poppyfields Posted April 20, 2020 Posted April 20, 2020 Just now, smackie9 said: That don't matter. People have sex over the internet. I know but that's not them, they're strictly friends. But I get what you're saying, I just thought it was funny. 1
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2020 Posted April 20, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: I know but that's not them, they're strictly friends. But I get what you're saying, I just thought it was funny. They talk about sex so maybe he's hopin for some cleavage. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 20, 2020 Posted April 20, 2020 I find it very difficult to assist when the original post provide little to information that would be considered clues to why this pen-pal said what he said. They are total strangers and talk about sex. There is no other context. When did he say she wasn't serious? What were the words immediately before he said this? Was it something the OP disagreed with? People often 'accuse' someone of not being 'serious' when they the other person simply disagrees with them. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 20, 2020 Posted April 20, 2020 Ugh. So sorry. My original post was awful. REPOST as the forum would not allow me to edit... I find it very difficult to assist when the original post provides little to no information that would be considered clues to why this pen-pal said what he said. They are total strangers and talk about sex. How 'too serious' can she be? There is no other context. When did he say she was too serious? What were the words immediately before he said this? Was it something the OP disagreed with? People often 'accuse' someone of being 'too serious' when the other person simply disagrees with them.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 21, 2020 Posted April 21, 2020 6 hours ago, smackie9 said: That don't matter. People have sex over the internet. OK, hypothetically speaking... IF she wore nothing for their pen-pal relationship... would that be seen as more serious? or less serious? 1
K.K. Posted April 21, 2020 Posted April 21, 2020 What makes someone too serious? Being too rigid. Not playful. Close minded. Inability to be silly and have fun. No sense of their own sexuality. Couldn’t flirt if their life depended on it. The kind of person that seems like they have a black cloud following them around. Too straight laced. Doesn’t get sarcasm. And don’t forget about resting bitch face. It’s for real. FFS if you’re cursed with RBF (which I am! ) smile a little to offset it. Or a lot. A well placed giggle can go a long way as to not appear as though you have a stick up your ass.
smackie9 Posted April 21, 2020 Posted April 21, 2020 Could be a million things. The only person who really knows is the penpal.
alphamale Posted April 21, 2020 Posted April 21, 2020 On 4/20/2020 at 9:20 AM, Hopeful30 said: What makes a woman like this appear too serious? Is it because I don't put out easily? for me a girl/woman with short hair seems too serious, and probably lacks patience
Author Hopeful30 Posted April 21, 2020 Author Posted April 21, 2020 23 hours ago, littleblackheart said: I've often been told I appeared 'serious' by people who don't know me well, so my understanding of 'serious' has come to mean 'close guarded' - which I quite like, to be honest. Is that what you mean, OP? If so, if you wanted to change that perception, one way of doing is to let your guard down - not too revealing, but just enough so one can see a playful side to you. Opening up about yourself can makes you more relatable or approachable to people. Guilty. I'm a very private person in general. I didn't realize this can be sensed by others as 'too serious'. People can be very judgemental and easily misunderstand basic things, including a number of posters who missed the entire point of this thread and ask about my pen pal I'm a very open person in general. I think I need to go out in public with a friend to tell me how i appear private or serious (body language, choice of words maybe, etc.) 1
chillii Posted April 21, 2020 Posted April 21, 2020 (edited) He probably just means personality wise, you might just have a fairly serious way about you .ps, anyway, if you talk to him sexually surely you can talk to him about why he thinks your serious . Ask him today and let us know what he says. Edited April 21, 2020 by chillii
poppyfields Posted April 21, 2020 Posted April 21, 2020 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said: People can be very judgemental and easily misunderstand basic things, including a number of posters who missed the entire point of this thread and ask about my pen pal If you were only asking in the general sense why you (or other women) are sometimes considered to be too serious, why did you mention you even had a pen pal? I invite you to read your initial post again, you specifically referred to your pen pal telling you you were too serious and you were confused as to why. And so "that" is what we responded to. Your interaction with your pen pal. Had I known you were only asking in the general sense, my response and I imagine others, would have been different. Edited April 21, 2020 by poppyfields
