Hunny Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Well, as a mum i want all the childless people to know that no-one will come between a mom and her little one. EVER! Fact! But what happens when the couple have children of their own? In your experiences have the children been treated differently due to their biological differences? experiences please
Hunny Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 I have shagged several attractive single moms. While I'm horrified that very small people have popped out of them, I have to say that this sex thing works both ways!! Whilst you may be horrified that they have given birth, they are probably horrified that your penis has been up several entrances/exits...
Tamrick Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Well I'm in a perfectly happy relationship now, so I wouldn't upset that, the issues I would consider when dating someone with kids are: 1. What does the guy think of me 2. How often does he see his kids - live with him, visitation etc 3. How old and how many children (I want kids of my own) 4. How do the kids feel about me? 5. What kind of contact does he have with the mother of the children and will this influence our relationship. It clearly not all about the kids. I love children and would happily take on someone elses, but what about everything that goes with it? Basically I'd have to ask is it in everyone's (partners, kids, ex wife's and my own) best interest.
933KJL Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Single dad here too. As a youngun I too would probably not have dated a woman with kids--no reason why, but probably just the stage of life I was in. Now it is a diffferent stroy--yes I am older and wiser, but moreso, I have some added responsibility--and I am not gonna shirk that for anyone..period! Can a kidless woman understand that--probably not to the degree that she needs to. Can a kidded woman get it? You betcha. So all of that lack of time is usually due to kid committments--moreso if they are younger--but if she has kids herself she gets it--and she also has her share. So when I call and say that my brain dead son decided to see if he could snowboard down the hill and stop before heading into the barely frozen creek only to find the true definition of "barely", she understands when I have to cancel our date or our weekend love fest at the drop of a hat. And I too understand when she calls from the car on the way to the docs with a sick kid. At 27 (one poster said) I agree that you probably need to date single guys, but I also would not write off someone with kids because of that--maybe see what it is all about first--it may be for you and maybe not. I know a 26 yr old who is dating a single guy with 3 kids and she is VERY happy that he does not want any more kids as she does not want them herself. So, for her it is the ideal situation--a premade family if they marry, yet one that goes to moms on occasion as well and leaves them alone!
gevoraksix Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Well, as a mum i want all the childless people to know that no-one will come between a mom and her little one. EVER! Fact! But what happens when the couple have children of their own? In your experiences have the children been treated differently due to their biological differences? experiences please Yes ,in my experience my friend who i mentioned with 2 kids ,she was pregnant with 1st when she met her husband,they had 1. He is more firm and less loving with 1st child(1st child thinks he is his father,doesnt know real father). Especially since theyve divorced ,you can really see the difference. I myself would not do that,if i decided to accept the child,i would do exactly that. That same friend with the 2 kids ,had a boyfriend ,now mind you she has 2,her boyfriend had 1. She would argue in front of child expect child to do as her children did,which i disagreed with being other childs mother was raising her differnt then friend. Friend was more disaplining,would yell and so on. That was not her child ,yet she would talk to her children negativly about that child,making them not like child. I started not talking to this friend over this ,i love children ,even not my own and i was so upset over treatment i even talked to her boyfriend about this! So if i was willing to have a child with someone who had a child i would treat that child as if it was my own,because if i choose to accept ,its not even the childs fault if the mother is drama. I just dont like those who date a guy with children then B**** about children ,its a package deal and thats why i am careful ,if it felt it would be to much ,i would walk away(from getting involved). I lost alot of respect for my friend over this she would complain about the child all the time,saying shes spoiled,a brat ,had her kids calling her a brat.
gevoraksix Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Also to my above post, A friends brother who has custody of child is getting married to a lovely girl ,30 years old no children. Ive had conversions with her about child ,she speaks of her like shes her,is truly a mother to her ,takes her to cheerleading ,treats her very well. Dad has full custody mother gets child 4 weeks a year i believe,she was declared unfit ,drugs and so on. So i would exactly say well stay away from a single parent ,just depends like other poster said: 1. What does the guy think of me 2. How often does he see his kids - live with him, visitation etc 3. How old and how many children (I want kids of my own) 4. How do the kids feel about me? 5. What kind of contact does he have with the mother of the children and will this influence our relationship And plus i want a child one day ,and if a man does not,theres plenty more men out there!
