He blocked me all of a sudden

[ladybug2021]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I know I hear ya, for me it's "very" rare.  

It really sounds like something got lost in translation and it's a real shame you're unable to talk and clear the air, given how close you became.

I recall another poster (male) suggesting he may have felt like you were rejecting him, it's possible.  

I mean you said he shed tears over the covid situation, only a very sensitive man would do that imo.

I know others might disagree, but would you ever consider reaching out on FB, telling him you're confused by his block?

Yes it's showing a certain amount of vulnerability on your part, would you be comfortable with that? 

Given all your previous conversations, the tears, and how close you became, him suddenly turning demon just doesn't add up imo.

Just a thought, somehow although it was only on line, this experience may haunt you if you don't at least try to get some closure. 

You have nothing to lose, but your call. 

Yes you are right because I am confused about why he did that.

And I still care for him and wonder if he is ok.

I wasn’t rejecting him at all, although I understand how he might have felt that way.

I don’t know if I want to reach out to him though after he blocked me. I feel like I would be trying to get closure and will be ignored and will just feel stupid.

Edited April 21, 2020 by ladybug2021

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes you are right because I am confused about why he did that.

And I still care for him and wonder if he is ok.

I wasn’t rejecting him at all, although I understand how he might have felt that way.

I don’t know if I want to reach out to him though after he blocked me. I feel like I am trying to get closure and will be ignored and will just feel stupid.

Hey I know, it's super scary putting yourself out there like that, but if you word it like you're confused versus an accusation, he'd have to be a heartless d-bag to ignore, given how close you became. 

It's all a risk, and my feeling is even IF he ignored it, you'd be no worse off than you are now.

And at least you'd know you tried and that your last words to him reflected kindness rather than scolding which he may have interpreted as rejection. 

For me, I'm okay with taking risks and showing vulnerability, if I get hurt, so be, I'll get over it, life goes on.

But again, your call.

Edited April 21, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, ladybug2021 said:

I feel like I would be trying to get closure and will be ignored and will just feel stupid.

LB, why would you feel stupid?  Serious question. 

For expressing confusion about something you're genuinely confused about?

That's hardly anything to feel stupid about, to the contrary it reflects strength and confidence. 

I may be off base for saying this but I sense what's driving that mindset is pride, ego and FEAR.

You're not alone, many people allow pride, ego and fear to drive their ships, I used to be one of those people. 

It never took me anywhere except down with the ship.

Anyway, you have to do what's right for you, best of luck. 

Edited April 21, 2020 by poppyfields

[ladybug2021]

43 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Hey I know, it's super scary putting yourself out there like that, but if you word it like you're confused versus an accusation, he'd have to be a heartless d-bag to ignore, given how close you became. 

It's all a risk, and my feeling is even IF he ignored it, you'd be no worse off than you are now.

And at least you'd know you tried and that your last words to him reflected kindness rather than scolding which he may have interpreted as rejection. 

For me, I'm okay with taking risks and showing vulnerability, if I get hurt, so be, I'll get over it, life goes on.

But again, your call.

Well you said something interesting: ‘your last last words to him reflected kindness rather than scolding which he may have interpreted as rejection.’

I feel it would be important to do that not only to try to understand what happened but also for myself, to make a switch from scolding to kindness.

I used to do scolding in my past and way way worse than I did now, that’s why I am still thinking about this.

I don’t think he is going to respond to me, but anyway I tried.

I’ll contact him on FB messenger saying I am confused, he unfriended me on FB but it was the only place where he didn’t block me and we used to talk in there.

Edited April 21, 2020 by ladybug2021

[Versacehottie]

6 hours ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes probably it should have been me blocking and deleting first without saying a word, and I have done it with some guys that are rude to me online.

In this case I thought we developed a friendship already as we’ve had many conversations about personal stuff and some really vulnerable too.

We even cried together once as we were so stressed about this lockdown stuff. 

So I guess you can understand why in this case I felt I wanted to talk to him and be honest about how I feel instead of just blocking and deleting.

And that’s why I was shocked he did it without saying a word.

