Date 1 went well, I texted for the second date and no response. What next?

May 19, 2020

She’s not that into you...Idk if it’s recoverable. Just thinking on what’s worked for me to regain a little interest in a guy...I think best would be to just say alright to her blow off and then go silent... don’t keep talking on text trying to regain her interest there, don’t keep asking her for a date. Go NC. Date others, If you’re still thinking about her in a few weeks maybe hit her up again for a date. She may be willing to give it a fresh chance at that point, but depends where she’s at

Edited May 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 19, 2020

She could be an emotionally damaged, hormonal woman with all kinds of hangups and daddy issues and medications and a dark past and maybe she's not ready to date and maybe she's just starved for a makeout sesh and maybe she still thinks Charlie snipers are in the trees everywhere which is maybe why she's flaking, canceling dates with lame excuses, and "needs time to figure herself out" and generally checking 90% of the boxes of a girl who has borderline attraction for you but is trying to be nice about it.

My theory, as detestable as it is, is the reason she has borderline attraction for you is because you're still acting a little too eager, which communicates that you're a little needy, which indicates that you don't have a lot of other prospects and aren't that confident with women, which, in the beginning dates 1-3 stage, can turn women off.

She vibed with you enough to exchange oral fluids with you. Which means her attraction for you met her minimum standards to consider you romantically. But, if her interest in you isn't very high initially, you can over-pursue and be too eager, which is what I think you've done here. My opinion.

Me? I would have kept your date for Friday, and not invited yourself for dinner on Wednesday. You've got other things going on, remember? Twice in a week is too much when you're first starting to date. Have dates once per week. You're courting her, not in a committed relationship. She does not need, nor want, frequent communication with you yet. You're not her boyfriend. Less is more.

Do not contact her again. Do not stay in touch. Do not comply with her wishes anymore. If she wants to stay in touch, she'll reach out. If she wants to meet again, she'll come over to your apartment. When she does, and a steamy make-out session results, be daring and escalate to sex.

Whatever happens, meet new women. This one's a next, OP. It's a part of dating. Could you have done everything "correctly" and still get flaked on? It will happen all the time. As posters above mentioned, some women just won't feel it for you. Invest your time into the ones who do.

May 19, 2020

If a woman is strong and confident is she really going to be that into someone right off that bat?

I thought real attraction takes time to cultivate. I'm not sure how it is for some but for me it usually takes about 2 months before I'm feeling on cloud nine.

May 19, 2020

OP, a woman who is strong and confident wouldn't tell you she's not sure and then not contact you.

She would say it isn't working for her, and wishes you the best. When someone is interested in getting to know you, they're not going to behave this one is. Sorry, man.

May 19, 2020

3 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

She could be an emotionally damaged, hormonal woman with all kinds of hangups and daddy issues and medications and a dark past and maybe she's not ready to date and maybe she's just starved for a makeout sesh and maybe she still thinks Charlie snipers are in the trees everywhere which is maybe why she's flaking, canceling dates with lame excuses, and "needs time to figure herself out" and generally checking 90% of the boxes of a girl who has borderline attraction for you but is trying to be nice about it.

My theory, as detestable as it is, is the reason she has borderline attraction for you is because you're still acting a little too eager, which communicates that you're a little needy, which indicates that you don't have a lot of other prospects and aren't that confident with women, which, in the beginning dates 1-3 stage, can turn women off.

She vibed with you enough to exchange oral fluids with you. Which means her attraction for you met her minimum standards to consider you romantically. But, if her interest in you isn't very high initially, you can over-pursue and be too eager, which is what I think you've done here. My opinion.

Me? I would have kept your date for Friday, and not invited yourself for dinner on Wednesday. You've got other things going on, remember? Twice in a week is too much when you're first starting to date. Have dates once per week. You're courting her, not in a committed relationship. She does not need, nor want, frequent communication with you yet. You're not her boyfriend. Less is more.

Do not contact her again. Do not stay in touch. Do not comply with her wishes anymore. If she wants to stay in touch, she'll reach out. If she wants to meet again, she'll come over to your apartment. When she does, and a steamy make-out session results, be daring and escalate to sex.

Whatever happens, meet new women. This one's a next, OP. It's a part of dating. Could you have done everything "correctly" and still get flaked on? It will happen all the time. As posters above mentioned, some women just won't feel it for you. Invest your time into the ones who do.

Thanks rjc. I sensed a high level of attraction in the beginning because of how available she was and how often she was texting. I chased to hard in the beginning and broke my one date a week in the beginning.

On a good side note, there is Miss Spanish who I played it perfect and even after she saw me with another date and said she just wants to be friends. My response was "You're too cute and fun to just be friends. I'm only interested in romance so if you change your mind hit me up." A week and a half later she reached out, I set a date on the spot and said I gotta run but see you Saturday. Saturday came and we played hide the salami. . I have a FWB now and we are both on the same page.

