balletomane Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I've never asked anyone this question. With my most recent ex, alarm bells did ring because of the number of girlfriends that surfaced in our conversation. At first I was just put off by the way he kept sharing anecdotes about exes, but eventually there were so many names I started to feel like he'd had more partners in half a decade than I've had in my entire life. This made me suspect that he might be flighty and have commitment problems. It turns out I was right. 1 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: But how do you know? Do they tell you? You ask? This topic is interesting... I mean, who goes and on the first date asks, "How many people have you had sex with?" And then responds, "Oh, that just about the number that I find attractive." For me...I could be wrong...I feel like what's behind this Q is the standard "women go for men based on social proof" and "women are hypergamous" standard PUA stuff...and I also feel like anyone who wants to unilaterally believe in PUA stuff, because after all it does promise a literal dream, sleep with incredibly beautiful women at will, will believe it no matter what people say their real experiences were. So it doesn't really matter what people answer. Or to be more specific, it doesn't matter what women answer, especially what we answer as regards to our actual real feelings on the matter, or our actual real experiences. I always wonder what people are really asking for on threads like these. Answers that don't align with the standard PUA philosophy are usually just kind of thrown away so why ask... I dunno...I could just be looking at this the wrong way. When I answer threads like this one I usually feel like, I know it's just going to be taken as "she's probably either just old or a feminist or something..." I'd like to ask the OP...are you asking for legitimate, real answers? If you are, are you taking our real experiences into account? In other words should we keep answering and keep up the discussion? I don't want to keep answering and just wind up feeling embarrassed. I'm asking that with sincerity. Not trying to be snotty. Just...been down this road before. Edited May 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Agree completely, Cali. Same goes for women like jerks and men don’t like successful women. It doesn’t really matter how many men or women say no I don’t/yes we do. We’re obviously all just lying to ourselves and/or others lol This extends pretty much to all online ‘debates’. They’re’ mostly jrk off sessions/people trying to reconfirm their beliefs or biases. They’re still amusing Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Ami1uwant Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Loveisonlyformovies said: That's disgusting. A guy with many sex partners only proves that he can't make a relationship work at all and is not worth the trouble of anything serious. Personally, I'd never consider getting to know someone who's slept with more than 3-4 girls, if more, I'd feel sick at the sight of him. No. Number is not a good thing for anything but hooking up and ive never met a women who thought otherwise What s too many? he could have been 25 and under from time in college and early years slept with 3-4 women a month for at least 75. Hhe settled down got married and only slept with 2 emended the last 20 years cimoare that with someone who had many relationships the longest a yr or sso , many 3-8 months type and he slept with nearly the same amount of women ..75+ Who is better?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 28 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: For me...I could be wrong...I feel like what's behind this Q is the standard "women go for men based on social proof" and "women are hypergamous" standard PUA stuff...and I also feel like anyone who wants to unilaterally believe in PUA stuff, because after all it does promise a literal dream, sleep with incredibly beautiful women at will, will believe it no matter what people say their real experiences were. So it doesn't really matter what people answer. Or to be more specific, it doesn't matter what women answer, especially what we answer as regards to our actual real feelings on the matter, or our actual real experiences. I always wonder what people are really asking for on threads like these. Answers that don't align with the standard PUA philosophy are usually just kind of thrown away so why ask... I dunno...I could just be looking at this the wrong way. When I answer threads like this one I usually feel like, I know it's just going to be taken as "she's probably either just old or a feminist or something..." I'd like to ask the OP...are you asking for legitimate, real answers? If you are, are you taking our real experiences into account? In other words should we keep answering and keep up the discussion? I don't want to keep answering and just wind up feeling embarrassed. I'm asking that with sincerity. Not trying to be snotty. Just...been down this road before. I could be wrong, but I feel that when people ask questions like this that it is much more simple. An inaccurate perception of relationships. Just my take... A sees B get many dates and sleeps with many women (men). A is probably struggling finding dates (or sex). The perception is that women keep going back to B because he is more experienced rather than looking at other more reasonable factors that have nothing to do with whether B has had more sexual experience or not. And yes, some are just fishing for opinions and