But yes better to find out now how he is instead of further down the road.

not discounting that part of how you approached it but just wanted to say that some/a good percentage of people like to keep that nice-nice thing on for a while--too honest even calling them out however nicely you do it is just not something they are into.  Just realizing that people are different.

As you said, you could have chucked him first.  Part of you not getting so personally upset about his comments, is say if you didn't take it so personally, but from a step back evaluated it.  Like you each are still getting to know one another. If I heard a guy say something like that and with a few curious questions understood better where he was coming from, I might clearly understand what his position was on finances, what he perceives as frivolous, if i thought he was small-minded, limited in some way or had some genuine points.  Sometimes people say things like that because they imagine what money it takes and it's not been in their realm of possibility, therefore it quite is frivolous in their minds.  Sometimes it's not the actual money spent but the "display" of it.  Maybe he started feeling a level of materialism, that he didn't feel he could live up to and/or didn't want to/not in line with his values.  Anyway, i think you get that it's a many layered thing really.  Well, I hope you do.

I forgot to say one reason I answered this post, is I've actually had the same thing (-ish) said to me, by a guy I was flirting with who was on the way to becoming my boyfriend.  He said something about my car being nice, me spoiled and then that my parents must have bought it for me!  I was *slightly taken aback though it didn't take me to being angry. His interpretation really had a) lots to do with him not knowing me well enough at that point b) just an understanding that what people believe about possession, money, that kind of stuff is usually about them and their relation to it, not you, well when they are making a statement of opinion or perception and c) we were not a couple yet so why would I be super offended anyway or even if we had been at that point already. There is just the perception and the truth.  If I know the truth, it wouldn't bother me that much.  I actually just started laughing and asked him why he would think that or something like that--taking the curious route.  Granted we were in person when this happened so the tone on each of our ends was more clear and the conversation more fluid than messaging would ever be.  I definitely responded with some statement that was like "don't underestimate me lol"--not those words but like no I got it myself AND i have a nice family though they did not gift me this car, what is the point? Tone was playful and not accusatory in any way. Basically I don't remember how I worded it exactly but in responding I gave him 3 more positives essentially about me without insulting him for asking.  It certainly didn't bother me that he asked or assumed.  I guess it's just something to put on your own radar in case it keeps coming up with a person that lets you know you have differing views on such things. Because the conversation happened in person I could tell he was slightly teasing me.  Also just because i do think behind a lot of teasing is truth in a way, I do think he was apprehensive of level of maintenance with me and if I was going to judge HIM based on my mentality relating to money.  In other words it was probably a probing question/leading question. Stuff to do with money for those two things i think impacts guys a lot harder IMO.  I think if he had a chip on his shoulder or was acting lame and repeatedly brought it up even as a form of teasing or worse faux-teasing, that would have been tiring to me and shown that he wasn't for me personality-wise. I guess what I'm saying is that I think especially at the stage you were with that guy, keep giving them positives about yourself rather than a reason to see the negative.  (Also relating the story, because i think it is a somewhat common thing for guys to say.)  To be totally fair to you, there are many many people who would appreciate the type of honest conversation--yes, even at that stage--to which they would see it as a positive trait.  So don't change too much, someone will appreciate it; i guess just keep in mind the context and delivery.  Glad you are talking to someone new, good luck

[ladybug2021]

6 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

not discounting that part of how you approached it but just wanted to say that some/a good percentage of people like to keep that nice-nice thing on for a while--too honest even calling them out however nicely you do it is just not something they are into.  Just realizing that people are different.

As you said, you could have chucked him first.  Part of you not getting so personally upset about his comments, is say if you didn't take it so personally, but from a step back evaluated it.  Like you each are still getting to know one another. If I heard a guy say something like that and with a few curious questions understood better where he was coming from, I might clearly understand what his position was on finances, what he perceives as frivolous, if i thought he was small-minded, limited in some way or had some genuine points.  Sometimes people say things like that because they imagine what money it takes and it's not been in their realm of possibility, therefore it quite is frivolous in their minds.  Sometimes it's not the actual money spent but the "display" of it.  Maybe he started feeling a level of materialism, that he didn't feel he could live up to and/or didn't want to/not in line with his values.  Anyway, i think you get that it's a many layered thing really.  Well, I hope you do.

