Date 1 went well, I texted for the second date and no response. What next?

[Miss Spider]

49 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Omg, cookies!!!   That is so spot on!  With a high quality woman who values herself, and is in fact interested, that sort of game will actually work against a man.

Which brings me back to something I posted earlier - that game might work, and apparently does work for some men, but only on women who either have low self esteem and don't value themselves or a woman seeking a "challenge" versus a "boyfriend."

If that's the game a man wants to play versus making an actual connection that will last and lead to a LTR, feel free!  

Not my circus not my monkey.  

Eggggzactly. This frustrates me to no end because I can what’s  happening in plain view, but am helpless to stop it.  I believe  many of the  guys who did and recommend doing it have in the past shown genuine  interest to women they liked and failed because they weren’t at their peak. So they tried the “act distant” game and it seemed successful  because it does get the attention of some women, particular ones who seek validation through games themselves/are insecure. But that’s not going to lead to a healthy rship or anything that really ends well. Gah, instead of wasting time making a calendar and setting a timer for when to text back, just pick up a hobby or lift or something..! 

Edited May 17, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Tristian]

Since the OP hasn't returned and conversation has turned to more general topics we'll close this one down for now.

If the OP returns and would like to update they can request the thread reopened by sending a report on this post.

[rkennedynl]

Hi everyone, I've started a new thread because the moderator closed down the other one

I had a date scheduled with miss Dutch for Friday, but on Wednesday we started talking and her friend had canceled.  She had all the food to make dinner, so I asked her if she would like some company and she said yes.  We hung out, kissed a lot, and even cuddled for a while.  As the night ended she said she was going to go to bed soon, so we made out a little more and I started running my hand up her side and it was starting to get a little hot and heavy, then she stood up.  I kissed her some more and made my way out. 

I had an instinctual feeling she was going to cancel for Friday as I was leaving.  She called me on Thursday to cancel and said she was feeling a little sick and also she was having doubts if we would be a good match.  She said that she liked it when we were together and it felt good, but after I left the doubts were show up.  She asked me if I knew why she was feeling this way and said maybe it could be the hormones.  She told me to stay in touch so we don't lose the connection, and I told her to take her time to search through her feelings and give me a call when she wants to hang out.  I remained cool, calm, and collected and kept it positive.  She noticed and pointed out that's one thing she really liked about me is that I was so positive.   We also agreed that it was moving a little to fast, and I let her know I was just going with the rhythm and didn't mind slowing down.  

It's now Tuesday morning, she hasn't called or texted.  If I don't hear from her by the end of day tomorrow I'll reach out to schedule something for the weekend. 

We saw each other 3 times in less then a week, for the first week.  I see my mistake was moving too quick in the beginning.  So I'm slowing my pace a little.  If she doesn't want to meet up this weekend I wont ask again and just figure it her loss.   Good approach or bad approach?  What's your opinion?

[schlumpy]

I think you find someone who demonstrates that they like only you and that you are not just one of many options. Discussing your feelings and why you feel that way is great at the counselor office but not so much with someone of the opposite sex that your want to interact with. Quit focusing on her because you are missing the smiles and glances of women that would leave no doubt in your mind where they stand.

[amaysngrace]

I agree with the schlumpster.  Move on.

...unless, of course, mixed signals, confusion and wasting your time are some things you enjoy. 

 

[d0nnivain]

Her saying she needs time to "think" because she is wondering whether you are compatible is not you two moving too fast.  It's her being vague & not straight up telling you that you don't float her boat. 

You can call if you want to but you are absolutely correct that if you don't get an agreement to see you then you need to give up & move on.  

[wayche]

You told her to take her time to search through her feelings and give you a call when she wants to hang out. IMO just hold on till she contacts you. if she calls at least you will know that she is interested. If she doesn't reach out, just move on and date others in the mean time.

[ExpatInItaly]

It was a little silly of her to ask you why she's feeling that way. You can't possibly answer that for her. 

I think she just doesn't feel the right chemistry with you, honestly. That doesn't mean you've done something wrong or are not attractive. Sometimes we just don't feel like we gel with someone the way we should in order to continue dating. 

I think you're best to move on. She knows where to find you if she has a change of heart

[rkennedynl]

Why would she say stay in contact so we don’t loose this feeling?

[amaysngrace]

What feeling?  She doesn’t even know what she’s feeling, she asked you to decipher them for her.

She means she doesn’t want YOU to lose this feeling.  

She sounds damaged.

[d0nnivain]

Contact = attention = ego boost.  It's flattering to keep you dangling on a string dancing to her tune.  She doesn't want to lose her back up plan if she can't find somebody she likes better  

[rkennedynl]

8 minutes ago, amaysngrace said:

 

She sounds damaged.

I was thinking this too.  She told me she’s has a lot of bad experiences with guys.

[amaysngrace]

Well there you go.  