Gold Pile Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 I have to say that this sex thing works both ways!! Whilst you may be horrified that they have given birth, they are probably horrified that your penis has been up several entrances/exits... Even with all my charm, I've never convinced a lady to lets me take the exit.
Pyro Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 I think dating people with kids is a big pain in the a$$. No time No Sex i mean not enough. and too much money is involved i call it high maintenance what do you think? I would have no problem dating someone with kid(s). The kids are a big part of there lives and you must accept them to be a part of your life if you want the other to be a part of your life. While I am aware of all the work that it would take, if I have the feelings for that individual, I would do it. Plus, I can be a sucker for older females.
RecordProducer Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 I would have no problem dating someone with kid(s). The kids are a big part of there lives and you must accept them to be a part of your life if you want the other to be a part of your life. While I am aware of all the work that it would take, if I have the feelings for that individual, I would do it. Plus, I can be a sucker for older females. Awwwwwww... how sweet!
Pyro Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Awwwwwww... how sweet! Why thank you very much. So, how are the little recordproducers?
SuperMonk Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Well, yes and no. She and I aren't intimate anymore, but I have a really good relationship with the kids that all of us enjoy. "Yeah, I like being in the friends zone too - I like hanging around a woman and wasting my time knowing that we never have sex or have a serious connection between the both of us. And if she were to have kids, that's no problem - I'll be their temporary daddy while she's out dating other guys."
kitkat826 Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 The first guy I ever dated had a 3 yr old; I was 16 and he was 19. It was a short relationship and I never met his son. Since then, everyone I've dated has been childless. I wouldn't be against dating a man with children, but I admit that I hold on to the "ideal" of both of us never having been married/had kids. I think though that with the divorce rate and and the number of people who have kids out of wedlock, its getting harder and harder to stick with this ideal. Among the men I have date (they've tended to be working class and Latino), not having kids by age 30 is truly something of a rarity. At some of the places I frequent on the weekends, guys are often surprised when I say that I don't have kids. It is almost expected.
SuperMonk Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 I think dating people with kids is a big pain in the a$$. No time No Sex i mean not enough. and too much money is involved i call it high maintenance what do you think? I wouldn't say it's high maintenance, but there are more relationships to deal with. Depending on the single mother, she'll probably have a more clear goal in life, very mature (doesn't deal with bullcrap as much as single women). Dating single mothers doesn't seem like a big issue but it requires a mature person, unless she has more than one kid (such as 2-3 kids), it'll cost you much more in time and money and she'll definetely want a super-stable guy. Another thing is you might have to have relationships with her ex-husband, with her ex-husbands parents, with her ex-husbands lawyers, with her kids, etc. If you're not emotionally mature, these kind of things are not good and for those guys that "wing it" or shrug the ex/children away thinking "I'm just dealing with the mother." Dude - she's also looking for a father too, but it doesn't mean you have to kowtow to anyone.
slubberdegullion Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 "Yeah, I like being in the friends zone too - I like hanging around a woman and wasting my time knowing that we never have sex or have a serious connection between the both of us. And if she were to have kids, that's no problem - I'll be their temporary daddy while she's out dating other guys." SuperMonk; No, it's not the dreaded friend zone, actually, because I have no intentions or expectations about getting more involved with her. (There's more about the purgatory known as the friend zone here. I just like her kids, and they like me. There's no downside. By the way, I think your alias rocks.
RecordProducer Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Why thank you very much. So, how are the little recordproducers? Hahah! They are great, thanks!
MassiveAtom Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Dude - she's also looking for a father too, but it doesn't mean you have to kowtow to anyone. Sometimes, granted, but not most of the time. Most of the time I've heard single moms say, "My kid already HAS a father." It would be absurd for a guy to even think that he can replace the father, if he's still in the children's lives. Any fella lookin to do that is just itchin for a fight!
