Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) I recently started seeing a new guy, he broke up with his ex gf about a month and a half ago and they were together for half a year. I noticed that he “liked” his ex gf’s pic on social media on Mother’s Day. The post was of pics of the ex gf with her mother. Haven’t seen that he’s liked anything else since their breakup but she doesn’t really post much, and she hasn’t liked any of his pics or posts since the breakup. I also find it weird that they still follow each other on social media, since I typically delete exes from my social media. Should I be worried? He’s told me he hasn’t spoken to her since the breakup. Edited May 14, 2020 by Hpchic
basil67 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 Are you mutual friends with his ex? If not, how do you know that he 'liked' the picture? If it's true that they aren't in contact, I think it reflects well on him that he can be civil with an ex. It's not like he sent love or best wishes to the family. He just clicked a button. 1
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: Are you mutual friends with his ex? If not, how do you know that he 'liked' the picture? If it's true that they aren't in contact, I think it reflects well on him that he can be civil with an ex. It's not like he sent love or best wishes to the family. He just clicked a button. I snooped and her page is public so I was able to see. do you think it’s normal that they still follow each other on social media?
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 I don't know...just one like...I'm not sure it's a big deal but then again, a month and a half isn't a very long time... But how do you know which of her pics he's liking? I feel like if you're watching her wall, you're already a little uncertain. Am I off base?
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 Well when I scrolled through 4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: I don't know...just one like...I'm not sure it's a big deal but then again, a month and a half isn't a very long time... But how do you know which of her pics he's liking? I feel like if you're watching her wall, you're already a little uncertain. Am I off base? Well I scrolled through her page and noticed she had put about 3 posts in the past two months, he didn’t like the other two. However most of the posts prior to those 3 he had liked. Yes I’m a bit uncertain, but torn. Doesn’t seem like the relationship was that long but he did say he was in love with her and to me a month and half isn’t long enough to get over someone you were in love with. Him and I met this past summer and we went out a few times but nothing came of it. He reached out to me about a month ago and again we’ve been out a few times.
Ollie180 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 I was (/am) still ‘friends’ on various social media platforms with lots of girls I’ve dated (some seriously, some not so). During my last serious relationship, I wouldn’t have thought twice about ‘liking’ a picture of my gf-previous-to-her if It was a picture that I liked! Not like a bikini shot of her or something because that would be a bit weird - but if it was a photo of her travelling somewhere really cool, or at her sisters graduation - yeah I’d like that. But never for a second did it want to get back together with her.
introverted1 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 8 hours ago, Hpchic said: We the relationship was that long but he did say he was in love with her and to me a month and half isn’t long enough to get over someone you were in love with. Him and I met this past summer and we went out a few times but nothing came of it. He reached out to me about a month ago and again we’ve been out a few times. So he met her after having dated you, then had a 6-month r/s with her, and is now circling back to you? Is that the right timeline?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, Hpchic said: Well when I scrolled through Well I scrolled through her page and noticed she had put about 3 posts in the past two months, he didn’t like the other two. However most of the posts prior to those 3 he had liked. Yes I’m a bit uncertain, but torn. Doesn’t seem like the relationship was that long but he did say he was in love with her and to me a month and half isn’t long enough to get over someone you were in love with. Him and I met this past summer and we went out a few times but nothing came of it. He reached out to me about a month ago and again we’ve been out a few times. Some people don't know the ins and outs of their FB account and so it may be that she is not aware that others have full view of their posts. Many people are this way and I always do a search of people I date. Always. 1.5 months is not long. He contacted you after his break-up. Are YOU sure it was only 1.5 months ago? Can you tell that last time he liked one of her posts on FB? Personally, I would do a timeline analysis and see if he has been in contact during the 1.5 months. There could have been even less time elapsed since the break-up. I would wonder if you are not a 'rebound.' Also, no way you are trying to get over someone you 'loved' by following, interacting, and liking their FB post and the other person still having you as a friend. Edited May 14, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 1 hour ago, introverted1 said: So he met her after having dated you, then had a 6-month r/s with her, and is now circling back to you? Is that the right timeline? Yes, I guess you can put it that way
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 44 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Some people don't know the ins and outs of their FB account and so it may be that she is not aware that others have full view of their posts. Many people are this way and I always do a search of people I date. Always. 1.5 months is not long. He contacted you after his break-up. Are YOU sure it was only 1.5 months ago? Can you tell that last time he liked one of her posts on FB? Personally, I would do a timeline analysis and see if he has been in contact during the 1.5 months. There could have been even less time elapsed since the break-up. I would wonder if you are not a 'rebound.' Also, no way you are trying to get over someone you 'loved' by following, interacting, and liking their FB post and the other person still having you as a friend. Yes, if I take his word for it it’s been 1.5 months. The last post he liked prior to the one in question was back in March which would support that they’ve been broken up for at least 1.5 months.