I forgot to say one reason I answered this post, is I've actually had the same thing (-ish) said to me, by a guy I was flirting with who was on the way to becoming my boyfriend.  He said something about my car being nice, me spoiled and then that my parents must have bought it for me!  I was *slightly taken aback though it didn't take me to being angry. His interpretation really had a) lots to do with him not knowing me well enough at that point b) just an understanding that what people believe about possession, money, that kind of stuff is usually about them and their relation to it, not you, well when they are making a statement of opinion or perception and c) we were not a couple yet so why would I be super offended anyway or even if we had been at that point already. There is just the perception and the truth.  If I know the truth, it wouldn't bother me that much.  I actually just started laughing and asked him why he would think that or something like that--taking the curious route.  Granted we were in person when this happened so the tone on each of our ends was more clear and the conversation more fluid than messaging would ever be.  I definitely responded with some statement that was like "don't underestimate me lol"--not those words but like no I got it myself AND i have a nice family though they did not gift me this car, what is the point? Tone was playful and not accusatory in any way. Basically I don't remember how I worded it exactly but in responding I gave him 3 more positives essentially about me without insulting him for asking.  It certainly didn't bother me that he asked or assumed.  I guess it's just something to put on your own radar in case it keeps coming up with a person that lets you know you have differing views on such things. Because the conversation happened in person I could tell he was slightly teasing me.  Also just because i do think behind a lot of teasing is truth in a way, I do think he was apprehensive of level of maintenance with me and if I was going to judge HIM based on my mentality relating to money.  In other words it was probably a probing question/leading question. Stuff to do with money for those two things i think impacts guys a lot harder IMO.  I think if he had a chip on his shoulder or was acting lame and repeatedly brought it up even as a form of teasing or worse faux-teasing, that would have been tiring to me and shown that he wasn't for me personality-wise. I guess what I'm saying is that I think especially at the stage you were with that guy, keep giving them positives about yourself rather than a reason to see the negative.  (Also relating the story, because i think it is a somewhat common thing for guys to say.)  To be totally fair to you, there are many many people who would appreciate the type of honest conversation--yes, even at that stage--to which they would see it as a positive trait.  So don't change too much, someone will appreciate it; i guess just keep in mind the context and delivery.  Glad you are talking to someone new, good luck

Yes thank you! Maybe if we were talking in person would have been different.

I’ve had a difficult upbringing, didn’t have the things I wanted that I saw other kids have. 

So I decided I am going to make good money and give to myself everything I want, and yes spoil myself. I am the one who also spoils my parents!

So I am quite sensitive about that and I felt there was more intentions behind it beyond teasing me and that piss** me off.

I am not one of those women spoiled by their parents or looking for a sugar daddy! He made me feel like that with his comments (more than once).

Anyway, yes now I would have approached it differently and would just tease back or maybe ask him do you really think that about me or something like that, to get to know him better.

Regardless of what he said, I think the way I reacted (saying how I felt) put up a wall up between us, and yes he is not responsible for how I feel.

Anyway, I sent him a message on FB messenger yesterday saying I am confused why he blocked me everywhere, I understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and hope he is ok. 

He didn’t respond but since he unfriended me on FB I’m not sure if he can see the message, or saw it and doesn’t want to respond.

Well I guess if we were a match we would solve things, if he doesn’t respond we probably are not and better move on.

Yes I am talking to another guy and he is nice, but don’t feel any connection beyond superficial.

[Scooby876]

There must be a reason why he blocked you. My advice confront on him personally and tel it to him frankly what you feel inside. Be practical.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I would not try to contact someone who had blocked me.

It's not worth the hassle and I would not waste my dignity on someone like this. 

[poppyfields]

5 hours ago, ladybug2021 said:

Well I guess if we were a match we would solve things, if he doesn’t respond we probably are not and better move on.

 

Exactly, and that is why you reached out, and there is no shame in that, considering the connection you had developed and your last words to him, which you admitted were harsh and shaming.

Not to mention your confusion about the whole thing.

