He liked his ex gf's pic on social media, should I be leary of this?

[Hpchic]

4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Yes you should be leery.  Generally social media is BS.  However, since he only broke up with her 1.5 months ago & they are still connected, that is at least a yellow caution flag.  Unless you share children there is no reason to stay connected.  Keep your eyes open here & do not give your heart away.    

So by connected, you mean social media?  

[d0nnivain]

Yes, connected on social media but you did not offer if they are still talking or otherwise communicating which would be another nail in the coffin of your budding relationship.  

[Hpchic]

4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Yes, connected on social media but you did not offer if they are still talking or otherwise communicating which would be another nail in the coffin of your budding relationship.  

I have mentioned in my original post that they haven’t communicated since the break up

[introverted1]

13 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

We did sleep together though so I kinda felt like if he was super interested he would’ve kept seeing me. 

You are spot on here. 

You are super low investment/effort for him right now.

I don't think it matters if he is talking to ex (yet) or just warming up to it or whatever... 

1. He hasn't had time to heal
2. He hasn't had time to process his role in the demise of their r/s and figure out what he needs to do differently
3. He wasn't interested enough in you 10 months ago to have a r/s but has suddenly resurfaced after ending the r/s he started after dating you the first time
4. He's following his ex on SM. 

None of this sounds good to me.

[Hpchic]

14 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

You are spot on here. 

You are super low investment/effort for him right now.

I don't think it matters if he is talking to ex (yet) or just warming up to it or whatever... 

1. He hasn't had time to heal
2. He hasn't had time to process his role in the demise of their r/s and figure out what he needs to do differently
3. He wasn't interested enough in you 10 months ago to have a r/s but has suddenly resurfaced after ending the r/s he started after dating you the first time
4. He's following his ex on SM. 

None of this sounds good to me.

Yup you have a good point.  He also told me last night that he was the one who ended it, so I feel like since he’s the one who ended it, it shouldn’t take him that long to heal.  
 

He said the breakup came down to her wanting to start a family and him realizing he does not since he already has one from a previous marriage.  I asked him if that was discussed during their relationship, he said it was but that this pandemic made him realize he did not want to start over with a new family.  
 

So I guess the big issue here is it was more of a circumstantial breakup rather than one because they lost feelings for each other.  But then again if he was so in love with her, I feel like he would’ve just agreed to give her what she wanted. 

[Leojax]

11 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

Yup you have a good point.  He also told me last night that he was the one who ended it, so I feel like since he’s the one who ended it, it shouldn’t take him that long to heal.  
 

He said the breakup came down to her wanting to start a family and him realizing he does not since he already has one from a previous marriage.  I asked him if that was discussed during their relationship, he said it was but that this pandemic made him realize he did not want to start over with a new family.  
 

So I guess the big issue here is it was more of a circumstantial breakup rather than one because they lost feelings for each other.  But then again if he was so in love with her, I feel like he would’ve just agreed to give her what she wanted. 

Forget the ex for a second. Do you want a family some day? If you do, there’s absolutely no reason to keep seeing him anyways.

[Hpchic]

3 minutes ago, Leojax said:

Forget the ex for a second. Do you want a family some day? If you do, there’s absolutely no reason to keep seeing him anyways.

No, I have a daughter and  I’m passed the age of having more kids.  

Edited May 14, 2020 by Hpchic

[d0nnivain]

The reason for their break up - practical considerations of him not wanting more kids & that being a deal breaker -- means if she agreed to no kids, he'd take her back in a heart beat.  

proceed with caution if you proceed at all 

[introverted1]

I still don't feel good about this. He may have broken up b/c of the issue of having a family, but that doesn't mean he's over her.

Also, forget about her for a minute...  Why do you want to be his fall-back plan?  He already dated and had sex with you and made the decision not to pursue you.  Now he's suddenly interested again? Have you asked him why he's interested now and not before?  What does he say?