introverted1 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 26 minutes ago, Hpchic said: Yes, I guess you can put it that way I'm sorry, OP, but it sounds like you are a rebound. He dated you briefly ("nothing came of it") and then went on to date his ex (who he was in love with) and is now circling back to you. Given that he dated you the first time less than a year ago, I'd say that whatever led to nothing coming of it then is still in play now.. and more so, if he is still processing his ex. 1
stillafool Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 Has he asked you to be his girlfriend or are you two just dating? Also did she break up with him or vice versa? What was the cause of the breakup?
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 1 hour ago, stillafool said: Has he asked you to be his girlfriend or are you two just dating? Also did she break up with him or vice versa? What was the cause of the breakup? No, we’ve only been out a few times. So when I ask him, he’s kind of vague...from what I gather she was kind of putting the pressure on him to get more serious and then they basically had an argument and that was it. But the way he makes it sound is like he broke up with her.
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 1 hour ago, introverted1 said: I'm sorry, OP, but it sounds like you are a rebound. He dated you briefly ("nothing came of it") and then went on to date his ex (who he was in love with) and is now circling back to you. Given that he dated you the first time less than a year ago, I'd say that whatever led to nothing coming of it then is still in play now.. and more so, if he is still processing his ex. That’s the thing...I don’t know if he is still processing her. it does feel a bit weird that we briefly dated in the summer and it didn’t work out, but he met her and got into a relationship with her. Almost feels like if you didn’t want to pursue anything with me back then, why would you now? 1
zawadi16 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 12 hours ago, Hpchic said: Well when I scrolled through Well I scrolled through her page and noticed she had put about 3 posts in the past two months, he didn’t like the other two. However most of the posts prior to those 3 he had liked. Yes I’m a bit uncertain, but torn. Doesn’t seem like the relationship was that long but he did say he was in love with her and to me a month and half isn’t long enough to get over someone you were in love with. Him and I met this past summer and we went out a few times but nothing came of it. He reached out to me about a month ago and again we’ve been out a few times. This is the most concerning part along with the break up only being 1.5 months ago. From the outside looking in, it seems like he circled back to you as a safety net. I’m guilty of going back to people who I knew that liked me after a breakup to help ease the pain, knowing full well I wasn’t actually interested in them. Plus, men are FAMOUS for doing small indirect things, ex., liking a picture, to get their foot back in the door. I don’t know, id back off and go date other people and toss this one back. Better to be safe than sorry. 2
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 Also, we have a mutual acquaintance who has told me that his ex gf was 9 years younger than him and his gf before her 18 years younger than him. This person is also told me that he had passed a comment to him once saying something like at his age he wants a younger woman. I am a year older than him, so that’s another concern I have. I mean I’m in great shape and all, and I look pretty good for my age but upon hearing this it felt like quite a sting.
