ironpony Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 When it comes to my guy friends, I notice that if a woman they are dating or even a gf has a high number of past partners, they seem insecure about it. But in my experience, if a woman asks me how many partners I have had in the past, which I was told by number is on the higher side (40-50, if that's higher), then the women seem to react more positively towards this, probably because it shows that the guy is popular, so he must be doing something right? Or unless the women do not like this buy hide it of course?
miranda561 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 10 minutes ago, ironpony said: When it comes to my guy friends, I notice that if a woman they are dating or even a gf has a high number of past partners, they seem insecure about it. But in my experience, if a woman asks me how many partners I have had in the past, which I was told by number is on the higher side (40-50, if that's higher), then the women seem to react more positively towards this, probably because it shows that the guy is popular, so he must be doing something right? Or unless the women do not like this buy hide it of course? Wait what? ...it depends. If guy has a high number of women hes just been intimate with i.e. no relationship. That is not attractive. If he has had a reasonable number of relationships given his age.. then its ok i guess. If hes had zero relationships its kind of a red flag unless hes just been waiting for the one or something . Or if hes a religious guy then thats fine. Personally any guy with the number of women hes been intimate with being above ten is not my cup of tea 1 1
preraph Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Apparently women aren't as judgy as men on the subject. They don't feel entitled to a virgin nor are they particularly wanting one. They don't think a man is damaged goods because he's already had sex with someone other than them. Their egos don't require them to feel like they are the best sex a guy ever had either. Because women don't live and die by their private parts like men do. It's not the most important thing in their life. I have never asked a man how many women he has had sex with. I don't care. 2
ShyViolet Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I've actually never asked a guy I was dating how many sexual partners they have had. And I've never had a man ask me that question either. Frankly I think it's weird to ask a dating partner that question. Everyone has a past, we know that. I don't think the exact number matters, nor is it anyone's business. 2
amaysngrace Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I asked this new guy I’m with if he has one night stands a lot and he didn’t even know what that meant so I had to explain.
basil67 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I'm not 'attracted' to it as such. But not a dealbreaker either. However I would have to be confident that it wasn't a red flag as to inability to commit. 1
Author ironpony Posted May 15, 2020 Author Posted May 15, 2020 49 minutes ago, preraph said: Apparently women aren't as judgy as men on the subject. They don't feel entitled to a virgin nor are they particularly wanting one. They don't think a man is damaged goods because he's already had sex with someone other than them. Their egos don't require them to feel like they are the best sex a guy ever had either. Because women don't live and die by their private parts like men do. It's not the most important thing in their life. I have never asked a man how many women he has had sex with. I don't care. Oh okay. But why are guys more sensitive to it, and have more of a damaged goods vibe from it, compared to women perhaps not thinking as much about a guy?
preraph Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Because guys care more about their penis than they do about anything. Women are just not like that. They think their penis is all important and is literally The measure of a Man. Apparently they want to believe that women value it just as much as they do, but they don't. Edited May 15, 2020 by preraph
rjc149 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) A man with a high count is typically indicative of being approved by women (pre-selected) and high value. A woman with a high count is typically indicative of being easy and low-value. We all know this is how human society, since the dawn of time, sets standards for promiscuity. Like it or not. Men are keys, women are locks. A key that can open many locks is a master key, a lock that can be opened by many keys is a faulty lock. The key/lock metaphor can also be spun in a few other ways, I'll leave that to your imagination. Extremes are going to raise eyebrows either way -- an otherwise handsome, eligible man in his 30's with only 2 or 3 prior partners is going to be a little suspect unless there's a ready explanation, like he married his high school sweetheart or something. A handsome, eligible man with 50+ prior partners will be seen as a womanizer and that will turn a lot of women off too. At least those looking for a stable partner. I think in the fairly wide range in between, however, most women don't care that much, as long they otherwise like you. Edited May 15, 2020 by rjc149 1
ShyViolet Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 7 minutes ago, ironpony said: Oh okay. But why are guys more sensitive to it, and have more of a damaged goods vibe from it, compared to women perhaps not thinking as much about a guy? SEXISM. When a woman has a high number, society has decided that it reflects badly on her, makes her "dirty" or a slut. A man has a high number, but a label is not placed on him because of how high or low that number is. 1 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) LOL!!!! No... HTH. I'm sorry. I'm being snotty. Why on earth would a woman want a guy who had had a lot of sex partners...I mean...as an adult I'd expect him to have had a few...I don't care of it's two or three or ten...I'd worry if it was thirty...I don't know. I was my first husband's second sex partner. My second husband has had a lot of partners, I think. I don't know how many. Who cares? It doesn't prove much...a man might be sexy but choose not to deck a lot of women, or he might be a goof and have gotten it a lot anyway for whatever reason...it's proof of like...nothing...I don't know, who thinks about this kind of stuff? Stop watching those Youtube videos with the bald guy with the beard...or maybe it's a different guy by now... Edited May 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 4
