Larrysr516 Posted April 23, 2020 Posted April 23, 2020 Hello all, So I’m in quite a bit of a decision to make and I’m just not sure what to do. I am 27, I have 2 kids ages 6 and 8, own my own house, bills, and so on. I was married but I am divorced now about 2 or maybe even 3 years. I took some time to focus on me and my kids. Well now I’ve met somebody who I can honestly say it was love at first sight. I’m absolutely head over heels for this girl. But here’s the problem. She’s 21. We’ve been together about 6 months now and it’s been a rough 6 months. While she hangs with friends, smoking weed, drinking or whatever fun stuff we all used to do when we were her age, I’m home sleeping because I have work the next day. We see each other about 2-3 times a week when we can. She has a hard time grasping I have an ex wife I have to deal with and she still hasn’t met my kids because I just feel it’s still not time to introduce them just yet. She’s even told me before that she’s still trying to handle all of that. But I just want your guys opinion... is this something worth fighting for still? Am I crazy to think a 21 year old would settle down? I just don’t know what to think anymore because some close friends of mine told me to dump her simply because she just won’t understand because we’re at 2 totally different points of our lives
elaine567 Posted April 23, 2020 Posted April 23, 2020 6 minutes ago, Larrysr516 said: Am I crazy to think a 21 year old would settle down? YES. Some 21yos may be happy to settle down, but not this one. 9 minutes ago, Larrysr516 said: While she hangs with friends, smoking weed, drinking or whatever fun stuff we all used to do when we were her age... You are wasting your time.Your friends are right. Go find a woman who is wife and step mother material. 9
Mystery4u Posted April 23, 2020 Posted April 23, 2020 The age gap is not the problem, i have an even bigger one with my girlfriend, but the fact you are both at different stages of your life is. She is in no way ready to settle down like you want her too, and you know that. Enjoy it for what it is - some fun. Doesn't sound like the best example of someone the kids should be meeting so I would definitely not go ahead with that. 8
Lotsgoingon Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 Yes you are incorrect to assume a 21 year-old will settle down. Here's your statement here: We’ve been together about 6 months now and it’s been a rough 6 months. Game over. 3
elaine567 Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 9 hours ago, Mystery4u said: Enjoy it for what it is - some fun. But it isn't fun for him. 12 hours ago, Larrysr516 said: it’s been a rough 6 months. He is head over heels for the person she could be, not who she really is. He could hang around waiting for her to "grow up" but I predict she will dump him sooner or later when she "sees no future with him", or when she gets bored competing with the ex wife and kids, or when she finds out what she really wants and starts looking for for that guy or she meets some other "great guy" who suits her better. I guess few single 21yo women want to play happy families with a guy with two kids, and if they did, they would not be out partying, drinking and smoking weed every chance they got. That is the problem with trying to make gfs and wives out of very young women who like to party.BTW some women never really "grow up", they will still be partying, smoking weed and drinking all their lives, if you want that type of woman to "settle down" you may have a very long wait... 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 11 hours ago, Mystery4u said: The age gap is not the problem, i have an even bigger one with my girlfriend, but the fact you are both at different stages of your life is. She is in no way ready to settle down like you want her too, and you know that. I completely agree. I also have a bigger age gap between myself and my partner, but we share similar life experiences and goals for the future. We were both ready for the same type of commitment that we now have. This girl? She's miles away from that, OP. So to answer your question - yes, you're crazy to think this can work. It won't. It already isn't working.You two are not compatible. 2
Blind-Sided Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 Since I have some insight on dating with an age gap... I thought I would tell you my thoughts... but after reading your post... this has NOTHING to do with age gap. First... 6 years isn't even a thing. but... 1) She is mentally in party mode. She will break your heart when you decide it's time to be an "Adult." She is not ready to settle down. 2) She can't wrap her head around your exW that you will have to continually deal with... forever... since you have kids. 3) She is doing drugs. Do you want that around your kids? Also... if you aren't somewhere that recreational pot is legal... then this is a very bad thing to get tied up in. If you are found with this girl, and she has pot on her... you could very well lose your kids !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention... even if things do work out for the long run... your kids will learn that smoking pot is OK. When I was a kid... I had a couple friends that their mom/dad smoked pot, and they because pot heads themselves. (and 2 of them got even worse than that) Anyway... she may be cute, and the sex may be great... but you need to walk away from this girl for your kids sake. 4
Erik30 Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 3 hours ago, elaine567 said: I guess few single 21yo women want to play happy families with a guy with two kids, and if they did, they would not be out partying, drinking and smoking weed every chance they got. That is the problem with trying to make gfs and wives out of very young women who like to party Sucks but you can't really blame her, she's only 21... You should probably look for someone older than her or a single mom if you want to settle down 1 1
dangerous Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 Quote ell now I’ve met somebody who I can honestly say it was love at first sight. I’m absolutely head over heels for this girl. Love no. Lust yes. Recognise it. You are probably lonely/needy/ on the rebound? Get real, its not love and no future in it.. only heart-break. Lighten up or move on.
