Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) I agree... quality /=/ quantity Also a man or woman that has been in two LTRs for years has prob had more sex than a man or woman single for years that’s had 50 diff casual partners.. . Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 How does that guarantee good sex either way? I guess I'm having huge trouble wrapping my brain around what sort of precise, reliable info this type of stuff gives, other than feeling more virtuous? I say this as a fairly low # woman myself. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Yea, that’s what I was trying to say. Don’t see the correlation with more partners /better in bed. The reason I prefer guys with a low # also have nothing to do with morals or having a low number myself. I think for me it’s just being more attracted to guys who are more discerning with who they sleep with/view sex with a more emotional lens than to just get off with a hot body. That’s sexy to me. Not sure why. Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Yea, that’s what I was trying to say. Don’t see the correlation with more partners /better in bed. The reason I prefer guys with a low # also have nothing to do with morals or having a low number myself. I think for me it’s just being more attracted to guys who are more discerning with who they sleep with/view sex with a more emotional lens than to just get off with a hot body. That’s sexy to me. Not sure why. Fair enough. I meant to say a low # person doesn't necessarily equate to being a quality sex partner either, nor does it showcase discernment necessarily - maybe just lack of opportunities or uptight morals or feelings of superiority. I've seen it all so try not to judge people on any one single metric. If you love your partner, the sex will be more emotional anyway. It's who you're with and the connection you have that make it emotional, not a #. Anyway. No big deal. Like I said, low or high #, I don't prejudge or assume anything good or bad but yeah, I can see people attaching some kind of projected value to this. Edited May 15, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 1
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) I agree. I’m not saying I’m attracted to all guys with low numbers. Just typically not attracted to men with high numbers, particularly promiscuous. Nothing against them. It’s just not what I’m attracted to Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I agree. I’m not saying I’m attracted to all guys with low numbers. Just typically not attracted to men with high numbers, particular promiscuous. Nothing against them. It’s just what I’m attracted to But how do you know? Do they tell you? You ask? This topic is interesting... I mean, who goes and on the first date asks, "How many people have you had sex with?" And then responds, "Oh, that just about the number that I find attractive."
lurker74 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I have been asked for my number by more than one woman. I used to be forthright and just share it. Now I have learned that sharing that information is in no way useful to anyone. When you've just had sex with a woman and you share that information, it makes her feel less special. In a couple of relationships, it then clouded everything. I remember the first time I had a particular woman to my place (second time we had sex), I made sure to have things for breakfast the next morning. Romantic night, good sex, lots of talking and laughing, eventually disclosed my approximate number, we slept, I made her breakfast her a nice breakfast of things she liked and she left ecstatic. The next day she broke up with me, saying she "realized" that I had done that all with so many women before her. Some of the things I had done but I felt like I was on a path toward deep love with her. Someone a bit earlier than her that I was likewise enthralled with had a bit of a past. She confessed to previously having many partners. She also was a bit of a freak in bed and I was honestly very mildly intimidated that I might not be enough for her. When she asked my number, I shared and she got very upset (not angry, just upset). So now, I don't share. I just say it doesn't matter. And it doesn't, generally speaking, although I'd say it took a certain number of partners before I really started to understand what makes many women tick in bed. By the way, my number isn't that high. Probably in the mid 30s (and I'm in my 40s so that's a bit different). 1
Woggle Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 The thing is that for women and for men as well there is a big gap between what they say and what they do in many cases. We can bash and shame players all we want but men are not blind and stupid and we see what type of guys seem to get women wet and really get women to fall for them. We all know the romantic and relationship minded guy who is unlucky in love and keeps getting his heart broken. Of course this does not apply to all women or all men but we do start to notice a pattern. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 39 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: But how do you know? Do they tell you? You ask? This topic is interesting... I mean, who goes and on the first date asks, "How many people have you had sex with?" And then responds, "Oh, that just about the number that I find attractive." I’d never go out of my way to ask. . I prefer don’t ask, don’t tell, , but generally, I’ve been able to the guys ive dated attitude towards sex pretty early on and never been surprised by their numbers. Actually, some guys I’ve gone on dates with had told me pretty early on they have been promiscuous in their past( usually concluded with “ready to settle down now”) I’ve lost interest in every single one of them. I don’t see it as any different than any other incompatibility. I just don’t have the same mindset as guys who sleep around... our attitudes /values are just too different for a romantic click, I think. I feel the same about men who don’t like dogs ... even before I had a dog Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough
preraph Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Players aren't necessarily better in bed. I'm speaking as someone from the 1970s when a lot of people, men and women, would be considered players today. Some people who get laid a lot are good in bed, a small percentage, some are bad, and some are in between and probably think they're good. Most guys I knew thought they were good in bed but weren't. I don't think it has that much to do with why women went home with them since they had no way of knowing. I think these were confident physically attractive enough guys and that is what was attractive to women and remains so today. And never discount the fact that some people, men and women, are good in bed sometimes and just lazy others, which is fine. People are people. It's not everybody's goal to be "great in bed." 1
