UniverseInMe Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 So, I'm a photographer in LA and I was recently commissioned to do a job for a random client who found me online. When I showed up to the job the contact girl was there to meet me. She's an attractive woman in her late 30s. I'm in my early 40s. Anyway, I kept it very professional. Her and I did a quick tour of what I was suppose to photograph. I would be lying if I said there wasn't some sexual tension between us, but again, I kept it professional as best as I can. I did notice that she was sorta dragging the time long after we decided the job wasn't ready for photography. I mentioned that we could reschedule for another date and she agreed and I was on my way. Well, needless to say, a couple weeks passes and I get a text from her that she wanted to use me for a job in another location. I agreed and arranged a date to photograph. I did the job, which went fantastic and went home. I completed all my post-processing of the images and sent them off to her the next day. She was so elated with the end result that she immediately called me direct and proceeded to chat it up with me for a good while. She was super friendly with me over the phone, sorta flirtatious and overly eager to work with me in the future. I thought she was so awesome and we clicked big-time. Her and I decided to meet the next day so that she could write me a check for the work but that I would have to pick it up at her house, lol. Well, I showed up to her house and walked inside. She was so sweet to me. I do have a little bit of charm and therefore used the moment to break the ice. And it worked. I made her laugh and really comfortable with me being there. I was not overly bearing or anything like that. I'm pretty good at judging when it's time to leave so I was waiting for the moment to come, but it just seemed she didn't want me to leave and to be honest I didn't want to leave either. She ends up asking me if she wanted to take a quick drive to the location where I did the initial photography because she needed to pick some things up from there and meet other hired help. We took my car. At this point I felt she was really wanting to just hang. Fast forward 6 or 7 hours later and I'm now at her house again and pretty much made the day of it. She made delicious dinner and asked me if I wanted to swim earlier at her house. I didn't swim but I did help her make dinner and even washed her dishes, which I enjoy doing. She has two kids and even invited her neighbor over. It was all very innocent, trust me. At the end of the night when things felt were winding down I decided it was best I leave. I never wanted to overdo my stay or make her feel uncomfortable with me being there late at night. Even when I mentioned that I was going to leave I still felt some hesitation from her that she didn't want me to leave. She even made an excuse to go to the same location where I did the photography to lock up some doors. Of course I offered the ride which she happily accepted. She kindly wrote me my check and just dropped it in my center console and didn't say a word but I saw her do that and I thought it was so cool of her. What followed the next couple days was her texting me random stuff here and there. The text weren't anything sexual or anything like that but more like very light flirting or snooping around to see what I was doing.The thing is I'm terrible at knowing if a woman is interested in me intimately when the signs are so subtle. And that's the line I'm afraid to cross with her. It's like ya, I do like her and would like to get to know her more, but I also don't want to make the move on her and she's like "dude, I just like you as a friend." Which is why I sorta still kept it friendly with her just until I see some more obvious signs. Couple nights ago I went to see a friend of mine and while I was at his house I get a text from her asking what I was doing. I texted her back 2 hours later. Again, I was nice to her and told her that I was just chillin at my friend's house. Well, that was it. Didn't get a reply. Then yesterday I was driving and I was thinking about her and remembered how she never replied back. It's like she just disappeared. I suppose it was rude of me to text her back 2 hours later. I get it. And so I text her to see what she was doing, hoping she would reply back so that I could eventually ask if she wanted to hang out. But nothing. Not a peep from her and today passed by and still nothing. So. I'm not hurt or anything because we never had anything intimate happen other than light flirting but I'm just wondering from you guys if you think she's mad at me because I didn't make a move fast enough and therefore it turned her off or what? Believe me, I wanted to but I'm worried that maybe this was all her just being friendly. I dunno. I'm hoping she will reach out to me soon because she has another job for me to do soon, which we discussed couple days ago, but I dunno if she's going to reach out to me anymore. I just feel like I missed my opportunity with her, I dunno, like I was suppose to do more. I always get the feeling that perhaps my timing is much slower than what's expected which probably annoys women into thinking that I'm not interested in them which then makes them pissed off and give up. Is this what happened you think? So what do you guys think? Did I blow it? Was she into me but I didn't show enough flirting in return and therefore she gave up? Or was this all just a friendly gesture on her part and nothing more? I'm just so confused. And what do you suggest I do from here? Thank you:) 1
