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Issues with the complicated relationship between boyfriend's ex and baby mama

CinderElla97

By CinderElla97
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Our community has shared a thread with @CinderElla97 from another participant that has many similarities to this thread. Please be mindful that while there's much to be learned from similar or identical experiences shared by others here, and it's great that we are able to help connect CinderElla97 with discussions that resonate with the experience she's sharing with us today, the poster has made it clear in this thread that she does not identify as the same individual and did not post the similar thread with a different account late last year.

For the purposes of our discussion here, please accept this gentle reminder to be respectful of the thread starter's position on the matter. We kindly ask that you refrain from insisting that the thread starter and the previous thread author are one in the same. Let's focus our energies instead on discussing the feedback in this and in similar threads that may be germane to CinderElla97's circumstances.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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He has 3 children.

They are 4, 3 and 1.

He works in a yard selling building supplies.

Yes i am 4 years younger than him.

No we do not work together

JTSW Established Member

JTSW

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Posted
3 minutes ago, CinderElla97 said:

He has 3 children.

They are 4, 3 and 1.

He works in a yard selling building supplies.

Yes i am 4 years younger than him.

No we do not work together

I was just checking because your post was very similar to someone who posted a few months ago about almost the same thing.

Argues with the ex that he has children with.

Was still with the ex when he started seeing new girl.

Younger than him.

Alot of similarities, apart from the amount of children (this is the only difference).

 

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LynneVicious Established Member

LynneVicious

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Posted
28 minutes ago, CinderElla97 said:

Is it not possible that he did love her but then once we met and started getting to know eachother his feelings towards her changed as they grew stronger for me and he left her to be with me?

Yes, of course. But the problem is your relationships overlapped, and because of that, his feelings for you  aren’t starting from ‘scratch’, rather an extension of his feelings with his ex. 

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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4 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

Yes, of course. But the problem is your relationships overlapped, and because of that, his feelings for you  aren’t starting from ‘scratch’, rather an extension of his feelings with his ex. 

What do you mean by that? And extention of his feelings with her?

Edited by CinderElla97
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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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6 minutes ago, JTSW said:

I was just checking because your post was very similar to someone who posted a few months ago about almost the same thing.

Argues with the ex that he has children with.

Was still with the ex when he started seeing new girl.

Younger than him.

Alot of similarities, apart from the amount of children (this is the only difference).

 

Oh i see. I did wonder why it mattered what children he had. I thought maybe it was something to do with how long they had been a family and how big of a family they were

JTSW Established Member

JTSW

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2 minutes ago, CinderElla97 said:

Oh i see. I did wonder why it mattered what children he had. I thought maybe it was something to do with how long they had been a family and how big of a family they were

It just sounded very similar thats all lol

Obviously not the same, but i do agree with people that say he definitely still has feelings for her.

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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5 minutes ago, JTSW said:

It just sounded very similar thats all lol

Obviously not the same, but i do agree with people that say he definitely still has feelings for her.

I still don't see it. I understand everyone thinks i am in denial but i just can't get my head around how he could have feelings for her when he ignores her messages, rarely texts her other than to reply to her and doesn't seem all that interested in spending time with her? I would have thought he would be behaving in the opposite manner? I know that when they argue he tells her that he is under no obligation to tell her anything and that what he does with his life had nothing to do with her. I don't know what is said when they aren't arguing as i have told him i don't want to know. I don't want to know about their arguments either.

Calmandfocused Established Member

Calmandfocused

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2 hours ago, CinderElla97 said:

No he doesn't support them financially. She has never asked him too. Has always said she doesn't need him to. But then throws it in his face when they argue that he doesn't support them

Is that right? How do you know that? From what he tells you and wants you to believe? 
 

Bottom line your partner has 3 children who he’s seen once in 6 months. He’s not involved in their childcare and he does not financially support them. Even if we was to believe this lame excuse, which I certainly don’t,  he should be: a) seeing his children, b) help raise them and c) financially supporting them. 
 

I agree with his ex. He is a s**t dad. No question about it. 
 

Why are you with this man Op? What exactly are you getting from all of this? I’m concerned that you’re in denial and stuck in what seems to be a volatile situation. 
 

You’re not there yet. But one day you will stop making excuses for him. You will wake up and smell the coffee. 
 

I hope this day comes quick for you op. 

