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Did I sound dismissive? He asked if I could go on birth control, I told him not till next month

Bluesky00

By Bluesky00
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Bluesky00 Established Member

Bluesky00

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I’ve been seeing this guy for 3 months, I’m not on birth control and the first time we got together, I told him to pull out so he did and since then we’ve been doing that. However it’s been 1 month since we’ve seen each other, but we still talk. Not sure if it’s due to the pandemic, because he said that it was just bad timing. A few days ago, he told me that he really wanted to  have sex, then ask if I would go on birth control, so that we could have sexual on a regular basis. I told him ,”yeah, that I was planning on it, and that it won’t be til next month b/c that’s when I have my dr appt.”

Did I sound dismissive? That I didn’t want to get on it?  I already made a doc appt before he even asked, but I can’t see the doc till next month, so that’s when am starting birth control. Or am I reading into what I said too much?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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FMW Established Member

FMW

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I don't think you sounded dismissive, just not OMG OMG I have to have sex now, like he's apparently feeling.

At the risk of sounding like your mother, you ARE aware that "pulling out" isn't reliable birth control, and no protection from STDs?  Don't put yourself at risk for something that sounds really casual and uncommitted.  

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Wow first off the pull out method is like playing Russian roulette.... make him wear a condom from now on. Second having protected  sex should be your first concern until you both get tested.

So why ask if you sounded dismissive? What was his reaction? 

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Bluesky00 Established Member

Bluesky00

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I thought I sounded dismissive because he really wanted to have sex, but my appt with the obgyn isn’t till next month. So I assume that he wanted me to quickly get on birth control so that we could get some action. He didn’t really respond to that, he just texted me later that day and asked what I was doing. 

I mean, I do have condoms, but I didn’t say we could use those till then and he didn’t say anything about that either. Going bare just feels better. 

Edited by Bluesky00
ThereSheGoes Established Member

ThereSheGoes

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Have you ever been on Birth Control before?

poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

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6 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

I thought I sounded dismissive because he really wanted to have sex, but my appt with the obgyn isn’t till next month. So I assume that he wanted me to quickly get on birth control so that we could get some action. He didn’t really respond to that, he just texted me later that day and asked what I was doing. 

I mean, I do have condoms, but I didn’t say we could use those till then and he didn’t say anything about that either. Going bare just feels better. 

I'm really confused, how is the fact your doctor has no availability till next month your fault and why would telling him that sound dismissive?  I mean you were stating a fact, your doctor is unavailable so you have to wait.

I'm not sure what your concern is.   Is HE acting dismissive towards you now after you told him your doctor isn't available till next month? 

Pandemic aside, there are other sexual things you can do, including wearing condoms, which I know isn't as good as bare back, but geez, none of this is your fault.

Not sure what you think he's expecting from you, but if it's to jump like a trained puppy whenever he feels the urge to have sex, you might consider rethinking this relationship, sorry.   :(

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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You didn't sound dismissive. But, as mentioned, pulling out is very risky in terms of birth control or STDs. Why aren't you using condoms? It feels better for you or for him? Is he the one who is reluctant to use them?

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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You are worrying way too much about making him mad. This is pregnancyyou're talkin about, and pulling out will not get the job done. You tell him to wear a freaking condom! Then get on birth control, and then let him keep wearing a condom until 1 unless you get married and you know he's not banging other people and wouldn't care if you got pregnant.

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Bluesky00 Established Member

Bluesky00

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Condoms have never been brought up. But I’ll mention them to him till I get on birth control. 

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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You need to educate yourself about BC & the risks associated with unprotected sex.  You can get pregnant through the pull out method.  It's not reliable.  You can also get STDs through unprotected sex.

When you go see your doctor next month, that won't be a green light to have sex.  You will get a prescription.  You may have to wait to start & when you start will impact when the pill becomes effective.  Talk to your doctor about this. 

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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22 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

Condoms have never been brought up. But I’ll mention them to him till I get on birth control. 

At the least... 

I must warn you that he may resist their use because he may claim it doesn't feel as good. Like you did. Then you are opening yourself up to STDs after you get on other forms of birth control. 

