Repeat offender

May 13, 2020

10 hours ago, Shining One said:

I'm sure I've sent messages to women I've been on a date with years ago. My memory isn't what it used to be. Unless she stood out in some way, I'm probably not going to remember her. As i'm nearing 40, I'm having a hard time remembering all of the women I slept with, and that's a small fraction of the women I've been on dates with, which is tiny fraction of the women I've messaged on OLD over the years.

You feel you're losing your memory at not quite 40?

May 13, 2020

13 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

If these are really and truly the only things this guy is looking for, it's no wonder he doesn't remember you. Apparently he's just going through profiles looking for someone who matches at least two particular criteria. Also, "first dates are hard"? I don't think he means anything malicious, but I also don't think anything is going through his head at all.

Yes, while we're only hearing part of what this guy apparently wrote, I'm exactly getting a silver-tongued devil vibe here. "Some people have a way with words. Others oh no have way." - Steve Martin

May 13, 2020

Ha. Had that happen to me a few months ago from a woman who started asking me all kinds of questions and I had to remind her that we had communicated in the past. I feel that a good half a year had past, but she couldn't recall (or claimed so) even after giving her some details that I could remember of her. We both laughed it off with emojis and that was that. Funny. My profile and certainly my pics had not changed much, so I must not have been memorable in any way.

May 13, 2020

9 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

What a charming man you are, Shining One.

I think SO is just being realisitic. I'm not dating, but if I spent a fair bit of time chatting with someone I met (in any circumstance) two years ago, I'd have a tough time remembering them today.

Sure, we all want to imagine that we're memorable, but really, we're not.

May 13, 2020

41 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

You feel you're losing your memory at not quite 40?

I wouldn't say losing it, but it's certainly not as vivid as it once was. I used to be able to recall precise details about every single woman I talked to. The number of women I've spoken to has grown significantly over the years, so that's likely a factor in me being able to remember less of them.

I still remember a lot about specific women. I couldn't possibly list all of the women I went on a single to a few dates with though.

May 13, 2020

1 minute ago, Shining One said:

I wouldn't say losing it, but it's certainly not as vivid as it once was. I used to be able to recall precise details about every single woman I talked to. The number of women I've spoken to has grown significantly over the years, so that's likely a factor in me being able to remember less of them.

I still remember a lot about specific women. I couldn't possibly list all of the women I went on a single to a few dates with though.

Okay. I mean that would startle me and I'm older than you. It probably isn't any big deal, I'm not a doctor, it's just that I've read people aren't supposed to begin forgetting the little here-and-there stuff in a significant enough way to realize it's happening, until about mid-50s. Especially facial recognition, probably not the name if you're talking decades ago but human beings are very face-focused. We're biolgically wired that way, it's our survival. We rely on figuring out what the next person is thinking and what he or shw may do to a large extent on what the face is doing and we have a huge amount of possible facial expressions, tiny differences here and there. So like for instance...you might not go "Oh, you're Sue!" but you'd see the person and think "She looks weirdly familiar..."

I don't know...and especially with the OP's story...this is within the space of just a couple of years, I think? It seems weird to me...if I were that guy I'd be worried.

But he doesn't appear to be worrried so oh well! Someone else will inherit this senile old serial-dater. Move along, OP...

May 14, 2020

21 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

I posted on this topic in the past, but I think it bears repeating. Just recently, even though we're still on quarantine until further notice, I signed up on a few dating apps to try to make connections to people. And, once again, it happened - a repeat offender. I met this guy about two years ago. We got on alright, but recognized certain behaviors in him that were not good. I tend to attract this type with the OLD world and it's disconcerting - weak men. It's not a great sign if the buy can't even decide on a meeting place. Of course if you're going to meet you have to ask the person where they live so you can suggest / coordinate, so he chose the place once we agreed to meet. And we did. He was a good guy. But, we texted for a day or two afterward and then he went poof.

There was another time that this guy reached out to me on Facebook and said he wanted to meet me. I said "We already met a few years ago, never heard a word from you again." He said "Oh, well first dates are hard and I like the fact that we're about the same age and have no kids." I said "That was the case when I met you a few years ago and you STILL didn't contact me afterward. What makes you think I want to be with you now? Nothing's changed since." I forget his answer. I ended up blocking him.

I wonder if this guy who just sent a like (through Hinge) realizes. I turned it down, didn't want to face it. But I wonder what some of them are thinking when they reach out to someone after they'd met them or were at least chatting a bit with them at some point.

If if gollowing you correctly....

sometimes peop,e dated someone once, like them but felt closer or more connected to another person so they go with other person but it doesn’t work out do you woukd like a second chance with you.

