Women I've been talking to has a picture with another guy as her WhatsApp profile pic

[max3732]

5 hours ago, JTSW said:

It's not your business really.

You're not dating so she can talk to whoever she wants.

In all the time I've done OLD I've never seen a profile pic of a woman with her arms around a guy as a profile picture. Don't you find it a bit odd?

Sometimes there are pics with a guy and it will have a caption saying "brother" or "best friend since childhood" or whatever. 

We're not dating, but since I'm considering dating her I would think it is my business if she's already in a relationship or married. If that's the case I would stop wasting my time with her.

[lolablue17]

Let me offer a different approach. Why don't you stop thinking about, how will it look to HER, and what impression will you make on HER, and how will SHE react, and just ask what YOU want?

Stop with these games. You have a question? Ask the question. You can ask politely, or even with humor ("I can't wait to meet you, maybe in the future I'll be the one who is in your profile instead of this guy"), but stop calculating and start being natural 

[JTSW]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Don't you find it a bit odd?

Nope. It's her WhatsApp.

Not her dating app.

And she wouldn't be on a dating app if she was happily married or happily involved.

I think you are making into more than it is.

If you're that bothered just ask her.

[max3732]

21 hours ago, JTSW said:

Nope. It's her WhatsApp.

Not her dating app.

And she wouldn't be on a dating app if she was happily married or happily involved.

I think you are making into more than it is.

If you're that bothered just ask her.

I wouldn't think someone in a relationship would be on a dating app but I actually have met people like that. It's not a huge deal. Just something I thought was rather odd.

[Gr8fuln2020]

22 hours ago, lolablue17 said:

Let me offer a different approach. Why don't you stop thinking about, how will it look to HER, and what impression will you make on HER, and how will SHE react, and just ask what YOU want?

Stop with these games. You have a question? Ask the question. You can ask politely, or even with humor ("I can't wait to meet you, maybe in the future I'll be the one who is in your profile instead of this guy"), but stop calculating and start being natural 

So simple. Just ask. As a matter of whether it is your business or not, OP,  it is if the communication between you may lead to something romantic. If not and she says it is not your business, then you know to move on. If there is genuine interest in the potential of a relationship, IT IS your  business.

[lolablue17]

2 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

So simple. Just ask. As a matter of whether it is your business or not, OP,  it is if the communication between you may lead to something romantic. If not and she says it is not your business, then you know to move on. If there is genuine interest in the potential of a relationship, IT IS your  business.

Sometime it is indeed so simple. He doesn't have to ask it in a rude way. IDK, but in my life, being direct 90% doing very good things, and only 10% or less can embarrass or be inappropriate. So usually it pay off to take the small risk. 

Edited May 2, 2020 by lolablue17

[max3732]

On 5/1/2020 at 5:13 PM, lolablue17 said:

Let me offer a different approach. Why don't you stop thinking about, how will it look to HER, and what impression will you make on HER, and how will SHE react, and just ask what YOU want?

Stop with these games. You have a question? Ask the question. You can ask politely, or even with humor ("I can't wait to meet you, maybe in the future I'll be the one who is in your profile instead of this guy"), but stop calculating and start being natural 

I wish I could just act natural and have to be so calculating, but whenever I try that women seem to take everything the wrong way. For example, I recently asked someone if when she was growing up she ever got together with her neighbors for meals and she got offended that I was implying she was poor. Huh? With another match on Bumble I asked how she got into being a therapist and she replied she's a counselor, not a therapist and unmatched me. With this one we've been talking long enough that I don't think she'd get offended that easily, but a lot of times I'll make one little comment is all it takes for them to block you without ever getting to know you.

[lolablue17]

7 hours ago, max3732 said:

I wish I could just act natural and have to be so calculating, but whenever I try that women seem to take everything the wrong way. For example, I recently asked someone if when she was growing up she ever got together with her neighbors for meals and she got offended that I was implying she was poor. Huh? With another match on Bumble I asked how she got into being a therapist and she replied she's a counselor, not a therapist and unmatched me. With this one we've been talking long enough that I don't think she'd get offended that easily, but a lot of times I'll make one little comment is all it takes for them to block you without ever getting to know you.