Had you not posted in your later posts about how close you had become, sharing tears together, etc, I may not have encouraged reaching out, but when you have that type of close connection and a conflict arises, I'm all for being the bigger person and attempting to resolve. 

Now that you have, if he does not respond, you can move forward in peace knowing your last words to him were kind and not shaming, and with the certainty that you and he are not a match. No more wondering "what if."

I for one am glad you were brave and took a risk, please don't ever allow fear or pride to drive your ship, I've done that, the result of which took me down with the ship.

 

 

Edited April 22, 2020 by poppyfields

[Versacehottie]

5 hours ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes thank you! Maybe if we were talking in person would have been different.

I’ve had a difficult upbringing, didn’t have the things I wanted that I saw other kids have. 

So I decided I am going to make good money and give to myself everything I want, and yes spoil myself. I am the one who also spoils my parents!

So I am quite sensitive about that and I felt there was more intentions behind it beyond teasing me and that piss** me off.

 

Yeah see non verbal communication and being able to hear a person's intonation plus the very real thing that people are less bold and conversely probably more empathetic in person helps in any conversation, especially a confrontational one OR one where there is a possibility for more bonding, more emotional depth.  Depending on how you look at it, such a question could be an attempt on his end to get to know you in a deeper way.  Now you would have less of a chance to control it since he asked you over messaging or at least not in person but you might have give more more leeway or at least reserved judgement until you had a little more information on him--especially if you were going to backtrack at all.  In fairness, hindsight is 20/20 and you just played your hand in a way that is authentic to you by speaking out, which is not the end of the world either.  Just some things to think about.

I bolded the second part because just like his question and your response--you can rarely separate a person's position from the experience and characterization of the filter of their life and beliefs about it.  Such is the basis and at least one part of the reason why you would have a certain reason or bias toward such a question and another person another bias....and color his reasons for asking it.  It's not entirely unimportant where you need to discount your perspective and go 180 from being angry about it to being absolutely cheery about it, but idk I always think it's better to gather a little more information first especially if you know yourself to be sensitive about something.  Being on a similar page about money is super important though so I don't think it's terrible that it came up soon.  I'm not convinced that with the question that you AREN'T on similar pages about money.  It's that ironic?!  I do think you are on different pages about communication type stuff which is just as huge, probably more so, so like we say: he just wasn't for you.

You will find someone that is for sure  I'm curious to see if he will respond to your message, 50/50 on it.  My advice if he does is keep an eye on his impulsivity and immaturity going forward  good luck

ps my thought about a guy asking or teasing or even negging with that type of question as far as his intention about you is actually that he is thinking in the future with you, longer-term stuff.  Doesn't mean that he will get there or is, btw, worthy etc and there are so many other factors at play but shows that it's in the realm of consideration, ie a guy looking for a hookup wouldn't ask this IMO.

Edited April 22, 2020 by Versacehottie

[simpycurious]

31 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Exactly, and that is why you reached out, and there is no shame in that, considering the connection you had developed and your last words to him, which you admitted were harsh and shaming.

Not to mention your confusion about the whole thing.

Had you not posted in your later posts about how close you had become, sharing tears together, etc, I may not have encouraged reaching out, but when you have that type of close connection and a conflict arises, I'm all for being the bigger person and attempting to resolve. 

Now that you have, if he does not respond, you can move forward in peace knowing your last words to him were kind and not shaming, and with the certainty that you and he are not a match. No more wondering "what if."

I for one am glad you were brave and took a risk, please don't ever allow fear or pride to drive your ship, I've done that, the result of which took me down with the ship.

 

 

Love this post.  Be brave and take a risk don't let fear drive the ship............these are words to live by.

[ladybug2021]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Exactly, and that is why you reached out, and there is no shame in that, considering the connection you had developed and your last words to him, which you admitted were harsh and shaming.

Not to mention your confusion about the whole thing.

Had you not posted in your later posts about how close you had become, sharing tears together, etc, I may not have encouraged reaching out, but when you have that type of close connection and a conflict arises, I'm all for being the bigger person and attempting to resolve. 

Now that you have, if he does not respond, you can move forward in peace knowing your last words to him were kind and not shaming, and with the certainty that you and he are not a match. No more wondering "what if."

