Can a guy be too into you?

[poppyfields]

Hank, I think it's possible she just became overwhelmed.

Not just from your intense feelings, but from her own as well, or by the relationship in general. 

Feelings and emotions are not always so black and white; people can have fears and anxieties that can very much influence the outcome of any relationship, even when those feelings are strong at first. 

How well do you really know her?  What have her past relationships been like?

If she has a history of becoming attracted to unavailable men, when dating one who becomes "too available," that might overwhelm her, it will trigger her anxiety, and turn her off.

By too available, I mean not leaving her room to wonder about you, miss you sometimes.  I echo what cookie said in her last post.  

I think that's important in early stages, it's about finding the right balance that works for both. 

 

Edited April 26, 2020 by poppyfields

[elaine567]

Sounds like she love bombed you and then like many lovebombers do, she lost interest in you and dumped you.
 

[smackie9]

That is the red flag....when they come in hot and heavy. They don't take the time to really get to know you before hand and let feelings grow organically. She wanted a relationship bad, but not you. Once that fantasy wore off, she snapped out of and realized she wasn't into you. I did this when I was a young teenager...I went through BFs every two weeks. 

[poppyfields]

Agree about love bombing, but let's dig deeper into why some people love bomb, then run?

It's the initial intensity of feelings, but then after a time, when reality kicks in, it's those same intense feelings that trigger their anxiety and cause them to run.

Anxious-avoidants tend to behave that way, and "commitment phobes."

Going forward, try to avoid those who come on fast and strong, they're likely to run away just as fast. 

[preraph]

53 minutes ago, HANK1 said:

What did "following you around like a puppy" entail exactly?  Did you say anything to him about it before cutting him loose?

When does it go from, this guy is so good to me, so thoughtful, so caring, really there for me, have such a great time and connection with him, to, this is too much, he likes me way too much, he's desperate/needy/whatever?

1)  He would follow me from room to room for no reason.  Yes, I told him when he got up to follow me to the kitchen where I was only going to be for a moment, "You don't need to follow me in here, I'll be right back."  He did anyway.  Then he followed me into the restroom and I knew it wasn't going to work.  

 

2)  You know it's not right when it's unbalanced and more on his side than your own.  I didn't ever follow HIM around his house or try to follow him to the restroom.  And I wouldn't with anyone, no matter how much I liked him, and I did like him.  I just wasn't serious about him. It was too soon, but that kind of following you, even if it had been 3 years, is way too much.  Suffocating.

[Miss Spider]

19 minutes ago, preraph said:

1)  He would follow me from room to room for no reason.  Yes, I told him when he got up to follow me to the kitchen where I was only going to be for a moment, "You don't need to follow me in here, I'll be right back."  He did anyway.  Then he followed me into the restroom and I knew it wasn't going to work.  

 

2)  You know it's not right when it's unbalanced and more on his side than your own.  I didn't ever follow HIM around his house or try to follow him to the restroom.  And I wouldn't with anyone, no matter how much I liked him, and I did like him.  I just wasn't serious about him. It was too soon, but that kind of following you, even if it had been 3 years, is way too much.  Suffocating.

Exactly. Dating is about getting to know someone and behaviors a person displays during the dating phase can make or break a person's opinion/feelings for you. Like any other behavior (being inconsiderate, etc,),.suffocating behaviors can turn a person off when they otherwise would have been interested. At the same time, some people LIKE that behavior. I think fewer people like it than are turned off by it, so if you particularly intensely excited about an individual and see them losing interest, it may help you to reel in those feelings about and calm TF down. Get some perspective and take them off the pedestal, get another hobby to preoccupy yourself with, idk, do something. I guess this is a message mainly to one of my exes, who was a hopeless romantic type who put romance FIRST in his life. He was a very good looking guy, great job, good money, smart, funny, but very very very very in love with love and romantic to the point the girl in his life became his priority. Could get laid easily, but think he struggled with love because of this. 

Edited April 26, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[preraph]

Now, Hank, the million dollar question you might have asked me is how do I react when puppies follow me around.  And the answer is, it's never too soon.  I am automatically serious and ready to make a lifetime commitment to all puppies 

Edited April 26, 2020 by preraph

[simpycurious]

3 hours ago, preraph said:

Now, Hank, the million dollar question you might have asked me is how do I react when puppies follow me around.  And the answer is, it's never too soon.  I am automatically serious and ready to make a lifetime commitment to all puppies 

What's not to love about puppies.  Mine keeps wanting to swim in the pool which drives the pool service people crazy but  everyone (including puppies) likes to go for a swim.  

