband. . . 

When I bring this whole situation up, he YELLS and insists NOTHING HAPPENED!

Well, this is what I know:

a. It was all kept secret. I had no idea they texted/called each other. He's saying it's because it never came up in conversation and her texts were all about lawncare and Xbox suggestions. If this is the case, I would have caught a text or few on his phone. I never, ever, ever did.

b. I had no idea he entered her home on Fridays ~ "innocently moving a heavy TV" or not ~ I never knew. He says I never knew because there was no reason to discuss it. My point is her husband is a carpenter and more than able bodied to have done these household chores for her. These chores were always done when I was at work and her husband was at work. **I knew about 1 time he had to go over in the 16 years she lived there and it was to set up a new XBox and my son went over to help. **

c. She has a slew of men entering and exiting her house all day. All her friends are men, only they don't come around when her husband is home. Random landscapers pop in to say hello to her. . . I know she needs men to make herself feel validated. She is a mega flirt.

d. She has turned this all around and called ME scandelous and intolerable and she is NOT going to stand for me treating her like that ~ ISN'T THIS A SUSPICIOUS REACTION? If she showed me all of the innocent texts, I wouldn't be accusational. COULD IT BE SHE IS INNOCENT AND SO ANGRY SHE'S CHOOSING NOT TO SHOW ME? My question also is ~ how could she treat my husband like this? She considered him "her friend" but she destroyed his marriage. .  .

AM I RIGHT: If she was innocent, she would have proven it and cleared her name, just for the fact we are NEXT DOOR neighbors and we have been very good to her and her family through the years! If she is GUILTY, she has no innocent texts to show, so she's pretending to be insulted by me.

Also, if my husband was innocent, he would have arranged to retrieve all text messages if people are saying this technology is possible.

It angers me to be called "paranoid" and "insecure" when both SHE and HE responded to my confrontation the way they did.

Edited May 20, 2020 by matildag

[stillafool]

13 hours ago, matildag said:

One of the 1st things she said to me in 2004 was that all of her friends were men, men loved her, and why wasn’t  (my husband) speaking to her.

You are better than me because once she made this statement to me fireworks would have went off in my head and I would nipped her in the bud.

[peachpie]

I know ~ she had just moved in and my husband can unknowingly come off as rude ~ she had caught me off guard when she said it, but I was newly married and so was she, so cheating/flirting never crossed my mind. She said she wanted a welcoming neighborhood where kids played ~ I agreed.

-------------------------------------------------

My husband told the marriage counselor that he "screwed up and regrets hurting" me. My point is ~ if their texts were all innocent, how did he "screw up"? If I didn't know they both texted simply because I "didn't ask" ~ then how did he "screw up"?

On the one hand, he acknowledges a teeny bit that it was wrong to do, and on the other, he says I am "paranoid, insane" and he "can't even have a friend." So which is it?

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by matildag

[stillafool]

Maybe he meant "screwed up" by engaging in all the texting with her.

[Zona]

Honestly, it sounds like he is gaslighting you, making you think that you are the problem. That is very common in affairs, and not something an innocent person would do. 

I swear, when two waywards interact, things go totally haywire because they don't have normal boundaries. Several months ago, my WW was talking on the phone to a family member of a patient. She had mentioned previously that he had been married numerous times and had a long history of affairs. It was infuriating to listen to because they both have crap boundaries, and she talked to him for hours and strayed into personal and inappropriate stuff that normal people would never do. I let her have it the next day. I don't think she even realized what she was doing!! I am starting to think that their brains are wired differently.

You are in a bad situation since she is your neighbor and it will be very hard to gather evidence. 

Why don't you tell you husband that you want his phone and you are going to check all the deleted messages by running specialized software (which is definitely doable and how I discovered damning text messages). See what his reaction is.

Don't put up with his s**t, put your foot down and start lining up your ducks. If you put up with this, he will keep doing it.

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by Zona

[Amethyst68]

I meant about the texting between her and your husband specifically. Have you not told him yet? Shared the details?