Hunny Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Even with all my charm, I've never convinced a lady to lets me take the exit. Really? i'll let you into a secret...(offer them a pair of Manolo's and back doors wont be locked and bolted for long)
juliainoz Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Im a single mum and im definately not high maintenance to date. I give at least 1-2 nights of my time to a special person, and I dont expect them to take over daddy role - my son has his own father - and doesnt need another so called one at this age. I also own my own house, got a good job and am very independent - but i do like that time with men not everyone is as high maintenence as u say they are
sweetbrokensoul Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 well said julia I have my own place, pay my own bills, very independent and dont need a father for my child. There is too much of a stigma on single moms.
expos Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 I don't think dating people with kids is a big deal. Remember, you are dating the girl/boy, not the girl's/boy's kid. I think that if they are a strong person, have good moral and values etc, and are really intelligent and good looking to boot - what's stopping you from dating the single mom or single dad? It's hard to find people these days with a shred of intergrity...and if that person with intergrity is a single parent...you better go after them.
Author jaye Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 I don't think dating people with kids is a big deal. Remember, you are dating the girl/boy, not the girl's/boy's kid. I think that if they are a strong person, have good moral and values etc, and are really intelligent and good looking to boot - what's stopping you from dating the single mom or single dad? It's hard to find people these days with a shred of intergrity...and if that person with intergrity is a single parent...you better go after them. The only thing is that kids are where she is and i can't ignore them and be such a Di*k. but then to be hones with you i hate when kids gag a lot over a stupid thing and must have it or they scream the sh"t outta you. i don't have anything personal with them but its just not my cup of tea.
smile95 Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 I love kids but never wanted to date anyone with them. But I did and it was fine. Maybe since I love children....but I wold prefer a man with out a previous family, but at my age (29) I have accepted that it is a strong possibility. It bothered me that I was never first and that the ex would be around forever and child support was A LOT, but that is what seems to be the norm here in 2005.
ziggue Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 I don't want the baby's mother to interfere in our relationship, and most of the time, they do. I've dated several men with children. Jaye have you actually dated someone with kids? At first I was open minded about the idea and dated a couple of guys with kids. None of those relationships never worked out. It was more with the thought of the mother of the kids (the ex) hanging around for me I guess. Still I knew there was nothing I could do about it because I knew they are their mum. It is something you have to accept if you are in a relationship with someone that has kids I learnt. Do guys with kids have a special place in their heart for the mother of their kids? First one I was uncomfortable with the mother hanging out with us. It wasn't a serious relationship. I only met her twice before I left. One time I came over and she and her friend were there. Got no warning and things got a little awkward. I would've liked to prepare myself to meet her without being put on the spot like that. I can still remember her giving me the evil eye when she saw how good I got along with her children. Another time the kids were like "is mummy staying over tonight?" Lol. While I was over for the weekend. Second one my ex went back to the mother. It was probably what was best for the child but I still was heart broken and felt like I was a waste of time, like why did he even bother with me when he was just going to get back with her in the first place. He was the one that persued me. He kept saying he wanted something serious and how happy he was with me and in the end it felt like that was all bull****. That's some of the problems I've had with dating men with kids... It may work for some but not for others.
ziggue Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 I think you have... Didn't read all the posts before I replied with the last one. Only the first one you made. Silly me.
littlekitty Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 I date a man with a child from his previous relationship, and I couldn't be happier. Yes - the ex does interferre right now, but it's only been 7 months, and I'm sure once she settles down again herself things will ease up. Either way we still have the courts and can deal with it that way if we have to which means no more crap. But regardless of that I have never been happier in my life. His son brings us both joy and is a bundle of fun to have around. He's slowly beginning to trust me and know me (he's only 16 months). I know that it was the hardest decision of my bf's life to walk away from his ex, but he eventually realised it was in the interest of the child to not have him living in such an unhappy environment. Yes - his son takes up our spare time. Yes - it means we have to do some things differently. But the good out weighs the bad by a long shot. Watching my bf be a father to his son is amazing and makes me love him even more. We spend time together and it helps us learn how we might one day cope with our own children. And the sex?!! It's fabulous, and very often. But I suppose we only have his son at w/e's so it's not the same as for a full time Mum, although I have no doubt they need thiers too!! I wouldn't have considered a relationship like this before my best friend had her child last year, being around him allowed me to see the innocence of a child. I have the maturity to put the child first in our relationship, and by doing that I gain even more love and gratitude from my bf.
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