dangerous Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 I've been texting and phonecalls with a lady and we've got on surprisingly well, considering the length of time c6 weeks. Normally, I would have expected to move to a physical date a lot sooner, but obviously Covid got in the way. During the whole lockdown thing I have been totally self isolating. She, has largely been responsible, but she has done two noteworthy activities: 1. She cycles with a friend, although I assume they are 2m apart, and 2. she visits a female friend weekly for dinner. We agreed we wouldn't meet until lockdown was relaxed, although I did suggest we might go for a bike ride or walk outside, but as she lives a 20 minute drive, we agreed to wait as I ought not to drive. I thought it a little strange that she didn't try to encourage me to meet, as she was, after all meeting her friends as above, and one of them drove over. But anyway, I was happy enough to leave it. Well in the UK, this week/ today the rules have been relaxed and we can drive to somewhere to exercise (eg walk) and meet one person. So, I texted her yesterday and asked if she'd like to meet this week for a walk. Here's what she replied: "Unsure now, I think a social distance date is going to come across as cold and distant x " She then added today: " A first date for me in the past has been a coffee/drink. But sitting next t the person and not 2 metres apart" Personally, I find that disappointing. Texting for 6 weeks and indefinitely, to me, is even more distant. Besides, I'm running out of enthusiasm if some momentum isn't created here. Realistically, in the UK we won't have social venues for a traditional meeting/date open until July earliest, so waiting until then is a death-sentence to this date potential IMO. What do you guys make of this?
Malin889 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 1 hour ago, dangerous said: I've been texting and phonecalls with a lady and we've got on surprisingly well, considering the length of time c6 weeks. Normally, I would have expected to move to a physical date a lot sooner, but obviously Covid got in the way. During the whole lockdown thing I have been totally self isolating. She, has largely been responsible, but she has done two noteworthy activities: 1. She cycles with a friend, although I assume they are 2m apart, and 2. she visits a female friend weekly for dinner. We agreed we wouldn't meet until lockdown was relaxed, although I did suggest we might go for a bike ride or walk outside, but as she lives a 20 minute drive, we agreed to wait as I ought not to drive. I thought it a little strange that she didn't try to encourage me to meet, as she was, after all meeting her friends as above, and one of them drove over. But anyway, I was happy enough to leave it. Well in the UK, this week/ today the rules have been relaxed and we can drive to somewhere to exercise (eg walk) and meet one person. So, I texted her yesterday and asked if she'd like to meet this week for a walk. Here's what she replied: "Unsure now, I think a social distance date is going to come across as cold and distant x " She then added today: " A first date for me in the past has been a coffee/drink. But sitting next t the person and not 2 metres apart" Personally, I find that disappointing. Texting for 6 weeks and indefinitely, to me, is even more distant. Besides, I'm running out of enthusiasm if some momentum isn't created here. Realistically, in the UK we won't have social venues for a traditional meeting/date open until July earliest, so waiting until then is a death-sentence to this date potential IMO. What do you guys make of this? I completely agree with her. First off it’s one thing for her to meet up with people she knows, meeting up with her friend for a bike ride, meeting up for another friend for a meal at her house; but meeting up with someone she doesn’t even know and isn’t sure where they’ve been is completely different. Yes you’ve had nice conversations but, she doesn’t even know you so she doesn’t know if she can trust you. I think you need to wait until the lockdown has been lifted. And if you feel like it’s losing momentum, then why not stop talking for a little while, and suggest let’s meet up in July? I mean how many more people can you meet between now and then if the lockdown is still in place you know? Hopefully you won’t forget about each other and you can meet up then. Don’t force anything because it will make things worse. 4
chillii Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 Sounds pretty chicken shyt and maybe excusive on her part to me. l mean you must've gotten fairly close in all this time surely she can know by now and trust that you have been living the way you have , truth is she'd be a bigger risk to you than you'd be to her. But anyway yeah l'd be thinking the same , maybe touch back with her again and meet then. Unless you have an exceptional connection it'd probably be getting pretty sluggish between you by then if you try to keep talking all through it until. But eh , maybe you have , we couldn't meet for 3mths back at the beginning , didn't stop us,
