Made a conscious choice to be more understanding of what it means to date a single father

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

There's certain things no kid should be able to just walk in on.

I don’t disagree. But, the child is five years old. I may lock my door when the child is asleep in their own bed, to be sure there are no unexpected interruptions. But, I wouldn't expect much alone time with a five year old in the house...

Edited May 14, 2020 by BaileyB

[Malin889]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

There's certain things no kid should be able to just walk in on.

I thought you were saying lock the son out when the dad is talking on the phone, because she said he interrupted their phone call. (Even though I don't think he interrupted -- he doesn't know any better.)  

It's dangerous to lock interior/bedroom doors when there are little kids living in a house, in case they get locked in a room or something else bad happens and they need the parents. 

Edited May 14, 2020 by Malin889

[preraph]

55 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I don’t disagree. But, the child is five years old. I may lock my door when the child is asleep in their own bed, to be sure there are no unexpected interruptions. But, I wouldn't expect much alone time with a five year old in the house...

but this is a child who won't stay in his room and sleeps with his dad so he has no boundaries.

[preraph]

These days people have cameras all over their home to watch the kids with. This child hasn't been taught any boundaries and that's the root of the problem.

[Timshel]

20 minutes ago, preraph said:

This child hasn't been taught any boundaries and that's the root of the problem.

Perhaps the five year old has not been taught boundaries, it's difficult to say with only feedback from the OP, who hates kids.  The root of the problem is that the child's father thinks that Dis is the answer to his child's needs.  Some men think woman=mother; they are in the hopeful honeymoon phase, lust overriding sense....and perhaps a little bit of the bf wanting to fit her into a role that he wants filled, stat, lol.

[BaileyB]

35 minutes ago, preraph said:

but this is a child who won't stay in his room and sleeps with his dad so he has no boundaries.

Yeah, but he’s five. It’s very common for five year olds to want to sleep with their parents. When my brother was this age, my mom tried to create some boundaries. She would put him to sleep in his own bed and told him that he could no longer sleep in their bed. So, he would come into my parents room at night and sleep at the foot of their bed.

Besides,  co-sleeping is INCREADIBLY common these days, especially in certain cultures. It’s not for everyone, but it is very commonly done. More than you would ever think... 

Edited May 15, 2020 by BaileyB

[preraph]

This whole thread started because the boy was still sleeping with the father and the mother. He's not trained to do as told. I'm just glad she was trying things out before she just goes ahead and moves in. 

[preraph]

I slept with mine out of necessity off and on because they were nicer than sleeping with my sister who was mean. Just since the thread started, the dad made one attempt to get the boy to sleep in his room and failed. it's very common for kids to be scared to sleep on their own, what you can't start with making them go to the room until you got them trained to obey you in general. I think that may be the problem here. Anyway I am all for putting a lock on the inside of the bedroom door to prevent kids from just barging in on their parents. It won't hurt them to knock first.

[Malin889]

11 minutes ago, preraph said:

I slept with mine out of necessity off and on because they were nicer than sleeping with my sister who was mean. Just since the thread started, the dad made one attempt to get the boy to sleep in his room and failed. it's very common for kids to be scared to sleep on their own, what you can't start with making them go to the room until you got them trained to obey you in general. I think that may be the problem here. Anyway I am all for putting a lock on the inside of the bedroom door to prevent kids from just barging in on their parents. It won't hurt them to knock first.

Do you have kids Preraph? 

[preraph]

No, but I was one and I've read plenty about it. I'm old enough to remember when kids were taught a lot more boundaries instead of just letting them do whatever.

Having a child doesn't make you a good parent. All you have to do is look at the foster system to know that. 

[Malin889]

46 minutes ago, preraph said:

These days people have cameras all over their home to watch the kids with. This child hasn't been taught any boundaries and that's the root of the problem.

Who has cameras all over their homes? And if they did, is it really to "watch the kids" with? When people have cameras on their property, it's usually on the exterior part of an alarm system to make sure there aren't any people robbing their homes. 

[preraph]

A lot of people do.  New homes come with them already installed. I don't see why you think it's so bad that a kid has to come to the door and knock before just barging in on you. It's not like you wouldn't hear that even without. With young kids people have used baby monitors for decades so they can hear them if they stir around in their room. Now baby monitors come with cameras. Feel free to Google it.

Edited May 15, 2020 by preraph

[Malin889]

6 minutes ago, preraph said:

Having a child doesn't make you a good parent. All you have to do is look at the foster system to know that. 

Right, no one said it did... but putting a lock on a bedroom door isn't going to help the "boundaries" you're talking about. Boundaries are made by the parents, not a locksmith. 

[Malin889]

15 minutes ago, preraph said:

A lot of people have these days. All kinds of stuff like that. New homes come with them already installed.

Hmm, no one I know has cameras on the inside of their homes. And I'm pretty sure most new homes don't come with them installed. Personally I think it's creepy. 

Edited May 15, 2020 by Malin889

[preraph]

Maybe.

[Juha]

You are really wasting your and your bf's time with this relationship

You hate kids but are dating a single dad with a 5 year old.

This situation is not fair to the child at all.

 

Are you that desperate to find a man that you are really doing this?

This is a square peg, round hole situation

This is not going to work!  

[BaileyB]

It really is a square peg in a round hole situation... it’s challenging even when you like children. This is not fair to the child at all.

And if you think it’s hard when the child is five, just wait until he gets to the teen years... trust me, it’s really fun...