 


 

 

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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1 minute ago, Calmandfocused said:

Is that right? How do you know that? From what he tells you and wants you to believe? 
 

Bottom line your partner has 3 children who he’s seen once in 6 months. He’s not involved in their childcare and he does not financially support them. Even if we was to believe this lame excuse, which I certainly don’t,  he should be: a) seeing his children, b) help raise them and c) financially supporting them. 
 

I agree with his ex. He is a s**t dad. No question about it. 
 

Why are you with this man Op? What exactly are you getting from all of this? I’m concerned that you’re in denial and stuck in what seems to be a volatile situation. 
 

You’re not there yet. But one day you will stop making excuses for him. You will wake up and smell the coffee. 
 

I hope this day comes quick for you op. 

 


 

 

Yes that is what he has told me. I have seen messages to back it up though

JTSW Established Member

JTSW

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Posted
5 minutes ago, CinderElla97 said:

I still don't see it.

This is because of your feelings for him. 

You don't want to see what's really going on. 

I can guarantee that they are talking and texting allot more than you know of.

Trust me, they still have feelings for each other.

JTSW Established Member

JTSW

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3 minutes ago, CinderElla97 said:

I have seen messages to back it up though

His need to show you every message screams that he is guilty of something.

He can easily delete the messages he doesn't want you to see.

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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5 minutes ago, JTSW said:

His need to show you every message screams that he is guilty of something.

He can easily delete the messages he doesn't want you to see.

He doesnt show me every message. He reads out/shows me messages when they are arguing. He'll be like "look, she's off on one again" and things like that. Also she messages me through social media sometimes when they are arguing. Telling me in no uncertain terms what she thinks of me

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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10 minutes ago, JTSW said:

This is because of your feelings for him. 

You don't want to see what's really going on. 

I can guarantee that they are talking and texting allot more than you know of.

Trust me, they still have feelings for each other.

Not sure if i am about to word this right.... if they aren't talking anymore than i know of would you still have the same opinion?

Yosemite Established Member

Yosemite

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His youngest child is 1. He's been with you for 7 months meaning he left his 5 month old baby. He was cheating with you before you were officially together...so he was having an affair while his wife was home with his 3 month old baby? And now he's not paying any money for child support and has only seen his kids once?

I wouldn't walk away from my 5 month old puppy, this man walked away from his own newborn infant. If he could do that to his own child, you should be wondering what he could do to you.

Why is he texting and talking to her all the time if he's not seeing the kids or giving them any money for child support? There's no need for any contact between them if he's abandoned his kids.

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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1 minute ago, Yosemite said:

His youngest child is 1. He's been with you for 7 months meaning he left his 5 month old baby. He was cheating with you before you were officially together...so he was having an affair while his wife was home with his 3 month old baby? And now he's not paying any money for child support and has only seen his kids once?

I wouldn't walk away from my 5 month old puppy, this man walked away from his own newborn infant. If he could do that to his own child, you should be wondering what he could do to you.

Why is he texting and talking to her all the time if he's not seeing the kids or giving them any money for child support? There's no need for any contact between them if he's abandoned his kids.

I think the child is around 1 and a half. 

He has seen them more than once. He was seeing them more regularly at the beginning of our relationship but then they started to argue more and they got to blocking contact from eachother. She blocked him for around 2 months and messaged him again out of nowhere about 2 months ago. He only went to her house the once and he had the eldest child for the day the following week but then the next day did not go to hers as planned and then the day after that lockdown was announced so he has not been able to go to see them since

Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

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Posted (edited)

First all, I HATE when people call their boyfriend's ex their "baby mama". It sounds like they have at least 2 kids together, right? So she's not his baby mama -- she was a long time girlfriend or wife? Someone he cared about for a long time once ago? Ok.

He is obviously a psycho if he is talking to her in that manner. Does he ever talk to you that way? That would scare me, personally. I was with someone like that a long time ago -- he was/is bipolar, and abusive, it was pretty disturbing that he could call me names one minute and try to be nice the next. 

Last -- I'm sorry that your nan died, but he couldn't WATCH HIS KID because he was comforting you? And he blamed the lockdown for not seeing his kid?  Has he even seen them since the pandemic started? 

Edited by Malin889
Yosemite Established Member

Yosemite

Posted
Posted
19 minutes ago, CinderElla97 said:

I think the child is around 1 and a half. 