I'll move on and keep dating. I am exhausted from dating (the money, time, energy). Is there an easier less exhausting way to go about meeting a good match?

May 19, 2020

9 minutes ago, rkennedynl said:

If a woman is strong and confident is she really going to be that into someone right off that bat?

I thought real attraction takes time to cultivate. I'm not sure how it is for some but for me it usually takes about 2 months before I'm feeling on cloud nine.

It’s not she has to be head over heels in love with you... just into you enough to want to see you again... like you seem to be with her. She probably thinks you’re attractive enough if she’s kissing you. Doesn’t mean she’s all that into you though. She’s just not feeling it 100

Edited May 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 19, 2020

9 minutes ago, rkennedynl said:

If a woman is strong and confident is she really going to be that into someone right off that bat?

Pretty much, yes. Not 'into' as much as be interested enough to see where it goes with a mimimum of enthusiam without framing it as some sort of 'time to reflect'.

Your girl may be strong and confident, but she's mostly not very interested. She's just reflecting finding someone she has more interest in while you wait patiently.

Edited May 19, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

May 19, 2020

1 minute ago, rkennedynl said:

I gotta run but see you

When you're dating, all communication between the 1/week meetup should be like this.

And I guess the only other way to meet new women and date is to develop a social life that draws women in. If you're career-driven, you won't have a lot of time for an Instagram-worthy social life, so you've got to put up with the dating game unfortunately.

May 19, 2020

Well the consensus is in. It's best to walk away from this one and keep dating.

On to number 56 lol

May 19, 2020

5 minutes ago, rkennedynl said:

On to number 56 lol

You're not actually keeping count, are you?

May 19, 2020

23 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

You're not actually keeping count, are you?

Yes sir lol

May 19, 2020

27 minutes ago, rkennedynl said:

Well the consensus is in. It's best to walk away from this one and keep dating.

On to number 56 lol

At least you are consistent RK.....I think most confident and self-assured women WILL and CAN let you know where their interest lies. It could be how attentive they are, their body language but you should be able to tell. These types are the Alpha's of the female world and VERY alluring at least to me.

May 19, 2020

31 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

When you're dating, all communication between the 1/week meetup should be like this.

And I guess the only other way to meet new women and date is to develop a social life that draws women in. If you're career-driven, you won't have a lot of time for an Instagram-worthy social life, so you've got to put up with the dating game unfortunately.

Yeah, usually I keep the 1/week meetup like this. I got frustrated with still being single that for the last two girls I through out the rules and well the outcome is not desirable so back to the rules.

May 19, 2020

31 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

At least you are consistent RK.....I think most confident and self-assured women WILL and CAN let you know where their interest lies. It could be how attentive they are, their body language but you should be able to tell. These types are the Alpha's of the female world and VERY alluring at least to me.

Yes very alluring indeed. These high value women are usually the ones that are attracted to me and are the ones I fit well into a relationship with.

It helps to stay on track with your purpose and get my daily work out in.

May 19, 2020

1 hour ago, rkennedynl said:

I'm not sure how it is for some but for me it usually takes about 2 months before I'm feeling on cloud nine.

May I ask why you engaged in two passionate kissing sessions if you weren't even sure you're into her?

Don't you consider that a bit misleading? I do.

May 19, 2020

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

May I ask why you engaged in two passionate kissing sessions if you weren't even sure you're into her?

Don't you consider that a bit misleading? I do.

I don't think being head-over-heels in love with someone is a moral prerequisite for engaging in sexual activity with them. Certainly not for men, but I wouldn't hold anyone to that standard.

May 19, 2020

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

May I ask why you engaged in two passionate kissing sessions if you weren't even sure you're into her?

Don't you consider that a bit misleading? I do.

I was in to her. Being into someone and being on cloud nine are two very different emotions.

You can be excited to meet and excited to get to know someone more, however IMO if two people fall in love from the beginning then it's two traumas and insecurities meeting and this usually ends very badly and can cause even more trauma. I'm speaking from what I've read and from what I've experienced.

May 19, 2020

6 minutes ago, rkennedynl said:

I was in to her. Being into someone and being on cloud nine are two very different emotions.

You can be excited to meet and excited to get to know someone more, however IMO if two people fall in love from the beginning then it's two traumas and insecurities meeting and this usually ends very badly and can cause even more trauma. I'm speaking from what I've read and from what I've experienced.

I see. Okay.

May 19, 2020

3 hours ago, rkennedynl said:

Well the consensus is in. It's best to walk away from this one and keep dating.

