Author wx3 Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 And I also want to know, if she approaches me in person, or if I see her in school... Do I avoid her or do I ignore her? Which would be more affective? (I didn't have school today )
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Be pleasant, cheerful, friendly and completely platonic if you are in a situation where you can not comfortably avoid her. Do not discuss 'the relationship' at all. Do not hug her, or accept hugs. Keep the same amount of space between you as if she were a guy. If she hugs you before you can stop her, do not let it linger for any amount of time. A friendly pat on the back, and then gently push her away. If she brings the relationship up, just say "I would rather not discuss that with you right now until we are both at a better point to discuss it" and change the subject. If she asks when you will be ready to discuss it, just tell her "I will be happy to discuss it when there are no other men in your life, you are over this guy, you are not 'confused' and you are ready to commit to me as my girlfriend." If she gives you static, regardless of what she says, tell her that you care for her, but she knows where you stand on this and you will not change your mind. If she gets ugly, just wish her a good day and turn and walk away. No anger, no huffiness, no bitterness - just bland good humor and cheer. She'll likely hit you with both barrells before long. Best be prepared for it.
Author wx3 Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 Ok, I think that will do just fine. Haha, she started coming at me with the "sad" approach I've been warned about and then she tried to reassure me she does see herself with me in awhile. I didn't fall for it and tell her I'd be waiting though, I just told her the future is not now so she needs to make her life better while she can. I also used your statement and said we should no longer talk about our relationship until she has forgotton about James. If she ever tries to talk about it, I will just repeat that same thing - she should get the idea. Thanks
Author wx3 Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 she emailed me and said she thinks James will make her happier than I did so she wants to be with him. I mean, I dont know what to say.. I tried really hard to make her happy! yeah.. she basically is telling me she doesnt have feelings for me anymore i guess.. what do you suggest me doing now? I dont even think i want to date her again, so is there a fast way of getting over someone else?
tanbark813 Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 She's bluffing, bro. She's trying to con you into responding with, "Wait!! No, please be with me instead of James!! You're right, sweetie, I have no testicles!!!" If she was really positive James could make her happier, there would be no reason to contact you about it. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's guaranteed she'll want to get back together with you (or that you even want to be with her), just keep in mind to take everything she says with a grain of salt. I'd stick with LB's advice if I were you. As for a fast way of getting over somebody else: 1. Buy alcohol and rent Swingers. 2. Invite your boys over and consume and watch the aforementioned items. 3. Go find a new girl.
soft heart Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Can't you see that she is playing with your feelings? Why do you still worry about what she feels and why don't you start to worry aobut how she makes YOU feel? I think as I said to you before and I will repeat it again from her behaviour that she does not care about you and how you feel. She is manipulative and she still talks to you about her ex-boyfriend James and you still let her?? Why don't you have some self-respect and walk away from this. If someone told me that their ex will make them happier than I, I would be pretty upset and would walk away. Have some dignity. She does not respect you or your feelings. You are still worry about what if she approaches you. I would be cold to her because she is not exactly being warm hearted with you. but anyway, I think you should be moving on and stop any contact with her. Does she make you happier? Does she bring happiness to your life? I don't feel that she does. Tanbark gave you a good advice... go out there, call your guy friends and have some fun!!! You are spending way too much time on this girl trying to figure out what to do, or what to say or how to behave. Is that what you want? A good relationship or a friendship in this matter, shouldn't be about manipulation or trying to pretend something. It should be natural. Go out and enjoy your life!! You are so young and you are wasting so much time on a girl who does not seem to care about you and gets upset with you because you don't want to talk to her. And she still continues to tell you that James is better than you anyway. this should wake you up and see that she is still hung up on him. If she keeps contacting you, I would ignore her and as everyone told you here, be firm with her, stand up for yourself, respect yourself and tell her that you don't like to be led on, you don't want to feel like a second best and you don't like to be manipulated and you are only interested in someone who is clear in their mind what they want and not hung up on their ex. And leave her alone. Don't answer until she made her mind up. She is not even trying to do that. She is only playing with you because she knows she CAN. You are still telling her what a good person she is and how much you care. Does she tell you these kind of things? She is only making you feel all guilty and bad about yourself instead of trying to work the issue for herself. Anyway, I have just read your last post. She even emailed you to say that she wants to be with him. Please let her go!!! She does not care for you. You are still worrying what should you do? and that you tried to make her happy?? Please don't be blinded by her. Walk away. She made it quite clear. So if I were you, I would email her back and say: I am happy that you finally reached your decision. I hope you will be happy with him. I had some dood times with you but I am happy to move on now. I have my life to live and I am still young and I want enjoy myself. Good luck. And please understand, I do not wish to be in contact with you. I would like to be left alone. Show her some firmness. Don't show her your weakness. She made her mind up. So please don't let her play with you again. You are not her toy are you? You are a young guy, who has got dreams to follow, lots of friends and lots of things to do from now on and also there are other girls out there!!!! Believe me! So please be firm and let her be happy with her ex and walk away with DIGNITY. BE STRONG. YOU CAN DO IT.