May 14, 2020

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

But he doesn't appear to be worrried so oh well! Someone else will inherit this senile old serial-dater. Move along, OP...

That's a bit rude CG. He's done nothing to warrant being called 'senile old serial-dater. Some people are better with faces than others. It is what it is.

May 14, 2020

There are plenty of guys who do this, I don't know if women do it too. I think they just, literally, hit on every new woman who signs up and cross their fingers. The last guy I met through OLD is my current boyfriend and we're very happy so hopefully I'll never be on there again, but the one before him....what a total and utter doodoo bag that guy was! Hits on me, dates me for a month, then dumps me with no explanation or courtesy, then hits on me again the moment I reactivated my dating profile because he didn't recognise me!! I close that profile and go to another site as the mere sight of his smug, fake-smiling face as I scrolled through potential suitors just made me want to puke. I'd been on the new site less than half an hour, and turns out he's on there too and he hits on me again, STILL doesn't recognise me.....and then one more time on Bumble. I agree with what someone above said, that these people are mentally deficient in some way, and should be treated like the pox that they are.

May 14, 2020

15 hours ago, salparadise said:

I don't know, but it's the nature of it. It's no better from the other gender. Women flake all the time. In fact, I'd say it's the norm.

I met a woman on OKC a week ago, and her profile was fairly provocative, but she was educated and attractive. It was a mutual like, so I started a conversation. She was hinting that she'd like to get together, so I proposed something. I got an ambiguous response, so I said, "yay or nay please, I need to know so I can get organized." She said "Yay." We were talking about that evening. After a few more chit-chat messages, nothing more. When it was apparent she wasn't going to follow through I messaged again and asked what was the deal in a moderately pointed way. Well, she answered but took some offense at the tone. I reminded her that when I had asked for a definitive answer she had said "Yay." So then she walks it back and says, okay, over the weekend, apologizes and say she isn't a flaky person. She gives me her number asks me to call, but text first. Later I text, no answer. Meanwhile I see that she's uploading more provocative photos.

So I assumed that this wasn't going to happen and didn't message again. A few days later I unmatched and sent another pointed text, and blocked her. I'm ready to get off these apps for good. I don't know if it's just me, but behavior seems to be much worse now than it was a few years ago. People don't show each other any respect, so much attention seeking and ghosting that it's useless.

*Of course there's nothin inherently wrong with uploading photos, but I am just saying that she was doing that rather than communicating about arrangement we had already made. And it's reasonable to assume, based on the photos, that she was getting flooded with attention and probably had many guys on the string.

This!! I absolutely HATE this kind of crap. Why oh why do people do this kind of stuff and play these kind of games? Who raised them?

May 14, 2020

I don't know what to say about things like this. I do agree that OLD is a numbers game, it's all about going through one after another after another, etc. When I (or we) have encountered repeat offenders on the websites/apps it's ... Troubling I guess. It's equally as troubling when someone comes back with their lame excuse as to why they are reaching out again. Some may honestly not remember that they'd met you before - if that's the case the other party is not too bright to begin with and this is a NEXT. If someone does know that they've met you before and they reach out, should you remind them of the fact that you already did meet it's funny to see their response if they are going to respond - like the one I listed "First dates are hard." Meh. Now I just block them. I don't remind them, just move on.

May 14, 2020

On 5/13/2020 at 8:09 AM, salparadise said:

I don't know, but it's the nature of it. It's no better from the other gender. Women flake all the time. In fact, I'd say it's the norm.

I met a woman on OKC a week ago, and her profile was fairly provocative, but she was educated and attractive. It was a mutual like, so I started a conversation. She was hinting that she'd like to get together, so I proposed something. I got an ambiguous response, so I said, "yay or nay please, I need to know so I can get organized." She said "Yay." We were talking about that evening. After a few more chit-chat messages, nothing more. When it was apparent she wasn't going to follow through I messaged again and asked what was the deal in a moderately pointed way. Well, she answered but took some offense at the tone. I reminded her that when I had asked for a definitive answer she had said "Yay." So then she walks it back and says, okay, over the weekend, apologizes and say she isn't a flaky person. She gives me her number asks me to call, but text first. Later I text, no answer. Meanwhile I see that she's uploading more provocative photos.

So I assumed that this wasn't going to happen and didn't message again. A few days later I unmatched and sent another pointed text, and blocked her. I'm ready to get off these apps for good. I don't know if it's just me, but behavior seems to be much worse now than it was a few years ago. People don't show each other any respect, so much attention seeking and ghosting that it's useless.

*Of course there's nothin inherently wrong with uploading photos, but I am just saying that she was doing that rather than communicating about arrangement we had already made. And it's reasonable to assume, based on the photos, that she was getting flooded with attention and probably had many guys on the string.