Fletch Lives Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 The age gap is not too big, but her age could be trouble..........at that age, some women are not ready to love yet. Also, you say the relationship has been rough. If it were a good one, it wouldn't be. 1
Calmandfocused Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 First of all op: Wow! You’ve managed to achieve a lot for someone of 27 years of age. You sound very mature. Good on you. Here’s the thing: even though the age difference is not that much, as you say your lives are in very different stages and your priorities are completely different. If you’re looking for something long term I personally think you’re looking in the wrong direction. There is nothing you can do to make someone settle down. i’ll use myself as an example: I didn’t get married or have children until I was in my 30s. I spent my 20s focusing on my career and having a jolly good time. I was certainly not mature enough to settle down (or become a mother) at 21. Lots of young people feel the same and this is perfectly acceptable. My advice to you would be to focus dating 20- somethings who are maybe in the same boat as you. She isn’t. By the way I agree with the poster who said that you do not want drugs and alcohol around your children. Continue making that your first priority. 1
stillafool Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 I don't think the age gap is too big either. I think you are far more mature than most men your age. She is not a good match for you. 1
SummerDreams Posted April 24, 2020 Posted April 24, 2020 22 hours ago, Larrysr516 said: Am I crazy to think a 21 year old would settle down? Not only will she not settle down, but she shouldn't either. It's not fair from your part to expect her to become who you were in her age. Look at what it got you. You obviously got married and had kids while you should be out having fun and now at 27 you are almost an old man. I mean, your post could very easily have been written but a 50 years old guy who was dating a 25 years old girl. She is not for you and you are not for her not because you or she are bad people or something but because you are not a match phase wise. 4
smackie9 Posted April 25, 2020 Posted April 25, 2020 (edited) It's not the age gap that's an issue...you two are way too far apart in maturity level. You are a divorced dad with two kids, heavy responsibilities.....this girl acts like a teenager. You are in lust not love. I think you have to take a step back and ask yourself "why this girl?" If you dig deep enough, it's as simple as you needing a temporary escape from your life, to feel young again, a lust to start over.....then you hear the kids calling you and it pulls you back to reality. Sorry but you can't have both. Edited April 25, 2020 by smackie9 1
ShyViolet Posted April 27, 2020 Posted April 27, 2020 As others have said, it's really not the age gap that's the issue. It's the fact that you two are at two totally different places in your lives. DO NOT introduce this woman to your kids anytime soon. She's not ready or stable enough.
basil67 Posted April 27, 2020 Posted April 27, 2020 (edited) As someone who did settle down at her age, I look back and realise that I was far too young to do so. (as evidenced by the divorce which came four years later) Give her the gift of allowing her to grow up in her own time. Edited April 27, 2020 by basil67
Msday91 Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 I don’t mean to sound rude but shes 21 you have a lot of baggage, find someone with similar baggage and let her be young. let her go for her own sake
poppyfields Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 (edited) On 4/24/2020 at 6:46 AM, dangerous said: Love no. Lust yes. Recognise it. Agree^. Me thinks you need to start thinking with your big head versus your little head. Girl is so far beyond being a quality substantive long term match for you, I'm wondering how you allowed yourself to become so emotionally attached in the first place. She's 21. Enjoy the hot girl and hot sex for what it is, nothing more, nothing less, or walk. Edited May 8, 2020 by poppyfields 2
miranda561 Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 On 4/23/2020 at 9:54 PM, Larrysr516 said: Hello all, So I’m in quite a bit of a decision to make and I’m just not sure what to do. I am 27, I have 2 kids ages 6 and 8, own my own house, bills, and so on. I was married but I am divorced now about 2 or maybe even 3 years. I took some time to focus on me and my kids. Well now I’ve met somebody who I can honestly say it was love at first sight. I’m absolutely head over heels for this girl. But here’s the problem. She’s 21. We’ve been together about 6 months now and it’s been a rough 6 months. While she hangs with friends, smoking weed, drinking or whatever fun stuff we all used to do when we were her age, I’m home sleeping because I have work the next day. We see each other about 2-3 times a week when we can. She has a hard time grasping I have an ex wife I have to deal with and she still hasn’t met my kids because I just feel it’s still not time to introduce them just yet. She’s even told me before that she’s still trying to handle all of that. But I just want your guys opinion... is this something worth fighting for still? Am I crazy to think a 21 year old would settle down? I just don’t know what to think anymore because some close friends of mine told me to dump her simply because she just won’t understand because we’re at 2 totally different points of our lives She hangs with her friends, smokes weed and drinks all day. No this ain't going to work. Find someone more mature at the very least And love at first sight, really? That does not exist 1
rjc149 Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 Sort of like the adage "you can't turn a ho into a housewife." You shouldn't catch feels for party girls. Party girls like to party. Booze, drugs, late nights, and --- yep you guessed it -- hooking up. I know a guy who made the stupid, idiotic mistake of getting engaged to a known party girl. Mind you, she's 32, not 21. Still going out to bars and dancing and taking Fireball shots with random guys. Still leaving the bar with random guys and "not remembering what happened." Word to the wise. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 8, 2020 Posted May 8, 2020 I agree that this one, in particular, is probably a bad choice given what you want. That doesn't mean all 21-year-olds would be bad choices and no, 21 and 26 is not a giant or ridiculous age difference, IMO. That's only 5 years. Not a huge deal. My sister got married at 22 and had a child at 23. Rare for our area of the country (long story) but she knew she was ready and damn, did she hit it out of the ballpark being a great wife and mother, and keeping up with her career. But her friends were...yeah. Never mind, LOL. Late teens through mid-20s or so is a murky area. Literally, people are still growing up. As with all other stages of growing up, rates will vary pretty widely.
justwhoiam Posted May 11, 2020 Posted May 11, 2020 On 4/23/2020 at 10:54 PM, Larrysr516 said: she hangs with friends, smoking weed, drinking or whatever fun stuff we all used to do when we were her age Uhm... no. Maybe that's why you had a child at 19 and a divorce on your shoulders while in your 20s. Now, making the same mistake twice? Find a reliable woman, wife and step mom material as Elaine said. And don't teach your children that passing out drunk and doing drugs is just normal as if it were a coming of age ritual... it's not. Only 4% of minors do drugs in the U.S., and 15% among young adults aged 18 to 25.
Recommended Posts