Horses634 Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 So I met this guy back at uni and we hit we it off from the the first time we met. After meeting each other for the first time he would consistently text me almost everyday and was always bringing up meeting up again and again. We saw eachother for about 2 months and I haven’t felt a connection with a guy like this for a while. We would talk for hours and always cuddle. I honestly haven’t met a guy that I got on with like this in such a long time, conversations between us just flowed and I felt so comfortable with him despite not knowing him for long. So at the last week of uni he texted me on a Monday and asked if I wanted to meet up tonight and/or Wednesday. I agree to meet up with on that Monday and it was really good and told me “see you soon” when I left. I then texted him on Wednesday (this was his last day at uni) quite late asking him how he was and he replied in the morning that ‘he drank too much and I got really sick’ to which I replied “aww I hope you feel better soon”. He left this message on delivered on Snapchat for weeks which was really unlike him and I think he finally opened it a week ago. I haven’t sent him one message since then and he obviously hasn’t texted me either. I understand that this situation with covid 19 is terrible and we probably wouldn’t be able to see eachother for many months until uni started again but I don’t understand why he is completely avoiding me. Even if he didn’t want to date me anyore or having anything serious I thought he would have sent me message one message here and there. I posted a few hot Instagram pictures since then and he hasn’t even like them, it’s like he is trying to pretend I don’t exist. And I haven’t even done anything wrong, haven’t acted clingy and I haven’t even sent him one message since we left. The only thing he does is look at my stories. And we actually did not even sleep together, we did other things but yeah we didn’t do that. I know that in the last two weeks he mentioned that his ex unblocked him so it’s either that or I don’t know what other reason. I would love if you guys could give me some peace of mind, I’m trying to move on but it’s difficult when things were so good and it turned into this. And I can’t ask him why he ghosted me cause that’s just too weird. I don’t know why I’m even missing him, we didn’t date for long. And also do you think it’s possible he could message me in the future?
The Outlaw Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Welcome to LS. I can relate but some people will just ghost for little or no reason and it's just easy to disappear without explanation. Just maintain NC. If he can't be bothered to contact you, you shouldn't contact him. And it's best to just leave it alone should he contact you again. And while it's easier said than done, move on. Anyone that ghosts you isn't really worth another thought.
Miss Spider Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) Yes move on. This may sound harsh, but I am just being honest...People ghost because they don't want communicate with you anymore, but they don't want to tell you to your face because they are don't want to make it awkward or hurtful and/or they don't want to completely shut the door in that way. There is a high likelihood he is talking to another girl or is back with his ex. That would explain why he is not liking your stuff etc. It could also be that with covid social distancing, a lot of people are dropping nonessential things in their life, including people they are dating. They figure if there's no physical or face to face contact, why am I bothering talking with these people... He may come back. I don't have any numbers, but I am sure a lot of 'ghosters' do come back...I know I have reached out again to some people I have ghosted in the past. But I do not think you should wait. Honestly, if the connection was that great, he wouldn't have dropped off the map. You say that there was a great connection, but remember that's just your perspective. You can't know that he was feeling it as much as you, and what he did indicates he wasn't. Try to move on from him. He's not it. Edited April 28, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Ami1uwant Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 I’m unsure how long since last contact. you said about him leaving. Thst also confused me. sometimes people ghost because... 1 they found a new thing to pkay with who he likely slept with thst night he said he was drunk 2 he didn’t feel the same to you as you did to him so he backs off of you to have you end it with him so he doesn’t hurt you 3 he came down with covid in the ICU and on a respirator. 1
Author Horses634 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Posted April 28, 2020 7 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I’m unsure how long since last contact. you said about him leaving. Thst also confused me. sometimes people ghost because... 1 they found a new thing to pkay with who he likely slept with thst night he said he was drunk 2 he didn’t feel the same to you as you did to him so he backs off of you to have you end it with him so he doesn’t hurt you 3 he came down with covid in the ICU and on a respirator. Well basically we left university early because of the virus and we were supposed to return back to uni after the Easter holidays but now that’s not going to happen because of the virus. So yeah I guess he didn’t feel the same way. It’s just confusing because he was the one chasing me the whole time.