littleblackheart Posted April 21, 2020 Posted April 21, 2020 3 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said: Guilty. I'm a very private person in general. Same. I only open up to a chosen few, and they are invariably shocked at the type of stuff I was up to in my younger days (or even more recently...). The reaction is quite funny. People are often quick to judge on first impressions so if you want to appear more lighthearted or playful straight away, you need to make your playful side more obvious, which means being a bit less guarded, especially in situations where a guy is chatting you up. It's surprising how much of a difference that makes in how people perceive you, ime. 1
Ami1uwant Posted April 21, 2020 Posted April 21, 2020 41 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said: Guilty. I'm a very private person in general. I didn't realize this can be sensed by others as 'too serious'. People can be very judgemental and easily misunderstand basic things, including a number of posters who missed the entire point of this thread and ask about my pen pal I'm a very open person in general. I think I need to go out in public with a friend to tell me how i appear private or serious (body language, choice of words maybe, etc.) This is the view of the pen pal. So your writing style and choice of words make you come of as serious. have you ever video chatted with him? you may be a different person with friends. This is also common with women in real life in work persona and leisure persona are different Serious to me is someone aloof or unapproachable 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 22, 2020 Posted April 22, 2020 3 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: Guilty. I'm a very private person in general. I didn't realize this can be sensed by others as 'too serious'. People can be very judgemental and easily misunderstand basic things, including a number of posters who missed the entire point of this thread and ask about my pen pal I'm a very open person in general. I think I need to go out in public with a friend to tell me how i appear private or serious (body language, choice of words maybe, etc.) Go out in public and cough on people. You are sure to a) Win friends OR b) Influence people (if it's the latter, then you can put "social influencer" on your resume)
LivingWaterPlease Posted April 22, 2020 Posted April 22, 2020 Maybe all the people who're telling you you're too serious are too giddy! Ever think about that? Point being, be who you are, don't try to change for others. To me, you sound more insecure than too serious, in that you may be too insecure to open up and be playful. Maybe you have a fear of coming off goofy, IDK, just a thought! My advice for you is to be who you are comfortable being. The more comfortable you become, the easier it will be to open up and be playful it you want to be. If you come from a critical family background or even a background of growing up with folks who aren't expressive and/or accepting, it may take time to loosen up. IMO, your best goal would be becoming comfortable and accepting of who you are no matter what others think or expect from you! 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted April 22, 2020 Posted April 22, 2020 On 4/20/2020 at 7:20 AM, Hopeful30 said: What makes a woman like this appear too serious? Is it because I don't put out easily? To me, personally, most women who "Don't put out easily" take themselves way too seriously... Like we all know your a human being, we all know you have feelings, we all know you have urges, but instead your going to carry yourself like you don't, like you are different from the rest of us. When a guy says your too serious, what he is saying is "I want to ask you to bang casually, but i'm afraid if I do the way you view me will change, our friendship will change." To be honest, I don't think i've ever spoken to a woman about sex and not had it with her myself at some point; sounds like your friend just wants to smash. Some people can have sex and still be friends, but I think for most people its very difficult, but he isn't thinking about the outcome, hes just thinking about banging... It is what it is. 1
poppyfields Posted April 22, 2020 Posted April 22, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: To me, personally, most women who "Don't put out easily" take themselves way too seriously... Like we all know your a human being, we all know you have feelings, we all know you have urges, but instead your going to carry yourself like you don't, like you are different from the rest of us. When a guy says your too serious, what he is saying is "I want to ask you to bang casually, but i'm afraid if I do the way you view me will change, our friendship will change." To be honest, I don't think i've ever spoken to a woman about sex and not had it with her myself at some point; sounds like your friend just wants to smash. Some people can have sex and still be friends, but I think for most people its very difficult, but he isn't thinking about the outcome, hes just thinking about banging... It is what it is. Ok, but how might you suggest "banging" happen, since they live on two separate continents? Do you mean he's hinting at "sexting" with her instead of their usual basic chit chat about sex and relationships? If so, you may be right, but that's just a guess. Edited April 22, 2020 by poppyfields
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