 

Edited May 15, 2020 by BaileyB

[Snow_Queen]

This isn’t like trying to accept a flaw or quirk you don’t like. This is a child who will become more invasive as he grows. By that, I mean he will be fully aware of everything around him. You won’t be able to hide how you feel. The parenting challenges will also become more complex. It will probably cause a strain on the relationship with your bf...especially if you don’t agree on how an issue is being handled. 
 

This isn’t a situation you can try to adjust to. You seem to know yourself well enough to understand that. You openly admit to not being fond of this boy so why waste anymore of your time? It really isn’t fair to you, the boy, or your guy. I know that’s not an option you’re considering but please think about that angle. The resentment you have will only grow. There are other nice men out there who don’t want/have kids.

This is a touchy subject for me because I have seen parent/child relationships crumble because of such resentment. I was also caught in the crossfire of a step grandparent with a mass amount of discontent towards me. A child will wonder why a parent would allow exposure to someone who doesn’t like them. It can be heartbreaking to deal with.

[Lorenza]

15 hours ago, Snow_Queen said:

 

This is a touchy subject for me because I have seen parent/child relationships crumble because of such resentment. I was also caught in the crossfire of a step grandparent with a mass amount of discontent towards me. A child will wonder why a parent would allow exposure to someone who doesn’t like them. It can be heartbreaking to deal with.

That is so true. I was already an adult, so it's a bit different, but my dad and I had a lot of fallouts due the women he dated. Some of them found my company undesirable and therefore I didn't want to hang out with them either. 

My cousins don't have any relationship with their dad since teenage years, because they didn't find themselves welcommed in their dad's house since he started living with a certain woman. 

This guy doesn't seem to care about the red flags OP is showing. Wonder if he would be one of those dads who can sacrifice a good relationship with his kids to keep his woman happy. I surely hope it won't come to this, but OP irritation just by seeing the boy on camera is concerning. There will be so many more interrupted sexy times, OP, so be ready. There can be no irritation here, just acceptance. 

[DKT3]

This all sounds very dysfunctional to me.  First the guy, his track record with women is shaky at best. Babymama is an unemployed adult with a five year old and living with her mom.  The second girlfriend is a violet seemingly reckless insecure mess. 

Secondly,  OP made a disturbing comment about not wanting the kid around on her days off, I'm assuming that you work 12 hr shifts being its common for nursing.  Hard to have your kid on work days, huh.

Lastly, how they raise the boy is no concern of yours.  It's not your place to dictate how they handle him, especially since you dont appear to be a mother yourself. 

Conclusion,  this relationship will be a shipwreck.  Dysfunctional from the start and universal dealbreakers. 

Edited May 16, 2020 by DKT3

[elaine567]

2 hours ago, DKT3 said:

Babymama is an unemployed adult with a five year old and living with her mom.  The second girlfriend is a violet seemingly reckless insecure mess. 

I think these are one and the same individual and not two people. but I could be wrong.

[poppyfields]

8 hours ago, DKT3 said:

Secondly,  OP made a disturbing comment about not wanting the kid around on her days off.....

There were quite a few extremely disturbing comments made by OP throughout this thread, so disturbing I am almost inclined to believe they're somewhat exaggerated and she's messing with us a bit.

I mean, the encounter with the rambunctious child in the supermarket and the "look" she gave him that scared him so much, he ran to another aisle?  

Who would admit to such a thing even anonymously, given she is seeking opinions re being a stepmum and disciplinarian to a 5 year old?  She had to have known what our responses would be!

Maybe just me, I'm pretty perceptive  but I'm having trouble buying all of it.  I believe her when she says she doesn't like kids, but hate? 

That is a very strong emotion and quite an inflammatory thing to say. 

In any event, I hope she is just messin with us a bit cause the alternative, that it's all true, would be extremely troubling to say the least!  

Edit:  On the other hand maybe I'm just too naive in believing anyone could have that much hate inside for young children while at the same time considering becoming a stepmum to one.   It makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

 

 

Edited May 16, 2020 by poppyfields

[Malin889]

21 hours ago, DKT3 said:

Babymama is an unemployed adult with a five year old and living with her mom.  The second girlfriend is a violet seemingly reckless insecure mess. 

She’s not a “babymama”,  she is the child’s MOTHER who is raising him, spending most of her time with him and helping to financially support him. I can’t stand when people refer to someone as a “babymama.”

[DKT3]

10 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

She’s not a “babymama”,  she is the child’s MOTHER who is raising him, spending most of her time with him and helping to financially support him. I can’t stand when people refer to someone as a “babymama.”

No she actually isnt. She doesn't support anyone, she has no job and lives with her mother and only has the child half of the time. She relies on her mother and the childs father...that is the definition of babymama.  

[Malin889]

24 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

No she actually isnt. She doesn't support anyone, she has no job and lives with her mother and only has the child half of the time. She relies on her mother and the childs father...that is the definition of babymama.  

This woman has more than 50% custody of her child, and yes she is supporting him, she has a roof over his head, feeds him, and is trying to make a comfortable life for him, Is that wrong that she lives under her mothers roof? Maybe she quit her job to raise her child.  Maybe she gets unemployment. You are just hearing one side of the story from a guy who wants a woman he’s been dating a few months to be the child’s substitute mother. There’s obviously bad blood between them, or he wouldn’t be asking someone else to be the kids stepmom. 

 I think it’s very insulting to use that term to any woman who is raising her child. 

Do you have kids DKT3?