do I Let Go 😔

[kunaka1000]

Hie There

I have my self in a situation, I'm confused about and not sure what to do
About 3 weeks back I met a wonderful person, just 3days before Lockdown on my way home.

From the go we have had something strange, the feelings we have developed for each other are so strong and it's over a short period of time and we have spent majority of the time texting and video calling

I can honestly say my hearts never opened the way it has for someone ever & I can't control it, the way we get & compliment each other. First person I truly like regardless of looks & she is beautiful too

& She strongly feels the same too maybe more than I do

She has had a pretty bad two years, she lost her father last year and lost her mom just two months back, so emotionally she is not at her best she has a days when she's happy and when she's not and completely understandable.

She has had two times where if there is something she does not like she will shutdown and want to want to break us off today was one of those days, and I was ready to walk away because it hurts surprisingly so much to lose someone u have grown to really like & kinda opened ur heart to which maybe is my fault. But we talked about it & she told me she's afraid I will not be able to handle her & her problems that it will be too much for me, so we spoke and again reassured her & I really like her irregardless of all that and I truly do

So we talked about it & we okay

My worry now is this seems to be a pattern and I'm really afraid to get hurt because if that was to happen I will really be hurt and at the same time I really want to be with her, I honestly think and believe she might actually be that one

But I'm stuck not knowing what to do

 

[smackie9]

Yup, you only known each other for a short while and it's already in a tail spin. Give your heart to someone else.

[Mystery4u]

She's basically told you she's not ready. You can't be the one to 'fix' her she has to do that herself. 3 weeks and already you are 'breaking' up. A very bad sign.

Sounds like you are going to end up getting hurt. Better to let her sort herself out and contact you when she is in a better place, happy with herself, and ready to start a relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

You two hardly know each other and you're already having issues. 

This is not a match, OP. 

[scooby-philly]

17 hours ago, kunaka1000 said:

Hie There

I have my self in a situation, I'm confused about and not sure what to do
About 3 weeks back I met a wonderful person, just 3days before Lockdown on my way home.

From the go we have had something strange, the feelings we have developed for each other are so strong and it's over a short period of time and we have spent majority of the time texting and video calling

I can honestly say my hearts never opened the way it has for someone ever & I can't control it, the way we get & compliment each other. First person I truly like regardless of looks & she is beautiful too

& She strongly feels the same too maybe more than I do

She has had a pretty bad two years, she lost her father last year and lost her mom just two months back, so emotionally she is not at her best she has a days when she's happy and when she's not and completely understandable.

She has had two times where if there is something she does not like she will shutdown and want to want to break us off today was one of those days, and I was ready to walk away because it hurts surprisingly so much to lose someone u have grown to really like & kinda opened ur heart to which maybe is my fault. But we talked about it & she told me she's afraid I will not be able to handle her & her problems that it will be too much for me, so we spoke and again reassured her & I really like her irregardless of all that and I truly do

So we talked about it & we okay

My worry now is this seems to be a pattern and I'm really afraid to get hurt because if that was to happen I will really be hurt and at the same time I really want to be with her, I honestly think and believe she might actually be that one

But I'm stuck not knowing what to do

 

Agree with all of the other posters/responses thus far. I highlighted the only two things you shared that matter (or matter the most) in my experience/opinion.

 

First - healthy, mature, adults in any stage of a relationship do not shut down. I mean, I'm a "Cancer" and we typically need to shut down to protect our hearts (or so the astrologists say) - but even if someone does need to shut down, process their feelings, etc it does not mean shut down forever and MOST IMPORTANTLY, it does not come with the threat of breaking up/abandonment. That's a behavior she learned as a child for whatever reason that she continues to use today. And having fights when you barely know each other isn't a great sign either.

The second, and most significant thing (again, in my book), is that like - "she told me she's afraid I will not be able to handle her...". That's similar to when someone says "you deserve better than me"....which often leads to the eventual attacks and degrading of you by that person. Either case it's a sign of low self-esteem, a coping mechanism meant to put all pressure/responsibility for the relationship (and her feelings (and if you're not careful, eventually her actions)) on you. Which is not only unfair, it's not healthy nor a sign of a well adjusted (not perfect), healthy, mature adult. Walk away from this one and chalk it up to chance. 