I for one am glad you were brave and took a risk, please don't ever allow fear or pride to drive your ship, I've done that, the result of which took me down with the ship.

 

 

Thank you, I agree with you, although I don't think I was harsh and/or shamming. I just stated how it made me feel,  but in a way where it didn't encourage a conversation.

Anyway he did not respond now to my message on Facebook or accepted my friend request I sent him in there, which basically tells how he feels.

I think this is enough for me and I have now withdrawn the friend request, wish him well and am moving on. 

[SumGuy]

On 4/19/2020 at 2:02 PM, ladybug2021 said:

....

So I was really shocked that he blocked me without any conversation, nothing, after many weeks talking to each other and developing a friendship.

It makes me feel what's the point!? What's the point in meeting someone if I  can't talk honestly without having the other person running away?

Was I wrong for being honest with him about how it made me feel? Why did he blocked me and walked away like that?

Now I miss talking to him and am confused. Can you guys give me some insight?  Thank you!

You should be shocked.   His keeping on with the teasing after knowing it was off and irked you turns it from teasing into more negging, and is juvenile behavior at best.  He basically was having fun saying yo were spoiled and being spoiled has few if any positive connotations for your character..so yah it is a dig, a passive-aggressive one, if he keeps doing it.  Of course he may be too wrapped up in his world view or self to see it..hence his reaction.

His reaction to your honest answer was also juvenile.  If this is how he reacts to that imagine something real in a relationship.  You had your first glimpse into him, not just his texts, etc.and the image of him you created from them.  You miss the superficial text him, the charming exterior, not him.

You are right you should never be in a relationship with a person where can't have an honest, respectful conversation about something that bothers you, especially about how they treat you.  His running away is childish.

You dodged a bullet.

[ladybug2021]

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

You should be shocked.   His keeping on with the teasing after knowing it was off and irked you turns it from teasing into more negging, and is juvenile behavior at best.  He basically was having fun saying yo were spoiled and being spoiled has few if any positive connotations for your character..so yah it is a dig, a passive-aggressive one, if he keeps doing it.  Of course he may be too wrapped up in his world view or self to see it..hence his reaction.

His reaction to your honest answer was also juvenile.  If this is how he reacts to that imagine something real in a relationship.  You had your first glimpse into him, not just his texts, etc.and the image of him you created from them.  You miss the superficial text him, the charming exterior, not him.

You are right you should never be in a relationship with a person where can't have an honest, respectful conversation about something that bothers you, especially about how they treat you.  His running away is childish.

You dodged a bullet.

I agree, I want someone who appreciates my honesty. I just would approach him differently, would ask if he is being serious about what he said, but I would still say it.

I tried to reach out to him now but he didn’t respond to my message or accepted my FB friend request, so I’m done. I think this is childish yes and too much. I don’t need this in my life and now this put me off and I don’t want anything else to do with him. Moving on.

[Versacehottie]

ehhhh, sorry i think with how easily and for such fickle reasons that girls block guys, why would anyone be shocked that guys also do it to girls.  Lots of guys are anti-drama and hyper-sensitive about it.  It doesn't mean he was in the right only that he hit the point at which to continue to talk to OP made no sense to him and was not what he wanted to do.  Girls do that all the time and block actually just because they don't want a possible confrontation or have to explain that they aren't interested..  If a guy had been called inappropriate or confronted in a way, that seems like it might fall into a blocking zone for lots of people.

If anyone I was newly talking to called me "inappropriate", no matter the tone, I'd probably lose interest for sure and blocking would be in the realm of possibilities.  Maybe he just wasn't up for a debate. Fair enough. 

[ladybug2021]

22 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

ehhhh, sorry i think with how easily and for such fickle reasons that girls block guys, why would anyone be shocked that guys also do it to girls.  Lots of guys are anti-drama and hyper-sensitive about it.  It doesn't mean he was in the right only that he hit the point at which to continue to talk to OP made no sense to him and was not what he wanted to do.  Girls do that all the time and block actually just because they don't want a possible confrontation or have to explain that they aren't interested..  If a guy had been called inappropriate or confronted in a way, that seems like it might fall into a blocking zone for lots of people.