Author dangerous Posted May 13, 2020 Author Posted May 13, 2020 Both good points, thanks. But Malin lockdown HAS been relaxed, that's why 1. we can drive and 2. I'm still staying 2 metres away in the outdoors. Anyway, update is I said pretty well what Chillii said, and surprise... she's now come back and said, yeh lets meet! lol, now I've said leave it a few days and see how we feel. the momentum has indeed slowed down for me now.. the dangers of this extended OLD! 1 1
Fletch Lives Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 Well, dating at this time might be difficult. The fake crushes you can have over the text/phone lines can last for years though. Maybe stick with that for now. It's a great time to catfish. (then meet later) 1 1
miranda561 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, dangerous said: Both good points, thanks. But Malin lockdown HAS been relaxed, that's why 1. we can drive and 2. I'm still staying 2 metres away in the outdoors. Anyway, update is I said pretty well what Chillii said, and surprise... she's now come back and said, yeh lets meet! lol, now I've said leave it a few days and see how we feel. the momentum has indeed slowed down for me now.. the dangers of this extended OLD! Btw im in a similar position as you and in the same location. However im not going to see the person for at least another few months i think. Mostly because i dont think its safe to. Ive stopped listening to the government and their rules. Easing lockdown measures now is a terrible idea How are you going to see her while having a 2m distance apart. I just dont know how it would work in a practical sense. I would advise you to meet her later. Whats wrong with having virtual contact for a little while. You can get to know each other better. I dont see a problem Edited May 13, 2020 by miranda561
miranda561 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 2 hours ago, dangerous said: Both good points, thanks. But Malin lockdown HAS been relaxed, that's why 1. we can drive and 2. I'm still staying 2 metres away in the outdoors. Anyway, update is I said pretty well what Chillii said, and surprise... she's now come back and said, yeh lets meet! lol, now I've said leave it a few days and see how we feel. the momentum has indeed slowed down for me now.. the dangers of this extended OLD! Also. She should not have been socialising with anyone outside of her household. I just dont think its fair and how someone like me adheres to all the rules (and im a pretty outgoing person, before lockdown i would be out all the time )..and then theres others like her who are socialising with friends. I havent seen anyone out of my own house for 9 weeks now.
elaine567 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 In the UK the new lockdown rules state you can meet one person outwith your family, but you need to be outdoors and observe 2m social distancing. It is all about not spreading the virus between households. I guess as a woman she is thinking how do I keep this guy 2m away from me without it getting awkward?
Author dangerous Posted May 13, 2020 Author Posted May 13, 2020 38 minutes ago, elaine567 said: In the UK the new lockdown rules state you can meet one person outwith your family, but you need to be outdoors and observe 2m social distancing. It is all about not spreading the virus between households. I guess as a woman she is thinking how do I keep this guy 2m away from me without it getting awkward? lol, she is the one who is complaining about the 2m rule, not me. And yes, I will be meeting her outside and observing 2m. Like Miranda I have been very strict with my own lockdown and bearing in mind she hasn't, I am protecting myself! I still prefer to meet her rather than continue just texting, so I/we can decide whether we like eachother in real life as opposed to the virtual world, or move on. 1
miranda561 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 41 minutes ago, elaine567 said: In the UK the new lockdown rules state you can meet one person outwith your family, but you need to be outdoors and observe 2m social distancing. It is all about not spreading the virus between households. I guess as a woman she is thinking how do I keep this guy 2m away from me without it getting awkward? But i just find it impossible to be around someone i know whilst THE WHOLE TIME being 2m apart. It just isnt feasible. I still think they should just wait till they can date properly
miranda561 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, dangerous said: lol, she is the one who is complaining about the 2m rule, not me. And yes, I will be meeting her outside and observing 2m. Like Miranda I have been very strict with my own lockdown and bearing in mind she hasn't, I am protecting myself! I still prefer to meet her rather than continue just texting, so I/we can decide whether we like eachother in real life as opposed to the virtual world, or move on. Basically you just want to see if youre attracted to her or not. What if you do like her... you going to continue dating during the pandemic
Malin889 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 3 hours ago, dangerous said: Both good points, thanks. But Malin lockdown HAS been relaxed, that's why 1. we can drive and 2. I'm still staying 2 metres away in the outdoors. Anyway, update is I said pretty well what Chillii said, and surprise... she's now come back and said, yeh lets meet! lol, now I've said leave it a few days and see how we feel. the momentum has indeed slowed down for me now.. the dangers of this extended OLD! Great! Are restaurants, cafes, etc open?
