missmolly Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Me and "this guy" have been dating a year. I've told him that I loved him and all, but he hasn't reciprocated. No flowers, no suprises, nothing but a pat every now and then about "keeping a good thing going". For me it's not that great because I feel like its becomming a purely sexual relationship. The more we "do it" the less I seem to like him. The less I want to spend my time with him.....When we are together it's great, but when we aren't I feel empty. I've even started to believe that I'm "too good" for him. That makes me seem selfish, but it's the truth. The "talks" that I innitiate don't end productively and I am about to break up with a fella that I love. A few weeks ago I wanted to marry him, but I found out he wasn't ready. I cried about it, but now I just seem to be losing interest. How can I find out "for sure" that he is "the one" that I should be with? Should I stop putting out? Should I ignore him????
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 I think its already apparent he isn't the 'one'. No amount of testing, trying things out, or gameplaying is going to change that. Perhaps instead of doing that, you can simply lay out what you want and expect from a relationship, and let him know that you love him but this relationship isn't what you are looking for and then arrange to make your break. If he knows exactly what it is you want, and knows that you are willing to walk away if you aren't finding it in the relationship then the ball is in his court. He will know what it is that he needs to compromise and work on in order to keep you in his life. He will have to choose whether or not to make those changes and until you give him a real reason to make that choice (the real reason being that you walk out of his life otherwise), then he won't make that choice. If you stay, you will see nothing but a series of small ineffectual changes that generally lead right back to the original behavior.
slubberdegullion Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 No flowers, no suprises Instead of passively waiting for him to do something, do it for him. Get him a card. Tickets to a concert or sporting event he will like. Life rewards action, so instead of waiting around, do something. I feel like its becomming a purely sexual relationship. Was that your understanding at the beginning? And if it is, why is that a problem? The less I want to spend my time with him.....When we are together it's great, but when we aren't I feel empty. This is contradictory. When you and he are together, it's great, but you want to spend less time with him??? I'm not sure I understand. A few weeks ago I wanted to marry him, but I found out he wasn't ready. Better to find out now than after the wedding. How can I find out "for sure" that he is "the one" that I should be with? If you find some sort of formula to determine who's "the one for sure," then you'd be the first. Should I stop putting out? Should I ignore him???? Again, it depends upon the assumptions that both you made when you started the relationship in the first place. If both of you went into this arrangement as a pure FWB situation, and now you want the rules changed, he'll simply look elsewhere.
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