chillii Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 Who bloody knows , but she wanted you to come over that night that's why she went out on a limb and messaged you . My guess is with all that hanging round together but nothing , then the message, but nothing , she thought to hell with it. 4 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 32 minutes ago, UniverseInMe said: Couple nights ago I went to see a friend of mine and while I was at his house I get a text from her asking what I was doing. I texted her back 2 hours later. Again, I was nice to her and told her that I was just chillin at my friend's house. Well, that was it. Didn't get a reply. Then yesterday I was driving and I was thinking about her and remembered how she never replied back. It's like she just disappeared. I suppose it was rude of me to text her back 2 hours later. I get it. And so I text her to see what she was doing, hoping she would reply back so that I could eventually ask if she wanted to hang out. But nothing. Not a peep from her and today passed by and still nothing. Woman here. I think your reply to her text is what might have thrown her. There was nothing wrong with replying the way you did, nor waiting 2 hours to reply (totally reasonable,) but that was the time to lob a question back and keep the conversation going a little bit even if you couldn't reply again right away. If a guy told me he was with a friend and said nothing more, I'd probably assume he was busy and thus I wouldn't send another message. Or, she might have taken your reply without some sort of follow-up question as disinterest. There was nothing to really respond to in your message to her. Waiting a day or two to re-engage her is not necessarily a bad thing but she might have taken a little step back and be wondering if she's misinterpreted your interest level. Give it a bit of time. 4
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 I don't know...two hour wait, with obviously nothing pressing (just at a friend's house)...lukewarm and meh...no follow up question of anything at all...played it too cool, she either thinks you aren't very interested or she figures you're playing a silly game, and well....probably the moment has passed. I'm sorry. 4
basil67 Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 If she judges you for taking two hours to respond while hanging with a friend, she's just needy. 4
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Woman here. I think your reply to her text is what might have thrown her. There was nothing wrong with replying the way you did, nor waiting 2 hours to reply (totally reasonable,) but that was the time to lob a question back and keep the conversation going a little bit even if you couldn't reply again right away. If a guy told me he was with a friend and said nothing more, I'd probably assume he was busy and thus I wouldn't send another message. Or, she might have taken your reply without some sort of follow-up question as disinterest. There was nothing to really respond to in your message to her. Waiting a day or two to re-engage her is not necessarily a bad thing but she might have taken a little step back and be wondering if she's misinterpreted your interest level. Give it a bit of time. Okay, some good points were made here. It could be this simple...you said you were with a friend, didn't seem to want to keep a convo going, so she left you to it...that would make sense. In that case it wouldn't be weird that she hasn't gotten back to you yet. The tone has been set that you're both cool with not having to jump for the phone so maybe eventually she'll answer, you never know. I guess you'll see so keep us posted. ETA: however...you say this is a pattern, you react slowly, etc. Are you sure you aren't just too cautious? Probably one of you has to make a move. If not then maybe the interest just isn't strong enough from either side. But you note that this is a pattern...so it must be bothering you. Honestly I'd be looking into that going forward. Good luck. Edited May 16, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1
Author UniverseInMe Posted May 16, 2020 Author Posted May 16, 2020 13 hours ago, chillii said: Who bloody knows , but she wanted you to come over that night that's why she went out on a limb and messaged you . My guess is with all that hanging round together but nothing , then the message, but nothing , she thought to hell with it. Oh lord, so depressing, now that you put it that way.
Author UniverseInMe Posted May 16, 2020 Author Posted May 16, 2020 13 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Woman here. I think your reply to her text is what might have thrown her. There was nothing wrong with replying the way you did, nor waiting 2 hours to reply (totally reasonable,) but that was the time to lob a question back and keep the conversation going a little bit even if you couldn't reply again right away. If a guy told me he was with a friend and said nothing more, I'd probably assume he was busy and thus I wouldn't send another message. Or, she might have taken your reply without some sort of follow-up question as disinterest. There was nothing to really respond to in your message to her. Waiting a day or two to re-engage her is not necessarily a bad thing but she might have taken a little step back and be wondering if she's misinterpreted your interest level. Give it a bit of time. Appreciate your advice. Sounds promising.