Edited April 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[HANK1]

2 hours ago, SumGuy said:

What is “too into”?

It’s a matter of degree, there are certainly behaviors that are over the line for most, make sure you don’t have those from the perspective of a therapist not some dating advice site  

Then there are women where it is some fine line and they read “clingy” or “desperate” into exuberance and kindness.

Just pass on these women, they are a waste of time in my experience for anything other than FWB...as anything over that level of intimacy freaks them out   

Also, don’t get back together with them if they change their mind, unless they are young and still figuring themselves and people out. 

At my age if a person doesn’t know what they got until it’s gone, it is a red flag level of lack of self awareness and understanding of others to me.  

Hope you don't mind me asking, and obviously feel free to ignore, how old are you? or about?

What has your experience been with that type of woman?  Are they the type that tends to come back?  Any way to tell they're that type before they pull the plug?

1 hour ago, Malin889 said:

It does sound like she was very into you, bringing you to family things, writing you a poem... My only guess is, it has nothing to do with you, but rather, she just stopped being into you. Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason why people stop "feeling it", they just … do. Don't beat yourself up about it. 

It was literally like a light switch, which has caused me great confusion and heartbreak.  She made a commitment to me, was doing and saying all the things I wrote above, a couple of days before ending it texted me in the middle of the night to tell me how much she loved me and then it was all over.

How do feelings change so drastically so quickly?  I would think if you commit to somebody and maybe something is feeling a little off you communicate?  Been a very tough break up for me.

1 hour ago, ThorntonMelon said:

Yes, you did nothing wrong there. Her feelings changed. It likely had nothing at all to do with you. I wouldn't let it affect you in the future. Keep being you. 

As I said right above, don't understand how or why feelings would change so drastically and so quickly.  If we were fighting, or things were just super boring, or maybe we were talking about things we want in life and we had drastically different views, I'd understand.  But that didn't happen.  We had a few really fun nights together just before she ended it.  She was still expressing very high interest just a few nights before ending it.

1 hour ago, littleblackheart said:

Did she explicitly say it was because you liked her too much? This statement is a little ambiguous, she could have meant it the other way round?

Also, how long was the relationship and how old are you both?

Well it wasn't the only thing she said but when she said that I asked her what you feel I love you too much and she said maybe

We were friends for a while always flirting.  Slept with each other a bunch of times.  Eventually this turned into hooking up and hanging out pretty regularly for a few months and then we made it official for 5 or 6 months.  I'm 30, she's 26.

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Hank, I think it's possible she just became overwhelmed.

Not just from your intense feelings, but from her own as well, or by the relationship in general. 

Feelings and emotions are not always so black and white; people can have fears and anxieties that can very much influence the outcome of any relationship, even when those feelings are strong at first. 

How well do you really know her?  What have her past relationships been like?

If she has a history of becoming attracted to unavailable men, when dating one who becomes "too available," that might overwhelm her, it will trigger her anxiety, and turn her off.

By too available, I mean not leaving her room to wonder about you, miss you sometimes.  I echo what cookie said in her last post.  

I think that's important in early stages, it's about finding the right balance that works for both. 

 

I know her decently well?  We were friends for a while, hooked up a bunch of times as friends, and started hooking up and hanging out more regularly before making it official.

Past relationships that I know of, a few in HS, one was 2 years.  then in college dated a guy for 3 or 3.5 years.  Lived with him for a year of that.  After college, no real relationships, seemed more like flings and casual relationships that lasted anywhere from a month to 3 months.

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

Sounds like she love bombed you and then like many lovebombers do, she lost interest in you and dumped you.
 

So what would be the difference between normal excitement at the start of a relationship and love bombing?  Based on what I put in my answer before, what made you go ah-ha! love bombing! instead of just thinking ok sounds pretty normal

57 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Agree about love bombing, but let's dig deeper into why some people love bomb, then run?

It's the initial intensity of feelings, but then after a time, when reality kicks in, it's those same intense feelings that trigger their anxiety and cause them to run.

Anxious-avoidants tend to behave that way, and "commitment phobes."

Going forward, try to avoid those who come on fast and strong, they're likely to run away just as fast. 

Why don't they stick around at all to see what happens?  Like why get all excited and into somebody and feel all that happiness and have good experiences to just end it?  Sure I get that initial rush and thrill and excitement fades, but why would that mean things have to end?  Is it always like this?  If they come on fast, it will end fast?

