Is this guy worth a shot?

[datingvirgin]

So I have been chatting with this guy I met on the dating apps. He is just out of marriage (not divorced yet but filed because of cheating wife etc), seems it was pretty brutal as she slept with her boss who was also married. Anyway the way this guys talks about his wife is quite alarming, called her slut and other names in front of me, which tells me he is not over it yet and needs time to heal. I'm completely the opposite of this, my ex and I are very nice to each other as we share a kid.

Anyway, recently we planned to do a social distancing picnic dinner. The park was close to my place and he brought the dinner travelling almost 20 miles. It got pretty windy for us to eat without our plates flying off, I decided to call him home since my place was close by and there isnt anything open due to Covid -19. I have never called any guy to my house because I'm a bit traditional in that sense, I have to have connection etc. So we talk for sometime, drinking and music etc... I ask him if he needs to go home as it started getting to 8 pm but he wanted to stay. Then he wanted to kiss me, now I said no because I just dont think it is safe as I have a kid and so does he. I think I finally gave in and kissed him but he was going all french on me. Now this s*** is too much for a first date when I'm already paranoid about covid-19, so I guess I pushed him. His response was "Dont push me, dont push, you could have said no". To which my thought process was like, I did said no initially. Anyway he keeps kissing me and I'm not pushing him back anymore and he starts touching me at the private area which is when I freaked out and said, we need to slow this down. He immediately asked if I was on birth control to which my response was no. He stopped. He kissed me again when he left. 

My questions:

1. Does calling him home when the picnic weather wasn't ideal, an invitation to have sex? The reason why I ask this is because I had no such intentions. If this is what guys think even after though there is a good reason like Covid-19 and weather outside, then I don't ever want to repeat this.

2. Do you think there a hint of physical violence from the way he reacted to me pushing him? Like his past with his ex.

3. He has been texting me since the next day morning asking to meet for dinner at his place. I'm planning to tell him that things are going a bit fast for my liking and that I'm not looking to get physical. Would he think I'm looking for sex when if I go to this house after explaining that I'm not looking to get physical this fast?

 

Sorry for the novel

 

Edited April 23, 2020 by datingvirgin
typos

[elaine567]

Is this guy worth a shot?

NO.
Stay away is my advice.
Too many red flags.

[ccas93]

Yeah not taking into account all the public health risks involved here, I'd definitely give this guy more time to heal from his previous relationship. 

Edited April 23, 2020 by ccas93

[d0nnivain]

The minute you invited him to your home you were at risk for Covid-19.  Even meeting him in a park was a risky move health wise.  Any kiss v. a French kiss is a distinction without a difference as far as the virus is concerned. 

Yes he did take the invitation into your home as an invitation for sex.  I saw no physical violence.  I did see lack of respect for your boundaries.  You said no but you also kept kissing him.  You need stronger boundaries.  If you really meant no, the 1st time you said it you would have moved yourself to somewhere out of his reach -- a single hard back chair -- and turned on some lights.   Do not set foot in his house unless you are DTF.  

If his divorce isn't final, IMO he's not a good prospect for an emotional investment.  He also seems to want a  NSA sexual relationship which doesn't seem to be what you want so I think you are incompatible.  

Edited April 23, 2020 by d0nnivain

[smackie9]

OK here's a tip: when a guy talks about his ex like that with angry vulgar comments....he's dangerous. He's hating on women and he got aggressive on you because he felt you asked for it....gross.

[stillafool]

Smackie is correct and also he's definitely not over her but hard up for sex which is why he was so aggressive.  Donnivain is right stay away from his house unless you are DTF.  Also if I were you I would be so paranoid right now.

[datingvirgin]

Thanks community!

I did break up with him on text stating that our priorities don't match. But it is good for me to understand this behavior as I do have very limited dating experience. 

And yes this is the first and last time I'm bringing anyone home during covid-19 

Edited April 23, 2020 by datingvirgin
sgdd

[preraph]

Word of caution:  You don't want to have to go through a separation or divorce with a man.  It just makes everything more complicated and they're understandably moody.  Nor do you want a guy who calls women they married nasty names like that.

[K.K.]

27 minutes ago, datingvirgin said:

And yes this is the first and last time I'm bringing anyone home during covid-19 

What if I told you I have **whispers** 60 rolls of ultra soft toilet paper?  

[datingvirgin]

8 minutes ago, K.K. said:

What if I told you I have **whispers** 60 rolls of ultra soft toilet paper?  

lmfao...I'm dead 

[scooby-philly]

well - there's a lot not shared about the guy to attack him - but yes, this isn't worth it. He's too raw and needs time and space. Simple as that. Kudos for you on ending it!