elaine567 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 27 minutes ago, Malin889 said: Great! Are restaurants, cafes, etc open? No, not to sit in.. But some are doing takeaways,
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 On 5/13/2020 at 5:04 AM, dangerous said: I've been texting and phonecalls with a lady and we've got on surprisingly well, considering the length of time c6 weeks. Normally, I would have expected to move to a physical date a lot sooner, but obviously Covid got in the way. During the whole lockdown thing I have been totally self isolating. She, has largely been responsible, but she has done two noteworthy activities: 1. She cycles with a friend, although I assume they are 2m apart, and 2. she visits a female friend weekly for dinner. We agreed we wouldn't meet until lockdown was relaxed, although I did suggest we might go for a bike ride or walk outside, but as she lives a 20 minute drive, we agreed to wait as I ought not to drive. I thought it a little strange that she didn't try to encourage me to meet, as she was, after all meeting her friends as above, and one of them drove over. But anyway, I was happy enough to leave it. Well in the UK, this week/ today the rules have been relaxed and we can drive to somewhere to exercise (eg walk) and meet one person. So, I texted her yesterday and asked if she'd like to meet this week for a walk. Here's what she replied: "Unsure now, I think a social distance date is going to come across as cold and distant x " She then added today: " A first date for me in the past has been a coffee/drink. But sitting next t the person and not 2 metres apart" Personally, I find that disappointing. Texting for 6 weeks and indefinitely, to me, is even more distant. Besides, I'm running out of enthusiasm if some momentum isn't created here. Realistically, in the UK we won't have social venues for a traditional meeting/date open until July earliest, so waiting until then is a death-sentence to this date potential IMO. What do you guys make of this? If I'm reading this right, she is wanting to continue social distancing, right? I've had a couple of dates during these times and we kept to social distancing and wearing a mask. Still in contact with one, the other, well, let's say it had nothing to do with social distancing. She is in the right here. You are the one hoping invade her safe space. Have a coffee across the table or risk losing this opportunity. By momentum, you mean physical contact, perhaps some making out, and maybe a cop-a-feel here and there?
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Honestly, I can kind of see her point. I don’t see the point of meeting someone on a date, but having to be so far away you have to speak loudly to hear each other. It kind of zaps all the fun and connection out of date. That’s just me 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 44 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Honestly, I can kind of see her point. I don’t see the point of meeting someone on a date, but having to be so far away you have to speak loudly to hear each other. It kind of zaps all the fun and connection out of date. That’s just me Ok. I was a little confused as to what is what. SHE is expressing a lack of interest because she'd rather have a date when they CAN be close? Or is it that the OP doesn't feel it because SHE wants to continue with social distancing? 1
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 (edited) Hmm, gr8ful. I got the impression op isn’t feeling it/is losing interest because she doesn’t seem enthusiastic about meeting up even at a distance or with masks on /what not. Especially since she’s meeting with a friend. I think meeting to bike with a friend is markedly different than a first date with the expected proximity/how it is supposed to play out. + her friend isn’t a stranger. I don’t know if I’d want to go on a first date like that, but for that reason, I have left dating alone pretty much completely until things go back to normal. I guess OP just needs someone who wants the connection as bad as he does and is fine with meeting at a distance, as long as it’s meeting. Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 I do think it might seem kind of weird to be "so close and yet so far" on a socially distanced date. I don't think I'd take it as a sign of disinterest, personally. I do get that it's disappointing. I know... This just isn't a normal situation. It's been hard on everybody. In a non-pandemic situation, yes, the long, stretched-out time of not actually meeting would be highly suspect but given the situation I don't think it's a sign she isn't interested. I do think it would be really awkward to be looking at a date, but from that kind of distance, etc. 1
