Kk2020 Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 Hey y’all, I’ve been married for almost a year (June 4), to my wife whom I have been together with for almost a year in a half. In the beginning we were like any other couple. Happy and totally in love with one another. Over time, that’s changed drastically. We used to be ecstatic to come home and be together after I had a tough transition coming out and having unsupportive family. She was my rock and still is. We both struggle with mental health. Myself having anxiety and separation anxiety from her, she has diagnosed bipolar disorder and is medicated but every day is still something different. Here’s the explanation up for discussion and advice: in the last month, she had reconnected with a friend who she used to work with and be best friends with. They spent endless hours together and she told me they once held feelings for each other and even kissed one time when having a sleep over.. this made me very uncomfortable and I asked her to be honest with me about how they stand that I wasn’t okay with she being so close to someone she had active feelings for, I was told no worries. I let the topic go. I don’t care if she has friends, she deserves to have them. It’s totally fine. However, one night when I went to plug her Apple Watch in for the night I came across a message from my wife to her friend that said she wasn’t losing the friendship again over a relationship and that her love for her hasn’t changed. I’ll admit, I blew up. I did not however go through her whole conversation which she believes I did. She continued to tell me she was only friends and only meant love in a friendship way. I’ve let it go. After that night she created a lock code on the watch to where I can’t see anything on it but keeps the phone unlocked. She’s always been one to erase her messages at the end of the day to prevent her phone from cluttering. But why lock the watch and not the phone?? Messages on the watch aren’t automatically deleted when erased on the phone even though connected with Bluetooth. I find this suspicious. Then, a couple nights ago, she deleted one conversation only. None of the others. I watched it from the corner of my eye as we watched tv. Could she be cheating on me?? we haven’t been intimate in quite sometime when we used to be regularly 1-2 times a week. She doesn’t like keeping regular conversation through the day while we work anymore. I know she’s unhappy with her job and herself because of her weight right now and I just want to know an outside opinion and what I can do to fix my marriage. I try to talk to her about us burns he won’t talk because she says I drive her nuts with asking if we’re okay and if she’s happy because of my anxiety.
Lotsgoingon Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 This does not sound good. Just to back up, you NEVER want to marry someone within 6 months of knowing them. That's just not enough time for you to see what they are really like. Not enough time to allow old loves and ties to surface themselves. Many of us can fake it and pretend to be better and kinder than we are for six months. And some people can't sustain romantic interest for longer than a year. Marrying so soon (if my calculations) are right ... is usually a big mistake, a huge mistake. If you even worrying about your wife's fidelity ... and if she's been physically distant from you ... you DEFINITELY SHOULD be worried. So might as well be blunt: you know what's going on. Time to draw a line ... get out. Sounds like you are trying to be patient, but your wife is acting suspicious. Question: put this episode with this ex of hers aside ... just as a thinking experiment, push it aside. Is the relationship otherwise satisfying? I'm thinking the answer is no.
IndigoNight Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 Ask her why she locked her device if she had nothing to hide. Also, suggest inviting the friend over for dinner. If your wife refuses she's hiding something. If the friend comes over, you should get a better idea of their relationship, and if it's truly just a close friendship I hope that helps.
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