debate based on a contrived topic to which they really do not have an interest or continue to be pissed off about because they are not getting any and don't want to face reality. Eh... Edited May 15, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020 2 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: What s too many? he could have been 25 and under from time in college and early years slept with 3-4 women a month for at least 75. Hhe settled down got married and only slept with 2 emended the last 20 years cimoare that with someone who had many relationships the longest a yr or sso , many 3-8 months type and he slept with nearly the same amount of women ..75+ Who is better? I don't know if there's "better" or worse per se but to me "three to four a month" sounds like a marathon or something planned. I don't know, again, "strategy sex"...that's just a turnoff. If you're asking for person-by-person opinions. As for the second one...I don't know...can't hold a relationship for more than a few months? I'm not sure how to compare a "better" or "worse"...neither sounds ideal...??? I guess guy A? If either? Because he grew up? But if he were still actively in his "it has to be once a week and it has to be a different girl each week, full stop" mode that would be a turnoff so...is that what's being asked here...I'm getting confused, LOL.... But still, neither would be attractive because he had slept wtih a lot of women, and isn't that the original question - whether men are more attractive because they've slept with a lot of women? Neither of the above would be more attractive to me because they'd hit the big 7-5 than a guy who'd slept with 5 women. Edited May 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 neither is better... one is less likely to have gonorrhea at present
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Or to be more specific, it doesn't matter what women answer, especially what we answer as regards to our actual real feelings on the matter, or our actual real experiences. I'm not a feminist and I don't know a lot about PUA tactics (nor do I care to know) but I hear you on this. There are no right answers to this question, and we end up judging each other as women even, on what are deeply personal choices related to our intimate lives. I personally have genuine trouble caring one way or the other about that particular issue of numbers, so I don't even know why I'm bothering to reply at all Anyway. As you were... Edited May 15, 2020 by Emilie Jolie
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, enigma32 said: If a man has had a lot of sexual partners, then he likely has certain traits that women find desirable, and those traits don't often become any less desirable just because he's been around the block. This probably makes more sense...working backward of the question...as opposed to: a guy just suddenly becomes more desireable because a woman finds out he's decked a lot of women. A more desirable guy in general probably has a lot more opportunities to have sex with women. However...it's not that the traits become less desirable for having had a lot of partners...but that when you're talking the exaggerated numbers people are saying...like "75 women"...I don't know...that's not just a popular guy...it sounds like a guy keeping a scorecard...I don't know...sounds more like insecurity of some type...that sort of trait comes through too...JMO. Sounds more loud "bro" spring break-y so not all women are attracted to that for sure. Obviously that's a generalization but aside from specifics or experiences which a lot of us have given here, generalizations are pretty much all we've got. Edited May 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
SumGuy Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Generally the women I’ve known will consider a “high” number for his age as a negative, indicates he can’t form long term relationships either because he doesn’t want to or has issues. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: This probably makes more sense...working backward of the question...as opposed to: a guy just suddenly becomes more desireable because a woman finds out he's decked a lot of women. A more desirable guy in general probably has a lot more opportunities to have sex with women. However...it's not that the traits become less desirable for having had a lot of partners...but that when you're talking the exaggerated numbers people are saying...like "75 women"...I don't know...that's not just a popular guy...it sounds like a guy keeping a scorecard...I don't know...sounds more like insecurity of some type...that sort of trait comes through too...JMO. Sounds more loud "bro" spring break-y so not all women are attracted to that for sure. Obviously that's a generalization but aside from specifics or experiences which a lot of us have given here, generalizations are pretty much all we've got. Quoting myself because when I edit it gets missed...which makes sense... I mean at the same time, a guy who is desirable doesn't necessarily just go and do dozens and dozens of women because he can. To me anyway, often the very most desirable men are the ones who are the most discerning. He's also pretty chill about getting laid because I mean...he can. So he's not thirsty. It's not some brass ring or anything. So he doesn't "have to" grab every bit of every chick he possibly can as if it's some prize. I think we covered that at the beginning of this thread, though. It seems like it's kind of a catch-22. In order to be a guy who can get a lot of women you have to be a guy who can get a lot of women. So...where does that leave the guy asking the Q? Edited May 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1 1