He has seen them more than once. He was seeing them more regularly at the beginning of our relationship but then they started to argue more and they got to blocking contact from eachother. She blocked him for around 2 months and messaged him again out of nowhere about 2 months ago. He only went to her house the once and he had the eldest child for the day the following week but then the next day did not go to hers as planned and then the day after that lockdown was announced so he has not been able to go to see them since

OK, so it makes a huge difference that he left his 11 month old baby instead of a 5 month old baby? I wouldn't leave my 11 month old puppy either...you should still be wondering what he'll do to you if he could do that to his own child.

She blocked him for two months...how many times did he go to court to get a custody order during those two months? How many lawyers did he consult? What did the lawyer he ultimately hired tell him to do? Now that were in lockdown, how many times has he FaceTimed his children? Let me guess, he did none of that...because he doesn't give a damn if he sees his kids or not.

If you want this guy, you don't need permission, just go be with him. If you think that the fact that he hasn't texted his wife means that he loves you...OK that's what you believe. Just don't be shocked when you're the one he's cheating on and abandoning one day.

Are they married? How old are you?

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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He saw then in the middle of march. Our lockdown was announced match 23rd so he has not seen them since.

 

No he does not speak to me that way

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Yosemite said:

OK, so it makes a huge difference that he left his 11 month old baby instead of a 5 month old baby? I wouldn't leave my 11 month old puppy either...you should still be wondering what he'll do to you if he could do that to his own child.

She blocked him for two months...how many times did he go to court to get a custody order during those two months? How many lawyers did he consult? What did the lawyer he ultimately hired tell him to do? Now that were in lockdown, how many times has he FaceTimed his children? Let me guess, he did none of that...because he doesn't give a damn if he sees his kids or not.

If you want this guy, you don't need permission, just go be with him. If you think that the fact that he hasn't texted his wife means that he loves you...OK that's what you believe. Just don't be shocked when you're the one he's cheating on and abandoning one day.

Are they married? How old are you?

No he did not do any of that. I know he checked from time to time to see if she had unblocked him but that is it i think.

No they are not married. 

I am 23

Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, CinderElla97 said:

No he doesn't support them financially. She has never asked him too. Has always said she doesn't need him to. But then throws it in his face when they argue that he doesn't support them

Ugh. Get rid of this guy! From your first post, I could tell he was horrible. He should be supporting his children when she asks him to or not. That's despicable. 

  • Like 1
Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

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38 minutes ago, CinderElla97 said:

I think the child is around 1 and a half. 

He has seen them more than once. He was seeing them more regularly at the beginning of our relationship but then they started to argue more and they got to blocking contact from eachother. She blocked him for around 2 months and messaged him again out of nowhere about 2 months ago. He only went to her house the once and he had the eldest child for the day the following week but then the next day did not go to hers as planned and then the day after that lockdown was announced so he has not been able to go to see them since

I'm sorry but he CAN still see them despite the lockdown, that should not be an issue and he should not be blaming the lockdown. Has he ever tried to figure out a custody agreement with her? 

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Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

Posted
Posted (edited)
20 minutes ago, CinderElla97 said:

He saw then in the middle of march. Our lockdown was announced match 23rd so he has not seen them since.

 

No he does not speak to me that way

So he hasn't seen his kids for a month??? Yikes. You need to stop worrying about whether or not he still has feelings for his ex, and realize what a bad father he is, which makes him, sorry to say this, a bad person. Sorry it just really pisses me off when people don't see or financially support their kids.

I'll stop now. 

Edited by Malin889
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Yosemite Established Member

Yosemite

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Posted
32 minutes ago, CinderElla97 said:

No he did not do any of that. I know he checked from time to time to see if she had unblocked him but that is it i think.

Does that bother you at all or are you fine with it?

Can you see that at age 23 you have so many better options than this guy?

Did your dad leave your mom?

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Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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Just because you have kids together doesn’t mean you can’t limit contact. I know 2 with younger kids. That practice parallel parenting and grey rocking. It eliminates unwanted/unneeded engagement.

This is up to him. Life just isn’t worth the drama. If he can’t figure out how to  ignore I’d move on.

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CinderElla97 Established Member

CinderElla97

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7 hours ago, Malin889 said:

I'm sorry but he CAN still see them despite the lockdown, that should not be an issue and he should not be blaming the lockdown. Has he ever tried to figure out a custody agreement with her? 

No not as far as i am aware

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