Author Horses634 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Posted April 28, 2020 17 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Yes move on. This may sound harsh, but I am just being honest...People ghost because they don't want communicate with you anymore, but they don't want to tell you to your face because they are don't want to make it awkward or hurtful and/or they don't want to completely shut the door in that way. There is a high likelihood he is talking to another girl or is back with his ex. That would explain why he is not liking your stuff etc. It could also be that with covid social distancing, a lot of people are dropping nonessential things in their life, including people they are dating. They figure if there's no physical or face to face contact, why am I bothering talking with these people... He may come back. I don't have any numbers, but I am sure a lot of 'ghosters' do come back...I know I have reached out again to some people I have ghosted in the past. But I do not think you should wait. Honestly, if the connection was that great, he wouldn't have dropped off the map. You say that there was a great connection, but remember that's just your perspective. You can't know that he was feeling it as much as you, and what he did indicates he wasn't. Try to move on from him. He's not it. Yeah I guess that makes a lot of sense, what’s the point of continuing this if we haven’t dated long and we can’t meet because of social distancing. And the thing is he likes everyone’s posts on Instagram including other girls. For me if you truely didn’t care you would like the Instagram post. I never put much thought into the posts I like and it seems like he does I guess I don’t know. I’m not going to wait for him but I did enjoy hanging out with him even at a friendship level so I don’t know if I would be able to resist not seeing him if he contacts me when we come back to university in September. And it seems like he wasn’t feeling it now but it just confuses me because when we were at uni he was the one chasing me all the time, I barely texted him first. Honestly after this I don’t know if I will ever be able to tell if a guy truely likes me
Versacehottie Posted April 29, 2020 Posted April 29, 2020 So did you go back to other areas that are not close to each other? If so, I think that is factoring in. He's back in his hometown...and reconnecting with old "friends" and girlfriends. That was my first thought. And then you said his ex-girlfriend unblocked him...so that would be my top guess. They are either both back in his hometown or he's giving her top priority and a shot. I think he likes other girls photos because he wasn't in the middle of chasing them and as close to them as you. So it's nothing he needs to "address". With you he somewhat needs to explain--but he's probably trying to see how that pans out first so it's better to say nothing to you than "something" that will likely just cut off his chances with you or hurt you. He may very well want to pick right back up where you left off when you are back at university. I'll bet he "thinks" he's leaving that option open with his behavior. I think he looks at your stories because he wants to see what YOU are doing with other people, aka guys, and is hedging his bets. If you put some vague type references to a budding something, he may step it up. Hmmm, don't know if you should do take him up on it if he does. That said, it's college, it's not that uncommon and people are changing a lot, growing up and figuring themselves out. Definitely do NOT wait or fixate on him. You should have as much fun as possible & lots of experiences. Good luck
smackie9 Posted April 29, 2020 Posted April 29, 2020 Yup when the interest drops off it's usually due to someone else pulling their attention away from you. That should tell you that he isn't into you enough to make him not be lead by the temptation of others. 1
Ami1uwant Posted April 29, 2020 Posted April 29, 2020 17 hours ago, Horses634 said: Well basically we left university early because of the virus and we were supposed to return back to uni after the Easter holidays but now that’s not going to happen because of the virus. So yeah I guess he didn’t feel the same way. It’s just confusing because he was the one chasing me the whole time. This is something that could resurface in the fall when both of you are at college. There are some who don’t want yo do ldrs. when I was in college I had a gf but we didn’t see each other in the summer. We lived on opposite sides of the city. Both of us worked a lot in the dummer so we may gotten together like once every other week.