If not you need to do this ASAP, without warning either of them first.

[preraph]

There's nothing innocent about what they were doing and I wouldn't assume he didn't ever have sex with her. She was too aggressive and I'm sure she probably told him you'd never know and not to worry about it and a whole lot of men will go for it under those circumstances. 

 

The first red flag with her was when she told you she mostly had male friends. Now you know the reason for that. Anytime someone tells you that, run the other direction. She is just an out-and-out aggressive woman who wants to take men away from their spouses for her own ego gratification, and I would go out on a limb and say that a whole lot of men are tempted by that for their own ego gratification and no strings sex. she is truly a toxic person asking you about your marriage and manipulating you into telling your husband to be nice to her. I'm sorry but that is just evil. 

 

I would be insisting on selling the house and moving, but it wouldn't stop them from talking to each other. Listen he's got everything you throw at him coming. But stop arguing in front of the kids.

I am proud of you for confronting this bad woman. I wish there was something you could do legally but other than divorce your husband I guess there's not.

[peachpie]

Thank you, everyone.

I think it's the guilt that makes them both turn it around like I am the one with the insecurity problem. They were simply friends and I was the jealous, insecure wife. After all, all her friends are men.

There are ways that they BOTH could have proven their innocence and they both chose not to, so how am I not to feel suspicious?

Although he keeps insisting it was innocent, I never, ever, ever, ever knew for YEARS. If it was innocent, it would have been out in the open.

 

 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

I'm sure she probably told him you'd never know and not to worry about it and a whole lot of men will go for it under those circumstances. 

Agreed.
 

[heartwhole2]

It seems to me that they are trying to wear you down and confuse you so that you give up. Don't give up! Look at the big picture. You know he lied. You know he's still lying. You cannot assume anything. Please take your sexual health seriously and get tested and insist that he does too. Don't just argue with him over little details; ask for concrete evidence to back up what he's saying. You can promise him that if you see the evidence and he was right and you were wrong, you will apologize, but you aren't going to believe him without seeing it for yourself. He lost that privilege a long time ago.

[pepperbird]

I know that may sound extreme, but I would be very, very, VERY careful about her. I'm seeing shades of the ow my husband got involved with in the woman you describe- their brief affair somehow morphed into ten years of her bugging me-not him, me. if you don't mind a piece of advice, nip this in the bud right now,. Don't wait.

I can't explain how or why, but with women like that, their whole self esteem seems to be wrapped upon in her ability to attract a guy, the more attached, the better. It's all about an ego boost for her.

Immediately cut off all forms of contact with her-no texting, emails, phone calls, waves, anything. Tell her husband what she's been up to and let him deal with her. If she starts harassing you, start a log of everything and record dates and times. Hopefully, it won;t get to that point, but if, as you say, she;s already helped herself to your house key without your permission, I'd be very cautious.

About your husband, I can't say if he;s cheated or not. I think he may have, and I would advise you to follow the standard advice of getting tested for stds..


 

[preraph]

I would bet any amount of money that she was a prostitute at some point or a stripper. And I say that because the way she worked him and worked you is the way they do that. there are very few men who are able to resist if a semi attractive woman whispers in their ear that they will have no strings sex and that no one ever has to know and that they don't want anything else. this is like the ultimate ego boost to a lot of men and it also gives them variety at what they consider to be low-risk. So you see the only agreement they both had is to both keep it secret. She just has the same methods as some of the professionals that I've had The misfortune to run up against. 

 

And he is just outright lying to you about it being just friends. Men are rarely ever interested in being just friends with women and they certainly wouldn't go to a lot of trouble to maintain that if it was affecting their marriage unless they were getting sex. He is in it up to his neck.

[peachpie]

I wouldn't be surprised if she was a prostitute. I always assumed it. She doesn't work and has money for botox, filler, and to get her vagina beautified. . . She had excess skin of the inner lips trimmed at the age of 45. . .Why? Who is looking at it other than her husband?