Author UniverseInMe Posted May 16, 2020 Author Posted May 16, 2020 11 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Okay, some good points were made here. It could be this simple...you said you were with a friend, didn't seem to want to keep a convo going, so she left you to it...that would make sense. In that case it wouldn't be weird that she hasn't gotten back to you yet. The tone has been set that you're both cool with not having to jump for the phone so maybe eventually she'll answer, you never know. I guess you'll see so keep us posted. ETA: however...you say this is a pattern, you react slowly, etc. Are you sure you aren't just too cautious? Probably one of you has to make a move. If not then maybe the interest just isn't strong enough from either side. But you note that this is a pattern...so it must be bothering you. Honestly I'd be looking into that going forward. Good luck. Thank you CaliforniaGirl:) 1
Author UniverseInMe Posted May 16, 2020 Author Posted May 16, 2020 I'll keep you all posted. Hopefully something turns up cause she was a sweet woman and somehow I messed this one up too. 1
Versacehottie Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 13 hours ago, chillii said: Who bloody knows , but she wanted you to come over that night that's why she went out on a limb and messaged you . My guess is with all that hanging round together but nothing , then the message, but nothing , she thought to hell with it. Agreed^^^ Ok, OP here's a big one: did you clarify that the "friend" you were hanging out with was a guy? Obviously you are not dating this girl yet so either of you can do whatever you want but a lot of people don't want things to get messy or interfere and it is confusing since you don't know each other well and maybe she also is not quite sure of your interest. Plus if you took two hours to reply while with your "friend" then it's more confusing if she is imagining who the friend is. I think you just need to ask her to do something or be in touch again and drop it into convo that your friend is platonic (smoothly drop it in). If you text her, put it in the first text somehow in case it's the reason she is not replying. Think harmless, just shooting the breeze. Don't hold resentment or insecurity that she did not reply to your last message. All confidence. It's a cute story; sounds like she was/is interested. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, UniverseInMe said: I'll keep you all posted. Hopefully something turns up cause she was a sweet woman and somehow I messed this one up too. That last sentence sounds so sad...so... Would you be willing to just throw caution to the wind and call her - no text - and ask her to coffee? No more sliding into it because you have to for work, but actually asking. And then over coffee, face to face, just asking her out. Not over the top, no cart before the horse, just, "Hey, so if I'm off base here stop me. It's all good either way. I'd love to take you out this weekend to X. What do you say?" I know there will be some who say play it cool and don't play your hand but you did that and it didn't work so what do you have to lose? Edited May 16, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1
Author UniverseInMe Posted May 16, 2020 Author Posted May 16, 2020 1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Would you be willing to.just throw caution to the wind and call her - no text - and ask her to.coffee? No more sliding into it because you have to for work, but actually asking. And then just asking her out. Not over the top, no cart before the horse, just, "Hey, so if I'm off base here stop me. It's all good either way. is love to take you out this weekend to X. What do you say?" I know there will be some who say play it cool and don't play your hand but you did that and it didn't work so what do you have to lose? Hmmm, I suppose I could do that. At this point I know the attention she had been giving me wasn't just due to my ability to be a good photographer. I'm assuming she was into me romantically because if it was her more interested in my work then certainly she would still be contacting me because she wouldn't have any emotional attachment. I'm just sorta nervous, no lie.
