Malin889 Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 4 hours ago, Jaclin01 said: We had a written agreement, and he didn't stand with it, nor did I push. He always had to bail himself out *himself*, We dated 6 months before I gave him a lot of money, I am not talking 100's... it was 25,000$ all together. I am looking deeper, and I know why my self esteem is low, and I know that I need to work on this. I know, I know, I know Oof— $25000? Oh no. Do you have a lawyer you can talk to about this? $25000 is soo much money. You and your kids could use that money.
Malin889 Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 4 hours ago, Jaclin01 said: I am feeling that now, and sometimes it feels depresssing, thinking I am going to grow old alone, but honestly, I rather be alone than with someone that doesn't want to be me for me. No you won’t be alone. I used to think that too but I would rather be alone than be with someone who makes me feel unhappy or crazy. Just try to “live your best life” as they say and your guy will come along when you least expect it.
kendahke Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 4 hours ago, Jaclin01 said: I am not talking 100's... it was 25,000$ all together. Did I just faint? Oh, no... if he signed that agreement, find a lawyer and go to court to put a lien on his holdings til you get your money back.
TheDao Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 On 5/18/2020 at 8:46 AM, Jaclin01 said: Thank you. Yeah, I have a kind of big heart, and felt bad for him. He has his own business (dump truck - transport) And the truck was always in repairs. I did not lend him the money thinking I would be in love or get love. I just have a hard time saying no... and I am NOT rich. He tries to make me feel ugly and that it's because of him that I look good or am strong... I know it's an insecurity for him, and maninpulation. But now you use my two teenage boys as a reason that we would never be together. He says with my age and having teenage boys that I would never be able to have stability for years.. I have a reallly long story.. I am just now in an apartment after living in a home... and it's hard to live above a landlord after so many years. I am not looking to live with someone... but I am so disapointed that this man led me on for so long as if we will be together. He says.. "what is the problem, we go out, i buy you things, we make love"... if you want to leave and find someone, go ahead, we will still be friends" Like it's nothing... Tells me that no one will take me seriously until my kids will be gone, and then says, which will be forever.. WOW.. Just want to know if someone else after divorce go this s***... I know I should walk away Well I do not think he is only at fault although he is clearly abusive to you. You do not really want a long term relationship due to your children. I am only guessing either he has grown children or none at all. Most single men do want a long term relationship which will likely end up in at least cohabitation. It seems to me you are better off with a man with similar situation, meaning he has children and not wanting to cohabitate. Sometimes people use abuse to try to control people. Been there, I had a FWB with an older woman (49) at the time. She was abusive because I did not want a relationship since she was still legally married, I did not know this until 3 to 4 weeks after. My suggestion is to write down what you want in a man. The more clear you are about this the better. Find the guy you want, do not try to change the man you are dating. Holding off on the sex is a good thing.
Artdeco Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 If people, especially men, call themselves losers, like OPs BF did, it’s already a red flag. These are the ones that feel constantly sorry for themselves, they like playing the victim, they don’t like owning up to their own bad decisions, and they like to blame others. Insecure men do that, and I’ve dealt with one or two of those. Insecure men are the worst, as they tend to project all their negative feelings about themselves onto others. In your case: overweight/obese man ——> criticizes GF for physical “imperfections” (only one example; I’m not even mentioning how mean he is and how readily he takes thousands of $$ from you ——- gross!) I am glad you had a contract for that loan you gave him. Get that money back and walk. He will never change. Oh - and look for a new rental. If you’re in Montreal, I’m sure it’s pricey, but it can be draining to have a jerk landlord, esp if he’s always around. PS.: None of my divorced GFs with teens (and they all have kids) ever had a shortage of interested guys. Don’t worry! 1
40Something Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 On 5/18/2020 at 1:43 PM, Jaclin01 said: Hello, I am new here, and find myself alone and not wanting to speak to my family. I went from seperated to divorce of a 21 year marriage. I have two teenage boys that live with my bi-weekly. After the seperation I looked on line to see what was dating would be like for middle age, and fell into a relationship with a man 8 years older than I am. A lot of things have happened, and I feel as if I was more connned than anything. I am looking for a group of people that I can share my story with or get advice and maybe hope. He says that he would fall in love with me if I get stomach surgery, that my kitty belly is really ugly, and I am not a huge person. He said that he wanted move in with him ( says this when he wants me to co-sign) <--which I didn't... and no my children are the reason we will never leave together... He seems to be finding more and more excuses after I dug him out of a deep hole of debt. Anyway, I want to believe there is a life after divorce and being a mother. Hope this group can help. This man is not worth your trouble or affections. He sounds like a terrible person. Not only does he not like your body, he doesn't like your kids which should be a deal breaker. I'm sorry that you met this man when you're in a vulnerable state. Do not put up with this hoping for better days, this is who he is and always will be.
Recommended Posts