This is a great way to filter women. The women who rejected you because of these reasons, these are the same women that like manipulations, might lie, disrespect you, play games with you in the future   I would run from these women as fast as I can... Women who never want you to be who you are, just want you to pretend

Edited May 3, 2020 by lolablue17

[max3732]

7 hours ago, lolablue17 said:

This is a great way to filter women. The women who rejected you because of these reasons, these are the same women that like manipulations, might lie, disrespect you, play games with you in the future   I would run from these women as fast as I can... Women who never want you to be who you are, just want you to pretend

Maybe you're right. It's so frustrating to have everything I say taken against me when talking with women. I think that's what creates a lot of the anxiety I feel with them.

With the one I've been talking to she mentioned that the picture is her brother without me even asking about it. So everything here worked out 

[Blind-Sided]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

With the one I've been talking to she mentioned that the picture is her brother without me even asking about it. So everything here worked out 

OK... great.  But that doesn't change the fact that you dwelled on it... as an issue with her... and you don't even really know her yet.  That's the part of your personality that needs work.

[max3732]

1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said:

OK... great.  But that doesn't change the fact that you dwelled on it... as an issue with her... and you don't even really know her yet.  That's the part of your personality that needs work.

Seems like anyone would be concerned with seeing another guy around her age in a profile pic. Not sure how to work on anything with that.

What I know I need help with is flirting. I'm trying to figure out how to flirt over text and I'm always so afraid of offending her I end us just sending "nice" things, which I think gets me in the friend zone. If you swing and miss with an attempt at flirting over text do women appreciate the effort or immediately think you're a creep and not want to talk to you? For example, she said she's been playing games online with her family/friends. Would it be weird or flirty to say something like "When we can get together in person there are some 2 player games I'd love to play with you" and then mention some actual games? It doesn't come across as natural for me to say something like that even though I may think it.

[poppyfields]

56 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Seems like anyone would be concerned with seeing another guy around her age in a profile pic. Not sure how to work on anything with that.

You could change your mindset max.

When I did OLDing, and a guy messaged me who had a pic of himself with another woman, or in many cases, himself with a couple of women, my first thought was NOT "who are the women"? 

My very first thought was "what an a**, posting a pic of himself with other women on a dating website"!  Lol.  Like wtf.  Immediate delete.

Either the guy was clueless or he's an insecure ego maniac who mistakenly believed women seeing him with other women would find him more intriguing.

I can't say what this girl's intentions were, but if it was to arouse some jealousy and intrigue in you, it appeared to have worked! 

Jmo, but when posting pics on a "dating" website, leave pics with you and the opposite sex OUT.

On line dating is challenging enough without being forced to wonder who the other women or men in their pics are. 

 

Edited May 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[Blind-Sided]

27 minutes ago, max3732 said:

1) Seems like anyone would be concerned with seeing another guy around her age in a profile pic. Not sure how to work on anything with that.

2) What I know I need help with is flirting. I'm trying to figure out how to flirt over text and I'm always so afraid of offending her I end us just sending "nice" things, which I think gets me in the friend zone. If you swing and miss with an attempt at flirting over text do women appreciate the effort or immediately think you're a creep and not want to talk to you? For example, she said she's been playing games online with her family/friends. Would it be weird or flirty to say something like "When we can get together in person there are some 2 player games I'd love to play with you" and then mention some actual games? It doesn't come across as natural for me to say something like that even though I may think it.

1) Sure... I understand.  The way you work on it is... you take a step back... tell yourself you have no right to care since there isn't a relationship. AND, in the early stages, just have fun, and be happy in knowing you are getting to know someone new.  It's not going to happen overnight... but you have to make the effort every time to try.  My current GF has guy friends. On some level I'm jealous about that. But those guys were around before I was. (more or less) But, she has chosen to be with me. (I still don't know why)  Since we are now intimate, and hanging out as much as possible... I have earned the right to ask about those guys... but I still don't have the right to voice my opinion on them. (since we have only been dating for a few months)  I also look at it this way... if things don't work out, or she decides that she wants to be with one of these guys who have been around for years... then I'm thankful that I was able to have crazy, sweaty sex with a girl almost half my age. LOL. (but I'm hoping it will be lasting)

I'm not sure how old you are... but with age, and trust in other people... that will be easier to deal with.

2) HUmmmmmm.  OK.  First, it's hard to flirt over txt until you know their personality.  Before making any off color jokes... or innuendos... let he make one first. If she is keeping it clean... then you keep it clean.  Since she is talking about games... the comment back would be... "Once the COVD thing is done... I have a few favorite games I would like to share with you."  Yes, that's clean and "Nice"... but that's what you have to do at first.  

[poppyfields]

max, I need to modify my last post. 