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Woman who likes Low # guy 'he's so discerning he MUST be a quality RL guy'. Social recluse Low # guy ' yeah, totally'. Woman who likes high # guy ' he's so high value he MUST be quality RL material'. Serial shagger High # guy 'Yeah, totally'. Yep. We all love a black and white world. 1
K.K. Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 “Don’t ask - Don’t tell” Again, this is sage advice ^ ^ right here. Easy to remember and can be used in almost any situation. Just shuuuuut the ‘F uppppp. 2 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 16 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Quoting myself because when I edit it gets missed...which makes sense... I mean at the same time, a guy who is desirable doesn't necessarily just go and do dozens and dozens of women because he can. To me anyway, often the very most desirable men are the ones who are the most discerning. He's also pretty chill about getting laid because I mean...he can. So he's not thirsty. It's not some brass ring or anything. So he doesn't "have to" grab every bit of every chick he possibly can as if it's some prize. I think we covered that at the beginning of this thread, though. It seems like it's kind of a catch-22. In order to be a guy who can get a lot of women you have to be a guy who can get a lot of women. So...where does that leave the guy asking the Q? The person asking the question is, again, I am more convinced, not as clueless as he/she pretends to be. He already knows why the promiscuous or more experienced guy is getting the action. The answer has been all along. He simply finds contempt in his own inability to successfully enjoy what he sees the other guy engaging in. The objective and subjective reasons are present, but the person asking the question chooses to use 'promiscuity' as characteristic that women are attracted to because it is a reflection of how he feels about women, in general. Again, related to his own frustration... His question is not a serious one or one concocted having been miserably unobservant. I sense a frustrated man... 1 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 3 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: The person asking the question is, again, I am more convinced, not as clueless as he/she pretends to be. He already knows why the promiscuous or more experienced guy is getting the action. The answer has been all along. He simply finds contempt in his own inability to successfully enjoy what he sees the other guy engaging in. The objective and subjective reasons are present, but the person asking the question chooses to use 'promiscuity' as characteristic that women are attracted to because it is a reflection of how he feels about women, in general. Again, related to his own frustration... His question is not a serious one or one concocted having been miserably unobservant. I sense a frustrated man... I feel awful for the frustration but I'm not fond of women being demonized over it as the excuse. OP, if this is true it's finally time to work your own ish out and stop blaming women.
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Quoting myself because when I edit it gets missed...which makes sense... I mean at the same time, a guy who is desirable doesn't necessarily just go and do dozens and dozens of women because he can. To me anyway, often the very most desirable men are the ones who are the most discerning. He's also pretty chill about getting laid because I mean...he can. So he's not thirsty. It's not some brass ring or anything. So he doesn't "have to" grab every bit of every chick he possibly can as if it's some prize. I think we covered that at the beginning of this thread, though. It seems like it's kind of a catch-22. In order to be a guy who can get a lot of women you have to be a guy who can get a lot of women. So...where does that leave the guy asking the Q? Exactly... just because a guy CAN get laid easily doesn’t mean he goes ahead and does.,,, same with women. I mean there are guys with traits that made a lot of women willing have casual sex with them, doesn’t mean they take up the offer. I also noticed a correlation that the thirstier and more promiscuous guys tend to not be as good looking either .... I can’t prove that or anything. Just something I think I noticed. Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 54 minutes ago, enigma32 said: If a man has had a lot of sexual partners, then he likely has certain traits that women find desirable Any good guy has valuable, desirable traits, regardless of his number of sexual partners. Why is this so contentious?
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 20 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Woman who likes Low # guy 'he's so discerning he MUST be a quality RL guy'. Social recluse Low # guy ' yeah, totally'. Woman who likes high # guy ' he's so high value he MUST be quality RL material'. Serial shagger High # guy 'Yeah, totally'. Yep. We all love a black and white world. We don't but literally we're being handed numbers here and being asked "which is better," LOL, and some of us are trying to explain why more isn't necessarily better and why which has only earned the above snotty resonse, I literally give up. People definitely want to believe what they want to believe, this was literally never an actual question so have at it, folks, believe what you will.
