Not sure what to do from here

[manfrombelow]

On 5/3/2020 at 7:42 PM, snowboy91 said:

GF and I have been together nearly 2 years, and started living together about 7 months ago (was going to be a temporary measure since I was between houses, but turned out to be permanent), and got our own place at the start of the year. We're now limited to a tiny apartment 24/7 apart from essential travel.

I've mentioned part of it in a previous thread, but there has been a lot of distance between us for a while (we've both acknowledged this), and I'm not sure if it's down to the Covid lockdown or something worse. The frequency of sex decreased from about 2x a week to once every 4 weeks around September last year, and stopped entirely about 2 months ago. I've spent some time trying to accept that the relationship is going to be essentially sexless from now on - I felt like I had for a while, but that was because I myself had been feeling numb and depressed. But now I'm a bit more used to the lockdown and my frustration is starting to re-emerge.

Generally there isn't much affection at all now. I try to show heaps of affection myself, use kind words, etc to try and bring us closer but nothing seems to be getting through to her. As people living together, we work well and manage not to annoy each other at all from what I can tell. We talk about trying to make time to be intimate with each other, but we seem to slip back into watching TV and not really changing anything. We now seem to be doing a lot more activities separately, and it feels like I'm encouraged to leave the apartment for exercise more frequently (it's still considered "essential" here). It's starting to feel more like we're housemates in terms of intimacy, but she's still willing to move her life around my plans for the future (since I may need to move to another country to pursue a career once the pandemic is over).

I guess this post is more of a rant since there isn't any way of escaping or doing much more about it for quite a long time to come. But I'm also not sure whether there's anything I can do that I've missed so I can work on making things better. 

There is no such thing as "Sexless" relationships.

When a women withholds sex from you, it means one thing, and one thing only: Her interest level in you has somehow, for whatever reasons, dropped below 50%. The longer this continues, the more likely she will start to lose respect for you and eventually CHEAT aka "Monkey Branching".

To women, it's all about "feels" and how you make them feel at the moment. They are temporary creatures, driven purely by emotions and sexual tensions from their men. 

So, according to your data, I assume that she lost "feels" with you, which was contributed partly by the lockdown itself. The same thing happened in China, where there was a surge of divorce cases after the lockdown.

Now all you can do, and need to do, is start improving and upgrading yourself. Hit the gym. Go hiking alone. Do whatever you like and whatever that benefits you. And whose apartment was it? If it's yours, tell her to get her own place until she figures things out with you. 

Edited May 10, 2020 by manfrombelow

[snowboy91]

Update, a few months down the track...

The last time we had sex (about a month ago), she felt as if it was "forced" and made comments about it being necessary for the relationship. Since then she's been unhappy with any form of contact that may be interpreted as vaguely sexual. I was starting to think something has really gone wrong somewhere along the line.

Last night she mentioned she may be almost asexual - while she does prefer guys, the sense of sexual attraction is quite weak and she tends to only get a stronger feeling from someone's personality. I think all of this has rattled me a bit - while I know that personality is a factor in attraction, I'm getting the sense that it's very unlikely there will be a physical component to the relationship without some serious work - and it will have to be handled really delicately. It seems a strange conclusion to come to given there was enough sex in the first year of the relationship.

Unfortunately it will be a few more months before I have an "escape route" should such a discussion go wrong - we're stuck in a second, worse lock down.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. Sounds like the drudgery of living together is killing the romance. When can you move out? 

As they say, familiarity breeds contempt. Try to break up the routine a bit. Make sure you both have good boundaries and lots of outside interests and friends.

[Blind-Sided]

Based off the new info... it's time to move on.

Sorry.

[snowboy91]

On 7/26/2020 at 9:26 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear that. Sounds like the drudgery of living together is killing the romance. When can you move out? 

As they say, familiarity breeds contempt. Try to break up the routine a bit. Make sure you both have good boundaries and lots of outside interests and friends.

Unfortunately we're in lockdown. It's supposed to end in a couple of weeks but it's had no effect, so I can't see it lifting until at least next year. So there is no opportunity for changing of routine since there is literally nothing else to do.

[d0nnivain]

There are things to do, just not that many & you have be creative.  

Make a picnic in your living room or a park.  Go for a hike.  Go for a drive.  Play board games or cards together.  Rearrange the furniture.  Cook together. Order in wine & do a wine tasting.  Zoom with friends together.     Just do anything other then nothing.  

[5x5]

Once the sex becomes infrequent, that's natures way of telling you it's time to move on.