downcydeguy Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 My good friend called me earlier today and was completely distraught. He knows I'm going through a rough time in my relationship so he courteously asked about that first. Well, then he states his problem. The girl he's been with for 4 years cheated on him while she was out of town a few months ago. Here's the situation: they have always gotten along wonderfully and he has told me many times that he wants to marry her. So, he bought an engagement ring a few weeks ago. He hasn't asked her yet because he's got a special time and place that he wants to do it. Well he was defragging his pc this morning and decided to use hers. She had left her email minimized at the bottom of the screen so he opened it. Now before you jump all over him about spying, he's never once gotten suspicious of her for anything, so he didn't do this with intention on reading all her mail. Anyway, I guess halfway down the page has one titled "Did you ever call him back?". This was from a close friend of hers. Well, he opened it. He said that tears rolled as he read it. I guess while she was out of town a few months ago, she hooked up with some guy at the hotel bar. Now apparently this email had been replied to back and forth quite a few times because he read quite a few excerpts to me from different dates. She tells her friend how amazing it was to have sex with a stranger with no strings attached and no chance of being caught! (oops!) Her friend does say something about "I bet you can't wait to go out of town again" and her response was "Nah, I think once was enough". So what should he do?? It appears as though this was a one-time deal and she has no desire to repeat. Plus, he just paid $1800 for an engagement ring. He's a complete mess and doesn't know how he's gonna react when she gets home tomorrow. I told him that I personally would somehow bring up the topic of her trip and ask her to tell me a little more about it. Give her a chance to come clean. But either way, end it. Cheating is never acceptable in my book. He's not so sure. What do you all think? How would you react in his shoes?
einahpets Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 some people can forgive cheating, others can't. i think that they should decide what is right for them, but the issue definatly needs to be talked about. and if they decide to try and make it work they will need to get some counseling, they are going to have a lot of issues from now on. and definatly wait on the proposal! if i was in his shoes i would definatly leave her. but i don't know her and i am not him, so who can say what is right for their relationship...?
RecordProducer Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Now before you jump all over him about spying, he's never once gotten suspicious of her for anything, so he didn't do this with intention on reading all her mail. He wasn't really spying. Nothing wrong with reading her email. She shouldn't have any secrets from him so the fact that he cought her in the worst (she counted on privacy) speaks how right he was for sneaking around. She tells her friend how amazing it was to have sex with a stranger with no strings attached and no chance of being caught! (oops!) Her friend does say something about "I bet you can't wait to go out of town again" and her response was "Nah, I think once was enough". Her mindset is actually alarming! She feels no regrets for doing it which makes me think that she might do it again sometime. Just because she doesn't want to do it now doesn't mean that she won't do it ever again. But if they go through it, she might see how much she hurt him and be faithful in the future. So what should he do?? It appears as though this was a one-time deal and she has no desire to repeat. Plus, he just paid $1800 for an engagement ring. He's a complete mess and doesn't know how he's gonna react when she gets home tomorrow. She will probably not admit anything until he actually shows her the email. I think he should just ask her if she has ever cheated on him, not mention the trip. The money he paid for the engagement ring is not a reason to marry her. Even if he forgives her, he shouldn't propose to her until he is over this.
jaye Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 I think RP is right. But then cheating is not as big of a deal as it used to be almost everybody cheats. Its Fun ;)
RecordProducer Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 But then cheating is not as big of a deal as it used to be almost everybody cheats. Its Fun ;) So many broken hearts make it big of a deal. I don't believe that almost everybody cheats. As for fun, would it be fun for you if your partner, who you're in love with, cheated on you?
jaye Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 So many broken hearts make it big of a deal. I don't believe that almost everybody cheats. As for fun, would it be fun for you if your partner, who you're in love with, cheated on you? na you are right i'm trying to make her/him feel good
RecordProducer Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 na you are right i'm trying to make her/him feel good Interestingly, I have discovered that most people who seek advice prefer if you make them feel bad than good. Seriously, they don't want to hear "Don't worry, everything's gonna be just fine." They want to hear "Your situation sucks... I feel fo ya... You must be really miserable... I would be too... Why don't you just shoot yourself right away?" Then you get a reply from them: "Thanks. Now I know I am not an idiot for feeling this way." They don't care about their partner's feelings as much as about their own. I guess that's healthier after all. You can live without your partner, but not without yourself.
jaye Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Interestingly, I have discovered that most people who seek advice prefer if you make them feel bad than good. Seriously, they don't want to hear "Don't worry, everything's gonna be just fine." They want to hear "Your situation sucks... I feel fo ya... You must be really miserable... I would be too... Why don't you just shoot yourself right away?" Then you get a reply from them: "Thanks. Now I know I am not an idiot for feeling this way." They don't care about their partner's feelings as much as about their own. I guess that's healthier after all. You can live without your partner, but not without yourself. YEAH JUST LIKE YOU CAN LIE TO EVERYONE BUT YOU CAN'T LIE TO YOURSELF CAN'T HIDE FORM YOURSELF, YOU ARE RIGHT I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE CHEAT EVEN IF THEY ARE IN REAL GOOD RELATIONSHIP. I GUESS EVERYBODY SHOULD REMEMBER JOHN BOBBIT FOR EXAMPLE.
Author downcydeguy Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 Well here's the update on this situation: His g/f came home that next afternoon. He decided not to jump right into it so their afternoon went somewhat routinely. He took her out to dinner and decided to bring up the topic of her traveling for work. He says that she was short with details and said that the trips were just boring old meetings for the most part. She mentioned that she basically just grabs a few drinks from the bar with an associate then goes to bed. Great segue for him! He trys to dig a little more about the "associates" that she drinks with. She again gives short, vague answers. He makes up some story about watching a show on tv about women having affairs while on the road and admits to her that he felt lucky that he was with someone so trustworthy that he wouldn't ever have to fear that. Nothing more comes of this convo. Well, yesterday, she caved in. She told him that she feels so terrible about what she's done and has to talk with him. He plays it off as though he has no idea! Get this!: She cries as she tells him that she slept with a guy from the office last week!! He becomes enraged and asks if it's the only time its happened and she says yes. He leaves and comes to my place. It gets better! (sorry, I mean worse) He calls up her good friend (from the initial email) and asks her if she knew about her cheating. The friend says yes and asks how he knew. He told her that he checked her email. Well the friend thinks he referring to a DIFFERENT email and says that she tried to convince his g/f not to mess around with a guy she met at a local nightclub!!! So that's actually 3 different men she's messed around with!! Of course he's makin her hit the road now!! I feel so badly for him. Have any of you ever ran into a terrible situation like this? I mean, my current g/f has turned out to be something I never thought she could be but this takes the cake for surprises!!!
westernxer Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Can he get a full refund on that engagement ring?
Aimée Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Boy, that was a really bad story... I can't imagine that someone would lie to me like this for years. And her friend is also not much better than her, I like my friends, but I guess I'd lose a lot of respect for them if I found them to be cheating on their boyfriend on a perpetual basis. I hope he didn't catch anything?
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