[preraph]

Sounds like maybe she dumped him and he'd still like to get back together with her in one way or the other, but doesn't sound like it will happen because she's not talking to him, if I'm reading that right.  He says he hasn't spoken with her, but he's liking her stuff, so if she wanted to talk, all she'd have to do is respond.  

[Hpchic]

8 minutes ago, preraph said:

Sounds like maybe she dumped him and he'd still like to get back together with her in one way or the other, but doesn't sound like it will happen because she's not talking to him, if I'm reading that right.  He says he hasn't spoken with her, but he's liking her stuff, so if she wanted to talk, all she'd have to do is respond.  

Well he hasn’t reached out to her either, unless you consider that one like on Mother’s Day reaching out?

neither one of them has reached out to the other after the breakup.  Our mutual friend confirmed that to me.

[preraph]

I do consider that he is reaching out.  Hopefully, she simply isn't interested.

[Hpchic]

17 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I still don't feel good about this. He may have broken up b/c of the issue of having a family, but that doesn't mean he's over her.

Also, forget about her for a minute...  Why do you want to be his fall-back plan?  He already dated and had sex with you and made the decision not to pursue you.  Now he's suddenly interested again? Have you asked him why he's interested now and not before?  What does he say?

You’re right, I haven’t asked but I will.  When he first reached out he kinda just said he liked me and thought of me during this pandemic.  Once we met up that’s when he told me about the ex gf.  I asked him when he met her, and it sounds like it was about a month after him and I went out.

[Hpchic]

2 minutes ago, preraph said:

I do consider that he is reaching out.  Hopefully, she simply isn't interested.

Well I don’t know how one would respond to a like?  I mean if it were me, whether I was interested or not there’s really not much to respond to there.  Also, he might’ve just liked it because he knew her mom (they had met each others families).

[lana-banana]

Without any context---a benign picture of his ex and her mom on social media is fine. Nothing wrong with that. Social media in and of itself is not indicative of bad intent.

With context---not good. All the available evidence is that he's not over her and, worse yet, his feelings for you aren't terribly strong. Even if they don't ever get back together, he's not sincerely putting you first, and he will eventually move on.

My Worst Ex had a woman in his past he told me very casually was nothing but a drunken makeout session, but I could tell that something else had happened in his heart. They got together almost immediately after he dumped me. I didn't realize I was just helping him pass time---he insisted it was love, we'd be together forever, etc---but really I was just the means by which he realized how much he wanted to be with someone else.

[preraph]

He's still trying to be involved with her.  You know that, or you wouldn't have come on here with the question to begin with.  She probably just isn't interested and was who broke up with him.  Sounds like she's not giving him any encouragement or they would be together.  

[Hpchic]

5 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

Without any context---a benign picture of his ex and her mom on social media is fine. Nothing wrong with that. Social media in and of itself is not indicative of bad intent.

With context---not good. All the available evidence is that he's not over her and, worse yet, his feelings for you aren't terribly strong. Even if they don't ever get back together, he's not sincerely putting you first, and he will eventually move on.

My Worst Ex had a woman in his past he told me very casually was nothing but a drunken makeout session, but I could tell that something else had happened in his heart. They got together almost immediately after he dumped me. I didn't realize I was just helping him pass time---he insisted it was love, we'd be together forever, etc---but really I was just the means by which he realized how much he wanted to be with someone else.

Is the evidence you are referring to that they broke up 1.5 months ago?  

[lana-banana]

13 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

Is the evidence you are referring to that they broke up 1.5 months ago?  

He tells you he was in love with her, they broke up due to wanting different things (not any behavior-based conflict), and yeah, it's only been six weeks. By comparison, "when he first reached out he kinda just said he liked me and thought of me during this pandemic." Does that sound romantic to you?

I don't think it's likely that they'll get back together, but I do think you are a rebound or a fallback.

