He blocked me all of a sudden

[smackie9]

You both were not communicating appropriately. Let’s start with him. Yes he was being a jerk. He was being passive aggressive insulting you. To me he resents women,  is a masochist. Tbh you should have cut him off right there. He is not a nice guy.

now for you. You are passive aggressive too. Instead of being direct with him right at that moment, you passively pulled back. You waited for him to take notice. Then you blasted him. What the hell does that accomplish? He doesn’t want to talk to someone that turned cray cray. Terrible way to work on your issues with someone.

How it should have been handled: the second he insulted you, you should have told him “I really don’t appreciate the way you assume who I am” “It would be best we part ways, goodbye’” block delete. 

 

[poppyfields]

Fair point but many folks believe such discussion is pointless, especially before a first meet.

Your natures, styles, sense of humor differ, the end. 

Talking out differences is for after you meet, begin dating, start a relationship.

Before meet and early dating stages, you are observing each other to determine long term compatability.

In your case, in his mind, not compatible = next.

No wrong or right, you're just different.

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[ladybug2021]

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You both were not communicating appropriately. Let’s start with him. Yes he was being a jerk. He was being passive aggressive insulting you. To me he resents women,  is a masochist. Tbh you should have cut him off right there. He is not a nice guy.

now for you. You are passive aggressive too. Instead of being direct with him right at that moment, you passively pulled back. You waited for him to take notice. Then you blasted him. What the hell does that accomplish? He doesn’t want to talk to someone that turned cray cray. Terrible way to work on your issues with someone.

How it should have been handled: the second he insulted you, you should have told him “I really don’t appreciate the way you assume who I am” “It would be best we part ways, goodbye’” block delete. 

 

Yes, I agree. But sometimes I cannot react on the spot, I have to retreat and check with myself how I feel first. Also I was confused at why he said that and was wondering after that conversation if I should ask him. 

I was going to ask him directly when he asked me first if something was wrong.

I didn't blast him or turned cray cray. I told him I didn't like what he said and I felt it was inappropriate. I honestly just wanted to know why he said it.

Anyway,  we were both not compatible.

[ladybug2021]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Fair point but many folks believe such discussion is pointless, especially before a first meet.

Your natures, styles, sense of humor differ, the end. 

Talking out differences is for after you meet, begin dating, start a relationship.

Before meet and early dating stages, you are observing each other to determine long term compatability.

In your case, in his mind, not compatible = next.

No wrong or right, you're just different.

 

I think I felt I wanted to know why he said those things to know him a bit more of who he is and how he thinks, to even decide if I want to go on a first date with him.

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes I guess I am high maintenance too, but what he meant was that I am spoiled, as in probably it's my mom and dad who pay for my high maintenance, when it's not, it's me and my job. That's the part I didn't like.

I wasn't there but my sense is he was teasing you, playing with you a bit.

I dunno, I have super strong boundaries but that type of teasing/playful banter does not bother me.  I rather like it actually, it can be fun!  

I find emojis can help to determine if it was a tease, was there a wink or laugh emoji after his comment? 

The written word can be soooo ambiguous, misinterpreted, it can be difficult determining a person's true intent behind those words on a screen.

That's what emojis are for imo.

Anyway, what's done is done, no sense in criticizing the guy, you're simply not a match!  Next. 

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[ladybug2021]

8 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I wasn't there but my sense is he was teasing you, playing with you a bit.

I dunno, I have super strong boundaries but this type of teasing does not bother me.

I find emojis can help to determine if it was a tease, was there a wink or laugh emoji after his comment? 

The written word can be soooo ambiguous, misinterpreted, it can be difficult determining a person's true intent behind those words on a screen.

That's what emojis are for imo.

Good point! No there wasn't any emojis and that's also why I was left confused why the heck did he say that? Was he teasing, joking, being rude?

In fact when I told him I didn't like I wanted to tell him hey can we talk on the phone instead? But he blocked me before that.

I dunno, I guess the fact he blocked me without talking to me makes me feel I was wrong in saying I didn't like what he said and shouldn't have said anything and just continued to talk normally and get to know each other...

