mortensorchid Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 I posted on this topic in the past, but I think it bears repeating. Just recently, even though we're still on quarantine until further notice, I signed up on a few dating apps to try to make connections to people. And, once again, it happened - a repeat offender. I met this guy about two years ago. We got on alright, but recognized certain behaviors in him that were not good. I tend to attract this type with the OLD world and it's disconcerting - weak men. It's not a great sign if the buy can't even decide on a meeting place. Of course if you're going to meet you have to ask the person where they live so you can suggest / coordinate, so he chose the place once we agreed to meet. And we did. He was a good guy. But, we texted for a day or two afterward and then he went poof. There was another time that this guy reached out to me on Facebook and said he wanted to meet me. I said "We already met a few years ago, never heard a word from you again." He said "Oh, well first dates are hard and I like the fact that we're about the same age and have no kids." I said "That was the case when I met you a few years ago and you STILL didn't contact me afterward. What makes you think I want to be with you now? Nothing's changed since." I forget his answer. I ended up blocking him. I wonder if this guy who just sent a like (through Hinge) realizes. I turned it down, didn't want to face it. But I wonder what some of them are thinking when they reach out to someone after they'd met them or were at least chatting a bit with them at some point. 1
basil67 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 If it's from a couple of years ago, the most likely answer is that he doesn't remember you from before. I don't imagine there's any other motive. 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 Cheezus...he sounds dense. I've got nothing else.
miranda561 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: I posted on this topic in the past, but I think it bears repeating. Just recently, even though we're still on quarantine until further notice, I signed up on a few dating apps to try to make connections to people. And, once again, it happened - a repeat offender. I met this guy about two years ago. We got on alright, but recognized certain behaviors in him that were not good. I tend to attract this type with the OLD world and it's disconcerting - weak men. It's not a great sign if the buy can't even decide on a meeting place. Of course if you're going to meet you have to ask the person where they live so you can suggest / coordinate, so he chose the place once we agreed to meet. And we did. He was a good guy. But, we texted for a day or two afterward and then he went poof. There was another time that this guy reached out to me on Facebook and said he wanted to meet me. I said "We already met a few years ago, never heard a word from you again." He said "Oh, well first dates are hard and I like the fact that we're about the same age and have no kids." I said "That was the case when I met you a few years ago and you STILL didn't contact me afterward. What makes you think I want to be with you now? Nothing's changed since." I forget his answer. I ended up blocking him. I wonder if this guy who just sent a like (through Hinge) realizes. I turned it down, didn't want to face it. But I wonder what some of them are thinking when they reach out to someone after they'd met them or were at least chatting a bit with them at some point. Who knows what theyre thinking. Ive too experienced this. Maybe hes just being desperate and hadnt found anyone else and thought you were decent so why not. Or hes bored. Or i dunno just being generally lame. 3
Uptown182 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) Yup had this happen to me a few times. I remember I had a date with one guy it went ok, he seemed into me, texting me for a few days then asked me for a second date and once I agreed he disappeared. Six months later he messaged me on the site, turning it on me saying he didn’t know what happened and that he really liked me. I told him he disappeared, his response was “I don’t remember it that way” I laughed and ignored the rest of his messages. Edited May 13, 2020 by Uptown182 1
miranda561 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) 37 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: Yup had this happen to me a few times. I remember I had a date with one guy it went ok, he seemed into me, texting me for a few days then asked me for a second date and once I agreed he disappeared. Six months later he messaged me on the site, turning it on me saying he didn’t know what happened and that he really liked me. I told him he disappeared, his response was “I don’t remember it that way” I laughed and ignored the rest of his messages. That's a bit rude to disappear After asking you out on a date. Why are online daters that flaky and inconsiderate So in other words exhausted all his other options then came back...charming Edited May 13, 2020 by miranda561 1 1
Erik30 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 2 hours ago, miranda561 said: So in other words exhausted all his other options then came back...charming This. He was still on dating apps all these years probably without any luck, got desperate, then saw your profile and remembered you were interested at some point... if he ghosted you and comes back now, it's likely because he doesn't have any other options 3
Shining One Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 I'm sure I've sent messages to women I've been on a date with years ago. My memory isn't what it used to be. Unless she stood out in some way, I'm probably not going to remember her. As i'm nearing 40, I'm having a hard time remembering all of the women I slept with, and that's a small fraction of the women I've been on dates with, which is tiny fraction of the women I've messaged on OLD over the years. 3
Shining One Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 I'm merely pointing out that memory can be fickle. I'm sure plenty of the women I've been on a date with don't remember me. 1