Edited May 14, 2020 by lana-banana

[Hpchic]

6 minutes ago, preraph said:

He's still trying to be involved with her.  You know that, or you wouldn't have come on here with the question to begin with.  She probably just isn't interested and was who broke up with him.  Sounds like she's not giving him any encouragement or they would be together.  

So I spoke to our mutual friend to get the story straight.  He said they had had an argument over the phone, she was pretty pissed at him and just they basically hung up on each other.  Neither one of them actually stated that they were ending the relationship, but since they both went silent on each other it was pretty much implied.  He said yes, this guy didn’t want the same things as her but from what he heard he never communicated that to her, they’re argument was actually about something trivial.
 

He also said this guy has a big ego along with some insecurities so he doesn’t think he would reach out to her.  

[Leojax]

6 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

So I spoke to our mutual friend to get the story straight.  He said they had had an argument over the phone, she was pretty pissed at him and just they basically hung up on each other.  Neither one of them actually stated that they were ending the relationship, but since they both went silent on each other it was pretty much implied.  He said yes, this guy didn’t want the same things as her but from what he heard he never communicated that to her, they’re argument was actually about something trivial.
 

He also said this guy has a big ego along with some insecurities so he doesn’t think he would reach out to her.  

So all in all he used an Instagram like to get her attention. He’s not done with his ex yet.

best to move on.

[preraph]

Contact via social media is legit contact.  It shows he wants to keep the door open.  

[ShyViolet]

He only broke up with his ex 1.5 months ago.  You are NEW in his life.  You are just starting to date the guy.  

You need to stop driving yourself crazy checking his exes social media profiles and over-analyzing every little thing he does on social media.  There is nothing wrong with him staying "friends" on social media with his ex.  I am still friends on social media with most of my exes.  You don't have the right to demand that he unfriend his ex on facebook.  As long as they aren't actually flirting or anything like that.  But he can like whatever he wants on facebook, it doesn't mean that he has feelings for the person or wants to get back together with them.  Stop reading so much into things and stop being so insecure.

[Hpchic]

3 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

He only broke up with his ex 1.5 months ago.  You are NEW in his life.  You are just starting to date the guy.  

You need to stop driving yourself crazy checking his exes social media profiles and over-analyzing every little thing he does on social media.  There is nothing wrong with him staying "friends" on social media with his ex.  I am still friends on social media with most of my exes.  You don't have the right to demand that he unfriend his ex on facebook.  As long as they aren't actually flirting or anything like that.  But he can like whatever he wants on facebook, it doesn't mean that he has feelings for the person or wants to get back together with them.  Stop reading so much into things and stop being so insecure.

I think given the way things ended, it is a bit weird that he’s still friends with her on social media.   I’m not demanding anything, I just am trying to look out for myself and not get involved with a guy who’s still thinking about his ex gf.   
 

Now that I know a bit more, doesn’t seem like they ended on great terms so yea the like is weird as well.  I think I might just tell him this isn’t going to work with him and I.  

[Emilie Jolie]

4 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Stop reading so much into things and stop being so insecure.

That's also what jumped at me while reading this thread - a lot of snooping on exes, a lot of talking to mutual acquaintances and reading into things that may or may not be there.

The insecurity is a problem in itself - there may be doubts there, the instincts are all flared up. 

[introverted1]

23 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

So I spoke to our mutual friend to get the story straight.  He said they had had an argument over the phone, she was pretty pissed at him and just they basically hung up on each other.  Neither one of them actually stated that they were ending the relationship, but since they both went silent on each other it was pretty much implied.  He said yes, this guy didn’t want the same things as her but from what he heard he never communicated that to her, they’re argument was actually about something trivial.
 

He also said this guy has a big ego along with some insecurities so he doesn’t think he would reach out to her.  

If this is true, it's even worse than him dating you before and disappearing and now reappearing.  Do you really want to be with a guy who can have an argument over something trivial and then never contact you again because he has a "a big ego along with some insecurities"?