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Specific opening message with particular OLD match


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Posted (edited)
14 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Alright, I will go through some of the women I've already messaged and try sending something more creative. They've already ignored me and so the worst that can happen is they block me and I'm right back where I started.

Max, I wouldn't bother with women you've already messaged who ignored you.  First impressions are difficult if not impossible to change and to them, you will only be seen as a desperate guy trying too hard.  Don't waste your time. 

Try experimenting with new women, see how it goes. 

Remember, try and be creative, something to make her laugh or even shock her.  Stand out from the rest.  :)

 

 

Edited by poppyfields
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Posted
1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Max, I wouldn't bother with women you've already messaged.  First impressions are difficult if not impossible to change and to them, you will only be seen as a desperate guy trying too hard.  Don't waste your time. 

Try experimenting with new women, see how it goes. 

Remember, try and be creative, something to make her laugh or even shock her.  Stand out from the rest.  :)

 

 

The problem is there are no new women to message!

I just sent a message to a woman who is really cute and into a lot of the same hobbies as me and says she's looking for someone stable and intelligent. My message had a ton of tennis puns in it. I last messaged her a month ago saying that I'm into tennis too and asking her favorite shot. She was active a couple days ago so we'll see.

Of course if new matches come on I'll try this different approach with them

Posted (edited)

If my general advice is to not put women on pedestals (which you seem to have an issue with) then that goes 1000x for online dating. 

Online dating is a high-volume prospecting game. Many dozens of messages for a few replies, many replies for a few dates. Pure numbers. 

Back in my OLD days, I was mass-prospecting. I would send 5-10 "hey how are you" messages on the crapper at work, maybe another 5-10 on the subway ride home. I'm not going to come up with 15-20 thought-out messages to profiles which all say the same thing "I'm sassy and sarcastic and I like red wine and the beach and dogs and I can beat you at Connect 4 and I'm looking for the Ross to my Rachel" etc etc. I just wasn't going to invest that kind of time and mental focus into it. 

Probably every 10-20 messages I'd get a reply back, and maybe 1 out of 3-5 replies was a date.

That's how you do online dating as a guy. Not by trying to impress some stranger and get her to approve of you with a cute message and explaining to her that you have a lot in common. It's pure numbers, and you increase your odds by having good photos. Not by having a lot in common with someone. 

If you run out of girls to message, you're not in a good location for OLD. Don't re-message girls who ignored you. Nothing is more desperate, low-value, and unattractive. 

Edited by rjc149
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Posted
On 5/23/2020 at 6:00 PM, max3732 said:

Maybe you're right. It's just I can't believe that so many women who live nearby are paying for a dating service and come across my message and profile and aren't even interested enough to respond and in many cases look at my profile. I see these guys on the news that are abusive to their wives/girlfriends, that have no job, are addicts, or whatever and I'm well traveled, educated, with a great job and financially successful that's in great physical shape with a good family and friends that just wants to find someone special to spend time with and I send out message after message that gets ignored. 

I'm almost tempted to do a screenshot showing profile after profile that I've messaged that's ignored me. When I did speed dating one of the women (that I wasn't interested in) asked how I could still be single and I still can't figure it out. I really want to know what these women who see my message and profile are thinking. I can't even find one that wants to talk to me.

Listen, don't lose perspective. You hear about those people in the news *because* they're news. Would you want to be with those wives or girlfriends? Think about the majority of married or hooked up people you know, I'm sure they're pretty average people. Neither superstars not career criminals.

As for OLD...it gives a weird view of dating...for a lot of reasons. Start with the tips here. Obviously you don't want to approach a gamer nerd with a ton of kyack and tennis pics. Or probably overwhelm most women with many sporty pics unless you want a woman who wants to be doing those things all the time because that's the impression she'll be getting at a glance. Try for a grabby but not overly contrived opener. And he YOUR personal best...sorry, but it's OLD...work out...gain confidence however you can, not cockiness but confidence...if you're able to get a casual but 2020 haircut of you're just now crawling out from quarantine...figure out what type of facial hair (or none at all) looks good on you and clip away.

You're likely swiping largely based on her grabbing your eye *first,* you do the same. It's shallow but...again...this is what you have to go on. And so does she. THEN of you have a kind of a playful message that's quick but shows its not just recycled spam you should have a better chance. JMO.

Posted
6 hours ago, max3732 said:

The problem is there are no new women to message!

I just sent a message to a woman who is really cute and into a lot of the same hobbies as me and says she's looking for someone stable and intelligent. My message had a ton of tennis puns in it. I last messaged her a month ago saying that I'm into tennis too and asking her favorite shot. She was active a couple days ago so we'll see.

Of course if new matches come on I'll try this different approach with them

GL...honestly I'd keep it on the somewhat shorter side and not be overwhelming but great on that common ground. Good luck! 👍

Posted

1

Posted

OLD is just sad.... I just rejoined today. Think about the concept. You make a profile.. slap together some pics and a few of your interests... like you’re running and ad on yourself. Then you go through a bunch of 2D peoples and swipe hot, not hot, hot, not hot. If “hot” you open and read some bs profile that isn’t any way shape or form original or indicative of who they really are. 
 

