Rc8 Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 I've been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years now, at the start I had a sexual attraction to her but now I don't. We haven't had sexual contact for around 7 months, even when she tries (which she doesn't really anymore) I would just say no. My sex drive is fine as I catch myself looking at other girls now and again, even though I would never cheat. Everything else in our relationship is going great and I still love her but keep having doubts because of this. Should I end it? Go on a break or just stay with these thoughts bouncing around? I feel I'm kind of being untrue to her as well as myself as she has needs too.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 Did something happen or change 7 months ago that contributed to this? 1
Author Rc8 Posted May 11, 2020 Author Posted May 11, 2020 Not really, just slowly lost attraction. She has slowly let herself go, not alot but a bit, and gets annoyed if I ever suggest we go to the gym or out running together but refuses to change to be healthy. I think this might have had an effect too
python23 Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 literally the exact same position im in, I wouldn't say im a gym freak, but I like to maintain a level of fitness and im aware that I cannot eat everything in sight all day every day, my girlfriend has no interest in fitness, she doesn't pay much interest in staying disciplined when it comes to diet, and its such a turn off, to a point now where im not attracted to her sexually. I think we both need to end it 1
Realitysux Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 You should just end it as a women, it's better to be broken up with immediately then to let something like this drag on. They will get over it. Both of the women will. 1
Author Rc8 Posted May 11, 2020 Author Posted May 11, 2020 Yeah I was thinking that, just hard cause she's honestly the best human being ever but when there's something missing it's then out of your hands 1
notbroken Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 Why be with someone you aren't attracted to. Do her and yourself a favor and break it off asap. 2
K.K. Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 19 minutes ago, Rc8 said: Yeah I was thinking that, just hard cause she's honestly the best human being ever but when there's something missing it's then out of your hands Yep. It’s sad when this happens. But it does. Sometimes it’s not even about what they do or don’t look like anymore.The wind just changes direction and it’s over. “It’s out of your hands.” Smart guy. 1
Realitysux Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 (edited) Its selfish not to. A man didn't like me but he did the dump so slowly, that I am a mess. I am laughing at myself a little cause oh boy. It isn't a good site at all but now that's it's over and he's gone, I can begin to heal from this. Edited May 11, 2020 by Realitysux 1
ShyViolet Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 Just end it. You both deserve to be in relationships that make you happy, and the longer you let this mediocre, dead relationship drag on, the more you are delaying the chances for both of you to move on to someone else who you could be happier with. You two are not sexually compatible. Sexual compatibility is an essential part of a relationship. 1
Malin889 Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 3 hours ago, Rc8 said: Yeah, just as everyone else said, it's best to let this relationship go. Open the lines of communication and talk to her about it (but be gentle). She might be feeling the same way, you never know! 1
Silver_star Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 I will play devils advocate here because no one seems to be pointing out the other side to this. So I will give you a slightly different angle as a caution. You have been slowly losing attraction to your girlfriend, who I am assuming brings good qualities other than her looks to the relationship as you stated she is the "best human you have ever met". Looks will always fade with age. That is just reality..you can go for a younger or different looking girlfriend and keep trading them in as you lose interest in their looks, but they too will get old, and have different personalities and needs, some of them may even be awful, and you may crap out and get stuck with one in your life forever by having a child. Wouldn't you rather choose to work on things with someone you actually find to be an interesting person, someone you consider to be a friend? No doubt after 2 years you are both more comfortable in the relationship and not putting your best foot forward. Have you ever had a discussion about the little things you like that she has stopped doing? Have you thought about the things that attracted to you to her to begin with? Her eyes, her lips, her legs..whatever that might be. Could you ask her in a playful way to maybe wear things that accentuate her features more, even by paying compliments to those parts of her body you like the most (Even if now you are finding them less attractive due to weight) that may make her feel more desired. By focusing on the negative only you are choosing to dismiss a lot of positives. Perhaps if you brought more attention to the fact that you still find (parts) her attractive she would put in more effort subconsciously and want to work on herself. At the end of the day if you don't think this relationship can be salvaged because you find the idea of sleeping with her repulsive, and you have lost all of those romantic feelings for her then let her go. BUT with the warning that once she is gone she has no obligation to come back to you ever. Once you let her go, she will likely regain some confidence after a while, and put some work into herself, and then she is some other man's blessing and not yours. I know you are thinking of what opportunity may await you on the other side, and perhaps there is..but it goes both ways, so she is yours to lose if you think your 2 years investment with her is not worth the deeper conversation about what is really lacking in your relationship. 3
