Poptart66 Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 Also posted in Long distance... then thought it might be better here.... Hey. Not sure if ive put this in the right place as wasnt sure which topic to put it under.... Anyway... i feel like its a bit of a weird one.... Sometime back in the middle of last year i was playing a popular game on my phone. It was linked to facebook and i was part of pages and groups for it. I added people to my account so as to send a and recieve things in the game. Never really spoke to any other than for that reason. In the last few weeks i notices one guy posting things i found very relatable, i liked/shared his posts. We both seem to be going through a very similar break up. His is more recent that mine. Anyway... we had spoken before for the game and so i messaged him making a joke about liking all of his posts and that if he needed someone to talk to that was away from the situation i was there. He said the same to me asking if i was ok and started a proper conversation. Next morning he popped up saying morning, and again starting a conversation. We have spoken pretty much every day since. He has started to get quite flirty and jokes about meeting after the pandemic is over. Atleast i think he is joking. We like about a 5 hour drive apart. My issue isnt really an issue in the sense i dont think anything is wrong, just i feel a little odd about our talking, even though i like speaking to him, maybe that is why i feel odd about it. Im not sure. Im sure its all in my head as really its no different to if i was to speak to someone on a dating site. Just looking for others opinions really. Do you think its strange? Am i just too in my head?
smackie9 Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 He's enjoying the attention because when you are healing from a breakup, an ego boost from someone paying attention to you feels good....not necessarily investing their feelings for a potential relationship. These things take time...you have wait and see. 5
Author Poptart66 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Posted May 6, 2020 9 minutes ago, smackie9 said: He's enjoying the attention because when you are healing from a breakup, an ego boost from someone paying attention to you feels good....not necessarily investing their feelings for a potential relationship. These things take time...you have wait and see. Sorry, i think i may have not written it right so it wasnt very clear.... I am not interested in investing feelings or looking for a relationship, i am still coming to terms with my own break up. I think that is why we get along and talk like we do. We are both in the same kind of headspace. I just feel like maybe its odd to talk to someone i dont know that at present i have no interested in getting to really know beyond just messaging and having a distraction
poppyfields Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 (edited) If you have no interest in getting to know him, even as a friend, someone to "shoot the shyt" with occasionally and bounce ideas off of, then don't talk to him. Easy peasy, wish him well and block him if he keeps pestering you. You're not obligated to talk to him if you have no interest, and I am curious why you think you are. Over the years, I have made many friends on line from all over the world! Men and women. I love chatting, finding out about their culture, how they navigate life. I have no romantic feelings, we are friends, "pen pals" if you will. But that's me. If that's not "your" thing, that's OK! Simply stop talking to him, nothing to feel bad or guilty about. Edited May 6, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Author Poptart66 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Posted May 6, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: If you have no interest in getting to know him, even as a friend, someone to "shoot the shyt" with occasionally and bounce ideas off of, then don't talk to him. Easy peasy, wish him well and block him if he keeps pestering you. You're not obligated to talk to him if you have no interest, and I am curious why you think you are such that it would feel "odd" to talk to him. Over the years, I have made many friends on line from all over the world! I love chatting, finding out about their culture, how they navigate life. I have no romantic, we are friends, "pen pals" if you will. But that's me. If that's not "your" thing, that's OK! Dont get me wrong, i like talking to him. We talk about random things and have a laugh as well as generally getting to know eachother. I just thought maybe it was a little odd given that i have no real interest in pursuing anything and as much as he flirts i dont think he really is either. I think its just something we are both using as a distraction. Like a rebound without actually having a rebound. If that make sense in anyway. Im not great with words, sorry. Edited May 6, 2020 by Poptart66
Author Poptart66 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Posted May 6, 2020 I think what it is, is because he serves as a great distraction, i do very much enjoy talking to him, i just dont want to end up becoming attached or dependant, like he is some kind of a security blanket or something, an escape feom the real world. I dont know if this is making any sense as it does in my head im just struggling to find the right words to explain