salparadise Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, miranda561 said: Why are online daters that flaky and inconsiderate I don't know, but it's the nature of it. It's no better from the other gender. Women flake all the time. In fact, I'd say it's the norm. I met a woman on OKC a week ago, and her profile was fairly provocative, but she was educated and attractive. It was a mutual like, so I started a conversation. She was hinting that she'd like to get together, so I proposed something. I got an ambiguous response, so I said, "yay or nay please, I need to know so I can get organized." She said "Yay." We were talking about that evening. After a few more chit-chat messages, nothing more. When it was apparent she wasn't going to follow through I messaged again and asked what was the deal in a moderately pointed way. Well, she answered but took some offense at the tone. I reminded her that when I had asked for a definitive answer she had said "Yay." So then she walks it back and says, okay, over the weekend, apologizes and say she isn't a flaky person. She gives me her number asks me to call, but text first. Later I text, no answer. Meanwhile I see that she's uploading more provocative photos. So I assumed that this wasn't going to happen and didn't message again. A few days later I unmatched and sent another pointed text, and blocked her. I'm ready to get off these apps for good. I don't know if it's just me, but behavior seems to be much worse now than it was a few years ago. People don't show each other any respect, so much attention seeking and ghosting that it's useless. *Of course there's nothin inherently wrong with uploading photos, but I am just saying that she was doing that rather than communicating about arrangement we had already made. And it's reasonable to assume, based on the photos, that she was getting flooded with attention and probably had many guys on the string. Edited May 13, 2020 by salparadise 2
dangerous Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 5 hours ago, Erik30 said: This. He was still on dating apps all these years probably without any luck, got desperate, then saw your profile and remembered you were interested at some point... if he ghosted you and comes back now, it's likely because he doesn't have any other options Not necessarily. Its possible like many, he found someone at the time, had a relationship, and it ended, so he's back on the site, saw you and remembered he liked you. It's another possibility.
miranda561 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, salparadise said: I don't know, but it's the nature of it. It's no better from the other gender. Women flake all the time. In fact, I'd say it's the norm. I met a woman on OKC a week ago, and her profile was fairly provocative, but she was educated and attractive. It was a mutual like, so I started a conversation. She was hinting that she'd like to get together, so I proposed something. I got an ambiguous response, so I said, "yay or nay please, I need to know so I can get organized." She said "Yay." We were talking about that evening. After a few more chit-chat messages, nothing more. When it was apparent she wasn't going to follow through I messaged again and asked what was the deal in a moderately pointed way. Well, she answered but took some offense at the tone. I reminded her that when I had asked for a definitive answer she had said "Yay." So then she walks it back and say, okay, over the weekend, apologizes and say she isn't a flaky person. She gives me her number asks me to call, but text first. Later I text, no answer. Meanwhile I see that she's uploading more photos. So I assumed that this wasn't going to happen and didn't message again. A few days later I unmatched and sent another pointed text, and blocked her. I'm ready to get off these apps for good. I don't know if it's just me, but behavior seems to be much worse now than it was a few years ago. People don't show each other any respect, so much attention seeking and ghosting that it's useless. *Of course there's nothin inherently wrong with uploading photos, but I am just saying that she was doing that rather than communicating about arrangement we had already made. And it's reasonable to assume, based on the photos, that she was getting flooded with attention and probably had a dozen guy on the string for meetups. I agree but she sounds exactly like what i described. Probably someone just seeking attention. A selfish woman. I myself havent been ghosted on an app .its usually been mutual thing. And also if im not feeling it i tend to let the other person kknow instead of ignoring their messages Edited May 13, 2020 by miranda561 1
dangerous Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 OLD is a MASSIVE numbers game. tbh I've NEVER had a successful relationship from OLD, all mine (only a few!) have been through real life/ social. I'm still on OLD but I regard it as another tool. I talk to many women over the year and most fall by the wayside, eg. boring or hostile replies, they get fed up, I get fed up etc. And yes I agree with some who say it can bring out the worst in people: entitlement, rudeness, fickle, etc etc. I try to keep my own frustration under control but sometimes I can't resist meeting rudeness with similar back. One example the other day: I contacted a woman, and she replied, asking whether we had talked before? I answered with "Have we?" and she retorted "Have we what?". I just said "Oh forget it!" lol PS: She then blocked me
miranda561 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, dangerous said: OLD is a MASSIVE numbers game. tbh I've NEVER had a successful relationship from OLD, all mine (only a few!) have been through real life/ social. I'm still on OLD but I regard it as another tool. I talk to many women over the year and most fall by the wayside, eg. boring or hostile replies, they get fed up, I get fed up etc. And yes I agree with some who say it can bring out the worst in people: entitlement, rudeness, fickle, etc etc. I try to keep my own frustration under control but sometimes I can't resist meeting rudeness with similar back. One example the other day: I contacted a woman, and she replied, asking whether we had talked before? I answered with "Have we?" and she retorted "Have we what?". I just said "Oh forget it!" lol PS: She then blocked me Had you spoken to her before
dangerous Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 1 minute ago, miranda561 said: Had you spoken to her before I don't think so. But I will never know!!
