Keeves1 Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 (edited) Hello! For those who have been reading some of my previous threads know that I’ve had some issue with Maria (My GF). To those who is new I just want to say welcome! Maria is the name of my GF and we met on a dating app and we’ve been together for 5 months now. A big update is that she has moved in with me. She moved in on the 1st of april so she has almost stayed in quarantine with me for 1 month. Only difference is that she has started working this week and that means I get alone time while she’s at work and oh my... alone time is much needed for me! She needs attention 24/7 and I’m getting tired of it. I can’t even catch up on playing games with my friend, I can’t catch up on youtube and I can’t even have time to look at Instagram. I told her that I’m tired of it when we both were at the balcony. She said «Fine I’ll go inside and leave you alone» I hope I didn’t screw it up because the way I look at this is that it’s completely common that you get tired of a person when you’re with them 24/7. Do you agree? Is there any advice on how I can stop being tired of a person? XD Edited April 22, 2020 by Keeves1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 Op I don’t know your back story but can I just check something out? : Your girlfriend of 5 months has been consistently needy of your time and attention, , and you deal with this situation by ....moving in with her? Er..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 You moved in together way too soon. Out of curiosity, why? And to add to that, you moved in together during a quarantine. An already needy person + the inability to go anywhere sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. It's not unreasonable to want some time alone. If she can't understand that, then you need to reconsider the relationship and ask yourself if this is what you really want. It also stands to reason that you might get sick of a person if you are around them too much. However, this typically doesn't happen at five months into a happy relationship. You should still be in the honeymoon phase. I'm not sure this is a love match for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 52 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: Is there any advice on how I can stop being tired of a person? XD Yes, tell them to get a hobby. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 It's very important during a time like this, and any time you spend so much time with someone, to have some time and space for yourself. My boyfriend and I have been together for most of the past 5 months and he's staying with me during quarantine. I've made it very clear to him that it's 100% fine with me if he does things without me, like running, running errands, video chatting/phone calls with family and friends, vegging out on his phone, whatever. We enjoy being close and for the most part do very well with it, but it's healthy and positive to have some time to yourselves. It gives you a chance to relax in doing whatever you want for a while, and miss your partner a little, which is always good. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 (edited) I commented a few times on your last post. It seems you have not listened to anything that anyone said there. You are extremely over sensitive and you both never had any boundaries to begin with. You have been in each others face 24/7 from day one. You complained about her being rude when it was established that you had taken things the wrong way, this has not changed by the sounds of it. By what you said above, you told her you wanted space and she gave it to you. Like i said in your last thread, the problem here is you, not your gf. You have personal issues that you need to address. Edited April 22, 2020 by JTSW 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 (edited) This is pretty easy to deal with....use COMMUNICATION. Tell her how you feel in a nice way that there should be some free time for both of you to do your own things, and also set aside date nights when you do something together. Set up a schedule of the alone time you want...like having your coffee on the balcony alone 3 times a week in the morning, gaming with the guys Sunday and Monday nights for 4 hours, etc. Once you set times, it will become routine, and no squabbling over attention. Maybe help her by giving suggestions like having a bubble bath and read a book with a glass of wine, or start a balcony garden. She needs to get a life. How old is she? Mature women know about me time, and go find something to do without question. Edited April 22, 2020 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted April 22, 2020 Author Share Posted April 22, 2020 1 hour ago, JTSW said: You are extremely over sensitive and you both never had any boundaries to begin with. You have been in each others face 24/7 from day one. You complained about her being rude when it was established that you had taken things the wrong way, this has not changed by the sounds of it. By what you said above, you told her you wanted space and she gave it to you. Like i said in your last thread, the problem here is you, not your gf. You have personal issues that you need to address. In my defence she were also getting tired of me. She sent a picture that said «I love you» probably to make me feel better since I was grumpy. I replied with «Hahha you sent me a picture? That’s cute» and she was like «yeah I sent you a picture isn’t that allowed?» Not only am I tired of giving her attention 24/7 but she doesn’t communicate with me on how she feels or what she is thinking. I always feel like she’s holding something back and I am the one who needs to take initiative. You can’t really say everything is my fault. I agree that I’m overly sensitive. TBH that day when her best friend came over and Maria behaved badly with disrespecting me I really wanted to break up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 If all you have is nothing but complaints about her, why are you together? Your are both a nightmare. Tell her straight that you want your alone time occasionally. You wont make things happen by just thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 Can't say I ever got tired of spending 24/7 with my