Maybe you aren’t having luck because you’re a normal human being 

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Posted

It's not just like you're running an ad on yourself - it's EXACTLY that.  More than once I've likened it to a used car sales website

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Posted
14 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

OLD is just sad....

Maybe you aren’t having luck because you’re a normal human being 

My daughter says OLD is funny.  She made an account today saying “coronavirus positive who tryin to risk it all” and is actually getting matches.  

She did it for amusement because she’s bored out of her mind but these guys are taking her seriously.  

At least their replies are entertaining her when she gets to make fun of them all. 

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Posted
4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

OLD is just sad.... I just rejoined today. Think about the concept. You make a profile.. slap together some pics and a few of your interests... like you’re running and ad on yourself. Then you go through a bunch of 2D peoples and swipe hot, not hot, hot, not hot. If “hot” you open and read some bs profile that isn’t any way shape or form original or indicative of who they really are. 
 

Maybe you aren’t having luck because you’re a normal human being 

It's really like drafting a player in the sports world in a sense.  Like going to Indy for the Combine but it's all virtual.

 

4 hours ago, amaysngrace said:

My daughter says OLD is funny.  She made an account today saying “coronavirus positive who tryin to risk it all” and is actually getting matches.  

She did it for amusement because she’s bored out of her mind but these guys are taking her seriously.  

At least their replies are entertaining her when she gets to make fun of them all. 

Now that's funny..........there's the being bored deal again...........I never want to get that bored as in ever

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Posted
19 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Some women take dating sites more seriously and may be turned off by a man who uses humor too frivolously. Check out the thread in the other sub forum “when they sound ticked off from the get go...” xD 

 

And this is another reason why I use humor; I probably don't want to date a woman that gets upset over some innocent wit in an opening message.. It's a good vetting process;  we won't get a long if they don't like the opening message and/or find my profile to be "childish" as one woman put it. I've had my fair share of women who "read/delete" and then block me over one of the quips I posted on this thread earlier. It actually made me laugh more often than not. One woman did report me to Match over the Bigfoot opener which resulted in my telling Match that they could let it go or refund my money given that I hadn't violated any of their terms of service.

Posted (edited)

max, whatever you do, don't send out hundreds of those mass "how are you" boilerplate messages, hoping to get a hit.

I and many of my friends saw right through that and it was a huge turn off, immediate delete, no matter how hot the guy was. 

Its lazy, period end of.

Sure you will get hits, mostly from women who have been OLD for years and running out of options.  And don't receive many messages anymore as a result.

My best advice is make it your own.  There is no set formula for success.

If you are looking for something substantial and long term with a woman, then yes I would recommend putting forth some effort in your initial email, again something unique. 

That is how my bf pulled me in and we've been together 2+ years.  

I read a story many years ago about a man who met 80 women on line.

No one struck his fancy, or he didn't strike their fancy, until the 81st.  

He married her a year later.  

 

Edited by poppyfields
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Posted
9 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Listen, don't lose perspective. You hear about those people in the news *because* they're news. Would you want to be with those wives or girlfriends? Think about the majority of married or hooked up people you know, I'm sure they're pretty average people. Neither superstars not career criminals.

As for OLD...it gives a weird view of dating...for a lot of reasons. Start with the tips here. Obviously you don't want to approach a gamer nerd with a ton of kyack and tennis pics. Or probably overwhelm most women with many sporty pics unless you want a woman who wants to be doing those things all the time because that's the impression she'll be getting at a glance. Try for a grabby but not overly contrived opener. And he YOUR personal best...sorry, but it's OLD...work out...gain confidence however you can, not cockiness but confidence...if you're able to get a casual but 2020 haircut of you're just now crawling out from quarantine...figure out what type of facial hair (or none at all) looks good on you and clip away.

You're likely swiping largely based on her grabbing your eye *first,* you do the same. It's shallow but...again...this is what you have to go on. And so does she. THEN of you have a kind of a playful message that's quick but shows its not just recycled spam you should have a better chance. JMO.

You're right of course. I do use my eyes at first and then if I like what I see I look at her basic info to ensure she's in the right demographic, then I go through her bio and interests. If I think there's even a 1% chance it would work I send her a message.

I changed my profile picture to one where I have a nice smile and I'm dressed up holding a fancy glass at the dining room table during Thanksgiving. I also put one in where I'm sitting at a chess board so it's not just me being super active. 

What do you think about a picture with me holding something I cooked? I don't know if it would make me less manly to be holding a pie or cookies or something like that.

There was just a new profile that had no bio and just a profile pic with a woman on a swing. I almost said "Hope you're looking for a real relationship and aren't a swinger" but I figured that would be too sexual. So I said "looks like you're pretty relaxed and carefree. Glad to see you haven't grown up so much you can't enjoy the swings". That got me blocked.

As I was typing this I got a "like" on Match from someone that's actually in my target demographic that I have things in common with and she's cute! I sent her a someone decent comment on one of her pictures. Not the most clever thing in the world, but hopefully it will be enough

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