Leojax Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) On 5/19/2020 at 3:12 PM, Versacehottie said: What Acacia said is correct. Most likely she won't have him back or she is making him work for it. It doesn't change the fact that you are number 2 by a long shot in this scenario. Who wants to be number 2? Also it's not just a factor of what HE wants. It's a factor of what she wants and perhaps his pride (which wavers back and forth in weak moments and then moments of false bravado) Also importantly, you think like lots of people do in that your first assumption is that he would want to be with "Someone". That is often not the case. Even if you would process your feelings that way, doesn't mean he or another guy would. Most likely, he'd rather be single and out getting ego boosts from a variety of girls while his heart heals from the one he can't have. That's what the lyrics are about essentially. I don't think that you thought they were for you, did you? To me, they are the exact opposite (and I'm familiar with the song): it basically means though you might hear I'm with someone else and it might look like i'm moving on, I'd rather be anywhere with you (the ex); meaning the ex is still top of their mind and that's where his heart is. To be posting that sh*t, shows how lovesick and what a play he is making to try to tug on her heartstrings. Not that I would recommend it, but you could do an experiment where you "presume" that post WAS meant for you. And mention it--I bet he would then run so fast from even messing with you. He'd panic. I think sometimes people stick their heads in the sand and ignore what is going on right in front of you and the reality. You look for signs through the friends and false presumptions trying to make a case that it "could" go your way. Maybe in the future but now, no. I don't think you should put yourself through this. He's using you. Maybe consciously, maybe subconsciously. If he's like a lot of guys, he's probably not thinking that deep about what this is doing to you--just sees you as a willing participant--meanwhile he has his number one agenda and top priority and it's not you. Throw him a curve ball. Don't wait til he moves on or strings you along and it's messing with you. On your own, decide to walk away now from the mature standpoint that you want and deserve more and he's not in a position to give it to you now. Being slightly sympathetic to the fact that he's a lovesick puppy and not super emotional should help you. It will at least balance things where you have more of equal or even you in the power position. And if you think about it, that's probably a huge part of why is pining after her: she is in power position. Oldest story in the book: people want what they can't have. It's an ego thing. So you have to fix that part first in a respect manner before he would ever really take you seriously to date. And then there is the part that he needs to fix which you can do nothing to speed along (except for not being his crutch) is the time it takes to heal. You don't want to be the crutch. Goodluck don’t chase. Edited June 19, 2020 by Leojax
Author Emmafive Posted June 19, 2020 Author Posted June 19, 2020 Update: I decided to leave him alone. Our mutual friend said that 3 weeks ago she called him and said she missed him and he said he missed her too and how the break up has been terrible for the both of them. They said they would get together and talk once she got back into town. He started liking her old pictures and texted her the next day saying, “hurry up and come home”. Well she contacted him 4 days later saying she was going to be back in town soon and he was pretty aloof with her. She asked if they were still going to see each other and he said, “yea, if it doesn’t rain I’ll come out”. The ex said well if he was going to act like that there was no point in coming back into town. That was that. He’s still looking at her insta stories and she’s still not looking at his posts. like I said before if he wanted her back he would’ve put in the effort to see her, but he didn’t. Instead he was playing a lame game saying he would go out and see her if it didn’t rain haha. He doesn’t want her.
kendahke Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 All of that is called 'taking her temperature'... and "rubberbanding". he's still invested in her because he's playing games with her--who puts that much energy into someone they're indifferent with? and how does your friend know all of this? Are they snooping on their text messages or something? Do they have the passwords for each of their phones or something? I think your friend doesn't have enough to do but be messy in other people's business. 2
Author Emmafive Posted June 19, 2020 Author Posted June 19, 2020 8 minutes ago, kendahke said: All of that is called 'taking her temperature'... and "rubberbanding". he's still invested in her because he's playing games with her--who puts that much energy into someone they're indifferent with? and how does your friend know all of this? Are they snooping on their text messages or something? Do they have the passwords for each of their phones or something? I think your friend doesn't have enough to do but be messy in other people's business. I’m not saying he’s indifferent towards her, but I’m saying he clearly doesn’t want to get back together with her.
Miss Spider Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 it seems like she's really into him and he's loving the attention and option being there
Leojax Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: it seems like she's really into him and he's loving the attention and option being there Eh. I disagree. This guy had posted so many emo subliminal messages and songs about his ex. Let’s not even get into him keeping tabs on her even though she’s not paying attention to his stories. 1
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 8 minutes ago, Emmafive said: I’m saying he clearly doesn’t want to get back together with her. You don't know that. 30 minutes ago, Emmafive said: . Our mutual friend said that 3 weeks ago she called him and said she missed him and he said he missed her too and how the break up has been terrible for the both of them. They said they would get together and talk once she got back into town. He started liking her old pictures and texted her the next day saying, “hurry up and come home”. That does't sound like a guy who doesn't want her back. 2
Leojax Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: You don't know that. That does't sound like a guy who doesn't want her back. He does. It’s evident this guy is immature as hell. All this time posting how he misses her and communicating with her mother instead of picking up of the phone to actually communicate. They said they missed each other and wanted to see each other. He contacts her and says hurry up and come home, she doesn’t. Im sure in his immature tween brain he took that as a slight and a loss of “power”. Like, “if she really wanted this to work she would want to hurry home and see me”. So when she was coming home he tried to get power back by playing coy with seeing each other. Notice how he never said that he didn’t want to see her. He was going to see her, just on his terms. It’s not about not wanting to get back together with her, because he does. He’s incredibly immature and wants to stick it to her. Keep in mind she broke up with him...my guess is because of this immature behavior. like @kendahke said this is too much back and forth for someone who just wanted to get married a few months ago. 2
Author Emmafive Posted June 19, 2020 Author Posted June 19, 2020 9 minutes ago, elaine567 said: You don't know that. That does't sound like a guy who doesn't want her back. Okay, then why screw with her when they were supposed to meet up? If you want to get back together you’d show up. Not play games.