girlfriend. But then again if I want to do something like play a game or do something else she is fine with it as she wants me to be happy. Also she has enough self confidence that she can let me do my own thing. Sounds like you two are not going to last if that's how it is after only 5 months and you can't even communicate with each other about your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 (edited) Why on earth you would move in with your partner of 5 months whom you were already having issues with DURING a quarantine, I really have no idea. Edited April 22, 2020 by Elswyth 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 Very much sounds like you don't align overly well in terms of attachment styles. You could do a bit of internet research on attachment styles (as it pertains to adults, not children). Be cautious in terms of how much you try to apply anything as "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing" as they say. Possibly, she has (probably mild) insecure attachment and you have secure attachment or even mild avoidant attachment. Possibly the converse is true (she has secure attachment, but you have avoidant attachment to the point where her secure attachment feels like "a constant need for attn"). Possibly one or both of you have some borderline tendencies. Possibly none of the above is true. You could consider couples counseling. The fact that an internet stranger is suggesting considering CC only 5 months in suggests you might not be very compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 (edited) You wanted to break up with her huh? never make a decision in a highly emotional state. You will regret it, especially if you see her with another man, hehe. Instead, you should’ve walked around the block 10 times and cooled your head. Edited April 23, 2020 by Interstellar Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 Why DID you move in together?sex was really good? Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 Five months is very soon to be moving in together, did you just do it because of the pandemic? Maybe it's best to take a step back and have her get her own place. It just might save the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 14 hours ago, Keeves1 said: 1) Not only am I tired of giving her attention 24/7 but she doesn’t communicate with me on how she feels or what she is thinking. I always feel like she’s holding something back and I am the one who needs to take initiative. 2) You can’t really say everything is my fault. I agree that I’m overly sensitive. Are you a teen? wow. OK..... 1) Then you shouldn't have moved in together. BUT... since you did... since you say she doesn't communicate... then YOU DO !!!! Take control of the situation... sit her down... be calm... use a positive tone, and tell her that you love her, but need some alone time to do things you enjoy. THEN... make her talk. Do not let her get angry, and walk away. If she does... then you need to tall her to think about moving somewhere else. 2) Those are contradictory comments. If you are over sensitive... then it very well could be 100% your fault. The comment about the picture... to be blunt... you were an ass. She tried to reach out and make you feel better, and you s*** on her. You should have said thanks, and moved on. I really don't like being the negative person here... but there's no way of fixing this because I just get the feeling that your (and her) mentality is just wrong for a relationship. You 2 aren't compatible. She needs attention, and you need free time. All I can say is sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 Rather than harass you about moving in with her, I'll give you the advice you ask for in your post. If you've read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, then you probably wasted your time. Generally, not a very good book with little science behind its advice. But it is spot on in one area. It indicates that women are sharers...they deal with stress by sharing their days, emotions, and feelings..they don't need anything solved, just heard. Acknowledged. Men, on the other hand, are cave dwellers. They need regular decompression time (Youtube, video games, alone time, whatever) and if given that, they will emerge from the cave as better partners. When women are allowed to share and men are allowed to decompress, they get along. When neither or one is not allowed to get what they need, it leads to relationship strife. Now, the book was some BS in that not all women are sharers and not all men are cave dwellers. And there are other coping mechanisms that people use. But ultimately, you and your GF need to sit down and list our your needs and boundaries. When she sends a picture, it's because she wants to be seen and courted. When you sit down to play video games for an hour, it's because you need to decompress. If neither of you respects the other's boundaries and needs, you might as well just break up now. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
the tank Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 You need to talk to her about it. Yes it's the lockdown but one day you will lived with her. will she be like this ? People who need constant attention, always need it…. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 20 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Yes, tell them to get a hobby. LOL, he is her hobby. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 It's probably good that you found this out now rather than later down the line, but seriously -- can she move back to where she was before, and then you two can actually "Date"? If you get some distance from each other, things may work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 Everyone needs personal space. If she does not understand that concept, then she is never truly by herself, either. We can only understand others to the same depth that we have understood ourselves. You cannot and should not compromise your boundaries. It's one thing to negotiate, it's another to sacrifice. Have you had a serious talk with her? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 It's been a month now....things must have settled down. Link to post Share on other sites
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