rjc149 Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 Beauty fades with age, but that's not something you need to face in your 20's. If your girlfriend isn't making any effort to maintain an appealing figure and she gets prickly when you bring it up, that's a hard next right there. No reason a guy your age needs to put up with that. And it's not fair to her to potentially let yourself betray her when a more attractive women makes herself available. You're not being fair to each other and it appears to be getting worse, not better. Time to end it. 2
preraph Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 Did one of you start acting like the other one's mother or father? Because being either the parent or child roll will kill sexual attraction in a relationship and it's not that unusual that it happens. 2
K.K. Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 1 hour ago, preraph said: Did one of you start acting like the other one's mother or father? Because being either the parent or child roll will kill sexual attraction in a relationship and it's not that unusual that it happens. So true. Or brother. I call this the brother effect. Once you love them like a brother, it’s all over. Comes from not actively trying to keep up any of the sexy feelings. Being too wide open with certain things. You need to maintain a certain amount of mystery and at least try to be the sexy man you started out being. Too many lazy days laying around in their skid marked underwear with unbrushed teeth or one fart too many and blam- it’s brother time. 2
chillii Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 Sounds like it's sister time actually , you described the male version of women that get like that , l know exactly what op is being very polite about saying . But even if you could nudge her into it op , 20s , what your seeing now is the future l'm afraid. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 19 hours ago, Rc8 said: Not really, just slowly lost attraction. She has slowly let herself go, not alot but a bit, and gets annoyed if I ever suggest we go to the gym or out running together but refuses to change to be healthy. I think this might have had an effect too You start by saying "Not really, just slowly lost attraction." and then proceed to detail THE HUGE reason why you no longer find her attractive. You say 'not alot but a bit,' but then talk about her making changes to be 'healthy.' It sounds like much more than "a bit." Do you go to the gym regularly? Is it a lifestyle for you or just something you have considered because you no longer find your gf attractive? Any woman I have dated is aware of my active, fitness conscious lifestyle. I only tend to date those whose LIFESTYLE is comparable to my own or at least willing to participate in a meaningful manner. Perhaps being a model for change and doing something more recreational liking walking, or biking, not jump right into the gym? In the end, if she doesn't change and you are not attracted, it is either a long road of misery or you break it off. 7-months without sex...no way that is working or sustainable, under the circumstance. 1
preraph Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 Just let her go. She can find someone who isn't as strict about her weight, I promise you. She'll be better off in the long run. 2
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 You're not loyal to her, and are doing her a great disservice by playing the role of boyfriend when your heart is not really in it. She deserves better than that. Pull the plug fast, as it will hurt less in the long run than if you let things slowly dwindle down to nothing. In the future, if you require a woman to maintain a certain physical standard in order to want to remain with her, let her know in advance what your expectations are. 2
Author Rc8 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Posted May 12, 2020 5 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: You start by saying "Not really, just slowly lost attraction." and then proceed to detail THE HUGE reason why you no longer find her attractive. You say 'not alot but a bit,' but then talk about her making changes to be 'healthy.' It sounds like much more than "a bit." Do you go to the gym regularly? Is it a lifestyle for you or just something you have considered because you no longer find your gf attractive? Any woman I have dated is aware of my active, fitness conscious lifestyle. I only tend to date those whose LIFESTYLE is comparable to my own or at least willing to participate in a meaningful manner. Perhaps being a model for change and doing something more recreational liking walking, or biking, not jump right into the gym? In the end, if she doesn't change and you are not attracted, it is either a long road of misery or you break it off. 7-months without sex...no way that is working or sustainable, under the circumstance. If you read that message again it says it could possibly have had an effect, not that it was the reason. Yes I do go to the gym regularly or else I wouldn't think this might be part of a problem, so did she until she stopped. I also tend to date woman whose lifestyle is comparable to my own, people change and so do feelings, hence the message for advice.
Author Rc8 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Posted May 12, 2020 4 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: You're not loyal to her, and are doing her a great disservice by playing the role of boyfriend when your heart is not really in it. She deserves better than that. Pull the plug fast, as it will hurt less in the long run than if you let things slowly dwindle down to nothing. In the future, if you require a woman to maintain a certain physical standard in order to want to remain with her, let her know in advance what your expectations are. I am loyal but I understand where your coming from, thanks. And again I didn't say that was the reason I was no longer attracted I said it could have had n effect.
Author Rc8 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Posted May 12, 2020 5 hours ago, preraph said: Just let her go. She can find someone who isn't as strict about her weight, I promise you. She'll be better off in the long run. There's no weight problem, more looking after yourself that's all. When suggesting to come with me to exercise its more about her well being and health but I get what you mean.
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