soft heart Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 And if she contacts you again, tell her that you want to be left alone because the situation is too complicated for you and it's not bringing you any happiness. You are still leaving the door open by telling her that she can still contact you. You should be pretty angry now because she chose him. NO CONTACT. Ignore it. She is only trying to play her game and manipulate you. I hope you will open your eyes and see it clearly. Just think if your best buddy was in the same situation, what would you advise him? Step out of the box and try to look at it from a bigger picture.. you will hopefully realise that she does not have such a big heart as you believe and she certainly does not have much interest in your heart.. she only wants to know that you are still hung up on her and you are feeding her ego with this. Don't let her use you!! You are much better than that. You just need to find the strength inside you and think if you really want a girl who is hurting you, making you feel like a second best and not appreciating you and certainly not admiring you! Please think about it again.
Author wx3 Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 I think why it hurts me so much is because this ex boyfriend was once my good friend.. and after they broke up i was there for her... Whenever me and her would get into arguments during are relationship, James was there for her, and she told me that "he gave her smiles during those times"... The first time they dated, she was miserable, and that was why she chose me over him because "He was incapable of making her happy" This time, she told me she "finally thinks he can make her happy" and I just honestly want to forget about her as fast as possible.. she lied so much to me just to have a back up plan, but pretended she didnt. I bet if I had waited the 3 months like she asked of me, she would have had the relationship with him behind my back, and if it worked out, she would have told me she was "still confused" and continued having it. I'm not sure if I hate her, but i hate what shes putting me through. Shes a very selfish person, and she DOES NOT make me happy.
YOU CAN Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Hey man, I just read most of the posts that have been said over the past few days. Im truely sorry that this girl has done this to you. Sometimes people arent truely who you think they are, and it definitely is disappointing. The one piece of advice I can give you is to really read over what Soft Heart has said. It might be hard to hear, but you really need to step up and realize that although it hurts, you need to say SCREW YOU, and realize that someone BETTER deserves you and all that you can give. Not someone who doesnt appreciate anything you have done. As much as you are hurting from all this, dont worry about that James guy, and do your best to just get your ex OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Don’t get angry and her or him! If she keeps telling you those things, just say “You can have her… she’s not what I want either” Then YOU WIN! If you read anything I write here, DO NOT LET HER SEE HOW MUCH SHE HAS HURT YOU. Just move on and be strong. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME, each day will get easier and easier. Try not to let it consume ALL your thoughts… do different things that you like to prevent that. There is NO reason she should get the gratification of seeing you miss her after all she has done to you. Don’t expect your feelings to just go away with the blink of an eye, but DO make every effort to speed things up for yourself. I know you asked what the fastest way to do that was, and honestly there really isnt a FASTER way, you just need to use your intelligence (which I can tell you are way beyond your age) and make smart decisions to get out of situations that make you hurt. Dont let yourself get caught up in her games. Time is key… but don’t drag this on, just let it go and you will start to feel much better if you take care of yourself and worry about only you. One time I had a friend that had the exact same situation. She kept emailing her bf to try and make him jealous, and he wanted to be a nice guy and so he kept responding... finally he realized that he needed to worry about himself and he STOPPED emailing her back. Her emails stopped b/c basically she was talking to herself...and there is only so long someone will actually do that. hehe. So try that... quit responding to her email and IMs... maybe that will start to make things easier... that way you dont have to deal with her crap. Anyway, be strong. You have realized alot over the past few days, and I know its overwhelming, but you are doing a great job. This is really hard sometimes, and i think if you step up and take care of yourself RIGHT NOW you will be much happier in the end. QUIT worrying about her.... she isnt worried about you. YOU CAN DO THIS!
Author wx3 Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 Im done with this.. thanks for everything -- everyone. I have no care of what she is doing, I dont plan on speaking to her anymore and I most definitly will NOT take her back unless I have the utmost best reason possible (which im sure doesn't even exist). *She told me she actually does see us together in the future -- once again* Thank you everyone for helping me see the truth, its easy to be blind when you THINK they are special to you.
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