Mz. Pixie Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 There's nothing wrong with a leader of the Church confessing his sins to the body. There is something wrong with mentioning sex addiction to a member who's is of the opposite sex, and alone at that. If he felt the need to mention this to you, it should've been done in the presence of your husband, or another Church member. Not in a private conversation. Personally, his sex addiction should've been kept between him and God, and he knows that too. I have to agree with the others when they say to proceed with caution. As far as knowing what his intentions where, (whether or not he said this to, "test the waters"), I would ask your pastor if he minds you sharing the knowledge of his addiction with your husband. See what kind of reaction you get from him. If he asks you to keep this between you and him, then you'll know. If he can share this with you, and his intentions were pure, he wouldn't have a problem with sharing this with your husband as well. Then, if you want to help him grow spiritually, (yes people, even followers can edify the leaders), explain to him how uncomfortable it made you feel. The quick image in your mind he caused. Don't share this with anyone else either. I don't think your pastor has very much experience. Is he new to Church leadership? Anyway, you don't want to be the carrier of the disease that'll destroy him. Let us know how it goes! Moose is right on with this one Jade. I had the same pastor for 15 years- his family was pretty tight with mine and I can promise you he would have never done anything like this.
Author JadeStar Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 So its probably best I don't ask him what he meant? I don't want to open up a can or worms with him, I know it probably doesn't even really matter if he meant with the wife or something else. However at the same time it might give me an idea of what I'm dealing with as far as choosing another counselor. Then again maybe his comment alone should tell me right there? He probably would say he was meaning with the wife anyway, so I guess he could always lie about it to cover his tracks. I still say hes the "cakeman" in that he wouldn't cheat, but likes to get a rise out of others with his comments. I guess either way thats wrong too. Jade
alphamale Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Don't share this with anyone else either. I believe the above statement was also said to most of the teenage boys who were molested by catholic priests and other religious leaders the world over.... Keep it quiet. Greaaaaat advice.
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 So its probably best I don't ask him what he meant? I don't want to open up a can or worms with him, I know it probably doesn't even really matter if he meant with the wife or something else. Sometimes it's best not to know and this is one of those situations. Who knows if he meant to tell you or if he blurted it out. Maybe he's feeling abit embarressed by opening up too much. Eitherway, don't acknowledge it period. IF by chance he mentions it again, then maybe just say it's good that problem is in the past - And leave it at that. The less said the better.
Author JadeStar Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 WWIU, Yeah I understand, I wont say nothing to him about it. I must say though that after talking with him so long, and trusting him etc, hes such a good caring person, that I was a little disappointed by what he said. I feel almost like I was let down or something. Let down in the fact that I was shocked at his comment. I also understand what others are saying about preists, and maybe you're meaning preists in general, but just to clear it up, hes not a preist. Just a plain ol' preacher. Jade
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Yup. I get what you're saying. It's like he ruined the image of himself by letting out that secret. Maybe it's good in a way, means he is human and has problems just like everybody else. Just because one is a priest, paster or a rabbi doesn't mean they're perfect people...Even if they live life under god and the church.
933KJL Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 I disagree. If you feel it was an affront to you, you need to pursue it. Mention it to him and let him know that it made you feel uncomfortable. He needs to hear that. This is how the whole Catholic Priest/little boy scandal began. By no one having the balls to say "hey this is wrong" or "hey I do not feel comfortable about this". How do you know he did not make twenty phone calls that night and found someone who took the bait and he has now forced himself on her? You don't. But I bet you would feel like crap if it did happen and you never said anythign. You are not to apologize for your feelings and I think Moose was right on--tell him that you were taken aback by his comments and see if he has an issue with you sharing them with your hubby. In any event, the bond between counselor and counselee has been broken so I would suggest looking for another counselor right away.
Author JadeStar Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 dayummmmmm this sucks, Part of me wants to say something and part of me doesn't. Now I am real confused. "Sigh" Jade
alphamale Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 In any event, the bond between counselor and counselee has been broken so I would suggest looking for another counselor right away. Word.......
933KJL Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 You can also talk to your hubby when he gets back. No need to keep a secret from him because that is a whole other ball of wax. But talk it over with him and tell him what happened and then maybe the two of you can figure out the best way--hopefully not involving a shotgun and a pickem up truck. But seriously, as a larger issue, this should be addressed. If he was virtuous, then he needs to know that it can be percieved as less than virtuous. But if his intentions were to prey on his counselee or members of his flock, well then, you need to make this known so there are no more people that could be hurt by this. I would hope that any woman that was raped would report the crime--yet I have heard that 75% go unreported. Think about it.
lilmoma1973 Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 I have to agree with whichway you don't want to ask him what he meant it could make things awkward..Maybe it is best left alone Good luck
Moose Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 I believe the above statement was also said to most of the teenage boys who were molested by catholic priests and other religious leaders the world over.... Keep it quiet. Greaaaaat advice. Talk about a Freudian slip...That's not what I meant either. It's more for her protection, and not from the Church body either. If you two had a lick of sense........... There is a price to be paid for spreading damaging gossip, especially when it deals with a Church leader. Haven't you noticed that most of these people get caught on their own? Vengeance belongs to God.
alphamale Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Haven't you noticed that most of these people get caught on their own? Oh, most do get caught eventually, but it is not necessary that they leave a trail 100 miles long of evidence and ruined lives. I think the original poster should turn this sick sexually depraved person in to the authorities. What type of "counselor" is he anyways??? This is disgusting
westernxer Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 If you two had a lick of sense........... Why do you have to single me out? I wasn't even referring to your comments, Moose.
