freyjarocks Posted May 3, 2020 Posted May 3, 2020 I need some advice on how I should handle this situation. I have been sort of dating this guy for a couple months. We have just been going slow and seeing where things go. Within the last couple weeks, it seems like this guy has started acting stranger. Like three weeks ago, he called me up and he was pretty tipsy and was talking about seeing if he could love me long term and all this stuff about deeper feelings I did not really think too much about it and I gave him some space because he had a lot going on with work. Then this past week, he called me like four different times this week in th evening to just chat. He was saying he missed me and wanted to talk to me just to hear my voice. Then he kind of slips the switch. I asked him if when this lockdown with COVID ends if we could spend some time together and he said he could not make any promises. He had no problem hanging out before and he did not used to act this way. I tried to ask him last night, if he was okay/wanted me to date other people and whether he just wanted us to retain the friendship part of the relationship that we have built. He wouldn't really answer me, it was pretty late and he was falling alseep At this point I do not know what to think or feel because he keeps getting close then pulling back. I don't know if I should try to approach him about this and clear things up. Any advice would be great! Thank you!
preraph Posted May 3, 2020 Posted May 3, 2020 Sounds like you don't wait for HIM to decide if you date others and do date others and no more trying to pry feelings out of him, because doesn't sound like he's good with them. 2
FMW Posted May 3, 2020 Posted May 3, 2020 Obviously just my opinion, but I would probably just sit back and see what he does. Because of the pandemic you can't really make plans anyway, so I don't see any point in discussing "what ifs" at this point when your relationship hadn't really had time to be defined beforehand. I would be really annoyed at his getting drunk (if that was the case) and telling you he missed you and wanted to hear your voice, talking about love and deeper feelings when he then pushed back on talking about even planning to spend time together when you're able to. Next time he does that remind him about not being able to make any promises and in a nice way basically tell him to cut the sh**. And preraph is right - YOU decide what you're going to do without asking or waiting for his input. He's given you enough to show he's not willing to make any claims on you right now. So you're a free agent. 2
smackie9 Posted May 3, 2020 Posted May 3, 2020 No one can predict how long this pandemic is going to affect dating and social interaction....so it would be wise to not invest in anyone including him and keep your options open. Just put him on the back burner.....chat with other guys. 1
Calmandfocused Posted May 3, 2020 Posted May 3, 2020 I’m not optimistic op, I think he’s giving you the hint that once lockdown is over he’s going to be out and about, but not necessarily with you. Be careful he’s not using you op- ie: that he’s not just calling you 4x a week to cope with the loneliness and boredom of being in lockdown. 4
Author freyjarocks Posted May 3, 2020 Author Posted May 3, 2020 I agree with you all, I have been keeping my options open and talking to other guys since nothing is set in stone, but the whole drunk calling and saying these deeper feelings then pretending like he never said anything has gotten on my nerves. In my opinion, you are either just a friend or a potential partner.
smackie9 Posted May 3, 2020 Posted May 3, 2020 How about this...you are not into playing such games....push him aside, not worth this kind of crap. He's too immature/poor communicator, these are red flags. 3
Versacehottie Posted May 3, 2020 Posted May 3, 2020 Listen, any guy who gives that kind of response to your question isn't that afraid to lose you. Maybe he should be. So rather than sit around and wait for him and what he's gonna do. Drop him way way way down your list. Next move is on him and that's IF you decide to give him an opportunity like that again. Let him do the hard work. Honestly, i think more guys than not, ie the higher percentage, feel good when they are the ones who have to earn you rather than it the other way around. So there is a danger in pushing for your timeframe etc because then they get all confused and have no idea how much to value you. Do nothing. If he reaches out, you can talk to him but keep it light and don't give him a lot of your time. Don't invest into "future plans" with him or think like that until he's put some work in to get to that stage where it would be a good risk for you to take on him--in terms of other people, things you could otherwise be spending your time on. You gave him a fair shot off a clean slate; now you have more information about how he operates so he needs to prove himself worthy of your time. Good luck 2
Author freyjarocks Posted May 4, 2020 Author Posted May 4, 2020 (edited) New update: The guy is an a**h***, we were talking on the phone and he basically said out of the blue that he was didn't want to see me and was done. He said he couldn't discuss it that it was too much for him. He is a toxic person to be going back and forth as much as he was. Literally he wanted to hang out as soon as this was over with then went to saying he couldn't confirm plans all in the same day. I could not have dealt with being in a more serious relationship with him. As soon as feelings were brought up he would just disappear. I am glad not to deal with him anymore. Edited May 4, 2020 by freyjarocks 1
Malin889 Posted May 4, 2020 Posted May 4, 2020 21 hours ago, freyjarocks said: Literally he wanted to hang out as soon as this was over with then went to saying he couldn't confirm plans all in the same day. Yes, he sounds very toxic. He woulda been a big pain in the a**. 1
Recommended Posts