owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 well i was with my ex for 16 monthes since i was 15 till about 5 dayz ago, our relationship was great to start of with but things happened during it which i didnt act properly to and its affecting the overall ending. Well after the first 3 monthes she cheated on me infront of me with one of my best freinds but i was stupid and accepted her back, which now i know i shouldnt of done, well it was all great until she went on holiday a year ago and when she came back she had a sort of dairy thingie of her holiday and in there in said she kissed someone, i didnt really pay much attention becuase i asked her and she sed it was nothing. She is a really nice girl but shes very adulty for our age, i think the reason i went out with her in the first place was becuase i was lost at the time, i had loads of **** happening and lost all my freinds so i was on my own and felt like i needed someone ( i know thats wrong now but i didnt think at the time ) well she constricted me, she wanted to spend all her time with me, ring me all the time, wanted to know where i was all this time. But i didnt want to hurt her and i took it for all this time until recently when she was getting really bad and we were not getting on, i wudnt get close to her becuase i planning of dumping her. I thought me and her would be better in the long run as freinds and not lovers. When i finished her she was proper upset and i was feeling really gulity becuase im in the same school as her and do the same a-levels as her which is a pain in the arse. Well becuase ive been preparing myself for what was happening ive accepted it already, i still hurt becuase i know ive hurt her which i never intented to do but ive started to get close to this other girl ruth, ive liked her for a long time well 4-5 monthes while being with kay buti never did anything that wud mis trust kay(my ex) well i was on msn with ruth and i told her straight that i realy like her, she came out of a relationship liked mine about 7 monthes ago and hasnt been with anyone since but i know i could make her happy becuase shes really nice and we get on. well we went out last night, with a few freinds not many of us only about 4-5 of us. but before we went out kay had rang ruth (ruth and her do speak in school but there not like close freinds and never ring each other) and started cryin her eyes out n stuff and saying she still loves me and stuff. But i dont understand becuase in school kay had been jumping round all day with a big smile flirting with lads and she seemed happy so i dont know what she would go out her way to ring someone who she never rings. Well i told my 2 best freinds that i like ruth + i told ruth, but on msn after i spilt with kay i told one of my freinds who happens to be a freinds of kay that i think i like ruth. well the girl that i told on msn i thought i trusted her becuase she is really good at not telling people but guess what she told her best freind who happens to be the biggest loud mouth ever, so im guessing kay had found out and rang ruth so ruth wouldnt go near me and then id go back to kay. But while walking home last night id found out that while i was with kay, she was in a lesson with this lad mike, (mike and her basically did everything before sex at a party a week b4 i got with kay) and kay fancied the arse of him for ages b4 we went out but since we got together she always stayed adiment that she never liked him......well she was in this lesson and she moved next to mike while her freind wasnt in and was flirting big time with him telling him how good the stuff they did together with each other was. i was never told this but it doesnt arse me now becuase im not with her, it just makes me feel not at all gulity but the problem is now i realize that im over kay and she doesnt deservre me im really starting to fall for this ruth, ive liked her for ages , shes fantastic, funny, a laugh and really caring and she is the opposite to kay, she has her group of freinds and wouldnt want to spend all her time with me which i like becuase it shows she is independent which kay wasnt and that pissed me off. but i dont know how to persuade ruth that kay is just playing games and that if ruth does like me she should just go for it. if ruth said for me to wait until it cooled down i would, i would for ever just if i knew she would be mine. but i dont know how to tell her that kay is playing mind games with her becuase i shouldnt even now that kay was on the phone its just that ruths best freind is one of my good freinds and she told me but ruth doesnt know that i know if you get me. i just need some advice becuase its rather confusing but this ruth is flipping fantastic and ive wanted her for ages but know ive no chance becuase of stupid jealous kay. if its too confuzing for you just ignore it any help is fantastic. owen =)
JS17 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 slightly confusing, there seem to be a lot of people involved, but overall a really good post. You've learned a lot about dating and relationships by 16 just from this one experience. Your ex will eventually get past it and you will move onto a relationship with the new girl. I'm glad that you realized all of your mistakes in your last relationship and I hope you'll take these lessons with you and not repeat them. good luck.