poppyfields Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Poptart66 said: I think its just something we are both using as a distraction. Then I don't quite see the problem. You admit you enjoy talking to him, obviously he enjoys talking to you. You're both still healing from prior relationships, so why not just enjoy it from that perspective? A friendship. If he starts stepping over the line into something more, then be straight with him and maintain your boundaries. I'm sorry, I think you may be overthinking this a tad. Relax, enjoy, have fun with it! Until you don't, then move on. Not all on line interactions have to lead to something romantic or serious. Hope that makes sense. Edited May 6, 2020 by poppyfields 2
FMW Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 Nothing wrong with enjoying the distraction. As long as you are both on the same page, nothing to worry about. If you ever get to a point of feeling uncomfortable about the actual exchanges (as in something he's saying) you can deal with it then, otherwise enjoy. 1
Author Poptart66 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Posted May 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Then I don't quite see the problem. You admit you enjoy talking to him, obviously he enjoys talking to you. You're both still healing from prior relationships, so why not just enjoy it from that perspective? A friendship. If he starts stepping over the line into something more, then be straight with him and maintain your boundaries. I'm sorry, I think you may be overthinking this a tad. Relax, enjoy, have fun with it! Until you don't, then move on. Not all on line interactions have to lead to something romantic or serious. Hope that makes sense. It does. Thank you. I did think maybe i was just getting too in my head. It just feels odd when people ask who im talking to because he has made me laugh or im on my phone alot through out the day. Like they find it weird when i try and explain. And like i said, i dont want it to turn into what would effectively be a rebound if i become attached to the distraction he provides me with 1
Author Poptart66 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Posted May 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, FMW said: Nothing wrong with enjoying the distraction. As long as you are both on the same page, nothing to worry about. If you ever get to a point of feeling uncomfortable about the actual exchanges (as in something he's saying) you can deal with it then, otherwise enjoy. Thank you
poppyfields Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Poptart66 said: I think what it is, is because he serves as a great distraction, i do very much enjoy talking to him, i just dont want to end up becoming attached or dependant, like he is some kind of a security blanket or something, an escape feom the real world. I dont know if this is making any sense as it does in my head im just struggling to find the right words to explain Popstar, don't be afraid of what "might" happen, that's the very definition of "overthinking." Enjoy the moment, the here and now. Embrace the uncertainty, and detach from the outcome. No use stressing about what might happen down the road, total waste of valuable energy imo. IF you find yourself becoming attached, deal with it then. Edited May 6, 2020 by poppyfields
Author Poptart66 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Posted May 6, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Popstar, don't be afraid of what "might" happen, that's the very definition of "overthinking." Enjoy the moment, the here and now. Embrace the uncertainty, and detach from the outcome. No use stressing about what might happen down the road, total waste of valuable energy imo. If you find yourself becoming attached, deal with it then. I have always been bad for overthinking. I try not to, its not always easy though. Thank you.
poppyfields Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 1 minute ago, Poptart66 said: I have always been bad for overthinking. I try not to, its not always easy though. Thank you. Sounds like anxiety. Have you seen a medical professional about it? I use to struggle with severe crippling anxiety, overthinking things to the point it started making me physically ill. I'm good now, wasn't easy. Yoga helps ALOT, as well as any form of physical exercise. It releases endorphins and increases serotonin levels which calms your brain.
Author Poptart66 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Posted May 6, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Sounds like anxiety. Have you seen a medical professional about it? I use to struggle with severe crippling anxiety, overthinking things to the point it started making me physically ill. I'm good now, wasn't easy. Yoga helps ALOT, as well as any form of physical exercise. It releases endorphins and increases serotonin levels which calms your brain. No i havent spoken to anyone about it. I have never really thought about it to be honest. Always just thought of it as part of who i am.