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 5 minutes ago, preraph said: Most guys I knew thought they were good in bed but weren't. How do people know these things, short of sleeping with them? My best sexual partner is my guy (obviously - he might be reading this) but this is absolutely not related to his #. Which I don't know but suspect to be quite a bit higher than mine. Genuinely, how can people tell? Word of mouth sounds wildly unreliable and subjective, with a hint of jealousy thrown in. 1
preraph Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Field research, of course. By sleeping with them and by comparing notes with your girlfriends. In the 70s, a lot of people had pretty high numbers and yes, there were times we passed guys around like cookies. It was fun times. No diseases, everyone was on birth control, weren't even using condoms because no diseases to speak of. Edited May 15, 2020 by preraph 2
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Lol @ field research ... my parents told me there were some ... but very rare and the temporary kind. You guys had it made... Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
smackie9 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I didn't say factually they will be better...no I said from my experience this is a misconception BUT there are plenty out there that believe it to be true. 1
preraph Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Cookies, Nothing a quick round of pills couldn't cure. And most people weren't diseased. It wasn't like the diseases that came later that you couldn't get rid of or could die from. Edited May 15, 2020 by preraph 1
poppyfields Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 57 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: But how do you know? Do they tell you? You ask? This topic is interesting... I mean, who goes and on the first date asks, "How many people have you had sex with?" And then responds, "Oh, that just about the number that I find attractive." I was just about to ask the same thing! I have dated a lot of men, short term, long term, and I have never been asked that question, nor would I ask. I'm trying to imagine being asked, and I think my reaction would be like, wha? What a freakin loaded question! Lol Edited May 15, 2020 by poppyfields 2 1
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) I don’t think very many people ask but many people just say. I feel them though. No shame in their game. Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 9 minutes ago, preraph said: Field research, of course. By sleeping with them and by comparing notes with your girlfriends. In the 70s, a lot of people had pretty high numbers and yes, there were times we passed guys around like cookies. It was fun times. No diseases, everyone was on birth control, weren't even using condoms because no diseases to speak of. Sounds like this field work was shared equally among the women. So I guess back then perceptions were different and neither men nor women were judged on the #.
preraph Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 2 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Sounds like this field work was shared equally among the women. So I guess back then perceptions were different and neither men nor women were judged on the #. There were different camps even back then, but people in my camp had nothing to do with the other people unless it was at work. Remember this is in the post-hippie days, long hair, music was the center of the universe and a world until itself. I mean, some people were still possessive, yes, just like always, but in general, it was a much less judgy time unless you were hanging out with the religious crowd. 1 2
Emilie Jolie Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 2 minutes ago, preraph said: but in general, it was a much less judgy time You had me at 'less judgy' 1
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Yes but I think there’s a slight difference between the judging of a person for sleeping around by thinking ‘ewww what a gross person they don’t deserve love ’ and just not being attracted to that/wanting to sleep with that person yourself. I mean I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not being romantically/sexually attracted to someone for any reason . Oh and my dad was pretty religious and even he slept around a lot when he was younger in the 70s lol Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough
simpycurious Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Is it less attractive if they (the men) were with someone who they lost (as in passing) with lower numbers?
Loveisonlyformovies Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 That's disgusting. A guy with many sex partners only proves that he can't make a relationship work at all and is not worth the trouble of anything serious. Personally, I'd never consider getting to know someone who's slept with more than 3-4 girls, if more, I'd feel sick at the sight of him. No. Number is not a good thing for anything but hooking up and ive never met a women who thought otherwise 1
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Whoaaa. Sick at the sight is a pretty extreme reaction. I mean, even if it were true that it was because they couldn’t make a rship work and I don’t think it is, thats not necessarily their fault. Don’t have to date them. Also I’ve met quite a few women who didn’t care. My mom was one of them. & my mom and dad have made their relationship work for almost like 30 years,,,, Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
alphamale Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 17 hours ago, ironpony said: When it comes to my guy friends, I notice that if a woman they are dating or even a gf has a high number of past partners, they seem insecure about it. But in my experience, if a woman asks me how many partners I have had in the past, which I was told by number is on the higher side (40-50, if that's higher), then the women seem to react more positively towards this, probably because it shows that the guy is popular, so he must be doing something right? Or unless the women do not like this buy hide it of course? that's why you NEVER ask someone how many sexual partners they have had
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