Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 9 minutes ago, Rc8 said: If you read that message again it says it could possibly have had an effect, not that it was the reason. Yes I do go to the gym regularly or else I wouldn't think this might be part of a problem, so did she until she stopped. I also tend to date woman whose lifestyle is comparable to my own, people change and so do feelings, hence the message for advice. Honestly, you provide no other information other than her weight. No other to start, so it is logical for me to presume that that is the issue. You haven't had sex in 7-months. Why? How can there anything else when ALL YOU HAVE TALKED ABOUT IS HER WEIGHT??? 1
preraph Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 That's not up to you. That's up to her what she does. Trying to control that is overly controlling but you are perfectly within your rights to just leave if you can't live with her how she is. 1
Author Rc8 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Posted May 12, 2020 10 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Honestly, you provide no other information other than her weight. No other to start, so it is logical for me to presume that that is the issue. You haven't had sex in 7-months. Why? How can there anything else when ALL YOU HAVE TALKED ABOUT IS HER WEIGHT??? Calm down my friend, you've not sent one message that doesn't come across as aggressive the issue is unknown which is why I'm confused and seeked this forum for help or advice incase anyone had been through the same. I mearly stated in a reply to someone that she recently let herself go and it COULD have been part of it. I didn't mention anything else that could have an effect because I don't know, again, looking for advice. Anyway your helps been noted my friend thanks x
Author Rc8 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Posted May 12, 2020 9 minutes ago, preraph said: That's not up to you. That's up to her what she does. Trying to control that is overly controlling but you are perfectly within your rights to just leave if you can't live with her how she is. I completely get that and that's not what I was trying to do, I was offering her to exercise with me to see if she would get back into it, if not then fine that's not a problem that's just how she wants to be. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 6 minutes ago, Rc8 said: Calm down my friend, you've not sent one message that doesn't come across as aggressive the issue is unknown which is why I'm confused and seeked this forum for help or advice incase anyone had been through the same. I mearly stated in a reply to someone that she recently let herself go and it COULD have been part of it. I didn't mention anything else that could have an effect because I don't know, again, looking for advice. Anyway your helps been noted my friend thanks x Ha ha. I use caps to hi-light. Don't be frightened. So, you are asking us to read your mind?
Author Rc8 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Posted May 12, 2020 2 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Ha ha. I use caps to hi-light. Don't be frightened. So, you are asking us to read your mind? Nobodys frightened, it's literally a relationship advice forum. I was asking for advice from anyone that had been in the same situation, are you just replying to reply now?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 15 minutes ago, Rc8 said: Nobodys frightened, it's literally a relationship advice forum. I was asking for advice from anyone that had been in the same situation, are you just replying to reply now? How can you get advice when you don't provide any other information? Anyway, you have been told to let her go. Are you responding just to respond now?
Wave Rider Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 On 5/11/2020 at 1:07 PM, Rc8 said: Not really, just slowly lost attraction. She has slowly let herself go, not alot but a bit, and gets annoyed if I ever suggest we go to the gym or out running together but refuses to change to be healthy. I think this might have had an effect too I'm having trouble believing that you have no idea whatsoever why your feelings disappeared. Like there's gotta be a reason for it. Did your feelings just mysteriously vanish with no explanation, even though she did not change in any significant way? If she stopped caring about her appearance, that's a reason. 1
basil67 Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 @Wave Rider I've been in the same situation as the OP where I didn't know why I didn't want sex with my ex-husband. Honestly, it wasn't until after I left and was able to look back with a clear view that I figured it all out.
Wave Rider Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, basil67 said: @Wave Rider I've been in the same situation as the OP where I didn't know why I didn't want sex with my ex-husband. Honestly, it wasn't until after I left and was able to look back with a clear view that I figured it all out. What did you find out? And you couldn't come up with an answer at the time through introspection or therapy?
basil67 Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Wave Rider said: What did you find out? And you couldn't come up with an answer at the time through introspection or therapy? So we're going back to about '92 and there wasn't the help available then that there is now. Nor were there message boards to ask questions. I knew that I was unhappy in the marriage, but didn't realise that (for me) in order to have ongoing sexual attraction, there needs to be ongoing emotional connection.
Wave Rider Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 12 minutes ago, basil67 said: So we're going back to about '92 and there wasn't the help available then that there is now. Nor were there message boards to ask questions. I knew that I was unhappy in the marriage, but didn't realise that (for me) in order to have ongoing sexual attraction, there needs to be ongoing emotional connection. OK, I can believe that. Of course I've been situations where I couldn't really describe why I felt the way I did, and it was only long afterward with a lot of thinking and study that I was able to determine what was really going on. 1
NoLeafClover Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 It's a shame that I have to login on here after so many years just to comment on some people replying on here attacking the OP. Why does it have to be everytime the usual answer ' do her a favor and leave her' . You guys need to stop putting people down on here everytime they want to breakup with their SO. OP, you have every right to tell your GF she needs to pick her crap up and start working towards herself, being physical or just things in life. You also have every right to not find your gf attractive anymore and not feel bad about it afterwards. My suggestion is that before you pull the plug, try to picture what life would be if you were with someone who you could find attractive but just wasn't compatible with you? For me when it came to picking a life long partner, the looks never outweigh the personality. If anything, I've had a harder time finding someone I could feel compatible with long term then the way they looked. That's not to say that looks don't matter. it is important to find your partner sexually attractive. 1
Author Rc8 Posted June 8, 2020 Author Posted June 8, 2020 On 5/22/2020 at 8:17 PM, NoLeafClover said: It's a shame that I have to login on here after so many years just to comment on some people replying on here attacking the OP. Why does it have to be everytime the usual answer ' do her a favor and leave her' . You guys need to stop putting people down on here everytime they want to breakup with their SO. OP, you have every right to tell your GF she needs to pick her crap up and start working towards herself, being physical or just things in life. You also have every right to not find your gf attractive anymore and not feel bad about it afterwards. My suggestion is that before you pull the plug, try to picture what life would be if you were with someone who you could find attractive but just wasn't compatible with you? For me when it came to picking a life long partner, the looks never outweigh the personality. If anything, I've had a harder time finding someone I could feel compatible with long term then the way they looked. That's not to say that looks don't matter. it is important to find your partner sexually attractive. Thanks man, I hadn't logged on for a while because I didn't feel like I was getting any further and felt worse after posting thanks for seeing it from my point of view.
mucha Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 @Rc8 I just had this converation wtih my now ex gf. She was very upset at first but got on board and was tracking calories etc for a week. Soon though things worsened rapidly wiht how she perceived the relationship. I told her that I wasn't ending the relationship about this but I wanted to be honest about what I found attractive and that if we were going to do this for the rest of our lives we needed to be aware of what one another found pleasing. She went and told her friends about the converation and things got much, much worse after that. I'm glad I had that talk with her because it would have been silly to throw away an amazing relationship over 20-30 pounds of flab, but the fallout was too much for us. I encourage you to talk honestly with your SO about what you're thinking and offer your support. THe world we live in is absolutely screaming at people to dump their partners over everything and they seem to relish the drama, so look at this like a problem you can solve rather than a dealbreaker if it's not too late.
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