stillafool Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 14 minutes ago, Poptart66 said: It just feels odd when people ask who im talking to because he has made me laugh or im on my phone alot through out the day. Like they find it weird when i try and explain. You don't have to explain to people who you are talking to or what you are talking about. If they ask who you are talking to say "a friend" and leave it at that. 1
ShyViolet Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 I'm not sure what your question is. You are kind of over-analyzing this to death. If you enjoy talking to the guy online, then continue talking to him. There's nothing wrong with making an online friend who you don't ever intend to meet in person. Just don't let it take up too much of your time or energy. 1
smackie9 Posted May 6, 2020 Posted May 6, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Poptart66 said: Sorry, i think i may have not written it right so it wasnt very clear.... I am not interested in investing feelings or looking for a relationship, i am still coming to terms with my own break up. I think that is why we get along and talk like we do. We are both in the same kind of headspace. I just feel like maybe its odd to talk to someone i dont know that at present i have no interested in getting to really know beyond just messaging and having a distraction You are talking to a lot of someones you don't know on here...so why would it be odd? If you feel he is spending way too much time reaching out, then pull back, call him a good friend, or whatever....keep it a real platonic feel. Maybe mention you have a date, etc. If he or anyone you are not interested in catches feelings, that's on them. Not your problem. Edited May 6, 2020 by smackie9 1
Author Poptart66 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Posted May 12, 2020 Sorry, back again... So i have overcome the feeling of it being weird for us to be talking and we have continued to talk pretty much every day.... When we message there is no awkwardness, the conversation just flows and we have a laugh and a flirt. We both know its not going anywhere and i dont think either of us really wants it to. Just a bit of harmless fun for now..... In getting to know him i have come to see that he suffers with anxiety and depression and is going through a tough time right now. I dont know how much of that is to do with his break up, or the isolation, or maybe something else. He knows i am here for him to talk to and says the same to me but he doesnt.... A few times he will just disappear, he will always pop up later that night or next morning apologising for being distant and saying that he has a few things going on.... obviously he owes me no explanation as we dont even really know eachother and i dont expect him to be at my beck and call or anything but its strange, when he does this i find myself becoming slightly obsessive thinking its just that hes decided not to talk anymore without saying anything first. The thing is... i know, or atleast i think i know, that that isnt the case as we will have been talking and joking and he'll be putting loads of kisses on his messages and then just suddenly not reply. Sometimes during the time between him replying he will post things on facebook about depression or just generally sad quotes or quotes about mental health so its clear he is going through something.... Sorry its such a long one again.... Im mostly wondering if i am being crazy? Someone mentioned on here before about me seeming anxious so i guess what im asking is, do you think im overthinking again or is it normal to wonder these things even when you already pretty much know the answer? TIA
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 On 5/6/2020 at 6:59 AM, Poptart66 said: Also posted in Long distance... then thought it might be better here.... Hey. Not sure if ive put this in the right place as wasnt sure which topic to put it under.... Anyway... i feel like its a bit of a weird one.... Sometime back in the middle of last year i was playing a popular game on my phone. It was linked to facebook and i was part of pages and groups for it. I added people to my account so as to send a and recieve things in the game. Never really spoke to any other than for that reason. In the last few weeks i notices one guy posting things i found very relatable, i liked/shared his posts. We both seem to be going through a very similar break up. His is more recent that mine. Anyway... we had spoken before for the game and so i messaged him making a joke about liking all of his posts and that if he needed someone to talk to that was away from the situation i was there. He said the same to me asking if i was ok and started a proper conversation. Next morning he popped up saying morning, and again starting a conversation. We have spoken pretty much every day since. He has started to get quite flirty and jokes about meeting after the pandemic is over. Atleast i think he is joking. We like about a 5 hour drive apart. My issue isnt really an issue in the sense i dont think anything is wrong, just i feel a little odd about our talking, even though i like speaking to him, maybe that is why i feel odd about it. Im not sure. Im sure its all in my head as really its no different to if i was to speak to someone on a dating site. Just looking for others opinions really. Do you think its strange? Am i just too in my head? I think all that you're reacting to is completely normal. And I am guessing that you have fully underestimated the appeal to your own vulnerability in trying to understand and assess your present intrigue over this guy. In part because you each had (leftover stuff) from similar relationship disappointments which were very recent, you could immediate relate to one another, and the distraction represented BY the other helped in both directions. But what feels best about all of this is that you were able to be and show your deeper, truer self, and you trusted initially that your vulnerability wouldn't be exploited in any way, SO you kept giving and investing more, and it has been fun and exciting to continue to invest yourself (as is typically the case). 