I was under the assumption this was a dating app pic, but just read it's not, it was her WhatsApp profile pic, sorry :(.

in that case, no I don't believe "anyone" would be concerned about that, guy could be her brother, cousin, friend.  I wouldn't jump to any assumption about it whatsoever. 

I'm wondering, what prompted her to  tell you it was her brother?  

[max3732]

27 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

max, I need to modify my last post. 

I was under the assumption this was a dating app pic, but just read it's not, it was her WhatsApp profile pic, sorry :(.

in that case, no I don't believe "anyone" would be concerned about that, guy could be her brother, cousin, friend.  I wouldn't jump to any assumption about it whatsoever. 

I'm wondering, what prompted her to  tell you it was her brother?  

We were talking and she said she's really close to her whole family and her brother is like her best friend. Then she said something like "that's him in my WhatApp profile pic"

I have seen women who post pictures with men on dating websites though. From you you said men post pictures with women also. Something else I don't understand is when women post pictures holding a baby as the profile pic and then if you scroll down it says "note, that's my nephew in the pic. I don't have any kids".

[max3732]

1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said:

1) Sure... I understand.  The way you work on it is... you take a step back... tell yourself you have no right to care since there isn't a relationship. AND, in the early stages, just have fun, and be happy in knowing you are getting to know someone new.  It's not going to happen overnight... but you have to make the effort every time to try.  My current GF has guy friends. On some level I'm jealous about that. But those guys were around before I was. (more or less) But, she has chosen to be with me. (I still don't know why)  Since we are now intimate, and hanging out as much as possible... I have earned the right to ask about those guys... but I still don't have the right to voice my opinion on them. (since we have only been dating for a few months)  I also look at it this way... if things don't work out, or she decides that she wants to be with one of these guys who have been around for years... then I'm thankful that I was able to have crazy, sweaty sex with a girl almost half my age. LOL. (but I'm hoping it will be lasting)

I'm not sure how old you are... but with age, and trust in other people... that will be easier to deal with.

2) HUmmmmmm.  OK.  First, it's hard to flirt over txt until you know their personality.  Before making any off color jokes... or innuendos... let he make one first. If she is keeping it clean... then you keep it clean.  Since she is talking about games... the comment back would be... "Once the COVD thing is done... I have a few favorite games I would like to share with you."  Yes, that's clean and "Nice"... but that's what you have to do at first.  

I don't really care if someone I'm starting to see how guy friends that she's been friends with for years. There are women I've been friends with for years and I wouldn't want to give up on them. That said I wouldn't put my Facebook or dating app profile pic with them. I still haven't figured out how to go from chatting with a woman on a date to having sex with her.

The only reason I mentioned the joke is I was talking to another woman and we were talking about exercise (she's really into exercise) and I told her I have a fitness tracker and am trying to find something that gets my heart rate up as high as sports and I haven't found anything yet. Then she said "wait till you're alone with me and we'll see how high your heart rate gets" or something like that. I didn't quite know how to react but it kind of turned me on. 

With someone like that would do try to flirt differently over text?

[OatsAndHall]

I wouldn't be too concerned about it at all. Because I wouldn't stay in touch with a woman who only talks to me once per week. Either she's not that into you or she's just into you enough to keep you tagging along. Either way, I wouldn't be interested.

[poppyfields]

59 minutes ago, OatsAndHall said:

Either she's not that into you or she's just into you enough to keep you tagging along. 

Oh like an orbiter?  Quite common actually.

Good for you for not going for that. 

[Blind-Sided]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

1) That said I wouldn't put my Facebook or dating app profile pic with them. I still haven't figured out how to go from chatting with a woman on a date to having sex with her.

2)The only reason I mentioned the joke is I was talking to another woman and we were talking about exercise (she's really into exercise) and I told her I have a fitness tracker and am trying to find something that gets my heart rate up as high as sports and I haven't found anything yet. Then she said "wait till you're alone with me and we'll see how high your heart rate gets" or something like that. I didn't quite know how to react but it kind of turned me on. 

With someone like that would do try to flirt differently over text?

