Women I've been talking to has a picture with another guy as her WhatsApp profile pic

[smackie9]

You think very low of a woman/become unsettled because of one picture. That to you she could be some cheating harpie trying to pull the wool over your eyes. You need to work on your security issues. Adults have platonic opposite sex relationships...it's normal to see such photos on peoples social media. If anyone is trying to "hide" anything or be deviant enough they wouldn't have photos like that for you to see.

Just relax and take it as it comes....the more confident you are the more success you will have.

Edited May 4, 2020 by smackie9

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

1 hour ago, kendahke said:

It's not a dating profile picture. It's a whatsapp profile picture. Whatsapp isn't a dating app.

Apply the "Dolly Parton" profile posts that went around the interwebs a few months back with the LinkedIn, Facebook, IG and Tinder quad box pics to this...

Your telling me. tit for tat, people get laid through whatsapp less than through any dating app? whatsapp is the most popular chat app on the planet... Like are you for real?

If I went through your whatsapp right now theres not a single booty call? Come on now

Edited May 4, 2020 by CAPSLOCK BANDIT

[Blind-Sided]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

1) If you just "hang out" don't you run the risk of getting into the friendzone of which there is no escape?

2)As I've mentioned previously I've never had sex in my life and kissing is a big deal. I was finally able to kiss 2 women in a row and get multiple dates recently, but before that nothing for a decade. So I'm not exactly jumping into a bf/gf situation with everyone I meet. For nearly a decade I was just friends with multiple women that went nowhere.

1) It can happen... but it depends on the situation. If you are going out with a "Dating" intention... then you probably won't go friend-zone.  Very recently, I was going out with a girl, and I was having personal issues with my divorce.  Because of that... I didn't make any moves, and after 5~6 dates... it kind of went to the friend-zone.  I knew I blew it, because she was giving me clear signs and I wasn't reciprocating.   BUT... these were physical dates, and not just chatting.

2) I was unaware of that... and it's probably why you are putting off the desperate vibe. (sorry, just calling it like I see it)  Generally speaking... the girls you were friends with for an extended amount of time would probably never go anywhere... and if you tried... you would lose a friend.  Basically what this comes down to is... you need to go out on a physical, actual date before you can get a real feel for the person you are chatting with.  At that point, you can figure out if you are compatible, and if you want to give her a hug and/or kiss, and a second date.

[rjc149]

OP, 

The overall theme of this thread is "how can I flirt, build comfort, and escalate sexual tension, through a screen?"

The simple and truthful answer is that you cannot. Dating and courting requires two people to be in each other's physical presence. Since the current circumstances limit that, dating and courting women is just going to have to wait. 

But you don't like that advice, because all of your follow-up posts go something like "but I really really like her and I really really don't want to mess it up with bad texting" etc. 

Your desperation and nervousness stem from not having sexual experience with women. That's understandable. You don't have options because you've never created any. But you need to understand that you are coming from a place of desperation, and that's highly, highly unattractive to women. If this girl got wind of how you are fixating on her Whatsapp pic like this, she'd ghost you. It's obsessive. 

Dating and courting requires two people to be in each other's physical presence. I repeat: dating and courting requires two people to be in each other's physical presence.

The more you try to build rapport over texting, whether or not you've met in person, the more needy you appear, and the more she's turned off by you. You are not going to build so much comfort and sexual tension with her over text that she'll have sex with you. It will not happen. A lot of things are on hold right now. Dating is one of them. 

And your follow up will go something like "but I really really like her and I really really don't want to mess it up with bad texting, how do I keep texting this girl to make her like me?"

And so it goes. Good luck buddy. 

[max3732]

2 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

OP, 

The overall theme of this thread is "how can I flirt, build comfort, and escalate sexual tension, through a screen?"

The simple and truthful answer is that you cannot. Dating and courting requires two people to be in each other's physical presence. Since the current circumstances limit that, dating and courting women is just going to have to wait. 

But you don't like that advice, because all of your follow-up posts go something like "but I really really like her and I really really don't want to mess it up with bad texting" etc. 