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 Just now, UniverseInMe said: Hmmm, I suppose I could do that. At this point I know the attention she had been giving me wasn't just due to my ability to be a good photographer. I'm assuming she was into me romantically because if it was her more interested in my work then certainly she would still be contacting me because she wouldn't have any emotional attachment. I'm just sorta nervous, no lie. Oh, of course you're nervous! You're a human being. Not a machine. It's scary. It really is up to you and you don't have to. But there's no crime in taking a chance and missing opportunities is making you unhappy. Which only makes sense. At the very least you could ask her for the coffee if you want. Just "we had such a blast last week, I thought it would be fun to grab a cup of coffee, my treat." Get the ball rolling that way... Just another idea... 1
Lotsgoingon Posted May 17, 2020 Posted May 17, 2020 Even when I mentioned that I was going to leave I still felt some hesitation from her that she didn't want me to leave. She even made an excuse to go to the same location where I did the photography to lock up some doors. f you're having a great time like this, it pays to say something before the night ends. You got to acknowledge the flirting energy, the romantic energy. Like look right in her eyes and say you had an amazing time and you wanna see her again. Touch her hand. Gotta make clear (beyond being polite and mannerable) that you are having a fabulous time. Did you compliment her? ... On her looks, say? ... Voice? ... energy? ..." You needed to say something ... I never had a fabulous time like this with a customer before! And not with a customer so pretty.".... That's cautious ... right? ... If you can't say something after a fabulous day together, why should she invest time in a second day? Now, it seems to me there is a gap here between you and her ... so I am not sure you guys would have been a good fit. She seems very extroverted and full of energy and poise, and she's basically asking you to stay ... and you're quite the cautious gentleman (nothing wrong with that!) ... But you need to get a gentleman's rap together, a way to say you're having a good time that's not just pro forma. 2
Author UniverseInMe Posted May 17, 2020 Author Posted May 17, 2020 (edited) 33 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Even when I mentioned that I was going to leave I still felt some hesitation from her that she didn't want me to leave. She even made an excuse to go to the same location where I did the photography to lock up some doors. f you're having a great time like this, it pays to say something before the night ends. You got to acknowledge the flirting energy, the romantic energy. Like look right in her eyes and say you had an amazing time and you wanna see her again. Touch her hand. Gotta make clear (beyond being polite and mannerable) that you are having a fabulous time. Did you compliment her? ... On her looks, say? ... Voice? ... energy? ..." You needed to say something ... I never had a fabulous time like this with a customer before! And not with a customer so pretty.".... That's cautious ... right? ... If you can't say something after a fabulous day together, why should she invest time in a second day? Now, it seems to me there is a gap here between you and her ... so I am not sure you guys would have been a good fit. She seems very extroverted and full of energy and poise, and she's basically asking you to stay ... and you're quite the cautious gentleman (nothing wrong with that!) ... But you need to get a gentleman's rap together, a way to say you're having a good time that's not just pro forma. I appreciate your feedback. I'm still contemplating whether or not I should call her. I'm gonna wait it out a little bit and see how it goes. I just don't want to rush it with her. If anything turns up, believe me, I'll make the move but for now I just wanna see how things go. Hopefully she'll call me next week for another job we were planning on doing so we'll see. It would be a shame if I lost her altogether. I just wished she was just a tad more overt with her feelings because I'm confused where she stands with me, which is why I hesitated to make a move. I dunno, but I guess if it was meant to be, then it'll happen, or not. I'll still keep everyone post in the next few days if anything turns up, if anyone still cares of course. Edited May 17, 2020 by UniverseInMe
preraph Posted May 17, 2020 Posted May 17, 2020 I don't see how you could be faulted for moving too slow because in my mind taking a business appointment and then spending literally 7 hours with the client just hanging out is very very fast. And very unusual. during that time did you talk about whether you were single or she was single because you said she had kids. presumably if she has kids she's got at least joint custody and so there would be some days when she simply wasn't available and that could be when she's not texting you because she knows she couldn't get together anyway. I would just follow up with her about the next photography assignment and if she sounds encouraging about that I would say and maybe we can go out to dinner afterwards if you'd like.
miranda561 Posted May 17, 2020 Posted May 17, 2020 4 hours ago, UniverseInMe said: Hmmm, I suppose I could do that. At this point I know the attention she had been giving me wasn't just due to my ability to be a good photographer. I'm assuming she was into me romantically because if it was her more interested in my work then certainly she would still be contacting me because she wouldn't have any emotional attachment. I'm just sorta nervous, no lie. Just go for it.
