Boyfriend acting cold. Should I ask him if we are over?

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Glx said:

And it was wrong of me to be jealous. 
I have a feeling that I made a mistake, and if I had not demanded so much, then everything would be fine. 

And how do you explain him being on a dating app before you broke up?

[poppyfields]

Gix, you are doing what 99.9 percent of women do after a relationship ends.  Even when their boyfriends acted like a sh** (IMO), and I am not talking about his texting preferences but rather him being on dating apps and uploading various women on social media, flirting and godonlyknows what else while in a relationship with YOU.

Girl you need to raise your standards, not lower them by thinking you made a mistake.  If I were dating and having sex with a man and discovered he was still on a dating app, uploading various women on his social media, for ME, that would be automatic dealbreaker.

Why?  Because when I date, I prefer to date one-on-one, I don’t do multi-dating and I don’t date men who multi-date either.

Just not MY personal cup of tea.  Those are my personal standards, and I stick to them.

You need to stick to yours too!  It’s good to reflect back, introspect and if you feel you were too demanding or needy by asking for more texting, more time spent together and more warm and fuzzy moments, then make changes.

But other than that, NO!  If you’re not a multi-dater, don’t date men who are and who are on dating apps, uploading women.

Do NOT argue with him about this, just promptly dump.  In these precarious early stages (first 6 months) you are within your rights to dump a man for any reason, not feel guilty about it and NOT second guess your decision.

 

Edited May 12, 2020 by poppyfields

[CaliforniaGirl]

EDIt: wrong thread.

Edited May 12, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Glx]

Yesterday he wrote me again "Hello, how are you? What are you doing?"

I really don't understand this behaviour and what is he trying to achieve here. Especially since his last "Hello how are you" was ignored. 

Is he expecting that I will just start a friendly conversation with him like nothing happened?

Edited May 13, 2020 by Glx

[smackie9]

If you have acted like you have lowered expectations, then they are going to think you are easily manipulated....he keeps trying because he knows you are reading his messages. Now if you block and delete him, that would be a different story. Ignore is one thing but block/delete sends a better message.

[kendahke]

40 minutes ago, Glx said:

What are you doing?"

Like I said on page 3:

Quote

He's wanting to be together is on a "wyd"/"you're an option" kind of level...

 

42 minutes ago, Glx said:

I really don't understand this behaviour and what is he trying to achieve here. Especially since his last "Hello how are you" was ignored. 

Is he expecting that I will just start a friendly conversation with him like nothing happened?

Yes. This is how he treats his options.

He's doing the very least because that's his default position with you.

Don't make a meal out of breadcrumbs.

[CaliforniaGirl]

9 hours ago, Glx said:

Yesterday he wrote me again "Hello, how are you? What are you doing?"

I really don't understand this behaviour and what is he trying to achieve here. Especially since his last "Hello how are you" was ignored. 

Is he expecting that I will just start a friendly conversation with him like nothing happened?

Why don't you just make it clear? "Look, we tried this, but it didn't work and never will because we have entirely different communication needs. We already had this discussion...we even had kind of an ugly fight about it. I've thought a lot since then and I don't want to continue the relatuonship. Nobody's 'wrong' here, we're just too different. I have decided to move on. I want to make that clear. Please move on as well."

Edited May 13, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[poppyfields]

Or maybe say this -- "Look, we're done, if you don't stop texting me I will be forced to block you which I typically don't like doing.  Bye."

Gix, you keep complaining he still texts but you do nothing to stop him, what gives girl?

Me thinks you like him reaching out, gives you a shred of hope and you enjoy the attention, what little he gives. 

Not judging I get it, just own it.  You must like it cause if you didn't you would tell him to stop or you would just block him.

The End.  

Edited May 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Versacehottie]

10 hours ago, Glx said:

Yesterday he wrote me again "Hello, how are you? What are you doing?"

I really don't understand this behaviour and what is he trying to achieve here. Especially since his last "Hello how are you" was ignored. 

Is he expecting that I will just start a friendly conversation with him like nothing happened?

you see, from one perspective a person might see this is dramatic.  I mean his behavior is normal.  This is how a lot of guys try to open the door back up. I don't see why you would complain about HOW he contacts you and his goal if just a day before you were "boo-hoo he's not reached out to me".  Basically, what do you want?  If his contact bothers you, block him.  If you want to accept that he is trying to talk to you, continue the conversation.  There are a million ways to do that rather than complain that you don't like how he does it.  This latest complaint goes hand-in-hand with the fact that you don't like how he communicates before you broke up.  You cannot control a person.  This is the way he reaches out--either you like it or you don't.  Either you act on it or you don't.  If he's annoying you, then block.  I think you have a really set belief that a certain way and only your way is how things are supposed to go if a guy really likes you.  It's controlling and stifling and exhausting.

You are the one in control of your own behavior and reactions so I won't waste time saying what might be wrong with him.  But it's not a one or the other situation.  The combo of you two doesn't work.  Own your part for the next person and how you handled the last little bit of business with this guy.  You don't go together IMO.

[CaliforniaGirl]

You know what's kind of bugging me each time I see this bumped up..."Should I *ask him*..." Just...tell him. I mean you want it to be over. Why can't you tell him? Who's THIS polite? LOL. "Well, I want to tell him he's kind of a gland and I never want to see him again but I better defer...I'll just let him bring it up..." Girl, say it. And be done, and be free to find someone else, and he'll be free to do the same.

[ExpatInItaly]

18 hours ago, Glx said:

Yesterday he wrote me again "Hello, how are you? What are you doing?"

I really don't understand this behaviour and what is he trying to achieve here. Especially since his last "Hello how are you" was ignored.

As I said earlier (l believe), this is likely an ego thing. 

He wasn't that bothered about it when he knew you were there, but his pride doesn't like knowing you're putting yourself on the market. But again, I have to ask you since you didn't really respond to this before - how do you feel about the fact that he was on a dating app before you two split up?

[Gr8fuln2020]

On 5/13/2020 at 6:46 AM, Glx said:

Yesterday he wrote me again "Hello, how are you? What are you doing?"

I really don't understand this behaviour and what is he trying to achieve here. Especially since his last "Hello how are you" was ignored. 

Is he expecting that I will just start a friendly conversation with him like nothing happened?

Why do you care so much about what he is or isn't doing here? May I say that you are being manipulated as we speak. He may not see, in person, what this is doing to you, tying you in knots, but you are in knots over this guy's manipulative behavior. The best thing to do is block him and move on, not continue reading his messages and letting him take advantage of your emotions.