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Meanwhile, the OP is nowhere. Perhaps he is out getting laid. 1
Ami1uwant Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Reason I pose the comment I did is because a friend of mine is the type who generally could get women’s number or even sleep with them that night. granted times were different in the 80s than today. He likely had sex with many women. Some of it might have bern bj only. he was married twice. Once in his early 20s thst ended after 2 yrs, then about 10 years later got married and had children ( they are 18-25 now). Thry weretogether for about 15 yrs and got divorced. The last 3 yrs or so he’s gotten back with wife #1. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 8 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: We don't but literally we're being handed numbers here and being asked "which is better," LOL, and some of us are trying to explain why more isn't necessarily better and why which has only earned the above snotty resonse, I literally give up. People definitely want to believe what they want to believe, this was literally never an actual question so have at it, folks, believe what you will. Sure, high is not better, but it doesn't need to be bad either? How is replacing a generalisation by another any better than the OP is doing - or am I missing something? 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Sure, high is not better, but it doesn't need to be bad either? How is replacing a generalisation by another any better than the OP is doing - or am I missing something? No, it does not *need* to be bad but when it starts getting down to "Well so okay...what if it's exactly 75...what if it's more...what if it's four per month...for X months for X years and then a pause of X time v. X per week but ongoing for X years or...or......" come on. The specifics of some of the "hypothetical" situations on this thread beg for pushback and ultimately end up being basically just a setup...to prove us all wrong in the end anyway... So I mean yeah okay...you're right...great point...whatever on earth the point even may be anymore. I guess? I'm out. You guys have way...and I mean way more energy than I. Edited May 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 57 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Woman who likes Low # guy 'he's so discerning he MUST be a quality RL guy'. Social recluse Low # guy ' yeah, totally'. Woman who likes high # guy ' he's so high value he MUST be quality RL material'. Serial shagger High # guy 'Yeah, totally'. Yep. We all love a black and white world. These are generalizations that some people believe... but not everyone who does not like high number guys believes that... same with ones that do... It doesn’t have to have anything to do with RL material. some women just guys who get around because they like guys who have lots of options and like to be the chosen one... some like them for their free spirited attitude in general or towards sex. Some believe it’s cool and alpha. Just like some women don’t like guys who have slept around because they don’t like that attitude , they prefer guys who are pickier with who they sleep with (sorry , but although not every guy who has had less partners has done so because they are discerning, the guys who sleep around a lot with strangers are not very discerning period), some like men who have similar attitude towards sex like their own , list goes on and on... don’t see what the issue is at all. People like what they like Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: Reason I pose the comment I did is because a friend of mine is the type who generally could get women’s number or even sleep with them that night. granted times were different in the 80s than today. He likely had sex with many women. Some of it might have bern bj only. he was married twice. Once in his early 20s thst ended after 2 yrs, then about 10 years later got married and had children ( they are 18-25 now). Thry weretogether for about 15 yrs and got divorced. The last 3 yrs or so he’s gotten back with wife #1. Okay, maybe YOU are not frustrated...still, you could be. Why not look at your friend, objectively, and answer that question for yourself? What does he have to offer? Also, you make it sound like he has had scores of women. Unless you have been counting and you have unquestionable evidence, you really don't know, it seems. He is getting back with an ex-wife. There is something that she sees in him. What do you think it is? Let me ask some other questions. How do you know that these other alleged women even knew of his past sexual encounters? If they didn't know, they weren't attracted to his sexual experience, right? And another question, let's ask why your friend felt he needed to be promiscuous? Edited May 15, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020 1
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: No, it does not *need* to be bad but when it starts getting down to "Well so okay...what if it's exactly 75...what if it's more...what if it's four per month...for X months for X years and then a pause of X time v. X per week but ongoing for X years or...or......" come on. The specifics of some of the "hypothetical" situations on this thread beg for pushback and ultimately end up being basically just a setup...to prove us all wrong in the end anyway... So I mean yeah okay...you're right...great point...whatever on earth the point even may be anymore. I guess? I'm out. You guys have way...and I mean way more energy than I. Yeah maybe ironpony should have specified what 'high number' means to him? I've not seen any compelling argument in real life that has pushed me to believe a high / low number of partners is good or bad in itself so I don't get the argument at all. Don't mind me 1
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