Author dangerous Posted May 15, 2020 Author Posted May 15, 2020 Hi guys, to clarify. I am not trying to invade her space. I am proposing to keep to the rules here: ie. outdoors and 2m away. Yes, I totally agree this is not what a date should look like in normal circs. The reason I was keen to move this to an actual date/meeting is that we have been texting for 6 weeks (during lockdown) and I do not want to continue this for another 6 weeks (as that is the likely continuation until social venues reopen). As I said, she has come back to me and agreed to meet, BUT if I am honest, the momentum HAS been lost. The texting and talking has continued for an artificially long time (due to the virus restrictions) and I realise that we are not compatible. Some views and interests have now come out and we are disparate. I think if we had met earlier, whether or not there was a physical attraction, this would have come out. But without the factor of physically meeting, it has finally come out by texting. Some say that online dating is futile in the current climate, due to the unlikelihood of meeting soon, and I agree largely. In fact I have hidden my profile so I don't get any new connections during the lockdown. However this was just one of two matches that have been started. Incidentally, the other one is still motivating (mutually) and we are considering a meet (again social distance) but we seem to be more moving at the same pace rather than resisting one or the other. We shall see. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 15, 2020 Posted May 15, 2020 17 minutes ago, dangerous said: Hi guys, to clarify. I am not trying to invade her space. I am proposing to keep to the rules here: ie. outdoors and 2m away. Yes, I totally agree this is not what a date should look like in normal circs. The reason I was keen to move this to an actual date/meeting is that we have been texting for 6 weeks (during lockdown) and I do not want to continue this for another 6 weeks (as that is the likely continuation until social venues reopen). As I said, she has come back to me and agreed to meet, BUT if I am honest, the momentum HAS been lost. The texting and talking has continued for an artificially long time (due to the virus restrictions) and I realise that we are not compatible. Some views and interests have now come out and we are disparate. I think if we had met earlier, whether or not there was a physical attraction, this would have come out. But without the factor of physically meeting, it has finally come out by texting. Some say that online dating is futile in the current climate, due to the unlikelihood of meeting soon, and I agree largely. In fact I have hidden my profile so I don't get any new connections during the lockdown. However this was just one of two matches that have been started. Incidentally, the other one is still motivating (mutually) and we are considering a meet (again social distance) but we seem to be more moving at the same pace rather than resisting one or the other. We shall see. It sounds like the moment has just passed. I wouldn't meet up and lead her on. It's good that you may still be meeting the other woman. 1
Juha Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 (edited) I took it as she does not want to meet until you do not have to social distance on the date. Maybe she is being honest, maybe she is using that as an excuse because she is not interested in meeting. You would figure that she would at least want to meet to see if there is any chemistry in person but I can see how being multiple feet apart and wearing a mask would not be very easy to see how chemistry is or very romantic. Maybe pull back, talk less and when things better try to make plans to meet Unfortunately when there is interest and all you do is text or talk, never meeting in person things seem to fizzle out without meeting... Edited May 16, 2020 by Juha 1
chillii Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 (edited) l'd be thinking , unless l was 70 , l'd know if she's been safe and l'd know if l'd been safe , so if it was someone very special l'd be meeting anyway and it wouldn't be 2 mtrs apart , because l've always been a gambling sinner anyway haha. But eh , l'm not dating people nor in these times soooo, ps , and in the uk too l see, don't listen to me. Edited May 16, 2020 by chillii
elaine567 Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 14 hours ago, dangerous said: The texting and talking has continued for an artificially long time (due to the virus restrictions) and I realise that we are not compatible. Some views and interests have now come out and we are disparate. I think if we had met earlier, whether or not there was a physical attraction, this would have come out. But without the factor of physically meeting, it has finally come out by texting. And surely that is a good thing not a bad thing. You could have wasted months/years but due to the lockdown you searched her soul and it was found to be wanting...
miranda561 Posted May 16, 2020 Posted May 16, 2020 22 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Ok. I was a little confused as to what is what. SHE is expressing a lack of interest because she'd rather have a date when they CAN be close? Or is it that the OP doesn't feel it because SHE wants to continue with social distancing? Its not that difficult to undrstand
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