Got ya beat on this one.

I scheduled a coffee date with a woman I had met via OLD. She didn't want to exchange phone numbers but asked me to add her on Facebook; probably a part of her vetting process. Anywho, she messaged me via Facebook to tell me she was going to be late. So, I responded to her message, tinkered around on Facebook and looked at her page. While I sat there waiting, she was on Facebook and posting selfies.. I sent her a message and told her not to worry about the date, wished her the best of luck and took off.

May 15, 2020

On 5/15/2020 at 4:31 AM, mortensorchid said:

Some may honestly not remember that they'd met you before - if that's the case the other party is not too bright to begin with and this is a NEXT.

That's just ego talking. Insult another person to make up for the fact that we're butt hurt about not being particularly memorable. As I said before, we may want to think we're memorable, but most of us aren't.

May 15, 2020

I’m sorry but I think that has to be a rare case of “it’s them” ...I mean how many people are they dating do not remember someone they were trying to dates? Or maybe memory issues. Isn’t good with faces? . I’ve dated extraordinarily plain, boring people, but I’ve never blanked so far that I couldn’t remember spending an hour or so on a date with them.x That’s kind of weird to me, but I guess it’s possible for a person that’s forgetful /has a high #

Edited May 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 15, 2020

I'm constantly staggered when I read about the numbers involved in 'dating'. When there's all this non exclusive dating, multiple people per week...how would they remember two years later?

May 15, 2020

On 5/14/2020 at 2:15 PM, OatsAndHall said:

Got ya beat on this one.

I scheduled a coffee date with a woman I had met via OLD. She didn't want to exchange phone numbers but asked me to add her on Facebook; probably a part of her vetting process. Anywho, she messaged me via Facebook to tell me she was going to be late. So, I responded to her message, tinkered around on Facebook and looked at her page. While I sat there waiting, she was on Facebook and posting selfies.. I sent her a message and told her not to worry about the date, wished her the best of luck and took off.

Devil's advocate...I think you can put pics up and schedule them to post later? Not that that's definitely what happened or anything but you never know.

May 15, 2020

10 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm constantly staggered when I read about the numbers involved in 'dating'. When there's all this non exclusive dating, multiple people per week...how would they remember two years later?

I might have the wrong impression but from what I see of forums like this it seems like people actually aren't dating that much, in fact nowhere near as much as they'd like to. I keep seeing that it takes weeks, months, etc. even to connect for a coffee.

May 15, 2020

Possibly confirmation bias accounts for our different interpretations.

May 16, 2020

42 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Possibly confirmation bias accounts for our different interpretations.

I think that's why we're asking...I mean it's impossible to really know why a person is forgotten.

May 16, 2020

I think it's because there are so many people coming and going in our lives. I would struggle to remember that person I spent a good while talking with at a friend's 40th birthday two years ago. For me to remember them, I need to either see them a number of times or have them be particularly memorable.

May 16, 2020

Talking about this with daughter - who does OLD. She said that if a person is really memorable and this creates connection, there will either be a second date. Or might never see them again because they were such a bad date. Being forgotten is better than being remembered for being a crap date.

May 16, 2020

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Talking about this with daughter - who does OLD. She said that if a person is really memorable and this creates connection, there will either be a second date. Or might never see them again because they were such a bad date. Being forgotten is better than being remembered for being a crap date.

I want to be the crap date that's remembered. I mean I know I can be offbeat. I'll take it! To each her own. Memories are also apparently very variable. But that only makes sense.

May 16, 2020

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I think it's because there are so many people coming and going in our lives. I would struggle to remember that person I spent a good while talking with at a friend's 40th birthday two years ago. For me to remember them, I need to either see them a number of times or have them be particularly memorable.

Interesting... yes I guess I’m different. I multidate /go on lots of dates, but to me to go on a Date to me is a bit different than just a casual conversation with someone at a party. I wouldn’t ever think of them without prompt, but I don’t need to see the date a second time or have them be particularly special at all for me to remember them from a picture. If I saw a dates pics I’d remember going on a date. The first time I heard of this even happening was on here and I honestly thought the person might just be negging the person , but I suppose some people are diff and really just don’t remember

Edited May 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 16, 2020

2 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Edited May 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 16, 2020

From my experience with dates sites , pretty short and sweet , but l could easily see not remembering someone a few yrs later, and you've probably changed your prof and pics since then too. Especially with how many dates people seem to go on round here. l've only been on on twice but the first time was after my marriage , they didn't have them last time l was single but man , talking to so many women l didn't have a clue of even her name half the time. Mind you as l say , my first time ever so l made a bit of a mess of it, l was only on it 6wks .

Edited May 16, 2020 by chillii

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