Edited April 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes but I didn't even do any criticism. I didn't say he was this or that, I just said to him I didn't like it. If he took it as criticism, then it's his view.

You were not wrong and have every right to express yourself and clear up any misconceived thoughts between you.  He was very immature to block you and not give you a chance.  You are right in not chasing after him.

[stillafool]

The banter would not bother me either but the blocking was too much in this situation.  That's why I say let him be.

[ladybug2021]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

You were not wrong and have every right to express yourself and clear up any misconceived thoughts between you.  He was very immature to block you and not give you a chance.  You are right in not chasing after him.

 

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

The banter would not bother me either but the blocking was too much in this situation.  That's why I say let him be.

Thank you. Yes I feel the blocking was too much too. It just makes me feel like I can't express myself if I want to have a relationship.

[poppyfields]

29 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

 

Thank you. Yes I feel the blocking was too much too. It just makes me feel like I can't express myself if I want to have a relationship.

I'm so sorry ladybug, sounds like you really connected with this guy, before this unfortunate incident. 

Question: Are you open to resolving this or was him blocking you a done deal for you?

If open to resolving, this is what I would do.  Granted I can be quite bold, but I figure I have nothing to lose so opt for taking the risk.

Are you friends on FB?  If so, why not shoot him a message in a playful tone asking "Hey what just happened?  I think something may have gotten lost in translation, miss chatting."   

Something like that, I would assuming I really liked the guy.

If he ignores it, then you know guy may not have been all that interested in the first place.

Like I said, the written word can be so ambiguous, it would be a shame to toss away what might be a beautiful thing due to words being misinterpreted or miscimmunicated over text, without even trying.

I dunno I would, nothing to lose. 

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

46 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes, I agree. But sometimes I cannot react on the spot, I have to retreat and check with myself how I feel first. Also I was confused at why he said that and was wondering after that conversation if I should ask him. 

I was going to ask him directly when he asked me first if something was wrong.

I didn't blast him or turned cray cray. I told him I didn't like what he said and I felt it was inappropriate. I honestly just wanted to know why he said it.

Anyway,  we were both not compatible.

No the guy was a jerk. You dodged a bullet. 
I have seen this before. It’s manipulation. They hook you in emotionally, then the abuser slowly starts braiding you in small increments, gaslighting you, plays it off. He was trying to confuse you. Over time he hopes to have control over you. You called him out on it....you are not weak enough for him, so he ditched you. 

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

No the guy was a jerk. You dodged a bullet. 
I have seen this before. It’s manipulation. They hook you in emotionally, then the abuser slowly starts braiding you in small increments, gaslighting you, plays it off. He was trying to confuse you. Over time he hopes to have control over you. You called him out on it....you are not weak enough for him, so he ditched you. 

He's "abusive" because he made a teasing remark about her being spoiled and high maintenance? 

Hmmm, ok. lol

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

Not in the sense wife beater....he was working towards seeing how you would react. Do you really think he was joking? You thought it was insulting....I don’t think he was. He played it off. Like I said you called him out on it and he scampered away. 

[poppyfields]

@ladybug2021, a "what if" scenario.

So "what if" his comment was only meant as a playful tease, to which you took seriously and found offensive.

You reacted by telling him you didn't like and found inappropriate. 

So now "what if" in turn HE took offense at your comment, perhaps he mistakenly interpreted it as meaning you don't like him and wanted to stop talking? 

Of course you don't feel that way, but just like "you" misinterpreted his words/intention, "he" misinterpreted yours.

Hence the block.  See how words communicated over text can mess an otherwise good thing up?

It's possible ladybug.

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[ladybug2021]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

@ladybug2021, a "what if" scenario.

So "what if" his comment was only meant as a playful tease, to which you took seriously and found offensive.

You reacted by telling him you didn't like and found inappropriate. 

So now "what if" in turn HE took offense at your comment, perhaps he mistakenly interpreted it as meaning you don't like him and wanted to stop talking? 

Of course you don't feel that way, but just like "you" misinterpreted his words/intention, "he" misinterpreted yours.

Hence the block.  See how words communicated over text can mess an otherwise good thing up?