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 12, 2020 Posted May 12, 2020 (edited) 57 minutes ago, Poptart66 said: Sorry, back again... A few times he will just disappear, he will always pop up later that night or next morning apologising for being distant and saying that he has a few things going on.... obviously he owes me no explanation as we dont even really know eachother and i dont expect him to be at my beck and call or anything but its strange, when he does this i find myself becoming slightly obsessive thinking its just that hes decided not to talk anymore without saying anything first. The thing is... i know, or atleast i think i know, that that isnt the case as we will have been talking and joking and he'll be putting loads of kisses on his messages and then just suddenly not reply. Sometimes during the time between him replying he will post things on facebook about depression or just generally sad quotes or quotes about mental health so its clear he is going through something.... Sorry its such a long one again.... Im mostly wondering if i am being crazy? Someone mentioned on here before about me seeming anxious so i guess what im asking is, do you think im overthinking again or is it normal to wonder these things even when you already pretty much know the answer? TIA On the other side of what I just now (happened to say) is that you very clearly don't want to lose the investment you have been slowly making in this person. (if "Fabio" came along to the coffee shop near your house next week (and ordered take-out at the same moment you did)... and you walked down the sidewalk with Fabio (good lord, Fabio just turned 61)... and into happily ever after with Fabio... THEN you would cease to value this (Facebook?) guy so much. Without that next chapter, though... you at present are, like anyone, envisioning continued investment IN this same direction... and NONE of that remotely hints at your being 'crazy'. (MY having used "Fabio" as an example is perhaps exponentially more 'crazy' in 2020 than is anything you're feeling about your interest) ) Edited May 12, 2020 by SincereOnlineGuy 1
Author Poptart66 Posted May 13, 2020 Author Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) I dont think any of it matters anymore anyway... I think i messed up.... So he went quiet, so i assumed he was having a bad day again and so messaged him to ask if he was ok. No reply... so later last night i messaged again just to say, goodnight and that i hope hes ok and to remind him im here if he needs someone to talk to. Again no reply. I didnt expect one though so thats fine... But.... I woke up at around 2am this morning with my phone in my hand to see and his chat screen open, i had somehow in my sleep sent him a gif, just a completely random thing that had no meaning to anything. So i sent a message apologising saying i didnt mean to send it and dont even know how i had as i was asleep. He was online when i messaged so now i think he may think i sent it 'accidently on purpose' to try and get him to talk. The old "sorry, that wasnt for you" trick. I havent heard anything from him and im scared to message him to check in on him incase he thinks im some kind of nutter now Edited May 13, 2020 by Poptart66
chillii Posted May 13, 2020 Posted May 13, 2020 On 5/7/2020 at 1:10 AM, Poptart66 said: Sorry, i think i may have not written it right so it wasnt very clear.... I am not interested in investing feelings or looking for a relationship, i am still coming to terms with my own break up. I think that is why we get along and talk like we do. We are both in the same kind of headspace. I just feel like maybe its odd to talk to someone i dont know that at present i have no interested in getting to really know beyond just messaging and having a distraction You can just tell him that then , and if you both still feel like talking just as friends then there's not really a problem .
Author Poptart66 Posted May 19, 2020 Author Posted May 19, 2020 Bit of an odd question now.... We've been talking every day still and over the last few days hes started to send messages saying things like... goodnight sweetie, sweet dreams, or sleep well. Things that dont mean anything in themselves, but its that hes started calling me things like babe, and sweetie and saying how amazing i am and how much he wants to meet. Hes also started using my name alot in messages too. He'll also say things like how he wants me to message him when i get up in the morning. Even if i say i'll be up way before him so i'll let him message when he wakes up he says he still wants on from me when i wake up. Other things too. All of which on their own wouldnt mean anything but with them all added up doesnt that still mean nothing? Im not sure if should be concerned that he may be starting to become attached? I have seen on his social media that he has no shortage of girls trying to get his attention but he doesnt seem to be showing any interest. Whether he genuinely isnt interested or if he just isnt ready yet i dont know but i feel like maybe hes choosing me to talk to instead of one of them because im so far away so seem like a safer option to him right now? My question probably makes no sense as i am tired and rambling on, sorry
Author Poptart66 Posted May 20, 2020 Author Posted May 20, 2020 Should i meet him? I asked him this afternoon why he says about us meeting.... as in... is it because he wants to, because he thinks we should or because he thinks i want to and his answer was that he wants to meet because he wants to meet me and because he thinks i want to meet him too. He is talking about coming to visit for a while after all of this is over. We live about 3 hours drive apart so its a long way for him to come just to see me. Should we meet? Or is that just a disaster waiting to happen?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 I mainly think that his interest ebbs and flows in accordance with... some random other prospects nearer to his home life. BUT... that is mostly normal with anyone, and perhaps more... pronounced in these Covid times. A three-hour (driving buffer) between you may indeed prove rather optimum... close enough to inspire you both to keep interacting, and far enough away so that you won't give in to fast and impulsive meeting before conversation can/will flow smoothly. I'm guessing the two of you have already traded enough stories and banter to each have a solid sense for what would keep the other talking... yet the distance between you just might bring things along splendidly. Close enough for anticipation and far enough away to stave-off sudden impulse.
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