Moose Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Why do you have to single me out? I wasn't even referring to your comments, Moose.My apologies, it sure looked that way......sorry.......
westernxer Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 No problem... it's easy to get confused when the thread gets larger. I've been there myself.
crazy_grl Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 I have to agree with whichway you don't want to ask him what he meant it could make things awkward..Maybe it is best left alone Good luck Aren't things already awkward?
Moose Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Oh, most do get caught eventually, but it is not necessary that they leave a trail 100 miles long of evidence and ruined lives. I think the original poster should turn this sick sexually depraved person in to the authorities. What type of "counselor" is he anyways??? This is disgustingThe way I look at it is yes, she has two options: 1.) Turn him in and ruin his career, and possibly destroy lost souls' chances of being saved. (which she could be held ultimatley responsible for by God Himself). 2.) Ask the pastor if he minds her sharing this with her husband, then edifying him to help his spiritual growth. This could be a legitimate problem that he needs help with. Deal with it the wrong way, and she could get herself into a mess.
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 The way I look at it is yes, she has two options: 1.) Turn him in and ruin his career, and possibly destroy lost souls' chances of being saved. (which she could be held ultimatley responsible for by God Himself). 2.) Ask the pastor if he minds her sharing this with her husband, then edifying him to help his spiritual growth. This could be a legitimate problem that he needs help with. Deal with it the wrong way, and she could get herself into a mess. 1)I can't reply to this one as I'm not religious so it's best I keep my thoughts to myself... 2) I don't think she needs to ask his permission. She should just tell her husband anyway. Plain and simple. Yes, he has a problem, but it's NOT HER FAULT. You make it sound like if she doesn't do the right thing, she'll get herself into a mess, when infact, it was HIS doing to begin with. He just didn't think period and he should have kept his mouth shut. Either way now it can't be undone. She has to tell her husband, it's unfair he unloaded his secret on her.
alphamale Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 The way I look at it is yes, she has two options: 1.) Turn him in and ruin his career, and possibly destroy lost souls' chances of being saved. (which she could be held ultimatley responsible for by God Himself). 2.) Ask the pastor if he minds her sharing this with her husband, then edifying him to help his spiritual growth. This could be a legitimate problem that he needs help with. Deal with it the wrong way, and she could get herself into a mess. either way this preacher/counselor should be told in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is unethical and wrong. If I do this to some chick on the street or at the bar it is ok cause I am not her spiritual or psychological counselor. But when someone who is supposed to guide you down the right path says this krap then that is just plain wrong.
Moose Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 1)I can't reply to this one as I'm not religious so it's best I keep my thoughts to myself...Then why didn't you? Just because you're not religious, it doesn't mean the OP isn't either. It's obvious that she is, and she should know about ALL of the ramifications.2) I don't think she needs to ask his permission. She should just tell her husband anyway. Plain and simple.Had you been keeping up with this thread, you'd understand by asking him for his permission, she'll gain the understanding if this was a personal quest of his, or a legitimate issue that he needs help in adressing.......Yes, he has a problem, but it's NOT HER FAULT. You make it sound like if she doesn't do the right thing, she'll get herself into a mess, when infact, it was HIS doing to begin with.We all know it's his fault, but it doesn't change the fact that she can cause alot of damage with this knowledge. She should be carefull for her own sake.She has to tell her husband, it's unfair the unloaded his secret on her.I agree. I never said to keep it from her husband. She needs to keep it between him and her though, and noone else.
westernxer Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Like the emperor, the preacher also wears no clothes.
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Then why didn't you? Just because you're not religious, it doesn't mean the OP isn't either. It's obvious that she is, and she should know about ALL of the ramifications.Had you been keeping up with this thread, you'd understand by asking him for his permission, she'll gain the understanding if this was a personal quest of his, or a legitimate issue that he needs help in adressing.......We all know it's his fault, but it doesn't change the fact that she can cause alot of damage with this knowledge. She should be carefull for her own sake.I agree. I never said to keep it from her husband. She needs to keep it between him and her though, and noone else. Why didn't I? Because I don't want to open a can of worms and make a religious debate happen here. My thoughts on religion right now isn't what this thread is about. I am respecting those who ARE religious and live life through the Church, that's all. I have been keeping up with this thread and honestly, Jade and I have PM'd back and forth, she understands where I'm coming from. I am keeping MY feelings out of it and trying to be objective. She isn't going to spill it out to others, but she doesn't need his permission to let him know she's going to tell her husband. Her obligation to her husband should come first. And another thing, she is aware of the damage it could cause, but again, he put her in an uncomfortable place, she didn't ask him to spill his secret. I truely believe she isn't going to tell anybody else.
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