introverted1 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 2 hours ago, salparadise said: I'm ready to get off these apps for good. I don't know if it's just me, but behavior seems to be much worse now than it was a few years ago. I'm guessing that, with covid and quarantines, people have a lot more time on their hands, so there is probably an increase in activity that's being driven by boredom (or a desire for validation), rather than actual desire to find someone. Not that this doesn't exist even in the best of times, but likely more of it now. I just got out of something, so I guess I'll find out soon enough.
Fletch Lives Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 People who you met years ago and dropped the ball and then want to hit the reset button? - we call them crazy. The block and delete buttons are your friend. 2
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 I don't believe there is anything wrong with reaching out, but I do believe carrying any amount of resentment or contempt over a past experience is an error... You can dip your toes into the water, with boundaries and see if anything has changed... If nothing has, move on, if something has, don't immediately drop your boundaries, just continue to be cautious. Overall, you can't 100% blame other people for your bad interactions with them, unless they like kidnap you or something crazy like this. I was watching Karate Kid yesterday or the day before and Mr. Miyagi said "A man with no forgiveness in his heart, is already dead" in response to why he didn't kill the other gym's leader when given the opportunity to. I know you are not a man, OP, but I think its still applicable.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 This is the problem with OLD. Back when I was playing the numbers game, I met a this guy once. I remember thinking that he was socially awkward but don't remember if he tried to communicate with me afterwards and what I said. Fast forward 2 years and he has different photos and I messaged him. I had no idea it's him. He knew that we met right away and reminded me and was offended that I didn't remember. Also don't assume that people like me are shallow. I either form deep connections or nothing at all - so I don't waste much time in being polite. OLD has also declined in quality in the last 10 years or so. I initially assumed it's because I was older. But the I made a fake profile, subtracting a decade from my age and quality of guys was just as bad. So yeah, he likely doesn't remember - especially if you updated pics and changed your look.
SumGuy Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 I may be hard pressed to remember women from 30 years ago saw only once, but in OLD or the last 5 years, yes I don't forget. I guess it depends on how it ends, if it was you had plans and they never showed or even responded...no way would ever consider them, and it is a very bad sign they so easily forgot. That's the kind of thing I think one would feel guilty about and not forget, it's not a crime but still a bridge burning move. Forgetting sends the message you are not memorable, not a message that usually attracts interest except for women who are deep cover spies.
smackie9 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 It's a common thing, some people quickly dismiss things they have no interest in, not to fill up head space. Not a good feeling when you weren't memorable enough to be remembered. Block/delete works best in these situations.
preraph Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 I think a lot of men and women are just on OLD uploading photos and accepting compliments to feed their egos. 2
Malin889 Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 Mortenschild -- I had what I thought were two great dates back in January. The guy was texting me for two weeks every day nonstop, was telling his friends and family about me, couldn't stop saying how great I was. I was very hopeful... for a couple weeks. Then it fizzled. Nothing bad happened. We just stopped communicating. A month later, he saw me again on the website, he "liked" and "matched" with me, then started messaging me, as if he'd never met before, never walked me to my car, never hugged and kissed me... pretended as if he didn't know me. I thought he was playing some weird game. Then, I realized, he wasn't pretending! He forgot about me, but then remembered again. Ok, it was 4-5 weeks since we went on these two supposedly fabulous dates. I couldn't be more insulted. I said a couple of smartass remarks to him, then blocked him. I think he felt like a fool that he didn't remember me. So don't feel bad! And keep movin', your dude is just around the corner.
lana-banana Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 20 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He said "Oh, well first dates are hard and I like the fact that we're about the same age and have no kids." If these are really and truly the only things this guy is looking for, it's no wonder he doesn't remember you. Apparently he's just going through profiles looking for someone who matches at least two particular criteria. Also, "first dates are hard"? I don't think he means anything malicious, but I also don't think anything is going through his head at all.
Recommended Posts