Author UniverseInMe Posted May 17, 2020 Author Posted May 17, 2020 13 minutes ago, preraph said: I don't see how you could be faulted for moving too slow because in my mind taking a business appointment and then spending literally 7 hours with the client just hanging out is very very fast. And very unusual. during that time did you talk about whether you were single or she was single because you said she had kids. presumably if she has kids she's got at least joint custody and so there would be some days when she simply wasn't available and that could be when she's not texting you because she knows she couldn't get together anyway. I would just follow up with her about the next photography assignment and if she sounds encouraging about that I would say and maybe we can go out to dinner afterwards if you'd like. The thing that's holding me back is I'm not 100% sure if she's into me romantically or she's just being super friendly. THIS is why I'm hesitating. And if it's the ladder then I'm gonna look so stupid and embarrassed.
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 17, 2020 Posted May 17, 2020 1 hour ago, UniverseInMe said: The thing that's holding me back is I'm not 100% sure if she's into me romantically or she's just being super friendly. THIS is why I'm hesitating. And if it's the ladder then I'm gonna look so stupid and embarrassed. Okay. Have you been in relationships in the past? If so, which of you asked the other out? Or did it just sort of seem to happen mutually? How did the initial date or first "oh, we like each other" moment happen? These could offer clues. If you've generally been approached or if you and your SOs just sort of fell together at some point then this may just not be the right woman for you.
Author UniverseInMe Posted May 17, 2020 Author Posted May 17, 2020 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Okay. Have you been in relationships in the past? If so, which of you asked the other out? Or did it just sort of seem to happen mutually? How did the initial date or first "oh, we like each other" moment happen? These could offer clues. If you've generally been approached or if you and your SOs just sort of fell together at some point then this may just not be the right woman for you. I don't want to get heavily into writing out further details of this situation because it's hard to interpret my thoughts and feelings into words without having to write a book so I'll spare everyone the details.and just wait it out until something happens, if any. I'll make sure to update everyone if anyone still cares by then. Thank you all for helping out!
ExpatInItaly Posted May 17, 2020 Posted May 17, 2020 3 hours ago, UniverseInMe said: The thing that's holding me back is I'm not 100% sure if she's into me romantically or she's just being super friendly. THIS is why I'm hesitating. And if it's the ladder then I'm gonna look so stupid and embarrassed. OP, you're stressing too much. Have you not asked out a woman before? There is always some degree of risk involved when it comes to dating and relationships.
Author UniverseInMe Posted May 17, 2020 Author Posted May 17, 2020 14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: OP, you're stressing too much. Have you not asked out a woman before? There is always some degree of risk involved when it comes to dating and relationships. It's not that. She's someone I'm doing business with and we talked about working more in the future. That's why I'm treading lightly here because I don't want to ruin a potential business client if all of this was just something I was exaggerating. If this was a normal situation outside of business then I'd treat it much, much differently. Trust me. Anyway, as I mentioned I'm gonna wait it out and update you guys if anything changes. Thanks for the advices:) 1
Mystery4u Posted May 17, 2020 Posted May 17, 2020 Have you ever been in a relationship before? You sound very inexperienced. "Wait it out"... "See how it goes"... "Don't want to rush things"... This is your main problem. She invited you to her house, made dinner, made any excuse possible to spend more time with you.. and that above is how you decide to proceed? No wonder she didn't bother replying to you, she wants a man who knows what he wants and goes for it, and you have clearly shown what you want is NOT her. When two people like each other there is NO SUCH THING as 'moving too fast'. Stop being such a scaredy cat about what if she says this or that and you feel embarrassed. Who cares about feeling embarrassed? Have some more faith in yourself. If she rejects you it's not the end of the world! Contact her and ask her out and find out for yourself one way or another how she feels about you. Start acting like a man otherwise she will find another.
preraph Posted May 17, 2020 Posted May 17, 2020 11 hours ago, UniverseInMe said: The thing that's holding me back is I'm not 100% sure if she's into me romantically or she's just being super friendly. THIS is why I'm hesitating. And if it's the ladder then I'm gonna look so stupid and embarrassed. If she were repelled by you, she wouldn't have spent all that time with you because women know that most men are hanging around because they find them attractive, even though you are correct that women are perfectly able to be just friends with men. Dating is to find out if there's anything there. So I think it would be okay to ask her out unless you think she's really avoiding you at this point which I think it's too soon to know. But you do need to know if she's already got a man.
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