54 minutes ago, preraph said:

1)  He would follow me from room to room for no reason.  Yes, I told him when he got up to follow me to the kitchen where I was only going to be for a moment, "You don't need to follow me in here, I'll be right back."  He did anyway.  Then he followed me into the restroom and I knew it wasn't going to work.  

 

2)  You know it's not right when it's unbalanced and more on his side than your own.  I didn't ever follow HIM around his house or try to follow him to the restroom.  And I wouldn't with anyone, no matter how much I liked him, and I did like him.  I just wasn't serious about him. It was too soon, but that kind of following you, even if it had been 3 years, is way too much.  Suffocating.

Ok yea, that's weird! haha 

42 minutes ago, preraph said:

Now, Hank, the million dollar question you might have asked me is how do I react when puppies follow me around.  And the answer is, it's never too soon.  I am automatically serious and ready to make a lifetime commitment to all puppies 

Well of course it's never too soon with puppies!!  Actually been looking more seriously into getting a dog in the fall/winter.  Don't think it will take more than a few minutes for my future dog to have my whole heart haha

[littleblackheart]

Either she's a really bad communicator, or she didn't want to get tied down, or something happened that made her reconsider, or she was a very good actress. It's possible you'll never know. I understand your confusion, though; she didn't give you a clear explanation. I wouldn't take her 'maybe' to mean anything btw. 

[Yosemite]

26 minutes ago, HANK1 said:

Past relationships that I know of, a few in HS, one was 2 years.  then in college dated a guy for 3 or 3.5 years.  Lived with him for a year of that.  After college, no real relationships, seemed more like flings and casual relationships that lasted anywhere from a month to 3 months.

What about you? How many relationships have you been in? Have you had women react to you this way before? Do you have a pattern of coming on too strong? If not, what good is analyzing this?

It could just be an excuse that she gave instead of saying something like, "it's just not working," or "it's not you, it's me." Haven't you ever broken up with someone and didn't want to tell them the real reason because you didn't want to hurt their feelings? Probably the same thing here, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings so she's keeping the real reason to herself.
 

Quote

Well it wasn't the only thing she said but when she said that I asked her what you feel I love you too much and she said maybe

What were the other things she said?

Edited April 26, 2020 by Yosemite

[preraph]

1 hour ago, HANK1 said:

 

Well of course it's never too soon with puppies!!  Actually been looking more seriously into getting a dog in the fall/winter.  Don't think it will take more than a few minutes for my future dog to have my whole heart haha

Get two! Because they're pack animals and that's how they are socialized to feel the most secure and also they can drive each other crazy instead of driving you crazy all the time. In reality I always get full grown dogs via rescue because I'm afraid puppies are too cute and willl just take advantage of my helplessness in the face of all that cuteness. So I really am kind of a coward at love.

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, HANK1 said:

Why don't they stick around at all to see what happens?  Like why get all excited and into somebody and feel all that happiness and have good experiences to just end it?  Sure I get that initial rush and thrill and excitement fades, but why would that mean things have to end?  Is it always like this?  If they come on fast, it will end fast?

Anxiety and fear mate, which are real struggles for many people. 

You don't understand it because you don't struggle with such issues. 

I have, and trust me, they are VERY real and can be paralyzing for some, causing high anxiety, even panic attacks. 

I'm not saying she does, but don't dismiss the possibility. 

When I hear about someone coming on like gangbusters and then suddenly without warning, ending things, it's the first thing I think of -- anxiety, panic, fear.

Of what?  Getting too close (fear of intimacy), fear of being "boxed in" (suffocated) could be any number of things. 

Most reasons don't make sense to those who don't struggle with those feelings, but that does not make them any less real..

Edited April 26, 2020 by poppyfields

[HANK1]

 

1 hour ago, Yosemite said:

What about you? How many relationships have you been in? Have you had women react to you this way before? Do you have a pattern of coming on too strong? If not, what good is analyzing this?

It could just be an excuse that she gave instead of saying something like, "it's just not working," or "it's not you, it's me." Haven't you ever broken up with someone and didn't want to tell them the real reason because you didn't want to hurt their feelings? Probably the same thing here, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings so she's keeping the real reason to herself.
 

What were the other things she said?