 

And as a guy - I don't make assumptions about behavior - but any invitation without clear "boundaries" set ahead of time of going back to someone's home/place is an invitation or suggestion of something physical. Heck, I remember I was going out with a very smart, attractive, and fiesty woman years ago - it didn't work out because she was still fresh from her divorce and she was from a culture/family where I probably wasn't successful enough to present to her family or not the right ethnic background (or she was simply just not looking for something serious). We had a good time together though - took like till date 8, maybe 10 to get physical and the first time we did she invited me up to her place and even said "there will be no hanky panky" and within 15 minutes of getting upstairs she threw that out the window. lol. So yeah, most guys seen an open ended invite to your place as a "I'm DTF" moment.

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, scooby-philly said:

He's too raw and needs time and space. Simple as that.

Agree 100 %

1 hour ago, scooby-philly said:

most guys seen an open ended invite to your place as a "I'm DTF" moment.

LOL. I'm sort-of glad I don't have a place right now or I'm sure I'd be making a few rash decisions myself... 

Good luck @OP.

 

[Malin889]

I read your whole "novel" (It wasn't that long, don't worry!), but immediately when you said he called the wife a s*** (I can't even say the word), I knew he was no good. I don't like when guys use that kind of language. The wife coulda been a very nice person for all you know, you only know his side of the story which I'm not sure I trust. Glad you kicked him to the curb. Stay safe and keep your child safe. 

[Interstellar]

I’m more concerned about you getting Covid from the kiss. You should’ve stopped or prevented him.

Yes, he’s too pushy. He’s out.

 

Edited April 24, 2020 by Interstellar

[ccas93]

talk about hating on women, lot of hate against men on this site since the quaratine. 

[datingvirgin]

17 hours ago, ccas93 said:

talk about hating on women, lot of hate against men on this site since the quaratine. 

@ccas93  not sure about that but what I know is that not all men are like this guy. Like many mentioned here, its my lack of experience that I didn't even think for a sec that calling him home because there was no other way could be perceived as DTF. 

And, he texted back saying sorry for being aggressive. Which is really nice and I did text him back thanking him for apologizing. So its all good and I learned an important lesson!

Sometimes I forget I'm a women 

[ccas93]

52 minutes ago, datingvirgin said:

@ccas93  not sure about that but what I know is that not all men are like this guy. Like many mentioned here, its my lack of experience that I didn't even think for a sec that calling him home because there was no other way could be perceived as DTF. 

And, he texted back saying sorry for being aggressive. Which is really nice and I did text him back thanking him for apologizing. So its all good and I learned an important lesson!

Sometimes I forget I'm a women 

Oh no, I wasn't referring to anything you said. I think you handled this situation well. I've just been noticing a good amount of male hatred from a few responders in a variety of threads lately. Apologies if you felt I was talking about you, because I wasn't.

[datingvirgin]

21 hours ago, Malin889 said:

I read your whole "novel" (It wasn't that long, don't worry!), but immediately when you said he called the wife a s*** (I can't even say the word), I knew he was no good. I don't like when guys use that kind of language. The wife coulda been a very nice person for all you know, you only know his side of the story which I'm not sure I trust. Glad you kicked him to the curb. Stay safe and keep your child safe. 

Completely agree, he has called her that name multiple times and I barely know him. I understand that she cheated on him with her boss who was married as well. So they broke up two families and I guess he still wanted her inspite of the cheating. Anyway to better men out there

[datingvirgin]

On 4/23/2020 at 4:14 PM, scooby-philly said:

well - there's a lot not shared about the guy to attack him - but yes, this isn't worth it. He's too raw and needs time and space. Simple as that. Kudos for you on ending it!

 

And as a guy - I don't make assumptions about behavior - but any invitation without clear "boundaries" set ahead of time of going back to someone's home/place is an invitation or suggestion of something physical. Heck, I remember I was going out with a very smart, attractive, and fiesty woman years ago - it didn't work out because she was still fresh from her divorce and she was from a culture/family where I probably wasn't successful enough to present to her family or not the right ethnic background (or she was simply just not looking for something serious). We had a good time together though - took like till date 8, maybe 10 to get physical and the first time we did she invited me up to her place and even said "there will be no hanky panky" and within 15 minutes of getting upstairs she threw that out the window. lol. So yeah, most guys seen an open ended invite to your place as a "I'm DTF" moment.

No men hatred here for sure, thank you for responding and bringing a male perspective here. The example you gave is perfect!

I wish I had guy friends to help me decipher things like this!

[datingvirgin]

43 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

Oh no, I wasn't referring to anything you said. I think you handled this situation well. I've just been noticing a good amount of male hatred from a few responders in a variety of threads lately. Apologies if you felt I was talking about you, because I wasn't.

No need to apologize, its all good vibes out here. 

[scooby-philly]

1 hour ago, datingvirgin said:

No men hatred here for sure, thank you for responding and bringing a male perspective here. The example you gave is perfect!

I wish I had guy friends to help me decipher things like this!

Well there are a number of good men here (good men, not boys, and not "nice guys) that can help provide insights into things. And I wasn't directing the man bashing comment to you. I'm just always an advocate of not letting anyone bash a particular gender, group, etc. because that can happen here a lot if we don't stop it.