Ruby Slippers Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I'm turned off if the number is high, turned on by selectivity. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I'm turned off if the number is high, turned on by selectivity. That's a good point. If he's taking just anybody he's obviously not looking for the best. Maybe that's why I've always squicked at the "I've had 50+ partner" stories. (I call them stories, who knows, maybe a bunch are true...) It really just sounds like a guy who waits around at closing time for that lonely drunk old bird nobody else would take...I don't know why...it's probably judgmental but we ARE talking about instinct, etc. (I think) here. I've never really thought it out to this extent consciously, just know gut reactions, really. Edited May 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, ironpony said: Oh okay. But why are guys more sensitive to it, and have more of a damaged goods vibe from it, compared to women perhaps not thinking as much about a guy? Literally, I have never met a guy who thought a woman was "damaged goods" due to past sexual partners. I don't think I've ever even heard that phrase outside of a 50s cautionary documentary. ETA: I do think when it gets to the "I've had dozens - insert number here" people of both sexes, many will get an "eew" ibe. I'm actually not sure whether that's because of an image of lack of selectivity, or whether it's down to the brag itself, which seems weird, or what it really is. But I definitely haven't noticed this for women only. Or even women at all...I am actually not sure I've ever heard a woman outright brag about a high number. But even when a person is turned off by a high number the "damaged goods" thing isn't the reason. That seems really odd...really outdated...it's not that the person him/herself is damaged...if that person became more selective, more singular-minded after all those partners and more thoughtful I'd consider the person. I don't know. That mindset seems really off. Are you sure you're seeing a lot of this? Edited May 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1
Author ironpony Posted May 15, 2020 Author Posted May 15, 2020 Oh well maybe the women might not have liked hearing that number, but since it didn't seem to phase, them and since women seem to like guys that are popular with women, I thought maybe they might think a high number is good since they seem to like guys that are popular in my experience. Of course when it comes to bragging about a number, I would never brag, and only told the number to women who have asked me, which has been every gf at some point in the relationship.
miranda561 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 4 minutes ago, ironpony said: Oh well maybe the women might not have liked hearing that number, but since it didn't seem to phase, them and since women seem to like guys that are popular with women, I thought maybe they might think a high number is good since they seem to like guys that are popular in my experience. Of course when it comes to bragging about a number, I would never brag, and only told the number to women who have asked me, which has been every gf at some point in the relationship. Would prefer a guy who women like and is popular but who isnt promiscuous and uses their looks too much to their advantage. Thats only because im classed as attractive and can get multiple men if i wanted but chose not to get around. So expect the same from the guy. 1
Woggle Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I have never known a player who struggled getting a date or getting laid. I do know some who struggle with love but that is mostly trust issues on their part. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 10 minutes ago, ironpony said: Oh well maybe the women might not have liked hearing that number, but since it didn't seem to phase, them and since women seem to like guys that are popular with women, I thought maybe they might think a high number is good since they seem to like guys that are popular in my experience. Of course when it comes to bragging about a number, I would never brag, and only told the number to women who have asked me, which has been every gf at some point in the relationship. Oh...if you're talking about popularity with women (not the number of sexual partners but popularity; how many people seem to love this guy), I think you're leaning on the "social proof" thing which probably holds a bit more weight with very young women...like really really young (early 20s at the most), because we need to grow up and learn what we really want. Until then some of us just aren't sure "how to" choose. We just don't know. Hollywood tells us one thing, Mom tells us another, Dad tells us we probably shouldn't desire sex until we're at least 35...full stop...and then it should be with Mr. Rogers, our friends pretend THEY want sex with everybody but they're full of it, and so on. But after that little-girl-y stage...it's not popularity per se, but a "way with" women that could be what you're thinking of. I mean we all know that guy that everyone gravitates to. Often it's not just women who do. Everybody seems to like this guy... But again...that's not because he's "had sex with a lot of women." You're looking at it in reverse. You're thinking: This guy is wanted by everyone because he's had tons of sex. It's the opposite. This guy's had tons of sex because he's wanted by everyone. 1
amaysngrace Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Who keeps count? I’d prefer it if they just named names if we need to talk about it at all. Now if it gets to the point where you’re naming a whole lot of names then maybe they’ll want a number and maybe not but it’s a little weird that every women you’ve ever gone out with has asked you that same question ironpony. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 2 minutes ago, Woggle said: I have never known a player who struggled getting a date or getting laid. I do know some who struggle with love but that is mostly trust issues on their part. For sure, but what does that have to do with women wanting a man to have a lot of sexual partners? I mean...if a fugly guy with a crap personality comes skulking out into the middle of a party to announce he's had sex with 50 women do you think all the women will swoon? My guess is...no... I think the "social proof" thing goes too far and is often based on really, really young girls...who aren't sure yet what they want so they're looking around to figure out what that might be, based on what other girls seem to want...most kids, male and female, do this to an extent with all sorts of different stuff, until they come into their own. JMO. 1
miranda561 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 3 minutes ago, Woggle said: I have never known a player who struggled getting a date or getting laid. I do know some who struggle with love but that is mostly trust issues on their part. No one wants a player. Plus those kinds of guys have deep rooted mental health issues 1
Artdeco Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I’ve had a high # of sex partners, and it’s never been an issue for any of my partners (IF they asked; if it wasn’t asked, I didn’t tell). 1
Woggle Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 1 minute ago, miranda561 said: No one wants a player. Plus those kinds of guys have deep rooted mental health issues If no one wanted them then how did they become a player?
miranda561 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 1 minute ago, Woggle said: If no one wanted them then how did they become a player? Long term that is. Unless the woman likes that. But then id be concerned about someone who wants that in their life
Recommended Posts