Well I actually haven't had any official relationships but I "dated" a couple of girls in my college years where we definitely weren't hooking up with other people.  Longest was probably 4 months.  Since then just flings, nothing more than a month.  Was very focused on my career getting out of college trying to break into something for a few years.  Enjoyed having fun and the freedom of dating and sleeping around.

Honestly wasn't looking to get into a relationship until I started hanging out with this girl more regularly.  There was just something different with her.  A really crazy connection.  She said/admitted the same in terms of feeling a crazy connection and quickly feeling something for me and wanting to see what could happen.

I've never had a girl tell me I like them too much or things are moving too fast or anything before.

She said she felt partly contained sometimes and like I was dependent on her energy and that she's very sensitive to that.  That she feels like because she's a very happy go lucky person people try to latch on to that and she doesn't like it and wasn't ready to share that.  Again, not sure where any of that came from since we both had our own lives.  She did her own things, I did my own things.  If anything, I planned 98% of our time together and if we'd go out with other people, 99% of the time it was my friends.  Sure there were a couple of times a guy was drunkenly hitting on her in front of my face and I said something to that guy pretty aggressively, which one time she did let me know she didn't like it and so I realized her POV was very valid and never did it again.  Other than that, never told me she was feeling smothered or contained.  Never said anything like hey feel like we've been spending a lot of time together I'm gonna see my girlfriends this weekend.  Nothing, nada. So really just more confusion there.  

1 hour ago, preraph said:

Get two! Because they're pack animals and that's how they are socialized to feel the most secure and also they can drive each other crazy instead of driving you crazy all the time. In reality I always get full grown dogs via rescue because I'm afraid puppies are too cute and willl just take advantage of my helplessness in the face of all that cuteness. So I really am kind of a coward at love.

No way I could handle two! haha  I think I'm going to get a golden retriever in the fall or winter though.  Need to figure out what I'm doing career wise as I'd like to change what I am doing so after that I'll be able to commit.  At least a dog will love my love and never leave me right!?

[preraph]

That's for sure. Well I'm here to tell you that two are actually less trouble than one, usually. Ohio State game sometimes you can get an anxious dog and your it's only pack and it can cause problems when you have to be gone to work. But if they have another dog theyre fine. 

[SumGuy]

2 hours ago, HANK1 said:

Hope you don't mind me asking, and obviously feel free to ignore, how old are you? or about?

What has your experience been with that type of woman?  Are they the type that tends to come back?  Any way to tell they're that type before they pull the plug?

I'm in my 50s, have always dated women about my age, within ±10%

First my "too much" (after sleeping together and being together) I think was reaching out every day and making plans 5 days in advance, and generally being there to help after a month or so.  All pretty low bar being a bf stuff, and in each case we had agreed to be exclusive.  In my own personal view being consistent and not just a lover but good friend.   I'm wasn't planning out marriage, or moving in together, etc.  No major life commitment stuff.  Just being there on a consistent basis and making time to be with her on the weekends.

Before pulling the plug, there were always some signs but they can be subtle, I tend to adjust a bit when get these but again not interested in FWB, so I don;t adjust that much.  Frankly, if went the FWB route I don't consider that enough for me to be monogamous. 

In some cases the end was "I need to think about things" and never heard from her again, in others a "Let's be friends" (with a strong vibe I could orbit her) but in most cases it is pretty up front that she is not feeling ready or sure she wants a bf/gf thing.  On the last break up type, it is kind of a relief because believe me I was not feeling it either at that point even if giving it a chance.

I don't have large numbers here to give great statistics, but when it has happened, about 75% of the time they contact me later and after a bit of seeing where I am in life, usually say things like no guy treated me as well as you, or we had a great time together want to try it again, etc.   

Thing is, me being there and really, really giving things a chance is not coming from some sense of desperation.  I just believe in giving things a chance, giving people a chance, but at some point that time passes...and barring something exceptional it is not coming back.  Even if I am not seeing anyone new yet, I have never got back together with someone who broke up with me for those reasons. 

Just learned over life there are other fish in the sea, there are women who appreciate and like me for who I am, exuberance and quirks and all.  Now this may seem very weird, but each time I tend to get "pickier" wanting the whole package, it has worked so far.   