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ThereSheGoes Established Member

ThereSheGoes

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14 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You need to educate yourself about BC & the risks associated with unprotected sex.  You can get pregnant through the pull out method.  It's not reliable.  You can also get STDs through unprotected sex.

When you go see your doctor next month, that won't be a green light to have sex.  You will get a prescription.  You may have to wait to start & when you start will impact when the pill becomes effective.  Talk to your doctor about this. 

 

Thats what I was thinking. When you get on birth control, you can't just immediately have sex. You usually have to wait a month for it to take full effect. So if you guys are just wanting to get on birth control so you don't have to worry about a baby, he's going to have to wait about two months. Either wear condoms or abstain.

lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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Yes, don't have sex without protection, but why is everyone acting like it's condoms or nothing? You can use spermicides (foams and sponges) and they're right at your pharmacy. Obviously they don't provide protection against STDs, but if you've both been tested and pregnancy is your primary concern, you should be OK.

Also, if you get an IUD (which I highly highly recommend if possible) it works instantly, no waiting period required.

Emilie Jolie Established Member

Emilie Jolie

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You say you've not seen each other in a month; have you made firm plans to see each other? Is it even possible for you to see each other where you live, without breaking some form of lockdown? If he just wants to see you to have sex with you, I feel like that should be a bigger concern to you than being dismissive about getting the pill.

2 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

I thought I sounded dismissive because he really wanted to have sex,

Do you have the same sense of urgency about having sex with him? You don't need to rush anything just to please him.

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

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@Bluesky00  I think the bigger issue is why you felt telling him your doctor is unavailable till next month sounded dismissive, and your concern about him wanting sex, like now, and you not being able to oblige.

How is your relationship in general? You sound insecure about it, are you?

And why is it you haven't seen him in a month?  When you asked he said "bad timing"?  What does that mean, is he too busy?  

But now that he's horny and wants sex, he wants to see you and asked that you go on birth control?  

Now that you've told him about the doctor and birth control situation, does he still want to see you or is it "bad timing" again? 

I sense there is something deeper going on in your relationship over and above  birth control. 

We're here if you want to talk about it.  

Edited by poppyfields
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Uptown182 Established Member

Uptown182

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3 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

You say you've not seen each other in a month; have you made firm plans to see each other? Is it even possible for you to see each other where you live, without breaking some form of lockdown? If he just wants to see you to have sex with you, I feel like that should be a bigger concern to you than being dismissive about getting the pill.

Do you have the same sense of urgency about having sex with him? You don't need to rush anything just to please him.

I was thinking the same thing.  Are you guys just a FWB type thing?  It sounds like he just wants to see you for sex, if your ok with that then that’s fine but just want to make sure you’re on the same page with this guy.  
 

Since this sounds like a causal thing, I don’t feel he’s in a position to ask you to go on birth control.  If he’s concerned (and I’m sure you are too) he should be voluntarily wearing condoms. 

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

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He doesn’t understand how BC actually works....

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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Wondering what you want from him OP?  Not getting a FWB vibe from your end--yet I am from him.  Those sound like excuses for not seeing you and straight to the point of what he does want (sounds like the only thing).  So wait, why again are you worried about sounding dismissive toward him?  Really it's just a fact.  Maybe the question you should be asking yourself is why doesn't this guy care about what I think with that dumba** demand?  He's not your dad, husband or boyfriend.  Another question to ask is "what should i be doing to keep myself safe in all the ways I need to be safe, health, emotions?"

Please do not rollover to what he says because you are worried he will disappear.  He's basically done that already and jumping when he says jump or taking chances you don't want to to try to make him happy is not the way.  

 

Edited by Versacehottie
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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You have the right to sound dismissive when it comes to saying no for any reason, including birth control. 

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Why are you asking if you sounded dismissive?  Did he say something to you about your tone?

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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Stop worrying about whether you were being "dismissive"...... this is your health you are talking about.  It's more important than whether he felt "dismissed".  Stand up for yourself and make your health a priority.  If he has to wait a little while until you can get the birth control, then he has to wait.  Or just use condoms until the birth control takes full effect.  Don't take any stupid risks.