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 yep ive learnt alot from it, there is not really that many people involved. just in a nut shell i was stupid and told someone i shouldnt that i liked this girl then my ex finds out and does the guilt trip. ive learnt loads from it, in my next relationship i wouldnt do half the mistakes ive done in this one. if a girl ever cheated on me like that again she wouldnt if get the chance to speak she would be fired. should i give up on ruth becuase of the awkardness surrounding the situation or do i just follow my heart and try and persuade that kay is just playing mind games
JS17 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 I don't think you need to give up on Ruth but give it some time and see what plays out. You can talk to Ruth about whether what Kay is saying bothers her and tell her that you no longer have feelings for Kay. There is really no need to rush into another relationship. You're young, take your relationship with Ruth for what it's worth. Just enjoy spending time with her and don't force the "relationship".
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 what would you consider forcing the relationship, i dont think id just go straight out with her i think i just want to know that in the future me and her can be one. what time scale would you put on it, becuase every second i spend with her i just want her. its mad and crazy!!!!!
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 what would you consider forcing it?
JS17 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 You can't put a time frame on it. Just spend time with her, isn't that what you like, just being with her? There are no guarantees for the future. It's a good lesson to start learning now. You should enjoy the missing her part, that's what makes a relationship great.
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 i sure as hell am missing her, i was out until 2ish in the morning last night and i only slept until 7 in the morning which is unusaul cuz i would off expected to still be alseep now lol...ive been thinking about her non stop all day just waiting for her to come onto msn! its crazy!!!!!
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 yep but atleast with this i will know abit more on how to retain that feeling!!!!!!!!! its mental becuz im totally into her and i feel like im facing a black whole becuase i dont know definatly if she is interested.!!!!
JS17 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Well, you had an emotional affair with this girl while you were still in a relationship with your ex. Did she give you any other indication that she is interested? What was her response when you told her that you liked her?
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 well i was on msn and i was telling her basically that i think she is really pretty and i would murdered to be with her if i was single, then i said something like....well i wouldnt have a chance with you anyway then she typed back . "dont be silly, you might have a chance" "ow ill shut up i shouldt be encouraging you" something like that, well i was at a freinds party a few monthes back and both my ex and ruth were there and all night me n and ruth were flirting like mad, we were both drunk but we both knew what we were doing , and we were just together when ever there was an opportunity where my ex wasnt there, we never did nefin just flirted. so i dunno
JS17 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 My ex did the 27 year old version of this...I was in Miss Kay's shoes. The rumor around the mill is that they're going to tie the knot so judging from my own experiences you may have quite a good chance with Ruth.
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 but i have nothing to feel gulity about towards kay, she had her chance with me and she blew it as far as im concerned, i just never acted upon the situations when they arized, such as her cheating, her chatting up a lad she had sexual intercourse with while being with me. and the constant restriction of who i want to be led it to this, so i have nothing to feel gulity about. i just dont see a point in crying and wasting time i just wanna move on and start with some freinds, do stuff like hanging out all the stuff that with kay i couldnt do unless she was there, well i never got a chance to do it!!
JS17 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 I never said that you had anything to feel guilty about nor did I say that what Kay did was right either. All I said was that in my experience you have a chance with Ruth. If you really need her to tell you how she feels then ask her. I'm sure many of the men on this board would disagree with me though. I'm of the honest and straightforward camp rather than the playing games camp. They would say I'm dumb and naieve but I still think the best way to find out what you need to know is just ask. If you want to find out how to play games to get her to like you, you're going to have to ask someone else.
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 naww im a upfront type of guy ill just ask her striaght something like "ruth im really into you, i need to know if they is a chance of anything between us becuase it would kill me to feel this way for so long and nothing happen, i know its hard becuase of kay but i dont have feelings for her anymore" what you rekon?
JS17 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 "ruth im really into you, i need to know if they is a chance of anything between us becuase it would kill me to feel this way for so long and nothing happen, i know its hard becuase of kay but i dont have feelings for her anymore" It's a bit dramatic I think it's great that you want to be honest but you don't need to kill yourself if nothing happens Keep it simple. Just tell her that you're into her and want to know if there's a chance for you two. If she mentions your ex then you can reassure her that the relationship was going bad for some time before it ended and you no longer have feelings for your ex. Otherwise, your ex should be a non-issue, even if she keeps rearing her ugly head.
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 no i never meant id kill myself though i do know what it looks like maybe i should use the word, "it would upset me" maybe? lol
Author owen2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 thanks for the replies, ive came to decision that im just gonna sit back and see where it takes me, im gonna tell her how i feel though becuase i have no feelings for my ex anymore
JS17 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 thanks for the replies, ive came to decision that im just gonna sit back and see where it takes me, im gonna tell her how i feel though becuase i have no feelings for my ex anymore Excellent decision. Usually walking away from what you're doing when you're overthinking a situation helps. Just take it easy and enjoy your time with this girl.
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