Edited April 27, 2020 by SumGuy

[Miss Spider]

Yeah, I can imagine this reason more than most leads to dumper's remorse. Although I've never wanted any of my exes that I left for this reason back, I can see if you've traversed the dating landscape long enough and never found anything better you'd start thinking 'hmmm what about that guy who treated me really nice and that was the reason I broke up with him...' and then hitting them up again. It's just one of those things that kills attraction in a really insidious way and you often question it. It was hard to leave my exes, not because any part of me still wanted them, but because I was wondering why on Earth I was breaking up with someone just because they liked me a lot. Like what did I want, someone who didn't like me ? Was I avoidant? Nope. It's just that very delicate balance of interest that needs to be there to maintain desire/attraction being slammed down on one side...

But yea, don't be surprised if she wanders back...

Edited April 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Malin889]

3 hours ago, HANK1 said:

How do feelings change so drastically so quickly?  I would think if you commit to somebody and maybe something is feeling a little off you communicate?  Been a very tough break up for me.

As I said right above, don't understand how or why feelings would change so drastically and so quickly.  If we were fighting, or things were just super boring, or maybe we were talking about things we want in life and we had drastically different views, I'd understand.  But that didn't happen.  We had a few really fun nights together just before she ended it.  She was still expressing very high interest just a few nights before ending it.

Maybe it has to do with the pandemic? 

[Lotsgoingon]

Sometimes you can sense that a person is more into you--without having really vetted you smartly--than reason would suggest. 

Other times, yes, it's totally normal to lose some interest if you sense the other person doesn't really have a life outside of you. If you sense, they don't really have interests, hobbies, job goals or just some contentment with themselves ... then yes that can scare us away, cause us to lose interest.

Or ... could be that you simply have figured over time that this person isn't really a good fit for you. By all means, do not run roughshod over these feelings. This is an alarm going off. 

[Yosemite]

2 hours ago, HANK1 said:

Well I actually haven't had any official relationships but I "dated" a couple of girls in my college years where we definitely weren't hooking up with other people.  Longest was probably 4 months.  Since then just flings, nothing more than a month.  Was very focused on my career getting out of college trying to break into something for a few years.  Enjoyed having fun and the freedom of dating and sleeping around.

Honestly wasn't looking to get into a relationship until I started hanging out with this girl more regularly.  There was just something different with her.  A really crazy connection.  She said/admitted the same in terms of feeling a crazy connection and quickly feeling something for me and wanting to see what could happen.

If you've never had a relationship before you probably made the same mistakes we all make in our first relationships. It's hard to articulate, but I think that's what she's talking about when she says feeding off her energy, her feeling contained, dependent on her energy etc. I don't think it went so far as smothering or needy, but I think it was on that same scale. If smothering is level 10, you were probably a level one or two, not from some deficit in you, but just from never having been in a relationship before.

A relationship is like anything else, the more we do it, the better we are at it...since this was your first time, I think you made some rookie mistakes. Why didn't she talk to you about it? If you were both 18, she probably would have, but because you're 30, she's not expecting to have to teach you how to be in a relationship. She considers you fully cooked at your age and she knows that it wouldn't be a good idea to try to change you. She took you as you are and found some things that she didn't like so she moved on. So, I think never having been in a relationship before was your downfall.

[HANK1]

4 hours ago, Yosemite said:

If you've never had a relationship before you probably made the same mistakes we all make in our first relationships. It's hard to articulate, but I think that's what she's talking about when she says feeding off her energy, her feeling contained, dependent on her energy etc. I don't think it went so far as smothering or needy, but I think it was on that same scale. If smothering is level 10, you were probably a level one or two, not from some deficit in you, but just from never having been in a relationship before.

A relationship is like anything else, the more we do it, the better we are at it...since this was your first time, I think you made some rookie mistakes. Why didn't she talk to you about it? If you were both 18, she probably would have, but because you're 30, she's not expecting to have to teach you how to be in a relationship. She considers you fully cooked at your age and she knows that it wouldn't be a good idea to try to change you. She took you as you are and found some things that she didn't like so she moved on. So, I think never having been in a relationship before was your downfall.

I mean I've had quasi relationships as I said that were very similar to this in many respects.  Seeing other multiple times a week, sleeping at each others places multiple times a week, talking on a daily basis.  I was definitely never in love with any of them though.  But all of those girls stuck around.