Calmandfocused Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 Whether he wants her back or not is irrelevant to a large extent. What is relevant is that he still has very strong feelings for her and is not over the relationship. He still loves her. So he’s still unavailable to you whichever way you look at it. 2
Miss Spider Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 Guess I don't see what you see in the liking posts and looking at stories etc. It's not a big deal. Like I said, he likes the attn and option. If he broke up with her, I have actually been on his side of the equation and done the same thing to exes I felt no romantic feelings for. I am not proud to admit that, but I am just giving another perspective from my own XP
kendahke Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Emmafive said: I’m not saying he’s indifferent towards her, but I’m saying he clearly doesn’t want to get back together with her. Quote Our mutual friend said ... You have absolutely no direct information from either him or her that this is even the case. Just hearsay. It sounds to me like your "mutual friend" is telling you what you want to hear and really doesn't know what the two of them are saying to one another. I get the need to save face and all, but the fact that you and he aren't dating or talking and all your information is coming from a messy 3rd party says everything. Edited June 19, 2020 by kendahke
Versacehottie Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 Yeah, OP you are latching onto hope and creating promise when there is VERY little. That he has a rocky relationship with her has no bearing on whether he will pursue things with you. In fact, he's made little attempt to do so but prefers to engage in the back and forth with her. So if you look at priorities it goes: TOP: his ex MIDDLE: Nobody bottom: you and that's just what you know. If there is space between top priority and you, usually means he is open and entertaining other possibilities. You are too cocky on all of this. Latching onto straws. 1
smackie9 Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) If he didn't want to get back with her, or have anything to do with her, he would have blocked and deleted her to move on. Just because he's with you doesn't mean he's moved on. You could very well be a rebound. Edited June 19, 2020 by smackie9 2
Hopeful30 Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) On 5/10/2020 at 9:56 PM, Emmafive said: I’ve been seeing this guy for about 2 months. I really like him. I know he called her a few weeks ago. He told me couldn’t find something of his so he called her and asked her if she had it, apparently she told him no, she didn’t have it. The next day I saw that he texted her the next day and asked her again if she had a chance to look again (I was using his laptop and his message threads appear on his Mac). Then the next day he was laughing at something. He had sent her a video of these puppies. I figured they were just friends/friendly? A few days ago he had liked this post that said, “50% miss you, 50% f%ck you.” Today she texted him saying tell your mom I said happy Mother’s Day for me and he responded, “Will do. Please do the same for me.” I’ll admit I kind of peeked over when he was texting and saw this. Backstory: I know they wanted to get married, he was saving up for a ring, and they broke up due to arguing. He initiated the breakup 3 months ago. Oh, and they started following each other again on social media about a month ago. Are they just friends/friendly? Tl;dr don’t know if he’s friendly with his ex or wants her back. An ex in the picture is always a no go for me. I've never kept in touch with my exes, it can never be friendship after being that intimate with someone. I would not want a woman who has known the deepest parts of my man to be around. Plus, there is just something so attractive about knowing you're the only person in your man's life who knows what his penis feels like Edited June 19, 2020 by Hopeful30
Versacehottie Posted June 20, 2020 Posted June 20, 2020 4 hours ago, smackie9 said: If he didn't want to get back with her, or have anything to do with her, he would have blocked and deleted her to move on. Just because he's with you doesn't mean he's moved on. You could very well be a rebound. OP, pretty much admits they are not together. They've hooked up; she's getting all her info about his moves via social media, spying and the mutual friend--in other words, he's not even communicating with her about their status etc. Sounds like they are barely dating, have hooked up once, maybe a little more and she just hopes it will be something more by monitoring the "competition" and hoping that avenue will get knocked out. Idk, if you use the presumption the he will want to be with SOMEONE that he's semi-attracted to given the opportunity, what's the excuse that he's not with you, OP? There is a clear path to being with you and he's not choosing it. That's the most important thing that you (OP) are failing to recognize---all the stuff about his ex is just just busywork to have you focus on something else instead of facing the fact that if he was choosing you, you would know it and would not be grasping at straws about what is or isn't going on with them. I think if we knew the real story that is obvious between the lines, this thread belongs in the jealousy section.
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