 

Remember - your self-worth and happiness and peace is worth more than any relationship.

[kunaka1000]

Thank you all for your replies

21 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Yup, you only known each other for a short while and it's already in a tail spin. Give your heart to someone else.

 

@smackie9 Its true, already its a worrying problem.

17 hours ago, Mystery4u said:

She's basically told you she's not ready. You can't be the one to 'fix' her she has to do that herself. 3 weeks and already you are 'breaking' up. A very bad sign.

Sounds like you are going to end up getting hurt. Better to let her sort herself out and contact you when she is in a better place, happy with herself, and ready to start a relationship.

@Mystery4u & that exactly how i have been thinking maybe i could save her maybe i could be by her side whilst she goes through all this, but unfortunately iv realized no matter hard i can try its not up to me. & it makes sense her being in a better place because it will be more like im forcing her to see this through which i wouldn't be able to live with

12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You two hardly know each other and you're already having issues. 

This is not a match, OP. 

@ExpatInItaly Been thinking a lot that definitely it might be not a great fit down the road too

3 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

Agree with all of the other posters/responses thus far. I highlighted the only two things you shared that matter (or matter the most) in my experience/opinion.

 

First - healthy, mature, adults in any stage of a relationship do not shut down. I mean, I'm a "Cancer" and we typically need to shut down to protect our hearts (or so the astrologists say) - but even if someone does need to shut down, process their feelings, etc it does not mean shut down forever and MOST IMPORTANTLY, it does not come with the threat of breaking up/abandonment. That's a behavior she learned as a child for whatever reason that she continues to use today. And having fights when you barely know each other isn't a great sign either.

The second, and most significant thing (again, in my book), is that like - "she told me she's afraid I will not be able to handle her...". That's similar to when someone says "you deserve better than me"....which often leads to the eventual attacks and degrading of you by that person. Either case it's a sign of low self-esteem, a coping mechanism meant to put all pressure/responsibility for the relationship (and her feelings (and if you're not careful, eventually her actions)) on you. Which is not only unfair, it's not healthy nor a sign of a well adjusted (not perfect), healthy, mature adult. Walk away from this one and chalk it up to chance. 

 

Remember - your self-worth and happiness and peace is worth more than any relationship.

@scooby-philly Everything you saying  makes me think and a makes a lot of sense, i think i just need to follow my gut and just walk away now before i get myself too deep and potentially  heart broken

 

[chillii]

How old is she , you ?

She might be testing you a lot even if not realizing it , seeing if you'll drop and run or if you'll be able to cope and stick by her. Mind you , with some people that will never end anyway no matter what you do.

Edited April 21, 2020 by chillii

[rjc149]

On 4/20/2020 at 4:59 PM, kunaka1000 said:

she told me she's afraid I will not be able to handle her & her problems that it will be too much for me

translation: "I'm not as interested in you as you are in me"

On 4/20/2020 at 4:59 PM, kunaka1000 said:

I really want to be with her, I honestly think and believe she might actually be that one

What do leprechauns, gnomes, unicorns, mermaids, dragons, yetis, elves, pixies, wizards, and "The One" all have in common? Let's see if you can guess.

Young men (I'm assuming you're young) get easily swept up emotionally by female beauty. You are infatuated with her, because she rings your bell physically. Genuine connection and attachment between two people does not form in 3 weeks. 

[kunaka1000]

@chillii
 She just turned 31 and I am 26.

My last relationship was with someone older as well, she was 34 and lasted for 4 years

[JTSW]

She's not the one.

You shouldn't be having these issues after only a few weeks.

She has problems which she has admitted, so this will only get worse in the future.

[Calmandfocused]

Op 

In my experience if a person becomes attached/ dependant on a relationship prematurely then it’s a strong indicator that the person is emotionally unbalanced to some degree. 
 

Here you have a situation where that red flag is smacking you in the face. And instead of being alarmed by that, you are questioning how you can fix her and be with her. 
 

For goodness sake why? What is it about you that makes you want to “fix” her so desperately? Why do you want to be the knight in shining armour for a woman you barely know? 
 

It’s great that you’re so accepting of people and their issues, but after only one face to face date? ...

You should be running for the hills! If this doesn’t give you a sneaky peak in what’s about to come then I don’t know what will.