Also not sure if you saw my post above about my general behavior in the relationship, in case you didn't, I'll copy & paste it here:

the entire time she was the one pushing the pace.  Always telling me she can't stop thinking about me, she's falling so hard for me, being around me makes her so happy, that she often feels like a weirdo but around me feels so comfortable and it's so nice, always thanking me and telling me she had the best night or the best weekend with me, brought me to several family meals when they were in town visiting, often coming to see me even if we didn't have plans or inviting me to things she wanted to do, brought up things in the future (as far as 6 months out probably), wrote me a pretty intense poem

I was definitely very into her and I let her know as well.  I planned very thoughtful dates often, spent a lot of time with her, twice bought her little thoughtful gifts just because, would go to things she wanted to do, went out of my way a few times to help her out with something, told her things I was looking forward to doing with her, I can also be a pretty emotional guy and let my walls down and would let her know how I felt about her but never anything CRAZY, and I only felt comfortable even letting her know what I was feeling because of the things she was doing and saying.

 

Does anything in there strike you as me making some of the mistakes you're referring to?  Or what kind of first relationship mistakes are you thinking were made that would cause an adult woman to just drop somebody they claimed to love and care soo much for out of the blue?

[HANK1]

7 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Anxiety and fear mate, which are real struggles for many people. 

You don't understand it because you don't struggle with such issues. 

I have, and trust me, they are VERY real and can be paralyzing for some, causing high anxiety, even panic attacks. 

I'm not saying she does, but don't dismiss the possibility. 

When I hear about someone coming on like gangbusters and then suddenly without warning, ending things, it's the first thing I think of -- anxiety, panic, fear.

Of what?  Getting too close (fear of intimacy), fear of being "boxed in" (suffocated) could be any number of things. 

Most reasons don't make sense to those who don't struggle with those feelings, but that does not make them any less real..

I don't doubt those are real.

But if that were true of this girl, how could she have sustained those earlier longer relationships?

[Yosemite]

1 hour ago, HANK1 said:

I mean I've had quasi relationships as I said that were very similar to this in many respects.  Seeing other multiple times a week, sleeping at each others places multiple times a week, talking on a daily basis.  I was definitely never in love with any of them though.  But all of those girls stuck around.

Fwb's and sleeping with people for a few months with no emotion involved is not a relationship...once your heart is involved, it's a totally different ballgame.

Quote

Does anything in there strike you as me making some of the mistakes you're referring to?  Or what kind of first relationship mistakes are you thinking were made that would cause an adult woman to just drop somebody they claimed to love and care soo much for out of the blue?

First relationship mistakes are hard to describe, I wouldn't be able to come up with a list. You kind of look back at your first relationships after you're more experienced and you see how you've matured and changed since then.

She said feeding off her energy...so maybe she meant that your personalities don't match. She's bubbly and happy while you start out a little lower energy than her and after you're around her a bit, your energy gets higher. It sounds like that's important to her...so it could be that.

She said she felt contained. That could mean that she doesn't want a relationship right now or it could be that you were slightly possessive. Not possessive like a stalker, but just enough to be too much for an 30 yr old experienced man. This is one of those first relationship errors I was talking about. In our first relationships, it's common to be overly jealous and possessive. You said that you exchanged words with some dude at a bar and she told you that she didn't like that. And that you did it more than once... that could be the reason she felt contained and could be the reason that she broke up with you.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter why she dumped you. She decided that you and she weren't a good fit. But just because you two weren't a match doesn't mean that you won't be a good match for someone else. She might have felt contained because you planned 97% of the dates, but plenty of women would want you to plan that many dates. She may have felt that you were feeding off her energy, but plenty of women want a guy who's energy can be perked up by her own bright mood. She may not have liked you confronting those guys at the bar, but other women would've been pissed if you didn't. So, you need to stop looking for answers because the only answer is that it didn't work for her.

Btw, she didn't fall out of love overnight...it slowly built up over time, she just didn't tell you it was happening until she broke up with you.

Edited April 27, 2020 by Yosemite

[MaleIntuition]

You planning 98% is a problem. Sounds like a very big imbalance. It’s likely that your pace was too fast.

[poppyfields]

6 hours ago, HANK1 said:

I don't doubt those are real.

But if that were true of this girl, how could she have sustained those earlier longer relationships?

Maybe because those other relationships were distant enough that they didn't cause her anxiety.

People can be anxious-avoidant in one relationship but not another, it all depends on where your head is at the time, how much space you need, and how much space your partner is comfortable giving you. 

For some reason, "you" and your relationship caused her anxiety, she felt suffocated, so she bolted. 

Her previous relationships didn't, at least not for a while, after some time, it's possible they did and that's why they ended.

It's curious that after her last long term relationship ended, she hasn't been able to sustain another one.

Only short term, casual. 

Think about it.