notthatintome Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 I was seeing this guy and at the beginning of lockdown and we were messaging a lot and he would call me on a few occasions. It felt like it got a bit intense and like we acting like we had been together for a while even to the extent he would say things and I would take offense. I don't know if it was him or the whole lockdown situation that was stressing me out?! After one phone call, I didn't hear from him for four days and I thought it had just fizzled out and tried to focus on other things. In those four days I actually felt a bit happier, there is nothing worse than wanting something you can't have and knowing it could be weeks/months before you see that person again. He then messaged saying 'it had been a long time' he then went to send a song that reminds him of me (it played when we were together) He said it reminded him of my cute laugh. I messaged back but it took him a whole day to even read my message! This is how it has been for the last week or two. We don't have conversations just one text per day. In one of those messages, he has said he can't wait to see me when this is all over. I don't really know what to make of it. This whole situation is weird anyway and sometimes I am fine with everything and other times (like today) I feel a bit lost and sad and I miss him. I don't know what is considered normal in this 'new normal'. I don't know whether to see what happens after or whether I'm just wasting my time. It was just the massive change in communication that I don't understand and I don't want to set myself up to be hurt.
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 You two didn't have a foundation when this started. It was all too new. Any expectations that he would behave like an important part of your life were unrealistic. It got intense probably out of boredom / lack of other options. As a routine developed & people got more used to being trapped inside his communication lagged. Now that things are opening up again, see what happens when you can actually meet. Have no expectations & don't count this time apart when assessing the length & strength of your connection. 2
FMW Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 I think your expectations were too high for something so new. At the beginning of the lockdown he probably thought the quarantining would only last a few weeks. Once it became apparent it would take more time, he backed off. My guess is he is interested and wants to keep in touch so that when things open up you can get together. But right now he's not invested and like a lot of people probably doesn't see the point in a lot of texting or just chatting on the phone until you have a chance to spend time together getting to know each other face to face. Dial back your expectations and excitement and try to keep it at the same level he's showing you.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 Yep. Little to no expectation of meeting, so communication will fizzle. I'm finding the same. Our state has been on soft closure, no mandatory lock-down, and people are practicing social distancing and many businesses have pared down or closed, but people could still meet if they wanted to. In terms of dating, not really worth it right now. Keep in touch and hope for responses here and there, but nothing will really pick up until this COVID situation diminishes... 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 3 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: people could still meet if they wanted to. In most places, yep! Meet outside, bring a chair, and have a conversation 6 feet apart. 1
Author notthatintome Posted May 4, 2020 Author Posted May 4, 2020 Thank yo for your replies. I was seeing him before lockdown but only about a handful of times. We had a good connection and although it was way too soon to establish anything serious, we both agreed we felt close and that it could go somewhere but hard to commit to anything at such an early stage. Like you said there was no solid foundation. I am happy is had cooled off a bit but it has almost cooled off a bit too much and at times I am left feeling unsure but I don't know if that is him or because everything feels so uncertain at that moment. I would like to see him but he doesn't live down the road so it is difficult and I don't even know when that will be - maybe a month or two?! I just wanted to know if this guy was detaching from me but it's hard to gauge.
lurker74 Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 Of course he is detaching. That's what happens when you don't have contact with someone. And that's OK. It's very normal. But on the other hand, he's making minimal efforts to keep in touch so maybe something will come of it if and when you're able to see people again. In any case, treat it casually with no expectations as expectations are the scaffolding of resentment. If it happens, it happens.
smackie9 Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 2 hours ago, notthatintome said: Thank yo for your replies. I was seeing him before lockdown but only about a handful of times. We had a good connection and although it was way too soon to establish anything serious, we both agreed we felt close and that it could go somewhere but hard to commit to anything at such an early stage. Like you said there was no solid foundation. I am happy is had cooled off a bit but it has almost cooled off a bit too much and at times I am left feeling unsure but I don't know if that is him or because everything feels so uncertain at that moment. I would like to see him but he doesn't live down the road so it is difficult and I don't even know when that will be - maybe a month or two?! I just wanted to know if this guy was detaching from me but it's hard to gauge. Ask him....the only was to solve problems or to get answers is COMMUNICATION. 1
Minneloa Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 OP, For context, is this the same man from your previous thread?
Lotsgoingon Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 Smart dating means paying attention to cues. It felt like it got a bit intense and like we acting like we had been together for a while even to the extent he would say things and I would take offense. I don't know if it was him or the whole lockdown situation that was stressing me out?! This is a sign that things are not good ... even when he was in touch. You really don't want to brush past this odd intensity that made you uncomfortable. Most likely, you are even understanding your level of discomfort. Pay attention to any discomfort early on. That's a yellow light at minimum, often a full red light. And yes it is weird that he would send you a song and then delay replying. Cut him off asap.
Malin889 Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 5 hours ago, notthatintome said: I was seeing this guy and at the beginning of lockdown and we were messaging a lot and he would call me on a few occasions. It felt like it got a bit intense and like we acting like we had been together for a while even to the extent he would say things and I would take offense. I don't know if it was him or the whole lockdown situation that was stressing me out?! After one phone call, I didn't hear from him for four days and I thought it had just fizzled out and tried to focus on other things. In those four days I actually felt a bit happier, there is nothing worse than wanting something you can't have and knowing it could be weeks/months before you see that person again. He then messaged saying 'it had been a long time' he then went to send a song that reminds him of me (it played when we were together) He said it reminded him of my cute laugh. I messaged back but it took him a whole day to even read my message! This is how it has been for the last week or two. We don't have conversations just one text per day. In one of those messages, he has said he can't wait to see me when this is all over. I don't really know what to make of it. This whole situation is weird anyway and sometimes I am fine with everything and other times (like today) I feel a bit lost and sad and I miss him. I don't know what is considered normal in this 'new normal'. I don't know whether to see what happens after or whether I'm just wasting my time. It was just the massive change in communication that I don't understand and I don't want to set myself up to be hurt. What was it that you took offense to? Was it bad? How many times did you meet up in person? How did it get "intense"? As for what is happening, honestly, if two people don't see each other for awhile, of course that's what's going to happen. Men are very visible creatures (or so I hear), so if they don't see you for awhile, especially considering he doesn't know you, the phone calls will fizzle. This reminds me of the guys who like to text forever after messaging on an online dating site... after a few days, if we don't agree to meet up, the hope that something will happen fizzles on my end, and I give up. Stop contacting him, and maybe you can hook up after the pandemic if you are both still thinking of each other. It's doubtful he'll be with anyone else since everyone's in lockdown.
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