ShyViolet Posted April 29, 2020 Posted April 29, 2020 People ghost or drift way for lots of reasons. I don't think you'll ever get the satisfaction of a definitely answer. Maybe he met someone new. Or maybe since you two are not at school anymore, and far away from each other now, he doesn't see a point in continuing to message each other and isn't interested in maintaining a "long distance" thing. Either way, he's just not interested in you anymore, as hurtful as that may be. Just move on.
expos4ever Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 Anyone who ghosts is a low-quality person who should be put in the rear-view mirror (I have been ghosted many times by women). Move on, you deserve better. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 (edited) Most of the time, I think people ghost to be nice...That’s the only reason I ever did. And in their effort to be seen nice, they end up being seen as the worst POS to a lot of people. But I don’t think it means the respect you any more or less than someone who breaks it off definitively. I’m part yhe ‘would rather be ghosted’ crew myself. Like, it’s cool you don’t want to see me anymore... but let me think you died. Edited May 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2 1
FMW Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 My opinion, and this is for any relationship that's gone beyond two dates: Ghosting is not nice in any way. People ghost because THEY don't want to be uncomfortable ending things face to face, and not to make it easier for the ghostee. It's definitely disrespectful. OP, you'll never know why he ghosted. But the fact that he did means he's not worth another thought. 2
Miss Spider Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 But why would they feel uncomfortable? Empathy...they know it’s no way it’s not going to hurt the other... so they avoid... instead of just saying “I’m not interested anymore. Wish you the best.” Just seems icy to me... 1
FMW Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 I prefaced my comment with "my opinion", and it's not one I have any desire to debate. I think completely ignoring someone is much icier than saying goodbye. You have a different opinion, I'm not going to try and change your mind. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 (edited) Was just sharing thoughts that support my opinion since it’s a discussion forum... but fair enough Edited May 20, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Legatus Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Ghosting always seems nice from the point of the ghoster. Believe me in the long run anybody who gets ghosted would appreciate truth more. Yes it might hurt at first but losing somebody you were interested in will anyway. The difference is that after a while you appreciate the honesty. So there were no sparks, perhaps they met somebody else, or I'm a smoker and they don't like it. Doesn't matter. It feels easier only because you have to tell yourself that. Facing what you're doing and possibly explaining to somebody is much more difficult and takes balls. 1
Erik30 Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 13 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: But why would they feel uncomfortable? Empathy...they know it’s no way it’s not going to hurt the other... so they avoid... instead of just saying “I’m not interested anymore. Wish you the best.” Just seems icy to me... Some people need that closure, or they'll spend weeks/months wondering what happened or if they did anything wrong. Just look at all the threads here of people who were ghosted... It's "easier" to move on when someone actually tells you it's over. (Still sucks of course) 1
Miss Spider Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 Understandable. And I have noticed the consensus on the forum is not the right thing to do. I guess I just trying to add not always done because the person is careless or is heartless. There are people who pride themselves on being blunt and upfront and have no issues telling a person they’re not interested. Most people try to at least sugar coat it/put it nicely to avoid hurting someone. Other people ghost to avoid hurting someone. I don’t think most are thinking the person is going to be thinking about them for the next 5 weeks. I wouldn’t, so that might be why I’d prefer it. 2
dispatch3d Posted May 22, 2020 Posted May 22, 2020 Sometimes the guy just gets frustrated it didn't go anywhere, doesn't want to have a discussion on it, and would prefer to move on. It would seem weird to say "I really like you but this isn't going anywhere, so I'm moving on?" wouldn't it? I couldn't imagine doing that.... Like admit defeat due to a lack of...... effort?