Men are in and out of her house constantly. Landscapers have pulled up to "use her bathroom" ~ and I saw this literally. These are her "friends." She is an ex-cop, supposedly on disability, but she's not disabled as she does all sorts of yard work. She was also arrested for taking her toddlers on a shoplifting spree in 2008. Could she have been fired for prostitution I wonder?

In 2008, her plan was to go trick or treating with her toddlers as a prostitute ~ just to have fun. She bought stilletos, fishnet tights, mini skirt, half shirt. . . If you want to have fun with your babies, go as a princess or a witch, but a whore? Does that make sense? She does it for male attention.

She loves getting estimates from men on jobs at her home that she never intends to do or can even afford. Her husband is never home for these estimate appointments.

Once, I pulled in from work and my husband was with her in her yard with 2 men. She ran over and told me to run in the house quietly and say nothing, because she introduced my husband as her husband as she was trying to get a deal on landscaping and didn't want to be taken advantage of. She says "I always introduce your husband as my husband as he's great at bartering a good deal for me."

She's just so "helpless" when her husband is at work. 

[salparadise]

31 minutes ago, preraph said:

I would bet any amount of money that she was a prostitute at some point or a stripper.

Haha, yea, it's interesting to hear a woman say that about another woman. Women usually defend them as victims of an unjust society. What I think is that something is waaaay off about her. Definitely one of those whose identity depends on sexualized interaction and the gratification of seeing the effect of that on men. I've often said (and caught flack for it) that women who collect male friends, and can't maintain friendships with other women, usually have such issues. One thing is for certain, she's a piece of work.

 

31 minutes ago, preraph said:

So you see the only agreement they both had is to both keep it secret. She just has the same methods as some of the professionals that I've had the misfortune to run up against. 

She doesn't even want to keep it secret. She's enjoying that fact that it's driving OP nuts and flaunting the whole affair. My bet would be that they've been schupting on Fridays for a looooong time. But who knows––could be that she gets her jollies from the big tease and keeping them on the string.

Ex-cop, shoplifting arrest with toddlers, dressing up as a prostitute on halloween, men in trucks stopping to use the bathroom... what a gal. OP, I don't understand why you are stuck on trying to prove what you already know. You realize that you're now as much a part of this charade as your husband. She loves the fact that she's right in your face and you can't do anything fuss and carry on.

Edited May 20, 2020 by salparadise

[preraph]

Those men in trucks are probably paying customers. 

 

My thinking she has sex work somewhere in her history just has to do strictly from learned experience over many decades. I would hear stories from men friends in my old crowd about how women propositioned them by just saying that's all I wanted and no one would ever know. and then there were a couple that I heard the same thing about and suspected they were ex prostitutes but it took a long time and then found out they were ex-strippers. I mean they're taught to say these things to get clients and then a lot of them just like that feeling of power and keep using it for their own personal reasons. 

 

I was hanging out with this lady when I was about 50 why I eventually found out was an ex-stripper and call girl, though she was still denying the call girl part and acting like it was just her good friend fixing her up with guys, who I knew from another source was pimping some call girls out. 

 

Then after knowing her for a couple of years I found out she was an old friend of this one that I had suspected of being a prostitute because she was always propositioning married guys and other guys I knew, so it took about 30 years to find out she had also worked with that lady that I was hanging out with. We'll call her Stella. 

 

She was a nice lady and a grandma by the time I knew her and married, and she eventually told me everything. She still had an old client who bought her stuff and took her to basketball games. Her husband knew about it. He had been a client back in the day. But she just couldn't stop working it, and that has come to be a telltale sign to me. she would just go too far with a young male waiter and that sort of thing. had to stop taking her to my favorite restaurant. Hah.

 

And then I've seen how they work on tour buses. And one worked in my office. She was real open about it. It was her and her sister who I always knew was one because I'd seen her at it. These two were provided by a label to keep some of their clients happy. I have seen more of it than I care to have seen. 

 

 

Edited May 20, 2020 by preraph