If anyone I was newly talking to called me "inappropriate", no matter the tone, I'd probably lose interest for sure and blocking would be in the realm of possibilities.  Maybe he just wasn't up for a debate. Fair enough. 

It wasn’t my goal at all to create any drama. Why talking honestly has to be the same as drama?

I just wanted to express how I felt and try to understand why he called me spoiled more than once. We could have easily talked normally and clarified it and moved on, knowing each other better.

We had been talking a lot before I called what he said inappropriate, so I felt I could do it, but as I said before, I would approached it differently if it was now.

Instead he chose to block me and run away, which is of course his right to do, but makes me wonder if in a relationship he’s like that too, an avoidant person.

Anyway, now he didn’t respond to me when I sent him a message of concern on FB, I really don’t feel I want anything else to do with him anymore and wish him well.

Edited April 23, 2020 by ladybug2021

[preraph]

Any time spent rationalizing or trying to reason with someone who is negging on you is just time wasted.  What's the best-case scenario?  He decides he likes it and you're stuck dating someone that negative and critical?  No reason to pursue a project like this.  Just walk away and save time and effort.

[MaleIntuition]

Honestly you are clearly over investing into something that’s not even close to real. Your “relationship” was probably nowhere close to being ready for a serious discussion about appropriate behaviour. It was your passive aggressiveness that prompted him to ask you if something was wrong...

[poppyfields]

If his comment was meant as a neg, he did a poor job.

Definition of neg:  A backhanded compliment, usually said by a man to a woman, to surprise and/or annoy her so she does a double take and tries to prove her value to him.

Like this - "you're really beautiful, looks like you spend a lot of time pampering yourself, did you grow up spoiled"?

A compliment mixed in with an insult. Or what might be construed as an insult by some women.

I wasn't there so don't know the context within which it was said; all we do know is that OP didn't like it which is her right.  And that guy didnt like how she told him she didn't like it (inappropriate), which is his right.

Done, next. 

Good luck moving forward LB!!

 

Edited April 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[ladybug2021]

24 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

If his comment was meant as a neg, he did a poor job.

Definition of neg:  A backhanded compliment, usually said by a man to a woman, to surprise and/or annoy her so she does a double take and tries to prove her value to him.

Like this - "you're really beautiful, looks like you spend a lot of time pampering yourself, did you grow up spoiled"?

A compliment mixed in with an insult. Or what might be construed as an insult by some women.

I wasn't there so don't know the context within which it was said; all we do know is that OP didn't like it which is her right.  And that guy didnt like how she told him she didn't like it (inappropriate), which is his right.

Done, next. 

Good luck moving forward LB!!

 

Yes it all comes down to that. If it was meant to be this wouldn’t have happened. 
Moving on.

Edited April 23, 2020 by ladybug2021

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, ladybug2021 said:

Instead he chose to block me and run away, which is of course his right to do, but makes me wonder if in a relationship he’s like that too, an avoidant person.

Anyway, now he didn’t respond to me when I sent him a message of concern on FB

Anytime a guy blocks you do not try to find another way to reach out to him.  If he blocks that means he doesn't want to hear from you.  It's best to just move on.

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Anytime a guy blocks you do not try to find another way to reach out to him.  If he blocks that means he doesn't want to hear from you.  It's best to just move on.

Well what's good about LB reaching out in this particular situation is that since he couldn't be bothered responding, she has her closure.  And she knows for certain guy doesn't care and they're a bad match.

Had she not reached out, she'd still be wondering, second guessing and confused. 

So in that sense, reaching out turned out to be a positive thing. 

[ladybug2021]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Anytime a guy blocks you do not try to find another way to reach out to him.  If he blocks that means he doesn't want to hear from you.  It's best to just move on.

I felt I needed to do it in this particular case for all the conversations and honesty we had before this happened.

 

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Well what's good about LB reaching out in this particular situation is that since he couldn't be bothered responding, she has her closure.  And she knows for certain guy doesn't care and they're a bad match.

Had she not reached out, she'd still be wondering, second guessing and confused. 