Do you really want to pay the price for all their prior bad acts?  

Not to mention that she’s the common denominator in all her failed relationships. 

MOVE ON

[d0nnivain]

She's punishing you for their mistakes.  

[Mystery4u]

No such thing as moving too fast when two people have the same interest level in each other.

She's just not as interested in you as you are in her.

Do not contact her again. She knows how to contact you if/when she wants to see you again.

[miranda561]

2 hours ago, rkennedynl said:

Why would she say stay in contact so we don’t loose this feeling?

I find it weird you guys making out etc and then her turn around and say you're not compatible. Why do that in the first place.

[kendahke]

3 hours ago, rkennedynl said:

Why would she say stay in contact so we don’t loose this feeling?

Would "Scram!" be better? 

If she's Miss Dutch, then she's got some experience with being congenial, so she doesn't need to unzip the lizard.

Frankly, I wouldn't have gone over to her place on Wednesday, since you already had Friday planned. I'd have waited til Friday to see her.   Then you got all handsy with her and that sent up a red flag, even though she appeared to enjoy it. Perhaps your eagerness was overwhelming to her (especially in these cv19 times) and you made her feel uncomfortable.

She was closing the door to this deal, so there was no reason to be blunt with you. Besides, you already knew it wasn't going anywhere that night.

She already lost the feeling the moment you walked out the door. She said she doubts you're a good match. It is what it is.  Move on.

In the future, learn to pace yourself. Self discipline is a useful thing to have in one's arsenal.

[kendahke]

52 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I find it weird you guys making out etc and then her turn around and say you're not compatible. Why do that in the first place.

she might not have liked the way he kissed?

[miranda561]

9 minutes ago, kendahke said:

she might not have liked the way he kissed?

But he said they kept carrying it on..

If that  was the case. Why not stop a lot earlier and call it a night 

[rkennedynl]

9 minutes ago, kendahke said:

Would "Scram!" be better? 

If she's Miss Dutch, then she's got some experience with being congenial, so she doesn't need to unzip the lizard.

Frankly, I wouldn't have gone over to her place on Wednesday, since you already had Friday planned. I'd have waited til Friday to see her.   Then you got all handsy with her and that sent up a red flag, even though she appeared to enjoy it. Perhaps your eagerness was overwhelming to her (especially in these cv19 times) and you made her feel uncomfortable.

She was closing the door to this deal, so there was no reason to be blunt with you. Besides, you already knew it wasn't going anywhere that night.

She already lost the feeling the moment you walked out the door. She said she doubts you're a good match. It is what it is.  Move on.

In the future, learn to pace yourself. Self discipline is a useful thing to have in one's arsenal.

She didn’t say she doubts were a good match.  Also she said that evening that if she doesn’t like a guy she won’t go on a second date with him.  Then she pointed out that we’ve been on 3 so far.

IMO  3 dates in a week was quick as her and I both noted while talking.  If I’m reading her emotional attraction and body language correctly she’s interested and wants to slow things down a bit.

 

 I’ll know tomorrow.

[rkennedynl]

14 minutes ago, kendahke said:

she might not have liked the way he kissed?

She told me on numerous occasions I was a good kisser

[kendahke]

16 minutes ago, rkennedynl said:

She told me on numerous occasions I was a good kisser

She also told you that she doubts you two were a good match... and she hasn't contacted you.

[kendahke]

24 minutes ago, rkennedynl said:

She didn’t say she doubts were a good match.

Quote

She called me on Thursday to cancel and said she was feeling a little sick and also she was having doubts if we would be a good match.

Is she the last single chick in the Netherlands or something? Whatever her deal is, she's wishy-washy with you, says one thing and does another and wants you to interpret her feelings for her. She's all over the map.  Surely there are other women who have a better grasp of what they want out of a relationship?

Edited May 19, 2020 by kendahke

[poppyfields]

OP, is this the same girl you spent 30 minutes engaging in a heavy make out session with on first date, then afterwards told you she was confused and uncertain about whether you were the right fit or not?  

Or something like that?  

If so, here we go again.  Instead of maintaining boundaries with a man she's iffy about at best, she engages in  another heavy make out session with you, then immediately afterwards, pulls the uncertainty card out again, ugh!  

There is a saying, fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on ME!

Move on from this snowflake, and learn from it.

Edited May 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[rkennedynl]

19 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

OP, is this the same girl you spent 30 minutes engaging in a heavy make out session with on first date, then afterwards told you she was confused and uncertain about whether you were the right fit or not?  

Or something like that?  

If so, here we go again.  Instead of maintaining boundaries with a man she's iffy about at best, she engages in  another heavy make out session with you, then immediately afterwards, pulls the uncertainty card out again, ugh!  

There is a saying, fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on ME!

Move on from this snowflake, and learn from it.

Hey Poppy, yeah this is the same Dutch girl.   Thanks for the input.