witchychick Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 Hi, I initially saw a guy at karaoke,and then added him and messaged him on Facebook. We started talking there late last month. He usually initiated contact. Told me he was looking for his "Queen" and that he was interested in more than casual, But he also told me he had a bad overall opinion basically of females due to bad experiences with two exes. And that he kept women at arms length. Therefore, I asked why he was talking to me. He said when he was keeping women at arms length, he may have been or may miss out basically on a partner. However he put it all exactly. The first week we were talking, I mentioned going to the park with him and then later, he invited me to hang out with him and his friends for his friends birthday. I said sure and then later cancelled because of the virus going around. I rescheduled with just him for the following Monday. He flaked then, and later apologized, saying there were problems where he was staying. One day after that, he mentioned us rescheduling our rendevous as he put it. After a bit, he wasn't trying to hang out. One day he told me he was out of gas so I said I guess we can't hang out then. He said he was gonna cash his check the following day so he was maybe gonna have gas. he seems to have all this stuff going on his life but he isn;t working right now. Giving people rides, his Mother lives with him, as he said she doesnt want to live alone. He's said different things. He would disappear sometimes when we were talking. He would say he wanted to hold me..... I liked him except for some things. Then fast forward to this past Sunday night... he maybe didnt want to talk or was tired. He said he was going to lay down. But he asked me if the next day, this past Monday was a good day for the park as we were previously going to meet there. I said yes. I asked him what time and he said lol and that he would call or maybe text me when he got up and asked cool? But a bit later, I messaged him again and asked if he had a idea of what time so I had a idea. He said prob anytime after 9am. I mentioned Noon at the earliest. He never replied. I never heard from him. He wasn't online for days and if he has a cellphone with service, I do not have his number but he has my number. He previously told me he needed to get a phone, that he lost service on a phone, and had a borrowed phone and also that he used his Mom's hotspot. Then he told me he got his phone, that someone stole it and tried to sell it to a buddy of his. Anyway, he has recently been online some and posted one thing on facebook. He read at least one of my messages,maybe saw the rest as well and never said a thing.I had told him basically what he did made me highly depressed and he should tell me the truth about why he did it, and in person. I later added hopefully he is okay. Have any of you ever had anyone do this? I know people have had people ghost and flake on them. What was the outcome? People will probably tell me to forget him and I would understand why.
CollinW Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 To be honest both of you guys are a flaky mess. Meeting up with someone you're interested in shouldn't be this difficult, which is a sign to just let it go. If you guys can't even jump start a connection there is no way there would be consistency even if you did happen to meet anytime soon. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 You must be young, dangerously idealistic, or desperate for a relation. He has shown quite a few characteristics that make him an irresponsible or poor romantic partner and your only concern is that he has not followed through on a meetup. Do you have a job? Are you looking to support a guy without one? Cannot afford gas. Do you really believe his mom is living with him or is HE living with his mom? If you are looking for someone who has his crap together, this guy is not him. Also, he may be married or already taken. 2
Emilie Jolie Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 1 hour ago, witchychick said: Told me he was looking for his "Queen" and that he was interested in more than casual, But he also told me he had a bad overall opinion basically of females due to bad experiences with two exes Alarm bells with big 'serious issues' neon signs right here. Next time a guy says this, believe every word he says about having bad opinions of women, and next him without a second glance. 4
stillafool Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 Looking for his Queen? The guy doesn't even have a bank account. Honestly I can't imagine why you are stressing over this guy not following through with plans when you don't know him and he's making it clear that he's full of bs and barely interested. 1
witchychick Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 (edited) well I love the judgement from some people here. Thanks so much. For the record, I am not desperate or really young. I am almost 40 and I've been in relationships. I am not the one who even did anything and I get called a flaky mess. He is the one who flaked,not me. I clearly said I cancelled on him because of the virus,and that was cancelling hanging out with him and his friends. I would not have supported him. He has income as well from unemployment. I do agree though that it should not have been so difficult. I did want it to work out but there is no need to be judgemental and I am the one who was wronged. And yes I believe his Mom is living with him either way because I saw a status on his Facebook page from before I started talking to him looking for a place. He had said that it was him, his Mom and his dog. I realize obviously that what he did isn't okay. It hurt me. I had just asked if anyone here had anyone do this, and what the outcome was. Edited April 20, 2020 by witchychick Removed inappropriate comments / added paragraphs
stillafool Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 I'm sorry you were hurt by him and anyone on LS. In my post I wasn't blaming you but saying I don't know why you should even care about him not responding because HE not YOU sounds like a loser. But if you like him who am I to judge. I hope you'll come back and not take us seriously. You can find good help on this board.