1) OK... that's you.  I know a lot of people who post pictures of them selves with someone of the opposite sex.  AND... to people who know them... they will know if that other person is a family member, or even old bf/gf... or just a good friend.   On the point of going from chat to sex... that WILL NOT happen via a txt unless it's a "Hook Up" kind of situation.  Any relationship with staying ability will need to progress with physical dating.  I can also say one thing... I have never had a girl become my GF who I slept with the first night out.   The sex is fun... but you quickly learn that you probably aren't compatible.  With my current GF... we knew each other from long ago.  But I was in my late 20's, and she was ... um..... 6.  (now we are 47 and 26) When we were reintroduce, we spent 5 to 6 weeks just hanging out before it changed into a bf/gf situation. (or before I even tried to kiss her)  One problem I see with you is... you want to move from "Hi" to "BF/GF" on the first date. You need to not get yourself in the mindset that you can win over every girl who talks to you.

2) OK, that's a perfect example.  She took the chatting to another (suggestive) level. You can now flirt with those kinds of comments.  BUT... don't overdo it. It can quickly go from playful and fun to creepy if everything becomes sexual. 

[max3732]

2 hours ago, OatsAndHall said:

I wouldn't be too concerned about it at all. Because I wouldn't stay in touch with a woman who only talks to me once per week. Either she's not that into you or she's just into you enough to keep you tagging along. Either way, I wouldn't be interested.

How often should we be texting or calling? I don't want to overdo it before we've met in person

[kendahke]

5 hours ago, max3732 said:

Seems like anyone would be concerned with seeing another guy around her age in a profile pic.

Not for Whatsapp.  A dating profile, yes, but not whatsapp.

[max3732]

1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said:

1) OK... that's you.  I know a lot of people who post pictures of them selves with someone of the opposite sex.  AND... to people who know them... they will know if that other person is a family member, or even old bf/gf... or just a good friend.   On the point of going from chat to sex... that WILL NOT happen via a txt unless it's a "Hook Up" kind of situation.  Any relationship with staying ability will need to progress with physical dating.  I can also say one thing... I have never had a girl become my GF who I slept with the first night out.   The sex is fun... but you quickly learn that you probably aren't compatible.  With my current GF... we knew each other from long ago.  But I was in my late 20's, and she was ... um..... 6.  (now we are 47 and 26) When we were reintroduce, we spent 5 to 6 weeks just hanging out before it changed into a bf/gf situation. (or before I even tried to kiss her)  One problem I see with you is... you want to move from "Hi" to "BF/GF" on the first date. You need to not get yourself in the mindset that you can win over every girl who talks to you.

2) OK, that's a perfect example.  She took the chatting to another (suggestive) level. You can now flirt with those kinds of comments.  BUT... don't overdo it. It can quickly go from playful and fun to creepy if everything becomes sexual. 

1) If you just "hang out" don't you run the risk of getting into the friendzone of which there is no escape? As I've mentioned previously I've never had sex in my life and kissing is a big deal. I was finally able to kiss 2 women in a row and get multiple dates recently, but before that nothing for a decade. So I'm not exactly jumping into a bf/gf situation with everyone I meet. For nearly a decade I was just friends with multiple women that went nowhere.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

This one opted to start the mind games early, (In before "What mind games?")

To me, this is a value check... It is her saying to you, "Hey, this is the type of guy I can get, so if you don't have the same qualities, i'll just stick with him"

The thing is, even if its her cousin or something, she can still use that person to do a value check, as long as you don't know who the guy is, she can maintain that illusion, so I would ask who the guy is and see what her response is.

Or she is dumb af because that is not appealing as a dude, I mean if she makes the effort to blur homies face, sure, but if she isn't, in my opinion, its a value check.

[kendahke]

10 minutes ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

This one opted to start the mind games early, (In before "What mind games?")

To me, this is a value check... It is her saying to you, "Hey, this is the type of guy I can get, so if you don't have the same qualities, i'll just stick with him"

The thing is, even if its her cousin or something, she can still use that person to do a value check, as long as you don't know who the guy is, she can maintain that illusion, so I would ask who the guy is and see what her response is.

Or she is dumb af because that is not appealing as a dude, I mean if she makes the effort to blur homies face, sure, but if she isn't, in my opinion, its a value check.

It's not a dating profile picture. It's a whatsapp profile picture. Whatsapp isn't a dating app.

Apply the "Dolly Parton" profile posts that went around the interwebs a few months back with the LinkedIn, Facebook, IG and Tinder quad box pics to this...

[chillii]

Just bloody ask her who the guy is , not a bf is he ?  Should've been at your first convo. He's probably just a bro or good friend of something. Because back in the day l was OL , they usually said if they were married or with someone and just wanted something casual on the side, saw quite a few, not to say others wouldn't be snaking round though but she's got him in the pic. Just ask her.

 

Edited May 4, 2020 by chillii