Your desperation and nervousness stem from not having sexual experience with women. That's understandable. You don't have options because you've never created any. But you need to understand that you are coming from a place of desperation, and that's highly, highly unattractive to women. If this girl got wind of how you are fixating on her Whatsapp pic like this, she'd ghost you. It's obsessive. 

Dating and courting requires two people to be in each other's physical presence. I repeat: dating and courting requires two people to be in each other's physical presence.

The more you try to build rapport over texting, whether or not you've met in person, the more needy you appear, and the more she's turned off by you. You are not going to build so much comfort and sexual tension with her over text that she'll have sex with you. It will not happen. A lot of things are on hold right now. Dating is one of them. 

And your follow up will go something like "but I really really like her and I really really don't want to mess it up with bad texting, how do I keep texting this girl to make her like me?"

And so it goes. Good luck buddy. 

So if you were in my shoes what would you do? What I'm hearing is:

If I don't send her anything or communicate until we can meet in person she will think I lost interest and I will lose any momentum and she will find someone else.

If I do send her something and talk on the phone/video call I come across as desperate, which is unattractive to women and she will be turned off by it. 

So no matter what I do I end us losing with with everyone I've met through OLD?

[rjc149]

15 minutes ago, max3732 said:

If I don't send her anything or communicate until we can meet in person she will think I lost interest and I will lose any momentum and she will find someone else.

There is nothing more disgusting and unattractive to women than this mindset. 

You are scared that she'll lose interest. You are scared that you'll lose momentum. You are scared that she'll find someone else. You are scared. Needy and scared. You are approaching dating from a place of fear. That's why you're striking out with women. You are scared of their disapproval and desperate to be liked by them. They sense your fear, desperation and need, they sense your weakness, and instinctively run away from you. 

What I'm saying is: Stop caring about this girl. Stop caring if she loses interest and finds someone else. Stop caring so much. There will be other girls when the time comes to date normally. Because you cannot meet women in person, now is not the time to be dating.

[JTSW]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

So if you were in my shoes what would you do? What I'm hearing is:

If I don't send her anything or communicate until we can meet in person she will think I lost interest and I will lose any momentum and she will find someone else.

If I do send her something and talk on the phone/video call I come across as desperate, which is unattractive to women and she will be turned off by it. 

So no matter what I do I end us losing with with everyone I've met through OLD?

Stop overthinking it.

Just relax and stop all these silly things going through your head.

Just be yourself and have fun.

Stop panicking because thats what is putting women off.

[OatsAndHall]

23 hours ago, max3732 said:

How often should we be texting or calling? I don't want to overdo it before we've met in person

If I'm not hearing from a woman once every couple of days (at the very least...), then I'm not interested. And, I lose interest quickly if I'm always initiating the contact. Again, they're either not that into me or they're possibly keeping me on the back burner. This is all assuming we've actually met face to face as well. I initiate that early on; chat with them briefly and then ask to meet up. I don't want an internet pen-pal.

On a side note, I always imply that it's a "date" when I meet a woman for the first time. I'm not going to meet a woman as a "friend" unless we're already truly platonic friends. If I have romantic intentions, I make them subtly known because I won't waste my time in the friend zone.

Edited May 4, 2020 by OatsAndHall
Because I want to...

[OatsAndHall]

On 5/3/2020 at 4:13 PM, poppyfields said:

Oh like an orbiter?  Quite common actually.

Good for you for not going for that. 

This statement isn't directed at the OP but I, personally, would feel like an orbiter by initiating contact with a woman once per week.

[basil67]

@max3732 are you allowed out of your house to exercise?   Can you have a walking date with 2ft between you?

[kendahke]

On 5/3/2020 at 9:54 PM, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

Your telling me. tit for tat, people get laid through whatsapp less than through any dating app? whatsapp is the most popular chat app on the planet... Like are you for real?

If I went through your whatsapp right now theres not a single booty call? Come on now

First, let's wager your entire retirement account on that accusation. There's some property I want to buy and this would be the easiest way to amass that sum.