poppyfields Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said: Alarm bells with big 'serious issues' neon signs right here. Next time a guy says this, believe every word he says about having bad opinions of women, and next him without a second glance. No judgment from me, but I agree with Emilie, and wondering why you would ever even consider dating a man who flat out told you he had a "bad overall opinion of women and kept them at arm's length." May I ask what your thought process was that caused you to continue interacting with him after that? And why you're so surprised and hurt by his subsequent flakey behaviour? Again, no judgment, just curious what your thought process was after making what might be considered a misogynistic comment.. xx Edited April 17, 2020 by poppyfields 1
elaine567 Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 5 hours ago, witchychick said: But he also told me he had a bad overall opinion basically of females due to bad experiences with two exes. And that he kept women at arms length. I am not sure if the use of the term "females" was his or the OP's term BUT guys who refer to women as "females" are often bad news. Give him his due he did say he keeps women at arm's length. That was a warning and is something that needed to be heeded. Emotionally unavailable men with chips on their shoulder may appeal to "rescuers" and women who want a challenge or a project. but it is usually best to just steer clear, as happiness with that sort of a guy is often elusive. 2 1
smackie9 Posted April 17, 2020 Posted April 17, 2020 The reason people say "desperate" is because once a guy says he's keeping women at arms length/ had trouble with is last two exes.... screams "RUN THE OTHER WAY!" Then add in his flakiness through this whole thing,...and you are still pining for him, hoping to get a response. Sorry to say this but he's got issues. In the old days the name would be "loser"....but it's possible he suffers from anxiety/depression or some mental illness/disorder. That would explain the repeated failings of his past relationships and the inability to start one. He's passive aggressive and so are you. You threaten him with your dissatisfaction of his actions/behavior, then you tell him hope he's doing OK. That's poor communication. What you should have told him: "Sorry but I don't think this is working out, I wish you all the best." block/delete. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted April 18, 2020 Posted April 18, 2020 I would forget this guy. He's not serious about getting to know you. And honestly? That's a good thing. He sounds like a train wreck. Has a poor opinion of women, can't put gas in his car, lost service on one phone, borrowed another phone, had said phone stolen, can't even make a date to a park - a lot of messiness right there. He doesn't have it together. You can do a lot better than this. He's wasting your time. 3
peaceminusone Posted April 18, 2020 Posted April 18, 2020 This is why I try not to use harsh words in my replies, because we often forget that the Poster doesnt want to be rebuked, but to be consoled and told in gentle words about 'what to do' There have been instances where a guy has not kept his words, lol but hey, this can happen with anyone. Though I got to say, he doesnt like females and is looking for a 'queen' , it all sounds like he wants a sugar mom who can take care of him and put up with his manchild tantrums. Glad you dodged a bullet! 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted April 18, 2020 Posted April 18, 2020 I'm not really sure what the problem is. This guy has shown you repeatedly that he is not husband/father material. He wouldn't even make a good platonic friend. Any time you spend with him will be wasted. 3
Malin889 Posted April 19, 2020 Posted April 19, 2020 Either all of his excuses are just that, "excuses", or this guy is just a mess. Losing his phone, or having his phone shut off, or not having enough gas in his car, living with mom... I think you dodged a bullet. Forget about him! 2
kendahke Posted April 20, 2020 Posted April 20, 2020 (edited) What are you looking for out of him and his present life circumstances? Given all that you've typed about him, what makes you think he is the best man for you? What can he offer than you can't handle yourself, other than sex? Also "queen" doesn't equal "someone to dump on" Edited April 20, 2020 by kendahke
Miss Spider Posted April 20, 2020 Posted April 20, 2020 Wow...I tend to avoid guys who use the word "Queen" to describe a romantic partner. Way too monarchial for my tastes... 1
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