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Made a conscious choice to be more understanding of what it means to date a single father

Dis

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DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

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17 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

This woman has more than 50% custody of her child, and yes she is supporting him, she has a roof over his head, feeds him, and is trying to make a comfortable life for him, Is that wrong that she lives under her mothers roof? Maybe she quit her job to raise her child.  Maybe she gets unemployment. You are just hearing one side of the story from a guy who wants a woman he’s been dating a few months to be the child’s substitute mother. There’s obviously bad blood between them, or he wouldn’t be asking someone else to be the kids stepmom. 

 I think it’s very insulting to use that term to any woman who is raising her child. 

Do you have kids DKT3? 

I have three children,  and I would choose none of the women in this story as potential mothers. 

Call it what you will, none seem fit to be mothers which is why I question his ability to pick women, including the OP. 

There is a huge difference between having children and raising children.  Raising children requires more then a roof and food.  Children learn from what they see. What this child is seeing is a mother who doesn't work and a father running a stream of unfit women in and out of his life.

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chillii Established Member

chillii

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, DKT3 said:

I have three children,  and I would choose none of the women in this story as potential mothers. 

Call it what you will, none seem fit to be mothers which is why I question his ability to pick women, including the OP. 

There is a huge difference between having children and raising children.  Raising children requires more then a roof and food.  Children learn from what they see. What this child is seeing is a mother who doesn't work and a father running a stream of unfit women in and out of his life.

 

Not to mention she says she "has" to make a conscious choice to be more understanding , my God , sorry to bother you op , if you have to even say something like that then your not cut out for what's ahead. Although hopefully the childs mother is at least a loving mother first and foremost and that's worth everything. 

 

 

 

Edited by chillii
Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

Posted
Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, DKT3 said:

I have three children,  and I would choose none of the women in this story as potential mothers. 

Call it what you will, none seem fit to be mothers which is why I question his ability to pick women, including the OP. 

There is a huge difference between having children and raising children.  Raising children requires more then a roof and food.  Children learn from what they see. What this child is seeing is a mother who doesn't work and a father running a stream of unfit women in and out of his life.

I too am a mother, and the reason I’m defending the mother is because we know nothing about her situation except what the OP is telling us. The OP and her boyfriend are acting as if the mother is the worst person out there, but she hasn’t been able to defend herself. The OPs boyfriend sounds a bit unstable and ready to throw the poor mother under the bus. She could be a good person for all we know who really is a good mother. I can’t take the OPs or her boyfriends word on the mom because they both seem unstable themselves. 
 

And as for them “learning what they see”, if they mom can’t financially live alone with them, I think it’s nice that her mom is helping out, it’s better then them being on the streets or in a shelter. They have family around them which is nice. 

Edited by Malin889
Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

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Posted
7 hours ago, chillii said:

 

Not to mention she says she "has" to make a conscious choice to be more understanding , my God , sorry to bother you op , if you have to even say something like that then your not cut out for what's ahead. Although hopefully the childs mother is at least a loving mother first and foremost and that's worth everything. 

 

 

 

Agree! 

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Dis Established Member

Dis

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On 5/13/2020 at 1:27 AM, SummerDreams said:

 

Not polite to make fun of other posters' opinion. Especially when it's YOU they want to protect. Not cool.

Come on, wasn't making fun of anyone

 

It was a joke just like enigmas 

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Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
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Posted

Oh boy 

 

Not sure where to go from here with this thread

 

Many things I've said including the things I said in a lighthearted/joking was have been misconstrued which I know can happen via text/forums

 

Think I'm all set with posting because I don't feel/think the way posters are saying I do (the "hating" kids thing) so this isn't really constructive anymore 

 

I apologize my words didn't convey how I felt accurately which turned into inaccurate opinions 

 

Things got very negative and honestly with everything going on at work, it feels yucky to read this stuff on my days off 

 

Thanks for the feedback everyone and stay safe and healthy 🙂

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Dis Established Member

Dis

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Hi guys!

 

I have an update! 😃

 

I met my my bf's son today. I'll give you a play by play.

 

I offered to bring him a gift but my bf told me not to bring anything because it might put him on the spot. If I was a kid I might feel uncomfortable with that too so I just brought my bf a coffee and his son a slushie. I walked in and I was super nervous to begin with. A lot has been leading up to this and a lot rides of this too. I smiled and introduced myself. He was cute and said hi and played his video game. I was super anxious for the first hour but didn't show it because I wanted to make everyone comfortable. Not sure why I was so anxious but I was. His son was pretty involved with this video game for the first hour but I would ask him little things about it and he would answer and I would give an enthusiastic response. 

 

After the first hour I really started to settle in. His son got his ipad out and told me to come sit next to him which was super cute. He kept tapping me on the arm and showed me the videos and we talked about them. I actually really liked talking to him and showing him that I was having fun with him. I challenged him to a somersault competition and of course he won. I told him he broke the world record and he got all excited about it. 

 

We ate dinner while we talked about his video game then I went out to grab ice cream. When I got back my bf said, "what do you think of *my name* and he said, "I like her. We can keep her." 😂

 

I did think he was a little loud at times but I didn't have the reaction I thought I would have about it. I wasn't annoyed. It was just a little unnerving because I'm not used to that. I live by myself with my two cats in the country. This is a whole new world for me. 

 

When I was about to leave he gave me a hug and I told him I would see him soon. I'm actually really looking forward to seeing him again and spending time with the three of us. I liked it...miracles do happen! 

 

My bf told me he didn't know what I was so nervous about because I was a rockstar. He was really happy too. I was glad I could show him I'm in this. 

 

I know this is just the first meet and there's a lot to handle in the future but this is a good start! 

 

I'm a little worried about the ex because my bf told me he told her I would be meeting their son this month but didn't get into specifics about when. I guess when he told her she started to cry and told him that we would be able to give him everything, a family, a house and she could never give him those things. She could if she got her stuff together but that's not my business. When she hears about it tomorrow from their son I don't think it will go over well. She's probably going to be angry I didn't meet her before hand but I just want to ease into this a bit and so does my bf. For now I'm just so happy this wasn't what I thought it was going to be and I'm so relieved he seems like such a good kid. 

 

Phew...  😅

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

I’m glad it went well, but it’s pretty easy to win over a five year old. 

Not to be a negative nelly, but kids get louder and much more inconvenient (said with much affection, I think five is a great age!) when you spend more time with them. It will be interesting to see if you still find him cute or if it’s too much for you - it’s a HUGE change from living alone in the country with two cats and it won’t be the idyllic family/romantic relationship that you have described all the time...

I wish you well. Keep us updated. 

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