beentheredonethat77 Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 I agree with Cookiesanddough that "im not interested, i wish you all the best" is icy. Ive never received that but that would HURT .like a nasty slap in the face, as it took so little time to write and still offers no explanation. If no real explanation is offered in the rejection . then its not that different to being ghosted.. at least with ghosted i can imagine they have some sort of mental crisis and just cant date right now or are conflicted / not ready to date. "not interested" -- ouch! But this is me and my opinion only. I have never ghosted anybody, would feel terrible doing so -- I have slow faded though, and they always get the picture and i feel at least they feel they weren't rejected per se.. we just fizzled out. Thats my hope anyway. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 (edited) Hmmm 'I'm not interested' is a bit brusk but it is a perfectly reasonable explanation. Back in the day, my go to was 'Great to have met you, I'm sorry I don't feel any romantic connection'. Don't know if it was down to luck but the guys I said it to took it just fine. Horses634, This guy sounds a little immature. Third division ghoster. Not sure reading your stories is a sign of interest; he's just not a very good ghoster. I've been ghosted before in the sense that I'd never hear back from a job application (is that ghosting?), which is never good. I don't think it's cruel; just a lack of basic manners. Here after 2 months of dating and a plan to meet up, it's just childish. Edited May 23, 2020 by Emilie Jolie
stillafool Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 On 5/19/2020 at 7:09 PM, Cookiesandough said: Most of the time, I think people ghost to be nice...That’s the only reason I ever did I think a lot of people do see ghosting as the easiest option for both them and the other person. I've seen people break up and tell the truth that they were not interested, met someone else, didn't feel the chemistry; and still get called an a-hole. So it's damn if you and damned if you don't. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, beentheredonethat77 said: I agree with Cookiesanddough that "im not interested, i wish you all the best" is icy. Ive never received that but that would HURT .like a nasty slap in the face, as it took so little time to write and still offers no explanation. If no real explanation is offered in the rejection . then its not that different to being ghosted.. at least with ghosted i can imagine they have some sort of mental crisis and just cant date right now or are conflicted / not ready to date. "not interested" -- ouch! But this is me and my opinion only. I have never ghosted anybody, would feel terrible doing so -- I have slow faded though, and they always get the picture and i feel at least they feel they weren't rejected per se.. we just fizzled out. Thats my hope anyway. Thanks. Yeah.. I think it just comes down to different personalities. I don't think I could ever be the type to ruminate over someone if we're done talking. I'm sort of out of sight out of mind. Like, if someone stopped talking to me out of nowhere and never talked to me again, I would know what that meant...lol .I don't think I'd be wondering what happened to him. I would just figure 'yeah...he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, I guess, or he would be talking ' It has to be a personality difference, because if I ever received something like "I don't think we're a match and think it's best if we go our separate ways. wish you luck."or something, I would think 'wowwwwww what a royal tool' (Not really, but you know what I mean). It's like, you went out of your way to write that when no one asked you? Who said I was going your way anyway? And by the way...Im me. I don't need luck, sucka. ...Haha. You catch my drift. If you're in a serious relationship...totallly different and the person deserves an explanation. But I can't help but think announcing someone that you are casual/only been on a handful of dates with that you're not going to set up another date with them seems almost...arrogant.. Edited May 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Realitysux Posted May 23, 2020 Posted May 23, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Thanks. Yeah.. I think it just comes down to different personalities. I don't think I could ever be the type to ruminate over someone if we're done talking. I'm sort of out of sight out of mind. Like, if someone stopped talking to me out of nowhere and never talked to me again, I would know what that meant...lol .I don't think I'd be wondering what happened to him. I would just figure 'yeah...he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, I guess, because he doesn't or he would be talking lol. ' It has to be a personality difference, because if I ever received something like "I don't think we're a match and think it's best if we go our separate ways. wish you luck."or something, I would think 'wowwwwww what a royal tool' (Not really, but you know what I mean). It's like, you went out of your way to write that when no one asked you? Who said I was going your way anyway? And by the way...Im me. I don't need luck, sucka. ...Haha. You catch my drift. If you're in a serious relationship...totallly different and the person deserves an explanation. But I can't help but think announcing someone you are casual/only been on a handful of dates with that you no longer wish to talk to them seems almost...arrogant.. Good point! I have always received a few texts after ghosting someone so i eventually tell them I'm not interested. I would rather be ghosted too and wouldn't think twice. Edited May 23, 2020 by Realitysux 1
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