On to number 56 lol

But did you learn anything from this? I don't want to sound Mommy-ish with that, sorry...the thing is, you seem to be saying you just don't seem to get second dates...are you thinking about what seems to happen on them? Before them? It may not just be the "after." What kinds of women are you going after? Or is it not that at all, are they going after you? Where are you looking? And so on.

It might not be that ONE single thing, the exact timing of "when" you "should" call or text. Like that's a sack of sand sitting inside a temple and if you lift it too soon, or too late or if there's one grain too much or too little the whole temple collapses and arrows shoot at you and a giant ball tries to roll over you and crush you to death as you run screaming.

I'm just one woman but I know this is true of every other woman I know - we've all had relationships where things started off slower, faster, that first follow-up text might be the next day...a few days later...it might be literally that night, "So, did you get home all right?" The date might have actually been made *at* the first date. "Tonight was so much fun, what are you doing next Thursday?" It always varies so there obviously isn't one exact formula or else you're sh*tcanned.

I think if you're having repeated failures and it literally never works out, you should look at what *is* repeating and start from there. I mean you sound like a cool and decent guy and that you do have women who are interested in you so start from: here's what seems to happen each time...at each step of the way.

May 19, 2020

2 hours ago, rjc149 said:

I don't think being head-over-heels in love with someone is a moral prerequisite for engaging in sexual activity with them. Certainly not for men, but I wouldn't hold anyone to that standard.

But that isn't what poppy said. She said:

"May I ask why you engaged in two passionate kissing sessions if you weren't even sure you're into her?"

Not,

"May I ask why you engaged in two passionate kissing sessions if you weren't head-over-heels in love with her?"

She was asking, and I wonder, too, why (or even how?) you would be Frenchin' with somebody you were meh with. This could be a man-woman thing or it could just be a personality thing (probably the latter, I'm guessing). If I'm lukewarm on somebody I'm probably not leading him on going out with him a few times, getting hotter and heavier with him, etc. To me that would seem mean, if I were to then say "you know what...I'm just not interested..." I wouldn't want to see the look in the person's eyes...that "you led me on and I'm hurt" look.

However, I mean of course people make out if *they're both interested in one another*. That's not weird and it doesn't mean either is thinking about being wildly in love. (???) But I mean...at least they're both interested. When a person is turned on he or she probably wants to kiss. Taking it to "what, do you need to be madly in love first..." really isn't the point and is hyperbole...it misses the point...

For what that's worth.

Edited May 19, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

May 19, 2020

Maybe she was just kissing to see if the spark was there and try as she might, she found the physical chemistry a bit lacking ... that happens too..

Edited May 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough

May 19, 2020

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

May I ask why you engaged in two passionate kissing sessions if you weren't even sure you're into her?

Don't you consider that a bit misleading? I do.

Misleading by simply Kissing her?

9 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Interested in making out..., to me it’s all it means. I think it is a personality thing. Probably cultural too. To me, a kiss isn’t like sex, so I would probably kiss a guy who I think is hot and we vibe, had good dates, without thinking I he’s the one or the bees knees or anything. I mean some people can even have sex shen they’re not planning to see the person again or feeling them all that much. I don’t think it necessarily means they’re damaged. They’re just differeht and it aint nuthin

and this is all assuming she wasn’t just kissing to see if the spark was there or that chemistry could push her over the fence and it didn’t or she found the physical chemistry lacking ... that happens too..

Nuthin from nuthin still leaves NOTHING...........but I am not sure a kiss constitutes everlasting romance and everything in between.....

May 19, 2020

47 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Maybe she was just kissing to see if the spark was there and try as she might, she found the physical chemistry a bit lacking ... that happens too..

That's a good point. Maybe. It was for a really long time to just be seeing if she liked it, though. Hours?

May 19, 2020

39 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

Misleading by simply Kissing her?

Nuthin from nuthin still leaves NOTHING...........but I am not sure a kiss constitutes everlasting romance and everything in between.....

I've definitely had guys think I had misled them by going on two dates with them but then saying it wasn't working out. Just going out with someone twice indicates interest. Making out twice definitely would seem to indicate interest, why wouldn't that seem to be interest?

I mean people don't usually make out with people or make sure to make a second date with people plus make out at the end of that second date if they're not interested...

If the steak at Sizzler grossed me out the first time I'm probably not making sure to go back there, then ordering the same one again and chewing my way grimly through it again... if I get it again...that probably tells the waiter, "oh. She liked it last time."

May 19, 2020

57 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Maybe she was just kissing to see if the spark was there and try as she might, she found the physical chemistry a bit lacking ... that happens too..

Maybe I'm different but I'm not gonna spend 30 minutes in a hot n heavy make out session unless I'm damn sure there is a spark. That was the first date.

Then she did same thing last Wed which ended just short of the bedroom.

And she wasn't sure there was a spark?

I adore you cookies, but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

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Date 1 went well, I texted for the second date and no response. What next?

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