It's possible ladybug.

 

It is possible.

But that just shows we are not compatible, because I took offense so what did I do? I went and tried to talk honestly with him.

He then took offense and what did he do? He blocked me. He could very well tried to talk to me but nope he chose to delete me from his life.

So that shows we don’t solve things the same way or are in the same page.

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[ladybug2021]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I'm so sorry ladybug, sounds like you really connected with this guy, before this unfortunate incident. 

Question: Are you open to resolving this or was him blocking you a done deal for you?

If open to resolving, this is what I would do.  Granted I can be quite bold, but I figure I have nothing to lose so opt for taking the risk.

Are you friends on FB?  If so, why not shoot him a message in a playful tone asking "Hey what just happened?  I think something may have gotten lost in translation, miss chatting."   

Something like that, I would assuming I really liked the guy.

If he ignores it, then you know guy may not have been all that interested in the first place.

Like I said, the written word can be so ambiguous, it would be a shame to toss away what might be a beautiful thing due to words being misinterpreted or miscimmunicated over text, without even trying.

I dunno I would, nothing to lose. 

Yes we did connect. We had many conversations about everything and it felt the bonding was growing every day. That’s why I am in shock he deleted me like that.

I would still talk to him if he sent me a message or called me. But nope I am not chasing after him on social media.

He unfriended me everywhere and blocked me on Whatsapp. 

It’s not easy to find a connection with someone, but it seems he doesn’t value it the same way I do and I prefer to wait for a guy that I don’t have to come here to vent about and ask your help because he acted badly with me.

Edited April 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[Mystery4u]

Interesting views from the women posters...

From a man's view... he called you spoilt by your parents and you consider that 'inappropriate'... ok then. You are just getting to know each other. He is not going to know what kind of banter and jokes you like over texts. Sounds like he was just messing around, and you took the comment too seriously and personally. Then instead of mentioning it at the time, you stepped back and gave him the cold shoulder until he had to ask you what's wrong. He probably came to the conclusion that your sense of humour does not match his, and as someone mentioned he didn't want to always walk on egg shells in case he said something that upset you.

For the blocking and deleting etc, I have no idea why he would do that, that was a very bad move on his part. He should have at least responded.

[poppyfields]

At Mystery4u, have you read my posts? 

My view is more aligned with yours and other male posters; for the record I am a woman. 

[ladybug2021]

9 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

Interesting views from the women posters...

From a man's view... he called you spoilt by your parents and you consider that 'inappropriate'... ok then. You are just getting to know each other. He is not going to know what kind of banter and jokes you like over texts. Sounds like he was just messing around, and you took the comment too seriously and personally. Then instead of mentioning it at the time, you stepped back and gave him the cold shoulder until he had to ask you what's wrong. He probably came to the conclusion that your sense of humour does not match his, and as someone mentioned he didn't want to always walk on egg shells in case he said something that upset you.

For the blocking and deleting etc, I have no idea why he would do that, that was a very bad move on his part. He should have at least responded.

The reason I took offense is because him calling me spoiled felt like criticising wrapped up as humor.

I didn’t like it so I said so. No need to walk on eggshells with me, he can just say what he thinks honestly.

Edited April 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

The reason I took offense is because him calling me spoiled felt like criticising wrapped up as humor.

I didn’t like it so I said so. No need to walk on eggshells with me, just say what you think honestly.

Ok now I'm confused.  Apparently he did tell you, wrapped up in humor to soften it.

To which you took offense, gave him the cold shoulder, and then essentially criticized him for saying.

This is precisely why many men aren't inclined to be truthful with their partners when such issues arise.

For fear of being criticized and shot down.

Not saying you don't have a right to express feelings but there's a way to do so without being passive aggressive and then telling him it's "inappropriate." 

In his mind, it sounded like you were scolding him, like a mother scolds her child when doing something wrong.

 

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[ladybug2021]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Ok now I'm confused.  Apparently he did, wrapped up in humor to soften it.

To which you took offense, gave him cold shoulder, and then essentially criticized him for saying.

This is precisely why many men aren't inclined to be truthful with their partners when such issues arise.