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healing light Established Member

healing light

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11 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

I thought I sounded dismissive because he really wanted to have sex, but my appt with the obgyn isn’t till next month

If he wants to have sex that badly that you're worried about a delay, he can wrap it. I don't like how lightly birth control is taken by many, almost as if it should just be a given, when it changes a woman's physiology. Some women react badly to it, you have every right to use whatever form of birth control you're comfortable with. Don't prioritize his discomfort (real or imagined) over your health; it's a pandemic, if he can't tolerate a wait for a doctor's appointment then I wouldn't want him inside me anyway if it were me.

Edited by healing light
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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As a woman you get the raw deal as regards STIs and birth control, so it is up to you to protect yourself.
He gets to have bareback sex and  can just walk away.
If you get an STI or get pregnant then it is YOU who will  be left to carry the can.
Infertility is the big risk for women as sexually transmitted infections are often asymptomatic in women,  and you may not be aware until it is too late and your fertility is damaged.
Pregnancy, abortion or bringing up a child are a big deal and I doubt a guy pushing for bareback sex like this guy seems to be, will be interested in hanging around to support you...
Get yourself tested and ask him to do the same and get your BC fully sorted out, before you have any more sex.
 

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Posted (edited)
17 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

Condoms have never been brought up. But I’ll mention them to him till I get on birth control. 

You haven't seen each other in a month and you're not sure if it's because of the pandemic -- Why didn't you discuss this with him?  In our area romantic partners are not excluded from seeing one another if they trust each other and both are observing the guidelines, etc.  If it's different where you are, then so be it.  That said, you've only known this guy for couple of months.  I don't think I would trust him yet anyway.   But, this guy wants you to go on birth control so you two can start having sex on a regular basis.  To me that sounds like he will come around now if you are on birth control. 

I wouldn't be taking up birth control for some guy I've only been seeing for a couple of months if I weren't already on it.  I wouldn't alter anything about my life for a guy I was only seeing for a couple of months and had not seen for a month anyway!!  He can use condoms until the relationship is established enough to warrant you changing anything about your life.  I think its outrageous that he said that to you.  I'd kick him to the curb.  I'd be a little suspicious if you didn't see him for a month, got on birth control and then he started coming around again . . . pandemic or not.

Edited by Redhead14
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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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25 minutes ago, Redhead14 said:

You haven't seen each other in a month and you're not sure if it's because of the pandemic -- Why didn't you discuss this with him?  In our area romantic partners are not excluded from seeing one another if they trust each other and both are observing the guidelines, etc.  If it's different where you are, then so be it.  That said, you've only known this guy for couple of months.  I don't think I would trust him yet anyway.   But, this guy wants you to go on birth control so you two can start having sex on a regular basis.  To me that sounds like he will come around now if you are on birth control. 

I wouldn't be taking up birth control for some guy I've only been seeing for a couple of months if I weren't already on it.  I wouldn't alter anything about my life for a guy I was only seeing for a couple of months and had not seen for a month anyway!!  He can use condoms until the relationship is established enough to warrant you changing anything about your life.  I think its outrageous that he said that to you.  I'd kick him to the curb.  I'd be a little suspicious if you didn't see him for a month, got on birth control and then he started coming around again . . . pandemic or not.

I have to admit, after reading this, I absolutely agree with Readhead14. Just re-hashing what Readhead14 has said...

1. He hasn't seen you because.....? Did the mandatory lock-down in your area occur around the time your partner decided not see you again and after the 'pull-out' sex? Or did he suddenly become too busy and health conscience?

2. Is he suggesting that he would see you NOW after the birth control is in play? He won't be as busy suddenly?

3. Yeah, I say make him use a condom. Why should you have to go on some drug when he can easily wear a condom? And if he wants to  have sex, make him pay for the condoms. Again, watch for the 'it doesn't feel as natural' line when you mention condoms. Think STDs!

Redhead is right, imho. You are not in a committed relationship and for him to ask you to go on birth control when you two barely know one another is a little bold. 

Edited by Gr8fuln2020
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