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, zawadi16 said: This is the most concerning part along with the break up only being 1.5 months ago. From the outside looking in, it seems like he circled back to you as a safety net. I’m guilty of going back to people who I knew that liked me after a breakup to help ease the pain, knowing full well I wasn’t actually interested in them. Plus, men are FAMOUS for doing small indirect things, ex., liking a picture, to get their foot back in the door. I don’t know, id back off and go date other people and toss this one back. Better to be safe than sorry. I go back and forth with it being 1.5 months out since the relationship was only 6 months. Had it been a year or more I’d definitely agree he’s not over it. On the other hand, 1.5 months might have given him some distance and made him realize he misses her, hence the social media like. Edited May 14, 2020 by Hpchic
smackie9 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 Never date anyone that fresh out of a relationship. You just might end up a rebound, a distraction, etc. 47 minutes ago, Hpchic said: That’s the thing...I don’t know if he is still processing her. it does feel a bit weird that we briefly dated in the summer and it didn’t work out, but he met her and got into a relationship with her. Almost feels like if you didn’t want to pursue anything with me back then, why would you now? Pretty naive way of thinking....guys will do and say anything if it means a steady supply of sex. He knows you really like him so you were an easy second score. If it isn't her it will be another girl that he will turn his attention to. I would say you are a place holder. 1
hippychick3 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 I don't know, OP... I'd have a hard time accepting the fact that I wasn't good enough for him (in his mind) to pursue a relationship with the first time around but found someone else good enough. I'd feel like I was second choice and that is not good enough for me. I'd want someone who was so crazy about me that he wouldn't want to let me go to pursue someone else. And I think that is also in the back of your mind causing you to keep checking her FB page. This whole scenario would just not work for me aside from the liking of her picture. 2 1
zawadi16 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 12 minutes ago, Hpchic said: I go back and forth with it being 1.5 months out since the relationship was only 6 months. Had it been a year or more I’d definitely agree he’s not over it. On the other hand, 1.5 months might have given him some distance and made him realize he misses her, hence the social media like. Duration of a relationship means nothing. You said that he loved her, that’s all that matters. I was with someone for 5 years, he wanted to move in together the last year of our relationship and I kept saying not until we were engaged, but really I just wanted out of the relationship. My next boyfriend I loved him way more in 6/7 months that we had been dating than I ever loved my ex of 5 years and guess what? Come month 8 I couldn’t wait to live with him.
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 He’s also friends with his ex wife on social media but that I understand since they share a child and had a pretty amicable divorce. So I just snooped and noticed the ex wife updated her cover photo for Mother’s Day with a pic of her and her daughter, he did not like that pic. I don’t know perhaps I’m just reading too far into this but to me you’d sooner like a pic of your ex wife with your child for Mother’s Day rather than your ex gf with her mother. Just speaking from my point of view since I have a child with my ex husband as well. 1
introverted1 Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 3 hours ago, Hpchic said: That’s the thing...I don’t know if he is still processing her. it does feel a bit weird that we briefly dated in the summer and it didn’t work out, but he met her and got into a relationship with her. Almost feels like if you didn’t want to pursue anything with me back then, why would you now? Yep - that is what I'm wondering, too. Was it a mutual fizzle at that time? Anyway... I think it could be that he remembers you somewhat fondly, if not as a potential great love. And you're still there and available and he needs a distraction right now. Especially in these times of covid, it's a lot easier to take up with someone you already have a connection with than deal with trying to meet someone new, etc. I am not saying he is necessarily doing this consciously, not saying he's a bad guy out to dupe you, but 1 1/2 months is not long to get over someone he was in love with. On top of that, he's still in contact with her to some degree (and we don't know the full extent b/c you may not know the full extent). Unless you are good at keeping your feelings in check, I would say that it's more likely than not that this isn't going to end well for you.
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2020 Posted May 14, 2020 Yes you should be leery. Generally social media is BS. However, since he only broke up with her 1.5 months ago & they are still connected, that is at least a yellow caution flag. Unless you share children there is no reason to stay connected. Keep your eyes open here & do not give your heart away.
Author Hpchic Posted May 14, 2020 Author Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, introverted1 said: Yep - that is what I'm wondering, too. Was it a mutual fizzle at that time? Anyway... I think it could be that he remembers you somewhat fondly, if not as a potential great love. And you're still there and available and he needs a distraction right now. Especially in these times of covid, it's a lot easier to take up with someone you already have a connection with than deal with trying to meet someone new, etc. I am not saying he is necessarily doing this consciously, not saying he's a bad guy out to dupe you, but 1 1/2 months is not long to get over someone he was in love with. On top of that, he's still in contact with her to some degree (and we don't know the full extent b/c you may not know the full extent). Unless you are good at keeping your feelings in check, I would say that it's more likely than not that this isn't going to end well for you. Yea I guess it could be considered a mutual fizzle, after our last date we texted a bit but that was it. I’m not one to chase, so when I didn’t hear from him, I didn’t reach out either. We did sleep together though so I kinda felt like if he was super interested he would’ve kept seeing me. I actually spoke to him last night, and we were talking about exes, I again asked him if he had heard from his ex gf or if he had reached out to her. He said they haven’t had any communication since the breakup. Obviously I wouldn’t expect him to tell me he liked her pic on social media, so I kinda believe that he hasn’t spoken to her. Also our mutual acquaintance said he’s pretty positive they haven’t been in contact as well. Edited May 14, 2020 by Hpchic
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