For fear of being criticized and shot down.

Not saying you don't have a right to express feelings but there's a way to do so without being passive aggressive and then telling him it's "inappropriate." 

In his mind, it sounded like you were scolding him, like a mother scolds her child when doing something wrong.

 

Yes I see what you mean. That (scolding) was not my intention at all.

The cold shoulder wasn’t on purpose, I was still talking to him but just trying to figure out should I tell him how I feel or not.

I didn’t mean to scold him but I agree it might have sounded that way to him. I think I should have suggested talking on the phone before I told him how I feel, so not to come across that bad through text.

Anyway it is done now and he’s gone.

Edited April 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[poppyfields]

20 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes I see what you mean. That (scolding) was not my intention at all.

The cold shoulder wasn’t on purpose, I was still talking to him but just trying to figure out should I tell him how I feel or not.

I didn’t mean to scold him but I agree it might have sounded that way to him. I think I should have suggested talking on the phone before I told him how I feel, so not to come across that bad through text.

Anyway it is done.

Which is exactly the point.  It wasn't your intention to sound scolding, just as it may not have been his intention to sound snarky and offend you.

I'm not even quite sure why you were offended, so what if you grew up a bit spoiled?

My dad spoiled me until the day he died and I was in my early 30s!

I had my own home, my own career, my own money but he still liked to spoil me sometimes.

I never took offense when a man teased me or made some wisecrack about it, I owned it!  And we'd have a good laugh. 

Or perhaps you weren't spoiled, all the more reason to laugh about it versus feeling offended. 

Jmo but life is too short to become bent over one silly comment whether meant as a joke or not.  Especially now as we all deal with the corona crisis.

Anyway, it's over and done.  Plenty more fish in the sea. 

 

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[ladybug2021]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Which is exactly the point.  It wasn't your intention to scold, just as it may not have been his intention to offend you.

I'm not even quite sure why you were offended, so what if you grew up a bit spoiled?

My dad spoiled me until the day he died and I was in my early 30s!

I had my own home, my own career, my own money but he still liked to spoil me sometimes.

I never took offense when a man teased me or made some wisecrack about it,  I owned it! 

Or perhaps you weren't spoiled, all the more reason to laugh about it versus feeling offended. 

Jmo but life is too short to become bent over one silly comment whether meant as a joke or not.

Anyeay, it's over and done.  Plenty more fish in the sea as the saying goes...:D

 

 

I took offense because I didn’t have an easy childhood and I worked hard to have the things I want so now someone saying I am spoiled by doing that just pis*** me off. Anyway, that’s my issue not his.

 It could be we both took offense and misunderstood the other, but is not my style to block and delete someone like that.

I also believe that if we were ‘meant to be’, we would have had a conversation and solved things, no blocking needed.

Edited April 19, 2020 by ladybug2021

[MsJayne]

There's a huge element of covert sexism in his comments, the implication that your parents must be paying for your lifestyle because surely a mere woman couldn't provide this for herself. He blocked you because you threatened his fragile ego with your outrageous behaviour - refusing to allow him to stroke that ego by undermining you. He's so self-unaware that he doesn't even know that's why he blocked you, he'd tell his mates he did it because you couldn't take a little joke. Be grateful , he obviously prefers a doormat who'll take his subtle put-downs with good grace and not bother him with her ridiculous expectations of equality and the mutual respect that goes with it.  

[ChatroomHero]

3 hours ago, ladybug2021 said:

Yes I guess I am high maintenance too, but what he meant was that I am spoiled, as in probably it's my mom and dad who pay for my high maintenance, when it's not, it's me and my job. That's the part I didn't like.

It was early in an almost/maybe/sorta relationship beginning, he said something that offended you. You told him he p*ssed you off. If it were me, at that point I would have expected it was over and moved on. Early dating show stoppers are many, later in the relationship he might try work through it. it's about as simple as that, you hit a show stopper. Him blocking you like that was immature and pretty rude. At the very least I think he owed you an, "I'm sorry I said that. I don't think we are compatible".

You dodged a bullet. The only real explanation you need is you can do better than him.