So in that sense, reaching out turned out to be a positive thing. 

Yes exactly. I have my closure and I also see him in a very different way now. End of story and I am moving on, and thank you for all your help!

Edited April 23, 2020 by ladybug2021

[Versacehottie]

3 hours ago, ladybug2021 said:

It wasn’t my goal at all to create any drama. Why talking honestly has to be the same as drama?

I just wanted to express how I felt and try to understand why he called me spoiled more than once. We could have easily talked normally and clarified it and moved on, knowing each other better.

We had been talking a lot before I called what he said inappropriate, so I felt I could do it, but as I said before, I would approached it differently if it was now.

Instead he chose to block me and run away, which is of course his right to do, but makes me wonder if in a relationship he’s like that too, an avoidant person.

Anyway, now he didn’t respond to me when I sent him a message of concern on FB, I really don’t feel I want anything else to do with him anymore and wish him well.

I feel like you are really clear on this and your position going forward, which is a great one.  However, there is just one last thing (*i think) that's a lesson in there for you.  It's all a matter of perspective.  To you, no intention and no real feelings that this was drama; to him and others (like myself) to be called inappropriate at this stage of dating for something that perhaps was harmless is perhaps drama or maybe just that eh that a person would no longer have interest.  

I think a little hard-headly you have the feeling that you are right therefore what you do in pursuit of that intention is also right.  (just talking about your end not his) .  That trait alone can be enough where he decide you were not for him. (the hardheadedness, stubbornness or inability to be lighthearted about things or serious talks about small things in his opinion).  So you can't process things only through your own filter, also should attempt to be flexible enough to imagine other points of view and others intentions.  I'm not advocating that he is right only that your approach whether you are right or wrong will not be for everyone and in that case, like you said, he's probably not right for you.  Which is the same thing, he could have deduced from that one interaction---I mean, it does foretell that there will be many more callings out in the future and "talking honestly" as you view it and he could view as a reprimand.  Like I said, throw the word "inappropriate" into that discussion and it comes off as a reprimand.  lol, he has a low tolerance level so probably best that he went away.  

[ladybug2021]

13 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

I feel like you are really clear on this and your position going forward, which is a great one.  However, there is just one last thing (*i think) that's a lesson in there for you.  It's all a matter of perspective.  To you, no intention and no real feelings that this was drama; to him and others (like myself) to be called inappropriate at this stage of dating for something that perhaps was harmless is perhaps drama or maybe just that eh that a person would no longer have interest.  

I think a little hard-headly you have the feeling that you are right therefore what you do in pursuit of that intention is also right.  (just talking about your end not his) .  That trait alone can be enough where he decide you were not for him. (the hardheadedness, stubbornness or inability to be lighthearted about things or serious talks about small things in his opinion).  So you can't process things only through your own filter, also should attempt to be flexible enough to imagine other points of view and others intentions.  I'm not advocating that he is right only that your approach whether you are right or wrong will not be for everyone and in that case, like you said, he's probably not right for you.  Which is the same thing, he could have deduced from that one interaction---I mean, it does foretell that there will be many more callings out in the future and "talking honestly" as you view it and he could view as a reprimand.  Like I said, throw the word "inappropriate" into that discussion and it comes off as a reprimand.  lol, he has a low tolerance level so probably best that he went away.  

Yes I agree with you, that's why I said before that if it was now, I would have approached it differently, regardless of what he said.

I did take it lightheartedly the first time he said it, although I wondered why he said it, but this time I felt like wait a minute, there's something else in here for him to mention this again, when the first time I told him I am not spoiled and I enjoy pampering myself. So I was wondering why he was bringing this up again.

But yes I know now that saying he was inappropriate and I didn't like it didn't leave much space for conversation. If it was now, I would simply ask him "hey do you really think I am spoiled or are you just teasing me?" so would open up the conversation instead.

Anyway I also feel now he probably have zero concerns about if he was really inappropriate and that wasn't nice to say, when I tried to reach out to him on Facebook and he ignored it.

So yes I wish he will find someone more compatible and me as well. Thank you.

Edited April 24, 2020 by ladybug2021