I'm not saying people don't get laid from whatsapp---that they do still doesn't remove the fact that it's not a dating app. A chat app and a dating app are two different things, so yeah, how about you leading the charge on being real?

[poppyfields]

On 5/4/2020 at 7:29 AM, rjc149 said:

There is nothing more disgusting and unattractive to women than this mindset. 

You are scared that she'll lose interest. You are scared that you'll lose momentum. You are scared that she'll find someone else. You are scared. Needy and scared. You are approaching dating from a place of fear. That's why you're striking out with women. You are scared of their disapproval and desperate to be liked by them. They sense your fear, desperation and need, they sense your weakness, and instinctively run away from you. 

What I'm saying is: Stop caring about this girl. Stop caring if she loses interest and finds someone else. Stop caring so much. There will be other girls when the time comes to date normally. Because you cannot meet women in person, now is not the time to be dating.

Omg this^^!  Cut and paste it to your fridge and read at every opportunity! 

[max3732]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

@max3732 are you allowed out of your house to exercise?   Can you have a walking date with 2ft between you?

Yes I can leave the house to exercise, but due to a medication I'm taking I'm at a higher risk than normal and the area where I live also has a lot of cases. So I'm a bit reluctant to risk getting the virus. It seems like just texting and the occasional phone call is working as far as keeping in touch. I just wish we could meet in person.

As I put in another thread I'm also doing virtual speed dating, which is good practice. 

[max3732]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Omg this^^!  Cut and paste it to your fridge and read at every opportunity! 

I agree that I should stop approaching dating from a place of fear and stop worrying so much, but I think with so many women online now it is the perfect time for OLD. The main question is if I do match with someone there or with the virtual speed dating what's the best way to keep in touch with them until we can go on a real date? Some are obviously saying don't contact them at all or have any communication until we can meet in person. Others here are saying to be talking more than once a week. So it's definitely a tough time for dating in person, but it seems like a good time for getting numbers.

[poppyfields]

max, I am of the belief that when the mental energy is right (which I will be honest is very rare to find on line and for me even in real life) the conversation just flows just like in person.  There is really no difference other than it’s done through the written word versus verbally.

So just relax and talk to these women same as you would as if meeting them for the first time in person, say at a party, a club or an event or something.

There is no need to be trying so hard to find the “right” thing to say, or fear you will say the “wrong” thing, again when it clicks, it’s easy, it flows. 

I am speaking from experience having chatted with many men on line and only really clicking with one or two.   More than as friends. 

What I am sensing is that you are trying so hard to click with women or a particular woman, a sort of desperation if you will, you’re coming off unnatural and awkward.

Again, relax, toss fear out the window and talk to them same as you would in real life.  Either it will click or it won’t, if it doesn’t, so be, move on the next.

[rjc149]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

I agree that I should stop approaching dating from a place of fear and stop worrying so much, but 

And so it goes. 

[SumGuy]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

The main question is if I do match with someone there or with the virtual speed dating what's the best way to keep in touch with them until we can go on a real date? Some are obviously saying don't contact them at all or have any communication until we can meet in person. Others here are saying to be talking more than once a week. So it's definitely a tough time for dating in person, but it seems like a good time for getting numbers.

If unsure ask.  One can certainly build sexual interest and tension via text, heck even done it via old fashioned letters before the internet.   Of course no guarantee it will materialize in person and it is a high art to keep it going without meeting for any length of time.  
 

I’m off the market but I would use this time to just communicate get to know each other.   You can explore interests and sense of humor via text and phone.   What are you doing in lockdown? What are you reading, watching?   What do you think about it?  How’s your family doing, your job?   Segue into beliefs or deeper topics.   Really a great opportunity to connect with conversation.  
 

Agree with others, you’re overthinking this and worry way too much.  After all you want her to be attracted to you, to what you like about you. 
 

Lastly I believe connection is an aphrodisiac for women, sexual flirting isn’t required.  

Edited May 5, 2020 by SumGuy